bertsquall
11-11-19, 16:45
Hi All
I have posted in the past about my Health Anxiety but after a few years it has returned and this time its beating me and draining my life so badly. I will be 33 next year and its been 3 years since my mum passed away which i feel triggered my anxiety all those years back as i watched her die in hospital.
A few years back i was convinced i had bowel cancer but slowly with therapy i overcame this. I just dont look when i go to the toilet anymore and since i have been doing this it seemed to just go out my head. A few relapses but i seem to have them under control and not looked back since.
However the last three months ive had what probably are the classic healthy anxiety of thinking there is something wrong with my heart and that i have MND/ALS.
These issue have all intermingled in the last few months through Google, which i know reading is an addiction itself, from having pins and needles in my toe, then moved to my hand from toe, been to a chiropractor who actually cleared it up but i was worried about short breath which lead me reading to heart conditions and this lead to me having the worst panic attack ive ever had in front of ten friends where it felt like i was bear hugged for a few secs and my breath was gone and my whole body was hot. From there a week passed i was checking BPM, pulses, feeling my chest, looking for pain, convincing myself i cant walk far etc. I got to the point enough was enough and i went to the DR who checked all this as well as blood pressure and surprise surprise it was all normal. I used this as a platform and i do not feel any issue with my heart and if i get the odd pain twinge i let it go.
However, the killer anxiety for me right now is MND/ALS i can honestly say from googling symptoms i feel like an actual expert in it (which of course im not). Ive had issues where i felt like my throat was catching food, when that went it was checking indents in my back for muscle waste, then to checking if i get short of breathe easily and now i honestly feel the worst physical symptom of all, my muscles all over just dont feel like they work, as if someone has strapped weights to me or as if im in a gravity chamber, my knees feel weak when i walk, my arms twitch all the time and i feel muscle ache and the worst one for all it feels like i cannot use my thumbs properly or grip things correctly (which in many ways is ludicrous cause im typing, place pc games, drive a car, open door with keys and ive never failed to do it) Its just the current feeling like my body feels heavy and i cannot overcome it and feels like my body is failing me so bad.
I currently started counseling again but i just dont feel it after the first few sessions. I have stopped the googling symptoms and looking at health stories. Even on the forums i have avoided reading the main ALS forum cause no doubt ill take the symptoms as i have them. I go through the logic tree:
chiropractor checked my muscle and reflex and said i was fine
dr checked my tongue and other areas and said i was fine
Symptoms only come on when i concentrate on them
Muscle feeling like they dont work came on when i thought what if i feel like my muscles dont work what would my body do and 5 minutes later it happened and continued for a week progressively getting worse
I just want to get to the point where i can switch my mind off from this, when i do things i enjoy thins some of these symptoms go out the window and only when i think "oh shit i havent noticed this" it will start again. I really am getting sick of it and was hoping people might share what helped them overcome it. Im pushing myself to do walks, lift weight and go out my comfort zone as i really have become less active because of this.
I dont want to look back in years to come and feel like i have wasted my life.
Robert
I have posted in the past about my Health Anxiety but after a few years it has returned and this time its beating me and draining my life so badly. I will be 33 next year and its been 3 years since my mum passed away which i feel triggered my anxiety all those years back as i watched her die in hospital.
A few years back i was convinced i had bowel cancer but slowly with therapy i overcame this. I just dont look when i go to the toilet anymore and since i have been doing this it seemed to just go out my head. A few relapses but i seem to have them under control and not looked back since.
However the last three months ive had what probably are the classic healthy anxiety of thinking there is something wrong with my heart and that i have MND/ALS.
These issue have all intermingled in the last few months through Google, which i know reading is an addiction itself, from having pins and needles in my toe, then moved to my hand from toe, been to a chiropractor who actually cleared it up but i was worried about short breath which lead me reading to heart conditions and this lead to me having the worst panic attack ive ever had in front of ten friends where it felt like i was bear hugged for a few secs and my breath was gone and my whole body was hot. From there a week passed i was checking BPM, pulses, feeling my chest, looking for pain, convincing myself i cant walk far etc. I got to the point enough was enough and i went to the DR who checked all this as well as blood pressure and surprise surprise it was all normal. I used this as a platform and i do not feel any issue with my heart and if i get the odd pain twinge i let it go.
However, the killer anxiety for me right now is MND/ALS i can honestly say from googling symptoms i feel like an actual expert in it (which of course im not). Ive had issues where i felt like my throat was catching food, when that went it was checking indents in my back for muscle waste, then to checking if i get short of breathe easily and now i honestly feel the worst physical symptom of all, my muscles all over just dont feel like they work, as if someone has strapped weights to me or as if im in a gravity chamber, my knees feel weak when i walk, my arms twitch all the time and i feel muscle ache and the worst one for all it feels like i cannot use my thumbs properly or grip things correctly (which in many ways is ludicrous cause im typing, place pc games, drive a car, open door with keys and ive never failed to do it) Its just the current feeling like my body feels heavy and i cannot overcome it and feels like my body is failing me so bad.
I currently started counseling again but i just dont feel it after the first few sessions. I have stopped the googling symptoms and looking at health stories. Even on the forums i have avoided reading the main ALS forum cause no doubt ill take the symptoms as i have them. I go through the logic tree:
chiropractor checked my muscle and reflex and said i was fine
dr checked my tongue and other areas and said i was fine
Symptoms only come on when i concentrate on them
Muscle feeling like they dont work came on when i thought what if i feel like my muscles dont work what would my body do and 5 minutes later it happened and continued for a week progressively getting worse
I just want to get to the point where i can switch my mind off from this, when i do things i enjoy thins some of these symptoms go out the window and only when i think "oh shit i havent noticed this" it will start again. I really am getting sick of it and was hoping people might share what helped them overcome it. Im pushing myself to do walks, lift weight and go out my comfort zone as i really have become less active because of this.
I dont want to look back in years to come and feel like i have wasted my life.
Robert