My dad has become more of a nightmare since my mum died

[sadtimes]

So my mum died a month ago of a very sudden brain aneurysm at the airport. I was with her when it happened, I was moving to Spain that very day and she died 4 days later after being in a coma.
To put a long story short. My dad has always been a very difficult person to be around. My mum agreed, she felt constantly on egg shells around him, even to the point where she started eating ready-meals because my dad would kick up a fuss if she was cooking when he wanted access to the kitchen. She used to step in all the time when he was being unreasonable with my brother and I. Now that I don't have her to fight my cases and let him know when he's in the wrong, he's become even more of a colossal dickhead. It's like he's now free to treat us how he wants.
He has always been an absolute headcase stress-head. Always going from 0-100 over the most minor issue.
He knows absolutely nothing about me, as I had always been very close with my mum, she knew absolutely everything about me. My dad doesn't know that I'm a clean freak, she knew all about how stressed I was in my old apartment living with 3 boys and how I cleaned up after their mess. So living at home I have always kept the house clean. Even though today I cleaned the kitchen, hoovered up, cleaned peoples dishes and did the laundry, he went batshit about one plate I accidentally forgot to put away after washing up.
I am angry at my mum...for leaving me with him, when me and her used to talk about him constantly, why did she get to leave him and I didn't. I want so much to move out but I don't have any money, because I had to cancel my teaching assistant job in Spain because of this all. I was going to be earning 1000eur per month, I was going to be able to pay off some debt and was planning on saving up some money at the end of my contract to buy a house with my bf the following year but all those plans are ruined and I am stuck living with someone I hate.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I'm really sorry to hear about your mum :hugs::flowers:

That's a truly terrible shock and grief will have you all over the place emotionally for some time until you work your way through things at your own speed.

You have support on here if you need it and there are plenty of people here (sadly) who understand grief.

Underneath everything it sounds like your dad might have some perfectionism issues of his own that he has refused to deal with and pushed onto others. It would have been a difficult situation to deal with before but now everything must be so tense anyway let alone his emotional reactions to the slightest things.

I guess the question is what is best for you? Can you follow your mum's example and keep things inside until you find your way back out of there with a new job? Confronting him sounds like you will need to be ready for some arguments about his behaviour and I'm wondering whether you can avoid this because would that be worse than drawing the lines given how upset your family will be right now? It's not fair though but how do you think he might respond and can you cope until you can find a way out?

[Scass]

I’m so sorry for your loss and the situation you find yourself in.
Are there no other family members you can get support from?
Your Dad may be grieving too, despite his personality. No excuse for the way he talks to you, but perhaps you just have to add that to your list of things to ignore at the moment.
Is there any way that you’ll still be able to get to Spain for the job?

Grief is awful, especially if you’re struggling with it alone. We are here to talk to, and there are lots of free bereavement counsellors out there that may be able to help you.

[Quinn1]

Sorry for the loss of your dear mum:flowers:
At the end of the day,with all his frailties he is your dad.My mum used to say about her dad that,She loves him she just doesn’t like him,hate is a horrible word.You maybe upset with him now,but you may need him one day.X