Anxiety over party invitation.

[Darkdays]

Hi everyone..haven't been on here for a while but just feel the need to share again..I have generalised anxiety disorder..some days better than others but it never really never goes away. Some days I get through ok but mostly not..then just when I think I've got this it rears its ugly head up again and consumes me with fear and dread. I become so engulfed in it it paralyses me..some days like today I cannot even get out of bed..i just can't function. Things get left to do for another day..housework gets neglected..my garden is crying out for attention and I feel like I'm completely overwhelmed.. Then there's the guilt..how have I a right to be feeling like this when there are so many others suffering in the world with real problems..I hate my self for being like this.

Today has been particularly bad...I haven't been able to function at all..It may seem pathetic and trivial to many but I feel so so bad I have let people down..You see I was invited to a family birthday party tonight..something I'd known about for a while now but just been burying it hopeing I wouldn't have to face it..Well last night and this morning I woke in such a state of worry and anxiety..could I go? Would I be able to go? How will people judge me if I don't go? In the end I had to phone my niece who's party it is and explain how I was feeling..O.K she understands I suffer with anxiety but I could sense she was disappointed..Then when she put on what's app group is any of the family actually going I felt even worse..Sorry to bore you all with my story..what am I looking for..? Sympathy..vindication..emphathy? Do I deserve any of that?.All I know is I am so angry with myself..I feel weak and pathetic..had to resort to taking lorazepam today to get me through..once again sorry for my rant but just writing it down here on the forum is kind of catarthic..let's just hope tomorrow's a better day..And by the way next week I am invited to a family meal out for my great nieces birthday and I know now I will try my damdest to get there..Although already I have butterflies in my stomach just thinking of it..I am going to try get some rest now as I am exhausted by it all..Godnight and god bless to all my fellow sufferers out there..if I don't respond straight away to anyone it's cos I've had to close down for now..try and rest my mind if that's possible..thanks for listening..😱

[HalfJack]

It's not pathetic or trivial, you're struggling with anxiety. As valuable as it is to push yourself sometimes, its really important to know your limits too and that involves cancelling plans sometimes. It's natural to feel guilty, but it's not a personality flaw that's the problem.
You're not weak, biggest hugs x

[Darkdays]

Thankyou for that.. i was really frightened to log on today..so afraid of negative feedback..Your words bring me some comfort and I thank you for taking the time. Still feeling effects of yesterday today..let's hope tomorrow is a better day..

[keta]

No you are not pathetic or weak. I can totally relate to how you feeling and thinking right now, I suffer from anxiety and some agoraphobia and weekends are the worst as I don’t have my normal daily routine.
in fact I felt shit just going to Tesco today.
Also as it’s Remembrance Day I was thinking what all those poor soldiers must have gone through in first & second WW. How scared they must have been what was ahead of them and here I am fussing over going to a stupid shop.
so yes feeling pathetic and like a total looser here too.
so you are not alone . I know my limits and won’t go to places where I feel uncomfortable, which means I can’t always do everything with my son.
Chin up, like you said , hopefully tomorrow will be a better day, sending hug

[BikerMatt]

Thankyou for that.. i was really frightened to log on today..so afraid of negative feedback..Your words bring me some comfort and I thank you for taking the time. Still feeling effects of yesterday today..let's hope tomorrow is a better day..

GAD is horrible, you're not alone, I've cancelled and felt the guilt, many, many times.

You should never fear negative feedback here. We know how you feel.

And actually, it's nice to have a good old anxiety post rather than the endless HA threads.

[keta]

And actually, it's nice to have a good old anxiety post rather than the endless HA threads.

I know that HA must be horrible but like you said Biker Matt, seems to be less and less post on anything else but HA.

[Darkdays]

Just logged on again tonight and seen your responses.. Thanks so much for your support. You don't know what a sense of relief and support this has given me. You are so right Keta in what you said weekends are worst as I don't have a routine. I really thought I was going mad this weekend..felt so alone and isolated.(self inflicted I guess) I struggle to get through the week.try so hard to get out most days and do something but some days it's just too much. I feel I am loosing family and any few friends I have left. Anyhow great to know there are others out there who can emphasise.. As I said I just hope for a better day tomorrow..I am determined not to give up as we remember especially today those who fought and died for us so we could live..(and Excuse my ignorance but what does 'HA' stand for).

[BikerMatt]

Just logged on again tonight and seen your responses.. Thanks so much for your support. You don't know what a sense of relief and support this has given me. You are so right Keta in what you said weekends are worst as I don't have a routine. I really thought I was going mad this weekend..felt so alone and isolated.(self inflicted I guess) I struggle to get through the week.try so hard to get out most days and do something but some days it's just too much. I feel I am loosing family and any few friends I have left. Anyhow great to know there are others out there who can emphasise.. As I said I just hope for a better day tomorrow..I am determined not to give up as we remember especially today those who fought and died for us so we could live..(and Excuse my ignorance but what does 'HA' stand for).

Health Anxiety.

Hope you have a good week :yesyes:

[HalfJack]

Thanks for sharing! Helps to read people going through similar things.
Also It's much easier to be kind to myself when I can see how differently I react to others going through the same thing as me. I'm so much harsher on myself.