Phoenixess
19-11-19, 23:53
Tonight i went to church and when i arrived there were loads of people, bizzarley i knew them all even though we hadnt all met in the setting there were 8 of us. Turns out some i had met in other church groups elsewhere and now they are all in my friends house, despite knowing them i was anxious to be sat at a table i dont know why sitting at tables is freaking me out at the moment like its so final until you can leave, but i just kept having to excuse myself as my panic of being there took hold.... not intrusive heart related thought just generally feeling of a panic, i just drank loads of water and stayed calm and let it pass. It was quite intense as i was shivery after. the lady had made me a cake for my birthday but it was chocolate so i had to decline, i felt quite bad that im that sensitive right now. then half way through when we were about to watch a video on a bible related study, my mum rang and i went to take the call and she was out with her friend in a local pub restaurant where they play live music and basically the saxophonist from the group had threatened her with physical violence claiming she had taken picture of him. she was genuinely upset and i just said, get out and get home NOW!!
so i returned to watch the video and i heard not a single word on that 17 minute video all i saw in my head was my mum being attacked, stabbed, dying two days before my birthday, men attacking her, blood gore, ambulances, all i could imagine was her being unresponsive, you name it i saw it. It ruined the rest of my evening....im actaully quite distressed and crying at these thought even though i know theyre not true she is now in bed talking on her phone but the intensity of these thoughts whether about myself or my mum is really hard and really difficult. Has anyone else experienced the same about someone close to them who they love?
i mean i understand i felt powerless, unable to help her in that situation but it just all went a bit too far in my head.
thanks all, not sure i will sleep well tonight x
so i returned to watch the video and i heard not a single word on that 17 minute video all i saw in my head was my mum being attacked, stabbed, dying two days before my birthday, men attacking her, blood gore, ambulances, all i could imagine was her being unresponsive, you name it i saw it. It ruined the rest of my evening....im actaully quite distressed and crying at these thought even though i know theyre not true she is now in bed talking on her phone but the intensity of these thoughts whether about myself or my mum is really hard and really difficult. Has anyone else experienced the same about someone close to them who they love?
i mean i understand i felt powerless, unable to help her in that situation but it just all went a bit too far in my head.
thanks all, not sure i will sleep well tonight x