Had a good couple of days and now I’m bad again

[Phoenixess]

I’d had two good days, not any panics or palpatations I had hope it was gone for good and today it’s come back with a vengeance. This afternoon I had a muscular chest pain which gave me a massive panic attack and I’ve not been right since I’m home alone now and when this happens I know I stop breathing deep and I have hot flush I’m really in a tizz again. I think my friend spoke to me about heart attacks this morning and that just got in my subconscious and now I feel panicky even thinking about what she said and how it killed her dad and now today I’ve heard my other friends died two weeks ago suddenly he just dropped down dead. So I’m not feel long very rational right now


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[Phoenixess]

Also forgot to mention whoever set the fireworks off near my house made my anxiety so much worse


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[SarahNah]

It's a horrible feeling hun x The stress of the fireworks being added on and so! It would put my nerves on end! Did you mention something about getting a 24 hour heart monitor before? Did you ever get those tests x?

[Phoenixess]

I did mention that but no I didn’t get it I was too scared x


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[Phoenixess]

Today I had to go and get some tablets from the hospital, the clinic i needed was downstairs in a really hot walk-in and wait clinic. Then the nurse said they couldn't see me but if i filled a form in they would see what they could do. So i filled it in and started to feel panicky, and it started to escalate quickly, like i don't breath fast when i panic i stop breathing......and i was flushing in my face and going dizzy i thought i was going to pass out. Then the nurse said they would see me but to return to the clinic at two. The minute i got upstairs i went straight outside and sat on a freezing cold bench to calm myself down, I did a crossword, a sudoku but all the time i was panicking about panicking.

I made a plan to slowly reintroduce myself into the heat and remove my coat and cardigan as i did so, so i returned 10 mins before they told me to come back and I went slowly not to set my heart off, then when I got there i took my coat off and it was roasting, i nearly thought i was going to pass out. I had water with me i felt awful the hot flush was unbearable I couldn't sit still, i started fanning myself with a newspaper and chatted to a married man to take my mind off it. I just kept telling myself nothing bad was happening i was just having a panick attack i looked absolutely bonkers, fidgetting like a maniac. I was sat next to a fan too and i hadn't turned it on when he suggested i try that but i didnt know if i needed permission to put a fan on in the waiting room. well that was my saving grace for 20 mins i started to feel human but then i was panicking about leaving the fan and when the doctor called me through her room was really hot and she kept looking at me straight in the eye and i was like do i look ill is that why shes looking at me and then she kept chatting to me and my mind was whirring as to why she was talking so much and keeping me there longer, did i not look alright, was i dying? all i did was go get some more meds off the woman.

She said she wanted to examine me and i refused because i couldn't even sit still in her room i kept getting up and down up and down like a yoyo as i kept declaring iwas having a panic and she said can i do anything and i said yer open the window, and she went to climb up and i panicked she would fall so i stopped her. ANyway i kept trying to leave like i said but she kept me there for a while, then when i did escape i just got outside to my bench again and i started to rattle, luckily my friend is a sister at the same hospital and she came out and found me and drove me down the road.

Then i went to a hotel restaurant to meet my mum, i was still feeling rubbish at this time and a continuation of the panic attacks was ongoing. I tried to eat some food as i hadn't eaten much and i thought low blood sugar might contribute to the anxiety, but i was quite sick after i ate. I just kept thinking i want to come home, and be safe in my room. Then my mum came and i dunno i just couldn't cope with the atmosphere or her talking and i knew i needed a taxi home and i started to panic about the taxi and having a panic attack in the taxi, so i told mum, I need to go home i don't feel right and she said ok. But she stayed there, then i got the taxi and low and behold my heart was going i could feel it rise up through me like a boiling pot, i opened the window and i had to tell him i had panic as i began to do my breathing. And after 6/7 deep breaths and clinging to the door handle for dear life yet the car was predominantly stationary due to rush hour traffic, it calmed the hell down.

Im home now trying to keep calm but my pulse is racing and i cant cope having these awful days.

I know the hospital trip was a trigger but why on earth?! I have so much hospital treatment on a regular basis there is no reason for it to do this to me now. I even had a panic at the vet the other day and thats not even for me?!!! And i was questioning what they were giving to my cat.

Was meant to have CBT tomorrow but the woman is ill so I have to wait a week, i only met her last week.

This is becoming borderline OCD tablets, food, all sorts I'm too scared to put in me and i even had fear for my cat. And i had had a good couple of days as well. I think this all started with the dentist a couple of years ago i was fine at the dentist and all of a sudden i had a panic attack in the chair they had to put me upside down and open a window

[keta]

Hi
sorry to hear you had such a bad day like this, I think when the panic hits you one doesn’t know what to do and even trying to do your relaxation technique is hard, at least I find it hard to put it into practise.
Try to relax, now you safe at home. Tomorrow is another day and hopefully you will feel bit better.
Do you take any meds for your panic attacks ?

[Phoenixess]

no i dont i never have its got worse recently

[Elen]

Hi

This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.

Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.

It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.

Elen

[BlueIris]

Phoenixess, it might not be a bad idea to consider medication. I was dead-set against it for the longest time, but it's wonderful being functional again.

[Phoenixess]

How does it work? Does it stop the physical symptoms? What if I still get the physical symptoms without the thoughts? I’m so scared of medication


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[BlueIris]

I find it kind of puts a fire blanket between me and my panic? I'm still aware of all my stupid anxious thoughts, but not to the point where I can't focus on anything else.

This in turn allows me to focus on my coping strategies. It's like a virtuous circle, really.

[Phoenixess]

Mine starts as physical and then I go into the thoughts which perpetuate the physical I got a doctor appointment at 8.55 am


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[BlueIris]

If you get the physical sensations, wouldn't it be nice if you could just accept them and go on with your day?

[Phoenixess]

So then the medicine would stop the thoughts. I don’t understand I’ve completely convinced myself there is something wrong with me I’ve been crying in bed all this morning not even dressed yet


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[BlueIris]

It wouldn't stop them, no, it would just stop them taking over your life.

There is something wrong with you, though; you have anxiety and your thought patterns are faulty. Me too.

[Phoenixess]

Ok sorry I want to understand this would it stop any of it or just mask it? What medicine are you on? SSRI’s make me suicidal I probably couldn’t be on those again


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[BlueIris]

It's not something I ever thought to quantify, I'm sorry - I just started feeling better and getting on with my life again.

Yes, this is an SSRI, but they don't all have the same effect - eighteen years ago, paroxetine was an absolute nightmare for me, but last year when I finally got desperate enough to try citalopram it was a dream come true.

[Phoenixess]

Ten years ago I tried citalopram and ecitalopram but the my stopped working after a while so I was on sertraline again made me worse


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[Phoenixess]

I’ll talk to my doctor and see what they say


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[Phoenixess]

Been prescribed some tablets going to try them tomorrow morning. Also I bought some tebetin meditation bells!


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