View Full Version : Health anxiety and waiting for biopsy results for my wife.
As someone that suffers with health anxiety I'm really struggling with trying to stay positive for my wife. She has had a biopsy on a breast lump and has been called back to discuss the results. Having an anxious mind makes me think it's going to be the worst possible outcome. I'm really struggling mentally with the situation and feel horribly selfish.
You aren’t selfish. It’s okay to be worried. But, don’t let your worries consume to the point where your wife has to console you. You will have to be strong for her as she is probably going through a plethora of emotions. Also, you still don’t know whether it is something bad or not! It could just be a number of benign things. All the best to you guys! Please let us know how it turns out. Keeping everything crossed that it’s good news!
I'm able to keep my anxieties away from my wife, the last thing she needs is to have to contend with my crap too. The fact that a previous letter said if they need to discuss something she will go back to the consultant, which she has to next week, makes me think it's only going to be bad news. Trying to stay positive for her and continue as normal for my children's sake is exhausting and has let my own health anxiety take over. I've got armpit pain which I've not stopped stressing over for the last few weeks.
Hiyer Aaronoid,
I'm so sorry you are facing this worry, and yes, I can totally see why you might be thinking they are calling your wife in to discuss the possibility that the biopsy showed cancerous cells. I have responded to many breast cancer fears on this forum (I had it myself 3 1/2 years ago), and statistics bear out that most cases of recalls are for benign reasons. However, of course, with it being a very common female cancer, there are some who will sadly be the unlucky ones. I wish I could say 'oh it'll be nothing' 'it'll be fine' but we know that this isn't always the case. HOWEVER, I wanted you to know that IF this turns out to be a form of BC then for the huge vast majority of women this is treatable with modern, targeted and individual treatment plans, with a team behind your wife ensuring that she has optimum care. There is one thread on here that I began with another partner of a woman who was diagnosed, and they have just got to the end of the 'bc journey' successfully as nearly all women do nowadays. IF it turns out to be something that needs treating then you will have so much support; there is www.breastcancercare.org (http://www.breastcancercare.org) which has a helpline, forums, the 'someone like me' email and telephone service where they match you with someone who had breast cancer and all sorts of information. There will also be a breast cancer nurse assigned and there are local groups and many other ways that you and your wife would be supported. It is a frightening what you are possibly facing, and I hope for both of you that there isn't the type of diagnosis you are fearing, but if there is then you can and will get through it. It plunges you into emotions which are awful, but there will be a way though.
I am presuming your wife found the breast tissue anomally herself and went straight to the GP ?
There are women all around you, at work, in the supermarket, on the tube, everywhere, who have had and been treated for BC - after all you don't see 1 in 8 women disappearing from your street ;0) They are getting on with life after BC.
I am happy to continue to chat on here...
Hi Carys
Thank you for your post and the information you have provided.
My wife found the lump when she checked herself and said it was not there when she has checked six weeks prior. It is quite large, roughly and inch in size and hard. It had caused her discomfort when she lays on her front. At her appointment she had a mammogram, scan and biopsy one after the other and the lady that took the biopsy said she was suspicious hence why we are both expecting the worst.
Hiyer, you went to the 'one stop clinic', same as I did and had the 'full works'. Thats the best way to do it, very good practice and a very good sign for any future treatment if necessary, as it means they do things quickly and with thought to the mental health of the patient.
I am very glad your wife found this quickly, and knew it was something to get checked, as this would mean early stage treatment - which is the very best that you can do. If they said 'suspicious' then, yes, I think I would mentally be preparing myself for the fact this could be diagnosis of BC. (Sorry, it would be unfair of me to say otherwise) However, it is time to focus on the fact now that 'the worst' doesn't mean that this isn't entirely treatable and you and your wife and family will move on from this after a treatment plan is completed. Over 90 percent of women can expect effective treatment and non-recurrence, but this can vary from the high 90s to the 80s percentage-wise (there are many different types of BC actually, all with slightly different tumour markers and patterns of growth). It will push you psychologically into places that make HA seem a breeze, but it can and does make you stronger at the end. It is terrifying, but IF there is a diagnosis I promise you that this is the worst you will be feeling now and in the days after seeing the consultant - after that things settle and you start concentrating on the necessary steps to getting rid of it ! When are you and your wife due to return to the consultant ?
The appointment with the consultant is on the 26th at 10am. So still a long wait. This is due the fact that the consultant is not at work this week
Oh gosh, I'm sorry, that is agonising for you both - is there no way that you could ring and request another consultant sees you both earlier ? (although I have to say that my call back was delayed for 2 weeks by Easter holidays and it was blindingly tough)
My wife rang the clinic yesterday and they wouldn't move the appointment, only to delay it.
:weep: Oh ok. Well, you know you have the number you can call at any time to talk things through with their advisors . I made an error earlier, their new name (as very recently joined with another charity) is Breast Cancer Now.
https://breastcancernow.org/
The number is at the top of the page. To reassure you, they are there for any concerns, not just people who are diagnosed.
Its tough Aaronoid, especially if you life is filled with fears about health already, but part of living is sometimes about accepting that these things can and do happen. We all need to be thankful we live in an age of vastly improved and effective medical aid, my strength during this time was after hearing the words from my consultant ' we will sort it out'. There is of course the possibility that the results are inconclusive (depends exact location of the problematic area that the cells were taken from) or that it was something benign that just had the look of suspicious (its not unheard of there have been cases I've seen where it looks as if its definite BC and then its not), but generally if a biopsy is taken then the radiographer has sufficient knowledge of the tissues they are viewing to ascertain that something isn't right. Share, if you can, the situation with anyone who is able to offer support in real life, as this waiting game is really hard. :(
So today we got the bad news, it's been a complete blur and a lot to take in. The nurse and consultant seem positive so that's a good thing.
Hiyer, I'm really really sorry (I have to say your description of the type of thing your wife had found, her symptoms, sounded so like mine that I was pretty sure from what you said that it would be this news), but there is indeed every reason to be positive. The nurse and consultant aren't just being 'false positive' with you, honestly, despite how terrifying it feels to you right now. If you want to talk through anything on here, then I am happy to do so; anything - the type of diagnosis, the treatment plan, things they told you or said, your feelings, anything..... These few days will be hard, it feels almost like the world has stopped and I can remember even going outside and finding it strange that people were talking and laughing - it all felt so alien. I assure you though that if you just let yourself feel whatever emotions you need to, and it can be a roller coaster, you will come out the other side and be ready and calmer once the treatment plan starts. Its all new , the terminology, the situation, the sudden feelings that overcome you, but please remember that so many thousands have been before your wife and are just fine.
Do remember that the breast cancer nurses are there for support, or any queries at anytime, and you have can use all the services on Breast Cancer Now too.
There is another guy on here, called Kestral, who I have been talking with on the forum. His wife was diagnosed quite a few months ago, and they've now come to the end of the treatment and she's discharged and are onto 6 monthly checks and she's cancer-free. I tell you this, so you realise that this is the norm :o
If you'd rather not talk publically on the forum, you can PM me.
Hi Carys
Thank you again for your replies. The consultant was waiting for another test result to come back but the consultant and nurse were suggesting there may not be a need for chemo and that a mastectomy and meds may be all that is required. I thought that sounded positive. Obviously this still needs to be confirmed.
I've managed better than I had anticipated and together with my wife we seem in an optimistic state. There is lots to sort out in terms of practicalities of managing life whilst having the treatment, work, child care, finances etc. But these are secondary to the treatment.
HIyer,
I'm glad you've done better than anticipated, and I think preparing yourselves for the likely news was helpful (as much as it can be of course in hearing bad news). It does sound very encouraging indeed if it is a two step treatment plan, and chemo can be avoided. No radiotherapy after mastectomy ? Don't be surprised though if there are minor changes to things as you go along, sometimes after surgery they change things marginally based on the full biopsy of tumour - at the least just the paperwork giving the 'tumour stats'. Did they tell you the stage and type of BC at all, it sounds like its a hormonally driven one if they are talking 'tablets'.- or was that something that was too much to take in at the time ? I know I went back to my biopsy results much later, when I understood things better about the 'world of bc', so don't feel you have to answer that. Today has been enough in itself and will take time to process. I am very glad you are in that optimistic state, that is the right way to be, but be prepared there may be times that things get ontop of you and you find it harder to deal with the emotions - let them happen, there is no right or wrong way to feel at the moment.
On the website I sent you details of there are stacks and stacks of leaflets which are downloadable, they are the people who produce all the hospital leaflets that you are given as well. There are some you might find useful, like about 'how to tell children' if you are finding that is something you aren't sure about how to tackle.
Wish your wife well from me.
Sorry its just been me replying - those with HA avoid the 'actual illness' threads I'm afraid.
Wishing you and your wife all the best! So glad that the consultant and nurse sound positive. You guys will make it through this! :)
As expected things have changed but only in terms of the type of surgery that my wife will have. Surgery is booked for the 27th so at least we can have a Xmas with our children before the treatment starts. My wife met with the head surgeon and again things seem positive. I now need to arrange time off from work whilst my wife recovers and have other practical things to sort out. Trying to stay strong for my wife and children is tough especially when I don't feel strong enough for myself.
Hiyer
What will she be having now, in terms of surgery ?
You don't always have to be strong, sometimes you can find it hard you know....it is hard. Let yourself be upset and cry if you need to, then pick yourself up and carry on renewed. ;o)
Hi Carys
Originally my wife had been recommended to go for a mastectomy but she has had a meeting with the surgeon who believes a lumpectomy is a viable option. So that's what she is going for.
Okay, I was surprised that they were jumping immediately to mastectomy as the tumour must be at fairly early stages, judging by how quickly your wife moved on it. I also have lumpectomy. I suspect though, if lumpectomy is the option that radiotherapy will be added into the treatment plan ? Are you and your wife confident in the new advice from the surgeon, as you previously had different advice ? Or is she being offered the choice either or ?
The consultant originally said because of the size of the lump he thought a lumpectomy would be too much for the size of the breast, however my wife is now being seen by the consultants boss and she will be doing the surgery. She is the one that said the lumpectomy would in fact be a viable option. The surgeon seems confident so that is a little bit of a comfort. At this stage the treatment plan is lumpectomy, radiotherapy and tamoxifen.
Great! Always better to go the breast conserving surgery first, as it saves on the psychological aspect of loss and is so much easier to recover from, a quick in and out day case. Lumpectomy and radiotherapy have the same clinical outcome as full mastectomy. Your wife has the same treatment plan as I had :o)
My mom had breast cancer. I wish your wife a healthy recovery and praying for you both.
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