Is there any hope for me? [Archive]

Mrsmitchell1984

12-11-19, 06:45

Hi all, I just need a bit of hope. I’m not sure if I have been feeling depressed or anxious - but a bad feeling is following me around all day. I am still able to do things- but it’s always there- stopping me from enjoying/getting into what is going on around me. Is this normal? Am I beyond help? I am on medication (fluoxetine 5 weeks 20mg) but feel constantly nauseous, and I am having hot spells. I have been trying positive affirmations, creative hobbies, reading, mindfulness. I go for a walk every day. I take magnesium and vitamin d and b supplements? I have a counsellor helping me with cbt. I have always got better in the past (this is my 5 time going through all of this) but I am starting to wonder if I will ever get better this time? Is this is for me? Xxxx

YoullNeverWalkAlone

12-11-19, 08:21

Hi Mrs M...sorry to hear your not feeling to good, I know how your feeling as I’ve been there so many times and going through the same myself again, like you I try and get on with my daily life but it’s hard because that feeling just follows you and the mind chatter of ‘What ifs’ just won’t shut up. But it will get better again I promise, each time we seem to go backwards we always think it’s worse than the last time, but it’s not. It will ease eventually, it always does, and your mood will lift. You are doing everything right so keep doing it. Anxiety really sucks, sometimes you know what’s causing it but other times you don’t. Hope you start feeling better soon. Xx

BlueIris

12-11-19, 08:27

I know it may be hard to believe, but better days are coming. Anxiety and depression really don't last forever.

Mrsmitchell1984

12-11-19, 09:13

Thank you so much to the two of you- you are giving me hope whilst I am in a really dark place. It’s nice to know I am not alone and I wish you both better soon xxx

Carnation

12-11-19, 09:56

Mrs M, you are searching for that miracle answer / cure :hugs:
There's no strategy to anxiety or depression. There's no time scale either.
But I have to remind you that you have had better days and more will come.
This phase is not permanent, yes, it's debilitating, frustrating, disabling and a list as long as your arm.
And you are expecting them all to just disappear, it doesn't work like that hun, it's a gradual up and down recovery, but you will recover, just stop dwelling on the recovery. Note a bad day, improvement, achievements, even a glimmer of relief. My relapse has been bad too so you are not alone, also about my fifth one. And others are going through exactly the same thing. So remember that you are not marked with something eery or rare, we relate to every single thing you say.
Take a look at The Anxiety Guy on YouTube, he makes a lot of sense. x

Mrsmitchell1984

12-11-19, 10:10

Thank you so much Carnation- that is so kind xxx

Mrsmitchell1984

12-11-19, 13:48

BlueIris, Carnation and youwillneverwalkalone-
can you tell me what your strategies are. I know some of you will feel like you are repeating yourself. I know with anxiety it’s best just to acknowledge your body’s feelings but carry on as normal. But with the depression- is the same approach the best way? Any coping strategies would be really welcome as it may be that the meds won’t work for me this time.

With my best wishes,

sally

BlueIris

12-11-19, 14:15

Okay, so, with depression, the best technique I've found is acceptance. Accept that you might not be able to do as much as normal, and forgive yourself for that.

Once you can get past the self-loathing, focus on what you can do and try to achieve small goals every day. You don't have to be happy, you just have to get through the day functioning at a bare minimum level.

When you've hit that point of acceptance, things often gradually start to lift on their own.

Mrsmitchell1984

12-11-19, 14:26

That sounds great. When you accept depression- is it ignoring it, or actually feeling it but not letting it bother you. Sorry I just want to make sure I do this correctly- no point doing it otherwise.

Thank you again BlueIris xxxx

BlueIris

12-11-19, 14:32

I think it might be different for everyone? For me, though, it's giving myself permission to be sad, to make allowances for myself and ask for help from people around me when I need to.

For example, I might ask my husband to cook when it isn't his turn, or to do the talking in shops when I can't face doing so myself.

Mrsmitchell1984

12-11-19, 14:34

Ok that is helpful. Thank you BlueIris. How are you doing today? X

Mrsmitchell1984

12-11-19, 14:35

Also do you know what causes it each time? Or is it not important really and wasting time?

BlueIris

12-11-19, 14:39

I've stopped seeking causes, to be honest; I'm prone to this sort of thing, and it's just something I have to live with. As I've said, it's a nuisance rather than a tragedy.

As for how I'm doing, I'm still very tired and having trouble being as productive as I'd like to, and I'm having a lot of self-esteem issues. That said, I'm starting to get excited about future projects again, which is always a good sign.

Mrsmitchell1984

12-11-19, 14:47

I agree with you about causes - I think I am prone just like you. Yes it is a nuisance rather than a tragedy.

I don’t know why you have self -esteem issues - you are incredible in terms of helping me when you are going through bad patches yourself and you are so creative.

I am pleased to see you are getting excited about projects- that is a very good sign. I started feeling excited about doing bead work thanks to you and then I felt that was a turning point in me feeling better.

i just need to get back into that frame of mind again - with time x

xxxx

BlueIris

12-11-19, 14:51

I have faith in you - you'll be awesome!
:bighug1:

Mrsmitchell1984

12-11-19, 15:59

I have faith in you - you'll be awesome!
:bighug1:

Aw thank you Blue Iris xxxx

Carnation

12-11-19, 16:05

I'm pretty much the same as BlueIris and I have to say the depression does not bother me or hinder me as much as the anxiety does.

Can I say something Mrs M?
I think you are too wrapped up in the anxiety and depression stuff, you need to take a break from anything related to either of them. Become neutral.
It's just as important not to nurse either as it is to do the stuff like meditation, affirmations, CBT.
Otherwise your whole day is consumed by both and sometimes you just need to put your feet up with a cup of tea and piece of cake and do a crossword puzzle or something like that. x

BlueIris

12-11-19, 16:09

Wise words, Carnation.

Mental illness is wretched, but it doesn't have to be the major part of who you are.

You can be our wonderful friend, instead, who just happens to live with anxiety and depression.

Mrsmitchell1984

12-11-19, 16:22

I totally agree with both of you. Trouble is I can’t seem to take my mind off it when I am like this. It is a constant nag. I would be more than happy to forget about it - but I can’t.

If it was intermittent then maybe I wouldn’t be struggling with it so much?

Depression used to be in my life but never used to bother me that much but then I had to deal with a court case where a lady committed suicide and it’s scared the living hell out of me! Ever since I have been terrified to feel depression x

Mrsmitchell1984

12-11-19, 16:23

On the plus side - if I feel anxious- shaky legs etc- I just let it be there- it doesn’t bother me and so it’s not there that much. I think I am seeing a pattern here x

Mrsmitchell1984

12-11-19, 16:29

I feel like everyone has their comfort zone where they feel able to focus on something else but I am unable to do that at the moment. I’ll read a book, knit, watch tv, etc but it’s still a nag and deeply uncomfortable feeling x

Carnation

12-11-19, 17:54

We feel that way too, but you still have to go through the motions with the wretched feelings in tow otherwise it will crush you into a disability.
Yes, take time to rest, sleep, do your meditation and CBT, but let the body and mind very aware that you want to do other stuff as well.
You have to keep going and at the same time off load some of the responsibilities so you are not bogged down.
I still think you are looking for a quick fix, if there was one, we wouldn't be on here. x

Mrsmitchell1984

12-11-19, 17:57

Carnation

12-11-19, 18:52

My mind is never off it, I just try to keep my day as normal as possible. You can't switch your mind off, but you can think of other stuff and divert your mind on to what you might be doing at the time.

YoullNeverWalkAlone

12-11-19, 19:28

Hi Mrs M How you doing tonight.
Like carnation said my mind is never off anxiety or sometimes the depression with me also but I try and find things or people who help take the pressure off even for a little while, sometimes I just have a bloody good cry. With me it’s the anxiety that bothers me the most, the depression part I seem to deal with better.
Also did you say you have only been on Prozac for 5 weeks, which isn’t long really, maybe a side effect from them or they just haven’t kicked in yet.
You seem to be doing all the right things and carrying on with life but feeling better is not coming quick enough for you, I’m very impatient too and expect miracles, even taking tablets I expect them to work as soon as I’ve swallowed them and then when they don’t my mind goes into overdrive as to why haven’t they worked.
One day Mrs M the sun will start shining through again and bit by bit will push those dark clouds away, until then keep doing what your doing, but don’t push too hard, rest when you need to and if you need to talk people on here are always willing to do that. You will be absolutely fine Mrs M....xx

Windywel

12-11-19, 20:27

I hope you don’t mind me joining this thread - Mrs M and I are going through something similar and have been messaging. It’s funny how we can’t seem to remember how bad we were and how far we’ve come - we just focus on what’s not right right now - that’s what I was thinking this morning. I know I’m better then a few weeks ago even without the lorazepam but because I’m still not well I keep thinking I’m not getting better. It’s so hard to stay positive with anxiety! It’s such an awful thing too that it’s really hard to be patient. I agree with carnation - as much as I like the idea of resting at home it’s too easier to get stuck in the ruminating cycle - I’ve realised I need to seek out things to do, people to talk to, to take my mind off it. Even with the shortness of breath thing I just try and keep going in spite of it until I get tired and then I get depressed about it. If only there was a magic fix! You’d think with all these millions of people with anxiety they would have invested in finding a decent treatment for it! Anyway thanks for letting me rant. It helps to talk - my poor husband gets sick of anxiety talk all the time!

Mrsmitchell1984

13-11-19, 06:20

Ok that’s reassuring. It scares me sometimes that people seem to be coping so well and then I worry that maybe I have something worse wrong with me. But it probably is just solely mindset x

BlueIris

13-11-19, 07:04

Nah. Please believe me when I say that beneath the surface, we're all struggling to get by.

Mrsmitchell1984

13-11-19, 07:14

Although I am sad to hear you are all struggling to get by- it does make me
feel less alone. Are you feeling any better today BlueIris x

Mrsmitchell1984

13-11-19, 07:15

And you are not constantly struggling to get by- just when you have bad days? You still have good days too? X

BlueIris

13-11-19, 07:32

There are days when it fades into the background, yes. I first remember discussing suicidal thoughts with a relative when I was about six, though, so it's a part of me. I don't get them anything like as often as I did, thankfully, and I don't spend the five-hour sessions on Google that I used to, but I'd say I still indulge in unhelpful self-checking maybe a third to a half of the days in any given month, and I still find it incredibly hard to make GP appointments.

Right now, I'm angry with myself for wasting money (spent a pound on a vending machine drink yesterday, and another pound buying cookies for colleagues), for not being on a diet and for not being as productive as I feel I should (not spending a couple of hours beading this morning because I have some interesting components that should be arriving in the post today or tomorrow).

This is my baseline; this is what I count as okay and just a minor nuisance. I still have my husband, though, my cats, and some fantastic friends. I have a job where I sometimes get to make a positive impact on people's lives. The good things infinitely outnumber the bad.

Hope this helps, and doesn't sound too gloomy!

Mrsmitchell1984

13-11-19, 07:52

So you have been suffering a while- but I am pleased that sometimes it is just in the background. That is what I have now- so I guess I should be grateful as it seems you suffer a lot more. How long have you been on medication for? Do you think it is that that makes the difference? What sort of self- checking do you do? Is it a health anxiety thing?

i do feel you are really hard on yourself. Those things that you are angry with yourself for don’t sound too bad at all to me. We all need to treat ourselves sometimes and what is wrong with you not beading until you have the components- that makes sense. I get annoyed when I put my son in front of the tv too much- I feel like I should be playing with him more- but when I speak to others- they accept that playing with a child is boring and they don’t beat themselves up for it.

I am pleased you do your gratitudes- it’s true my husband still loves me, I have a job where sometimes people find cures and relief of their ailments with herbal remedies. I have great friends who have done all they can to make me feel better. It was my birthday at the weekend- and they really spoilt me- but I beat myself up for still feeling empty.

Do you feel you are having a good day today or too annoyed with yourself to tell. X

BlueIris

13-11-19, 07:59

Not sure yet; Wednesdays are weird because I work late. Feeling pretty good so far, though - what about you?

Mrsmitchell1984

13-11-19, 09:13

Still not great. Feel as though I am dragging myself around. My heart isn’t in anything at all. I spoke to other mums this morning and it was still biting at me. I also feel a sick feeling from my throat all the way to my stomach and having hot and cold flushes.

But today my attitude is a little different. I am determined to keep going despite this. I hope you have a great day. When you are less busy- I have the beads etc and we can start making things x

BlueIris

13-11-19, 09:16

I don't think I have that much on at the weekend; if you like, we could do a Skype call or something and make bracelets together? I need to be doing some of the stuff I want to be teaching you, anyway :)

Mrsmitchell1984

13-11-19, 09:29

That would be good. I am around on Sunday afternoon if that suits you? I will have to download skype x

Carnation

13-11-19, 09:29

Sending you good wishes for your belated birthday Mrs M x :flowers:

BlueIris

13-11-19, 09:30

Sunday afternoon would be perfect, actually :) I will, too, I haven't had it on my phone for a while. I'll try to borrow a mini tripod from work so I can show you what I'm doing with both hands free.

Mrsmitchell1984

13-11-19, 09:32

Great - looking forward to it. If you get a chance, if you could give me a list of what I need to have on hand- that would be great xxx

BlueIris

13-11-19, 09:35

Will do - I'll do that Friday or Saturday, if that works? Warning: my nails are appalling.

Carnation

13-11-19, 09:36

Great! That's the spirit Mrs M, nice idea BlueIris xx

BlueIris

13-11-19, 09:37

Carnation, if it's ever something you feel like doing, drop me a line, okay?

Mrsmitchell1984

13-11-19, 09:39

Sending you good wishes for your belated birthday Mrs M x :flowers:

Aw thanks Carnation xxxx

Mrsmitchell1984

13-11-19, 09:41

Great! That's the spirit Mrs M, nice idea BlueIris xx

Thank you Carnation - I’m started to feel excited about things again- maybe the depression is lifting- maybe I am getting used to it - it doesn’t really matter- as long as I am feeling better.

Wishing you a lovely day Carnation :hugs:

Mrsmitchell1984

13-11-19, 09:43

[QUOTE=BlueIris;1906757]Will do - I'll do that Friday or Saturday, if that works? Warning: my nails are appalling.[/QUOTE

So are mine. I actually have a disfigured little finger where my mum accidentally shut the top of it in the door hinge when I was one. The top had to be sewed back on again and it grew all strange. So I can definitely cope with your nails 🤣

Mrsmitchell1984

13-11-19, 09:43

I may also have my son interrupting us a lot x

Carnation

13-11-19, 09:46

Thank you BlueIris, I'll remember that, could turn in to a club. :) x

Mrs M, just remember what ever you are feeling we feel or have felt too! And if you are feeling rotten you might as well be doing something / anything while you like that. xx

Carnation

13-11-19, 09:47

FYI BlueIris, I haven't had decent nails for years! :blush:

Mrsmitchell1984

13-11-19, 10:27

FYI BlueIris, I haven't had decent nails for years! :blush:

Thanks Carnation- very sound advice as always.

I listened to Claire Weeks this morning about depression - https://youtu.be/REOdAWCv-BQ is this the one you listen to? I found it very helpful and reassuring.

I’m sorry I have been so needy over the last few days and you have all had to repeat yourself a lot. It’s just the brain playing tricks on me and telling me nothing will work and it’s all pointless. But I am starting to feel excited about things again and we all know what that means...

BlueIris

13-11-19, 10:31

It's okay, I promise. We've all needed it at some point before, and we'll probably all need it again at some point.

YoullNeverWalkAlone

13-11-19, 10:38

Hi Mrs M...glad you are starting to feel better.
As I said in my earlier post, I Told you the sun will start shining again, it can’t stay behind those clouds forever. Lots of love xx

Carnation

13-11-19, 10:42

Yes, that's the one Mrs M, she's brilliant! :yesyes:

Carnation

13-11-19, 10:43

Nice words You'llNeverWalkAlone x

Mrsmitchell1984

13-11-19, 12:11

FYI BlueIris, I haven't had decent nails for years! :blush:

I have just been to a therapy session and I just wanted to report back so that you can see what is helpful - maybe someone else would find it helpful too:

am I the only one feeling this way? Am I alone? We often hear it reported that 1 in 4 people suffer depression and/or anxiety at some point in their lives. My counsellor thinks it is 50% that suffer and she says that the rest are either in denial, have developed their own tools and/or usually have some other problem. So we are not alone. There is a you tube video by Joe Oliver (I think) called Passengers on the bus. It is uses research of thoughts of lots of people who have suffered and you realise the thoughts you have are very similar- this means that we are not alone.

why do we feel this way? It’s in our DNA to think negatively for survival. So going back to the days when we were living in caves or in the forest- if we heard a russle in the bush- and we think positively - that it is just the wind- then we are putting ourselves in danger. If we assume the worst then we can be more prepared. Now we don’t have the same problems - but we still have negative thinking in our DNA. But this negatively thinking can be changed with rewiring the brain with CBT (see the you tube video neurons that fire together wire together).

what else can help? There is so much research which shows that CBT, acceptance and commitment therapy and mindfulness cannot only shorten a depressive/anxious episode but also cure you for life. The keys seems to be accepting these feelings and becoming aware of how thoughts affect you with mindfulness. A great app mindfulness association which can (over time and with lots of practice) strengthen the ability to see the thoughts as just thoughts and create some distance so they don’t always lead you into the black
hole. My counsellor showed me a picture of a man who kept falling down the same hole and struggling to get out. She said we can keep falling down it if we are on autopilot. However, If become more aware of what leads us into that hole and use mindfulness- we can see the hole before we even fall down it or make it easier to get out if we keep falling down the hole. Ruby Wax is a big advocate of mindfulness and she always books herself into a retreat (lucky thing) if she feels herself getting depressed. She says this reduces the duration of the episode each time- I won’t put timescales as that may frighten people.

Therefore, we are not alone and there is also a lot we can do to help ourselves.

From someone who has been to the lowest of the lows- but is feeling more positive today xxxx

Mrsmitchell1984

13-11-19, 12:11

It's okay, I promise. We've all needed it at some point before, and we'll probably all need it again at some point.

Thank you Blue Iris - how true is that xxx

Mrsmitchell1984

13-11-19, 12:12

Hi Mrs M...glad you are starting to feel better.
As I said in my earlier post, I Told you the sun will start shining again, it can’t stay behind those clouds forever. Lots of love xx

lovely words- thank you. How are you today? X

Mrsmitchell1984

13-11-19, 12:13

Yes, that's the one Mrs M, she's brilliant! :yesyes:

She is Mrs C- I really felt better having listened to her xxxx

BlueIris

13-11-19, 12:17

:bighug1:
It does my heart good to hear you sounding so much better.

Mrsmitchell1984

13-11-19, 12:21

:bighug1:
It does my heart good to hear you sounding so much better.

Thank you BlueIris xxxxx such a lovely thing to say x

YoullNeverWalkAlone

13-11-19, 12:50

BlueIris

13-11-19, 12:54

You'll get there, YoullNeverWalkAlone. The HA pit is horrible, but once you know the trick it gets easier to climb back out every time.

Mrsmitchell1984

13-11-19, 13:20

Hi....

Thank you carnation....

I’m struggling a bit at the moment Mrs M, mainly with the HA side of things. I have about 4 Claire Weekes books think I will dig them out again, they were my bible at one point. Xx

Aw sorry to hear you are struggling. There was a good article
on this website that helped cure my health anxiety. I may have it a little
bit now but I suffer far more with GAD and depression. It all depends on what started it- my Nan died of a stroke because she didn’t do anything about the tingling in her hands. But sometimes I think I would rather live a life without worry (come what may) than worry and prevent a heart attack or something- because what is the point of being alive when we are always on the look out for death etc. I don’t think I am making much sense- but you get my drift. I hope you feel the light soon xxxx

YoullNeverWalkAlone

13-11-19, 13:27

Aww thank you blue and Mrs M.... I’m a veteran at this HA and always do climb out eventually, usually when whatever has started it goes away.... onwards and upwards eh!! :yahoo:

YoullNeverWalkAlone

13-11-19, 13:37

Mrs M and blue come and have a go in the humour thread with me and carnation it’s good fun xx

Mrsmitchell1984

13-11-19, 15:41

Mrs M and blue come and have a go in the humour thread with me and carnation it’s good fun xx

ooh I’ll take a look x

Mrsmitchell1984

13-11-19, 18:16

I couldn’t find the humour thread- where is it ��

YoullNeverWalkAlone

13-11-19, 18:33

Hi Mrs M

Look for fun and games (in very small print)
just under it, it says panic pause/humour/games and quizzes
go into it
we play First letter/last letter
word association
word morph
but there is a lot more you can look at.
hope that helped
xxx

Mrsmitchell1984

13-11-19, 18:37

Aww thanks xxx

Mrsmitchell1984

18-11-19, 14:31

So at the moment - I am doing ok. I have this very little voice following me around saying something is not quite right. I am not sure what this is? Boredom, low level anxiety, low level depression? I’m not sure but it’s stopping me from being back to normal and it is there all day. I just wondered if anyone else has this and knows what it is? My sleep is much better, my appetite is better, I am still getting excited about certain things - but there is this little annoying voice here all day. I bit like an annoying drip that I cannot switch off from- maybe I will in time x

BlueIris

18-11-19, 14:42

Time is the key here, I think. Acknowledge the voice - thank it for keeping you alert if you want - and then get on with your day.

When I get that feeling, I find it helps to take five minutes or so to think quietly and try to work out what it is I need that I'm currently missing, and how I can meet that need.

Mrsmitchell1984

18-11-19, 14:53

Thanks BlueIris- does this feeling eventually go away? I am thinking it might be a habit that gets left behind once all the major depression and anxiety has gone?

I keep trying to search what is missing and I don’t really know what it is- think it’s just boredom
x

BlueIris

18-11-19, 15:01

It does go away, yes, although I find it comes back whenever I'm not properly in tune with my feelings and things start to slide.

If you're bored, it's a good idea to maybe work out what would make you feel happier and start thinking about plans.

Carnation

18-11-19, 15:22

I get that Mrs M

I've always thought it was a fear of feeling good or letting go and being normal, but not on guard, if you know what I mean? x

Mrsmitchell1984

18-11-19, 15:37

Thanks BlueIris and Carnation. I am glad it’s normal as I started to worry about what is going on. I know when I go to counselling they will suggest upping my dose of fluoxetine - but I want to stay on a low dose- what’s the use of masking how I am feeling- how am I to get used to it?

I admire you Carnation for not going on meds. You it’s feel it so painfully.

I think I just need to know that it will go - it’s been like this since the end of August - with very little break. But at least the high anxiety has gone as has the severe depression x