Hypomania
18-11-19, 23:26
Hi everyone,
First time back in a while.
So over the years I've had a bunch of different health scares, none legitimate, but at the time they felt very very real: throat cancer, colon cancer, lymphoma (multiple times), liposarcoma, testicular cancer, and pancreatic cancer and my latest, lung cancer.
I have a very high stress job at one of the world's largest tech companies that demands a lot of my time, and recently I began feeling pretty drained, most likely due to lack of sleep that was accumulating. Even though there's a logical explanation, I was thinking that there's definitely a blood or oxygen issue going on. I go on vacation, and I feel refreshed, leading me to believe that it was just overworked.
However, I started getting feelings like heaviness/tightness in the chest and the sensation that I wasn't able to draw full breaths. Not really the shortness of breath feeling, like gasping for air, but more just a discomfort and new awareness of my breathing (plus I'm asthmatic, kind of -never had tests done, but doctors have been giving me inhalers my whole life lol- so I've been short of breath before with exercise, allergies, colds, cold weather, etc). My throat also felt tight,and had a sensation like my throat was partially blocking my air when I would breath deeply. That sensation had come and gone and wasn't present during the whole vacation nor was it present constantly when I got back (3 or 4 times since).
That was the initial sensation that kicked off the lung cancer fear, as I started picturing a tumor taking up space on my lungs, which was giving me the sensation of incomplete breaths.
Second was my wheezing. Again, I'm asthmatic, so I've had a mild wheeze my whole life with periods of labored breathing, all have been resolved by inhalers. However, I now associate it with cancer for some reason. I'm imagining in this scenario that the tumor is obstructing my airway and the wheeze is the air pushing past it. Despite having this for years, even situations where I'd take a couple puffs to relieve the labored breaths, the wheeze would remain slightly. This is "normal" for me,but now I'm certain it's a tumor.
Third, my awareness of my breathing makes me constantly think I'm not getting enough air in regular situations. Like I'll notice when I inhale/exhale and start to dictate it manually and then say to myself "I'm not getting air here, I need to breath harder" which leads me to believe there's an issue with my lungs. Even after vigorous exercise my mind races: "am I winded too quickly? Am I tired because my body is fighting cancer?" When I do regular things like gon up stairs or walk around I'm constantly monitoring my breath to serif I'm out of breath, but I always think I should be getting more, which reinforces the intrusive thought.
I went to a doc this morning and explained my symptoms. I even had an audible wheeze going. She listened to my lungs and said she heard no wheezing at all and that the audible wheeze is from my upper airway/throat,which Ventolin does not affect. She told me that lung cancer patients have difficulty breathing in specific positions (she mention while laying down, specifically) and was reassured when I told her that when I get SOB it's not positional. She said that lung cancer wheezing/SOB is not relieved with asthma medication, while mine are. She took my blood oxygen levels, and they were normal, so I AM getting enough air. She was not concerned in the least about the idea of cancer, and was reluctant to send me for PFTs to get asthma formally diagnosed, but have me a requisition because I insisted.
I also have no other symptoms of note: no cough (just a ton of throat clearing from post nasal drip), no coughing up blood, no dyspnea at rest, no dyspnea when laying flat, no pneumonia like symptoms, and none of the weird heart symptoms.
Despite all of this, I'm still pretty terrified. I actually had a mini panic attack when I got home, where the heaviness, and labored quick breathing came back. I don't really know what to do
First time back in a while.
So over the years I've had a bunch of different health scares, none legitimate, but at the time they felt very very real: throat cancer, colon cancer, lymphoma (multiple times), liposarcoma, testicular cancer, and pancreatic cancer and my latest, lung cancer.
I have a very high stress job at one of the world's largest tech companies that demands a lot of my time, and recently I began feeling pretty drained, most likely due to lack of sleep that was accumulating. Even though there's a logical explanation, I was thinking that there's definitely a blood or oxygen issue going on. I go on vacation, and I feel refreshed, leading me to believe that it was just overworked.
However, I started getting feelings like heaviness/tightness in the chest and the sensation that I wasn't able to draw full breaths. Not really the shortness of breath feeling, like gasping for air, but more just a discomfort and new awareness of my breathing (plus I'm asthmatic, kind of -never had tests done, but doctors have been giving me inhalers my whole life lol- so I've been short of breath before with exercise, allergies, colds, cold weather, etc). My throat also felt tight,and had a sensation like my throat was partially blocking my air when I would breath deeply. That sensation had come and gone and wasn't present during the whole vacation nor was it present constantly when I got back (3 or 4 times since).
That was the initial sensation that kicked off the lung cancer fear, as I started picturing a tumor taking up space on my lungs, which was giving me the sensation of incomplete breaths.
Second was my wheezing. Again, I'm asthmatic, so I've had a mild wheeze my whole life with periods of labored breathing, all have been resolved by inhalers. However, I now associate it with cancer for some reason. I'm imagining in this scenario that the tumor is obstructing my airway and the wheeze is the air pushing past it. Despite having this for years, even situations where I'd take a couple puffs to relieve the labored breaths, the wheeze would remain slightly. This is "normal" for me,but now I'm certain it's a tumor.
Third, my awareness of my breathing makes me constantly think I'm not getting enough air in regular situations. Like I'll notice when I inhale/exhale and start to dictate it manually and then say to myself "I'm not getting air here, I need to breath harder" which leads me to believe there's an issue with my lungs. Even after vigorous exercise my mind races: "am I winded too quickly? Am I tired because my body is fighting cancer?" When I do regular things like gon up stairs or walk around I'm constantly monitoring my breath to serif I'm out of breath, but I always think I should be getting more, which reinforces the intrusive thought.
I went to a doc this morning and explained my symptoms. I even had an audible wheeze going. She listened to my lungs and said she heard no wheezing at all and that the audible wheeze is from my upper airway/throat,which Ventolin does not affect. She told me that lung cancer patients have difficulty breathing in specific positions (she mention while laying down, specifically) and was reassured when I told her that when I get SOB it's not positional. She said that lung cancer wheezing/SOB is not relieved with asthma medication, while mine are. She took my blood oxygen levels, and they were normal, so I AM getting enough air. She was not concerned in the least about the idea of cancer, and was reluctant to send me for PFTs to get asthma formally diagnosed, but have me a requisition because I insisted.
I also have no other symptoms of note: no cough (just a ton of throat clearing from post nasal drip), no coughing up blood, no dyspnea at rest, no dyspnea when laying flat, no pneumonia like symptoms, and none of the weird heart symptoms.
Despite all of this, I'm still pretty terrified. I actually had a mini panic attack when I got home, where the heaviness, and labored quick breathing came back. I don't really know what to do