View Full Version : Advice on returning to work
Hi all, I'm a new member and am looking for any tips on how to cope with returning to work.
My story - I work in very high pressure environment and have recently been promoted to a senior management post. I've always been quite an anxious person and a bit of a perfectionist. A couple of weeks ago I had a major breakdown at work - had to be escorted from the building! Things had been building for a while - I was struggling to keep up with the workload and deadlines etc and the nature of my job means that I deal with a lot of complaints and budget/staffing issues - lots of problems!! I was starting work at 7.30 a.m., getting home at about 6.30 p.m. then working at home until about 11 p.m. and still not keeping up. I was thinking about work pretty much all the time and finding it difficult to unwind with friends/family. Eventually it all came to a head and I had a panic attack at work - shaking, heart racing, crying etc. I actually couldn't stop crying for two days and felt unable to do even the most simple tasks. I felt like it just meant I wasn't up to the job. Anyway went to doctor and he signed me off for a couple of weeks and prescribed beta blockers - haven't taken any yet. The first week at home I felt exhausted and came down with a nasty bug. In some ways that made things easier as I could justify to myself I was properly ill and not just running away from things.
Anyway back to work on Friday and looking for advice/tips. I was going to start betablockers today but I read on the side effects that they can make you feel tired and I'm having problems sleeping at night & feeling tired all day at the moment. Certainly don't want to make things worse!
Also pretty apprehensive about going back in case panic hits again. Feel like I'm in a vicious cycle because part of the problem was build up of work and I'm dreading what I'm going to be coming back to - missed / imminent deadlines, hundreds of emails etc etc. I did pop in to work last week even though I was signed off and spent about 2 hrs just opening emails (I was out of breath/heart racing when I drove into the carpark but fine after I'd been at the computer for 20 mins or so. Couldn't deal with speaking to staff though so went in after hours). Colleagues have been supportive but they're all over the top with work as well. They did take on some of more pressing jobs while I was off and I'm feeling pretty guilty about that - but I know there is still going to be a huge backlog.
Like to know how others have coped in similar situation without going right back to square one!!
Hi Caro123,
Just read your post. I'm not surprised you've had a problem. I can easily identify with your situation as my job involves a life long passion - aircraft - and I've pushed myself to the limit too many times. The management were quite happy to let me as I am effective at getting things done. In some ways, I need protecting from myself. Anyway, the consequences have been burn out and anxiety.
My advice to you would be to take a break from work. A fortnight is nothing in terms of recovery from exhaustion. At the end of the day, the job will get done whether you're there or not. In my experience, people are very quick to forget the efforts you put in but you're left with the consequences. I would listen to what your body is telling you - don't ignore the warnings - give yourself a proper break and chill out.
I can say this with the benefit of hindsight. I had the warnings but pressed on regardless. I saw saying 'no' to work as a personal failure. I know better now and I know if you allow the situation to continue there will be more trouble ahead.
In my opinion, medication will only help with symptoms, not resolve the underlying issues that cause the anxiety. There is a danger that taking medication will allow you to push yourself even harder as it masks the warnings. You need to change your work situation.
I hope I've been of some help. I wish you all the best, the best mistakes to learn from are other peoples!!
If you've got any tips on how to deal with intrusive thoughts, I'd love to hear them as that's how my anxiety is manifesting itself at the moment.
Cheers
A
Thanks for the reply. I'm definitely my own worst enemy! Like you said, I love my job and worked bloomin hard to get here. Also its the things I love about the job - ie the buzz, never knowing whats going to happen next, solving problems, managing staff, wide ranging remit, the satisfaction in being known as a "finisher" etc - are the very things that drive me demented.
Its knowing when to stop, chill and take a break. I think you're right and two weeks isn't really long enough but I'm going a bit stircrazy at home. I've got some time off booked for end of October so am hoping I can just get back into the swing of things for the next few weeks with the thought of a break at the end of it if things get a bit too much again.
My doc said something very similar to you - he said the last thing he was going to do was prescribe me drugs to enable me to push myself even harder but would give me beta blockers just to stop some of the worst symptoms. He also said I need to try and develop a bit of the "oh sod it" factor ie you're not responsible for everything and everybody and sometimes its fine to just do an OK ish job, rather than wanting everything to be 100% all the time.
I do still feel that because I manage staff - and times ain't great with "re-structuring" etc - that I'm the one that has to hold it all together and I shouldn't show any weakness in front of staff ie I should be supporting them not the other way around. Most folk at work have been told I've had the flu but I suspect there'll have been some gossip as I was witnessed having a spectacular breakdown! Normally I do worry what people think of me but to be honest, at the moment its the least of my problems. Any advice on what I should say to people who ask why I've been off? Should I stick with the flu story - which is partially true?
Re intrusive thoughts - are these real problems/worries that need a solution, or are you getting anxious about things that just might happen, or are you replaying things that have happened?
Since I've been off my partner has been bringing me loads of DVDs to watch to "take my mind of things", bless him. Problem is I'm sitting looking at the screen, not taking anything in, thinking about work. Too easy not to concentrate. Whats worked better has been playing computer games, researching next year's holiday on the internet - oh and I've also done about 200 sudoko puzzles!
The other things that have helped me in the past are socialising & some kinds of exercise where you have to concentrate ie not running cos you just think about work but something like a dance class where I really have to concentrate on steps or a team sport etc. I'm feeling so c**p just now that I haven't been feeling up to exercise or socialising.
The other thing I do is that if work stuff keeps popping into my head when I should be relaxing is to have a notebook and a pen and write what ever I've been thinking of down and then forget about it. My partner thinks this is a sign of OCD or something but it does help so who cares if its a bit weird.
Thanks again for your message - its a big help to hear from others who have experienced the same thing. So glad I found this website.
C
Well it never rains...... boyfriend just had to rush to vets with our dog as she has a suspected twisted stomach. Luckily we recognised the symptoms as this happened before with our old German Shepherd and he had a 6 hour operation - he did survive the operation but it was touch and go. I really hope we've caught it in time. She's only 4 years old and a honey.
Hi again,
You could be describing me!
Funny how this problem seems to affect people with a similar outlook on life.
Going back to your original question, I have had a couple of periods of absence from work because of anxiety. The first time, I was off for a couple of months and then I went back to the same job. I lasted another year but the problems, mainly conflict within the team and dealing with some pretty devious people had not changed. I came off the anti-depressents I was on and bang, right back where I started. This time, it took 5 months before I went back to work. I changed jobs, actually, same job but different project, so different organisation. Much better, wish I'd done it the first time.
I found it hard to hold back when I went back to work as I love what I do and my natural enthusiasm overruled my common sense and sense of self preservation. This is something I've learned - look after yourself and don't rely on other people to do it for you. Decide what level of commitment you're willing to give work and then stick to it. I no longer do the daft hours I used to or try to take on everything that needs fixing. You know what, people still respect me because I'm good at what I do. As they say, form is temporary but class is permanent. You'll still be effective and respected but not making yourself ill.
Personally, I'd be completely up front with what's ailing you. It's nothing to be embarrased about, you didn't ask for this and it's not a sign of weakness. Everyone has their limits and yours sound pretty high to me. I don't make a big deal about my problem but I also don't try to hide it.
When I was off, I found walking very good therapy. I grew up in the Highlands and so I've always enjoyed being out in the fresh air. I made a point of listening to and looking for the wildlife and bought a book so that I could recognise the birds when I was out - keeps the mind busy.
Having said that, I hated being off work as I felt worthless to my family. I was determined therefore to keep busy and keep a routine everyday. I tried very hard to not sit around pondering or dwelling.
The other piece of advice I would offer is to manage your energy levels. I find anxiety is always worse when I'm tired. So if I've had to push myself, I try to make sure I allow myself adequate time to re-charge the batteries.
I am still finding work tough at times, not because I can't do the job but because my self belief and confidence has taken a real beating. This is where the intrusive thoughts come in - I find myself dwelling on things that I know are irrational but make me feel very uncomfortable. For example, can I trust my knowledge of the job, which often involves people's safety? What if I do something I know is wrong on purpose? Am I going mad? Am I evil? They are always thoughts that are the opposite of the things that are very important to me and so I don't want them in my head. At times it's hard to see them for the load of cobblers they are but when I catch myself, I can see the truth - I'm still the same person as I have always been but now I'm scared, not bad, not evil etc. I can explain this quite rationally but it still drives me nuts most of the time.
I hope some of this is of help. You will be OK, trust me, but think about what I've said. It's been a painful lesson for me but it will help me if I think I've steered someone else away from the same problem.
I hope you have a terrific holiday, you deserve it. Drop me a line any time you want and take it easy.
Cheers
A
Sorry to hear about your dog, our posts must have crossed. Hope things work out.
A
Hi Caro123,
I absolutely agree with everything Tonkaboy says! I too am a perfectionist and the worst thing to me would be failure.
My working situation was very similar to yours, returned to work after a short period off sick but then I 'burnt out' in the end because I didn't actually tackle any of the issues.
I ended up having 8 weeks out of work, referred to a psychiatrist and put on an intensive therapy programme (CBT). At the time I thought my career was over and that I'd lost everything and I was a complete failure, BUT how wrong I was! For me, this was the best thing that I could have done, I certainly learnt alot about myself!
I did return to my job, but before I returned to work, and on the advice on my therapist, I had a meeting with my occupational health and personnel department and outlined the pressures in my job. A new job description was drawn up for me and they ended up employing another 2 people to distribute the workload!
The more you do, the more they will keep putting on you!!
Your partner sounds very supportive, and I couldn't have got through my burn out without the support of my husband. But distration is the key and I was told to have a pad and pencil handy and I write all my thoughts down all the time, I find it helps free my head.
Asking people for help does not mean you're a failure, it means you're human!
Really hope this helps you alittle.
Take care Sara
Thanks again - thats given me a lot to think about.
The worst thing is the blow to self confidence and the mindset you get yourself in to. One of the symptoms thats been worrying me most and has been increasing is managing mood swings. Most folk that know me think I'm a very upbeat cheerful person who is pretty laidback. However I feel thats pretty far from the truth but possibly the only person who realises that is my poor bloke! A lot of the time I feel really irritable and impatient and irrationally angry with people - but I manage to hide it well most of the time. I'm worried that because my resilience is low just now I'm going to let something slip particularly at work. I just about had a major trolley rage incident in Tescos the other day with everyone who managed to get in my way. I knew it was ridiculous but my tolerance threshold is about zero just now.
Sensibly I know this is probably just another symptom of the anxiety/stress but I'm finding it hard to work out what my "real" personality is - whether I am really a reasonable likeable person or an evil bad tempered witch! I'm hoping the beta blockers will work on this a bit. I had them before the only other time in my life I had panic attacks which was when a close relative died a good few years ago. I remember going about Tescos at Xmas time smiling serenely at everyone like a Stepford wife - very unlike me!
Like you, I do find getting out and about in the countryside helps a lot - we live in rural Scotland. We have a 4 year old German Shepherd and a hyperactive 5 month old collie pup. The older dog is just back from the vets - he doesn't think its a twisted stomach she's just swollen up and sick with excess wind!! Irrational fears anyone....
Our main way of unwinding is to take the dogs out - though forgot what having a pup was like - relaxing it certainly ain't!!! Hoping to maybe take a few days on the West Coast in October - maybe a trip to Skye - one of my favourite places. Whereabouts in the Highlands are you from?
You take it easy too.
C
Hi Sara
Its good to hear such a positive outcome. My doctor did suggest going to Occupational Health but I didn't feel it was for me. Partly because of this admission of failure thing, worry about this being on my personnel file etc but also because I thought nothing would change. So its really good to hear that sometimes it does make a difference for the better. I have to get my head round fact that I am really pretty ill and have been for some time and I need help and that going down the counselling road doesn't mean that I've lost it and its all downhill from here. As soon as I start feeling a bit more upbeat I start behaving as if it was just a minor wobble ie all I need is a good nights sleep, be more organised, manage time better, work harder etc. You know where this is going....
So I'm going to take your advice and get in touch with Occupational Health.
Its been difficult for my partner - when he saw me the day I had the breakdown his first reaction was that I should just resign which wasn't that helpful but I was being pretty scary - all I could do for a few days was cry and chainsmoke - I couldn't even make a cup of tea. He's been brilliant since then. I imagine its pretty stressful for him as well though. Typical bloke he likes to always give practical solutions but he's getting better at just listening. I've tried to encourage him to talk to his friends as well about it as he also needs a bit of moral support. How does your husband deal with stuff?
Caroline
Hi,
Getting square eyed, so this is my last offering for the day.
Inverness, Capital of the Highlands and home to four and twenty virgins, if the song is to be believed!
I know Skye well, midge country! I've climbed a few of the Cuillin and had some wild nights in the Sligachan Inn when I was younger. My favourite area is the north, around the Storr, Staffin and Kilmuir, with the views across to Raasay and Applecross. We have a painting of Marsco above our mantlepiece - painted by my father.
I didn't mention it before but work has not been my only source of stress. Unfortunatley, in the middle of all these work issues, my father died after a long battle with cancer and two months later my mother had a heart attack. Fortunately, she survived. As you said, it never rains but it pours.
I still maintain the Highland connection even though I live in Englandshire now - I got married in the kilt and I'm going to see Runrig next month.
Take care and talk to you soon.
A
Hi Caro123,
I know exactly where you're going with those thoughts, I can't show weakness, I should have done better, I'm a failure...........!! When infact, you're probably coping with an extremely hefty workload and unrealistic timescales!
For me, occupational health really did help me get back into work gradually and that's what they're there for. They organised a plan for me to return to work, e.g. I started back at work for 3 half days a week and then it was gradually increased.
My burn out was due to stress at work and home, I lost my mum and nan both to cancer within a year and I was extremely close to both.
Your partner is obviously worried and concerned about you, that was my husband's first reaction to me that I should resign, but at the time, I had same fears as you.
My husband had some good friends he spoke to, because obviously he was very stressed and worried about me. His employer was very understanding, because at the time, he took alot of time off work to help me and our GP arranged for some counselling for him too. He didn't think he needed any help but after a little while, he found it extremely helpful for himself and also, how he could support me.
I'm really pleased to hear your dog is gona be okay.
Look after yourself
Sara
Hi,
How is everyone today? I've had my usual day of worrying about behaving badly or doing something wrong. Guess what? I didn't do anything bad or wrong. When will I get it into my thick skull that I don't need to worry about this?
Off out for a curry tonight with one of my colleagues who's leaving for a job in the States. I'm a bit nervous because there will be a good turnout from work but it'll be one of those JFDI moments. Why shouldn't I go? Exactly! Nothing bad will happen but that won't stop me worrying I bet.
Definitely an autumn nip in the air today, I guess that's it for the summer. Still the autumn colours are always uplifting even if the nights are getting dark. My son has just started walking and that's always something to smile about.
Talk to you later.
A
Hey there
Hmm not so great today. Plan had been to go to the office late this afternoon and go thru post, intray and email & put things in some sort of order of priority so there were no real nasty surprises tomorrow on my first day back. However couldn't sleep last night - mind & heart racing, feeling sick, hot & cold etc. Typical 3am in the morning thoughts - knew this was crazy & just felt disgusted with myself that I couldn't chill out. Upshot was couldn't deal with going in today so have no idea what to expect tomorrow!!
Really do have to go in tomorrow though for my own sanity if nothing else. I know it won't be anywhere near as bad as I think its going to be and if I'm able to go in and cope then it will be a big boost to my confidence - I'm just aiming to get through the day - forget Superwoman!
Just hope i can get some sleep tonight cos I think that'll make all the difference. So its hot bath and ovaltine for me tonight - last of the party animals eh? Also planning some kind of treat for me and the poor bloke for the weekend - having something to look forward to - however small - is a big help.
Also remembering that your self worth is not entirely defined by your work. There's a lot more to all of us than that. You've got your wee lad, I've got my mad dogs. Basically they don't care what job we're doing.
Enjoy your night out!
C
Hi,
Just wanted to wish you all the best of luck for tomorrow in case I don't get the chance later. It won't be as bad as you think, trust me. The worst bit is walking through the door. Once you get past that, you'll get a lift from seeing and talking to your friends.
Break the day into manageable chunks, look forward to your lunch break and make sure you take one. After that, it's only a couple of hours in the afternoon and you've got it made. Then it's the weekend.
Let me know how you go on.
Chin up.
A
Hi Caro123,
I hope it went OK today. Let me know how you got on next time your logged on. Whatever, enjoy the weekend.
Cheers
A
Hi there
Thanks for message. Everything went far better than expected. Got a bit emotional when I first went in to work but a colleague "rescued" me and took me up to her room for a coffee and a chat and it was relatively plain sailing from then. There had been a couple of major problems when I was off but they'd been dealt with and it wasn't the end of the world. However I'm really glad I did take the time off because given my state of mind at the time I would have reacted as it it was the end of the world!! My admin assistant was lovely as well - checked up on me up to make sure I was going home at a sensible time etc.
So it was fine - been really encouraged by people like yourself and people at work taking the time to be supportive. It makes all the difference. I still felt so embarrassed about being perceived as weak/failure etc but people have said that it just shows I'm human and really it was no surprise given the workload and the type of duties in my remit ie all the nasty stuff!
Strange though - there have been some benefits ie all the senior management team have been giving thought to how we've all been working and since I've been off people have been far more open about discussing crisis points and giving each other a helping hand as well as giving each other the opportunity to let off steam so thats a positive!
By the end of the day I felt more positive than I had done for a long time and I'm having a relaxing weekend. Next week's going to be challenging but I'll try and take everyone's advice and break workload up into manageable chunks and be sensible etc.
One negative has been that although most colleagues have been supportive my line manager has made no contact at all. Given that my employer makes a big play on supporting staff with stress and work/life balance etc thats a bit disappointing. I'm not sure there will much likelihood of big improvements in terms of workload etc so I feel the onus is on me and how I deal with it.
I'm going to look into some kind of counselling either via occupational health or elsewhere. I'm a NE Scotland quine so you know how much that goes against the grain! The most difficult thing is talking to others about it - normally I'd just have made out I was feeling a bit under the weather and not spoken about this at all. Even posting a message on this website was a big step for me. However the greatest help has been talking to others and being straight with people and recognising that you're not the only person to feel like this.
Have a great weekend!
C
Hi Caro,
I've been following your predicament with interest because in a way I've been where you are. Pressures at work became too great and I started down your route. I found out that a lot of colleagues were also feeling the same and they were taking ad's but were too afraid to tell their bosses for fear of it being on their record.
I know you enjoy your job and of course the money is important but don't put your job before your health because you'll be no good to your employers or anyone if you keep pushing yourself too hard. I know because I became suicidal.
Your employers need you to be functioning and not overloaded or you won't be productive for them. I'm sure you're doing as well as anyone would in your position.
As you said, while you've been off colleagues have pulled together. Has your work suffered whilst you've been away? I know you're a perfectionist as I am and you no doubt feel that it's your job to do all that's given to you but I wonder if it's possible for you to delegate less important jobs to others to ease your load so you can concentrate on the complex cases?
I just think you've been given too much on your plate and the problem lies with your workload rather than yourself so why should you go through counselling and perhaps ad's when it's your employers responsibilty to not make you ill.
I hope this hasn't come across harsh but I just don't feel it's right when employers care more about tightening their purse strings than providing adequate staff for the workload involved so that their employees become too ill to work.:shrug:
Hi there,
Great to hear you did it. That took bottle. Give yourself credit - you are certainly not weak, quite the opposite.
I completely agree with Bill - it's what I was trying to say but not quite as bluntly. Your work set up sounds very similar to the one I was in. I still can't believe that people like your boss (or my ex-bosses) exist in modern society but they do. They must have no conscience as far as I'm concerned. I'm a team leader at work and the welfare of my guys always comes first. That attitude put me on collision course with my superiors in my old job. They seem to be completely task focused and see people merely as consumables.
Very short term thinking as I'm good at what I do and there aren't many people in this country with my qualifications and experience in my line of work, so how clever have those managers been to break me (twice) such that I don't work on their precious project anymore. Their loss.
It also confirmed for me that I want to remain an engineer instead of joining the management rat race. Given my past performance and capabilities, it was seen as a negative stance by the management as I was told I had a bright future as a manager but you know what, I'm far happier - I like working with aeroplanes not talking budgets / targets / metrics etc.
Anyway, enough of a sermon on a Sunday morning. I'm just made up that you did it. Take heed of the warning you've had and make changes.
Changing the subject, 'quean' and 'loon' are not expressions I've heard for a while. I'm glad of the internet because I suspect a Highland teuchter like me would not understand a NE dialect if we were talking! Ken? My little brother used to live in Banchory, so I used to visit Deeside fairly regularly (via Tomintoul & The Lecht - beautiful). He lives in the US now, so I haven't been over that way for a while.
Keep up the good work, post on here or drop me a PM anytime.:yesyes:
Cheers
A
Hi Caro123,
Let us know how you're getting on.
Cheers
A
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