Just need someone to listen

[sadie]

Hi all,

Some of you wont really know me as I havent posted on the forum for many months. I just feel really low and in need of some support just now so I hope its ok for me to come back.

I go through periods where I feel really good and positive with my anxiety and that I can cope with it. Then, I just suddenly feel like I cant cope and feel like I do just now.... hopeless. I have tried so many different things over these lsat 4 years since my anxiety began but somehow I have yet to truly conquer it. It seems to the constant worrying and fixation about my health that is my problem.

I just keep thinking that i will die of either a heart attack due to palpitations etc... stroke due to migraines and now more recently epilepsy due to a tingling and fuuny taste in my mouth/tongue and a dream I had where I woke up and thought about epilepsy ( I think I must be going mad!!). These thoughts are dominating my life and basically I am making myself ill with the worry - fear of fear cycle. I guess the one good thing is I kind of know that these thoughts are irrational but yet I cant stop thinking about them. It is not normal to constantly thinking that you will die each day? It takes the whole enjoyment out of life and I feel I am getting quite down about it all.

As for the GP's, they no longer take me seriously either and I guess that must be my own fault because I have been so often over these last 4 years. Everything I go there with, they just put down to anxiety but I dont think everything is just down to that. I have a lot of jaw problems which I think is causing a lot of dizziness, ear problems. migraines etc... but nothing really is getting doen about it. I dont really know where to go from here.

My husband no longer has sympathy for me either as he feels I WANT to feel like this. If only he really knew how this feels. Not only that, we both would love to have a baby but we just cant seem to conceive and again this is more than likely because I am so STRESSED all the time. I just feel like no matter what I do its wrong and everything is my fault.

Sorry for going on a bit but I just needed to get things off my chest and for someone to listen.

Many thanks

sadie

[kate]

Hi Sadie,

I was only wondering about you the other day, long time no see!

If it's any comfort to you, my anxiety and depression come and go in exactly the same way.

I had a few months following a few sessions of hypno, where I was feeling about 75% better.

For me, everything seems to be fine when I have no upheavels in my life.

As soon as something goes wrong, it all comes back again! This is happening to me at the moment and I'm not finding it very easy to do anything about it :(.

When I first had panic attacks, some 20 odd years ago, I was convinced that I was going to drop dead suddenly of a brain haemmorrage. This was due to the depersonalisation feelings.

This carried on for a good couple of years until the depression was lifted with anti d's and since then, the health issues have not returned.

BUT, it is all due to anxiety and it shows itself with you in worries about your health.

Are you on any med's at present or getting any councelling?

Unfortunately, until such time as your general anxiety levels subside then you will worry yourself with the health matters. It presents in people in all different ways.

I'm sure the problems conceiving are not helping the stress and the stress is not helping with conceiving. Have you mentioned this to your GP?

Hope this has been of some help to you, Sadie.

Kate x

[mumof4]

hey sadie i know how u feel with the constant worry about death i do it aswell.

If i have a chest pain then im having a heart attack and when i take a headache im having a brain tumour.

I did go to the doctors last week and told her about the chest pains and she told me as im only 26 im too young for a heart attack though sometimes that dosnt help she said they are cause by anxiety.

I also told her about my headaches and she told me the same that im 2 young as well for that and they are caused my stress as the headaches are at my temple and no where else and its not a sore head it like numb with all the worry i cause myself.

I know she says im to young but sometimes that dosnt matter as u read stories about people the same age as you that it has happened to.

I also have sore jaws and ears though i dont get dizzy but i guess the reason i have sore jaws and ears is im always clenching my mouth together and that cause it to be sore plus i have toothache.

Are u on any tablets cause im not i refuse to take them.

[seh1980]

hi Sadie,

I know exactly how you feel. My panic attacks and anxiety stem from being scared of having an epileptic seizure. I had a seizure about three years ago. The doctors never could explain why and they just said it was a 'random' occurence. When I had my first major panic attack in the summer of 2003, I thought I was having a seizure and the whole fear was brought to the surface again. I was initially put on meds for epilepsy, which really messed me up. Still today, I am not scared of having a panic attack, but of having a seizure. I have slowly had to come to terms with the fact that chances are that it will never happen. For a long time, I made mylself sick with this fear. Meds and counselling have really helped me although I do sometimes still get scared but I think that's normal. Have you tried counselling?

Sarah :D

[sadie]

Hi all,

Thanks so much for your replies, it is appreciated.

Sarah - I understand your fears completely but having eplilepsy is a fairly new one for me and seems to stem from a dream I had and this funny taste in my mouth.... I worked with a girl who had epilepsy and she told me about getting a metallic taste in her mouth before a seizure andI guess I have just thought thisis whats happening to me. ALthough this taste seems to be with me 24hrs a day and not just like an 'aura' symptom.

Kate - Im sorry you too have been feeling more anxious lately, it can be tough when you take a step backwards. We must keep going on though and not give in to anxiety. As for problems conceiving- the doctors have sent me for further tests at the hospital... still waiting on appt but I think its just due to stress.


Taylor - I have tried meds before but they were not for me so I stopped. Now I a m just relying on rescue remedy for moments of stress.

Thanks for the replies.


sadie

[vernon]

hi sadie. I get the health phobias too real bad but every so ofeten have a few good days. have you not asked your doctor to send u for some blood tests and a ecg just to put ypur mind at rest? I get all there aches and pains too and sometimes hard to beleive everything is anxiety? I agree once u have anxiety the doctor dont even seem to look at u just says oh its anxiety? I think they should check u out anyway. Take care Vernon

[sadie]

Thanks Vernon,

I have had a 24 hr ECG which was fine and I have had a MRI scan last year due to my migraines and I recently had loads of blood tests done which were all fine... according to the doctors I am well... apart from the anxiety.

I guess I have just got to learn to accept that all it is anxiety.

Many thanks

sadie

[vernon]

Hi Sadie.
Yes same here but I haven’t had an ECG yet which I am going to ask for next LOL. I have suffered this anxiety and bad agoraphobia for years (close to 40) I was ok for over 10 years until about 14 months ago when I stopped drinking after 40 years heavy daily drinking. I like you don’t trust doctors eitherL. Doctor found last year when I had real bad tummy pains I had raised Calcium in my blood and she said it could be bowel cancer, that really scared and made my anxiety get 100 times worst. She referred me to a gastro specialist who booked me for some blood tests, Chest x-ray a barium enema and a sygmoidoscopy. From being referred to the last test was close on 12 months. Then returned to se the gastrologist and al I had wrong with me was IBS, x-rays, barium enema blood tests and sygmoidoscopy where ok. He said when I asked about raised Calcium my GP must have read the results wrongly. Anyway some of the tests weren’t very nice but felt so much better for weeks just at the results being ok. But soon after different pains appeared just like you. Then the worry followed by bad anxiety and fears. I have tried lots of therapies, Relaxation classes, self-hypnosis and meds. But none had done much to help. Now I am starting to get better days that I haven’t had for ages. I think maybe cos I am not using drink to hide from my fears and facing them. I was supposed to have eye surgery over a year ago as I am registered blind and surgery might give me some sight back but not guaranteed, but I keep cancelling because of my terrific fears of these types of things, thinking oh, I will get to scared and die of heart attack. Same with dentist, I have a had tooth pain for 12 months on and off and just cant go like you I think the fear I get will bring on a heart attack. Are we just silly? People without this really don’t understand. Anyway a while back I bought a book called Essential Help for your nerves by Claire Weekes, Its 400 pages but is well broke into sections and easy to read. I read a little each night and found this book really helped me lots. Its only about £6 99 from Amazon books. I have yet another appointment next week for a pre medical for my eye surgery and I really have to go, but as I am so scared will ask my GP for an ECG first lol. The hospital gives me an ECG but u don’t know the result until the doc looks at it just before surgery. Hope this has been of some help, as I really understand how you feel. I think we just have to keep trying and try to think of nice things in place of bad thoughts all the time? You are young and will get better just try and think happier thoughts. I am much older 55 but still determined to beat this, so take care Vernon

[samjane]

hi i dont know if this will be of any help but i have been a dental nurse 4 15 years, the taste u talk about and the feeling goes hand in hand with a problem that many people (me aswell) have. if u have amalgam fillings they my be leaking. this means that the amalgam has contracted leaving a gap. this inturn leaches out a matalic taste. if u have fillings it mayb worth getting them checked and also have some x-rays taken to make sure u have no decay. also my panic and anxiety is all situated around my health i understand what u r going through.[8D]





Ever Journey Starts With The First Step.[8D]

[loz04]

hi sadie,
i knw wot ur goin thru as i suffer from emetophobia (fear of bein ill). like u, i have good times and bad times and wen they're bad they're suffocating! im obsessed about it and can never stop thinking about whether there's something wrong wiv me. my partner has been really supportive but it's gettin 2 much 4 him n he feels he cant do much more 2 help and it gets hard 4 him 2. my dad sed earlier that he thinks some part of me enjoys bein worried, but i kno like u that thats just not the case! it's the fear that enjoys winding us up. i always try 2 separate my mind in two, the monster that's tryin 2 wind me up and me, the calm rational one trying to calm me down!
we sound quite similar coz i kno my thoughts r irrational too and that logically i have nothing to worry about but i still do and its so frustrating!
always here if u wanna chat!
Loz.
x

[Jules31]

Hi Sadie

Sorry, you are feeling bad again. I had hoped that you were better

You know how to get through this thing and I understand how you feel, as you know that I get a lot of the same symptoms as you.

Please contact me if you want to chat/moan. I'm not on line as often as before, as work monitors our internet usage.

You will get through this.

Take care
Jules


Jules

[nomorepanic]

Sadie

Hiya. Sorry you are suffering again.

It is very hard to accept that all these horrid things are just anxiety and I know how you feel about it.

I hope you start to feel better soon and get back on track.

I had the same problem with the docs and when I looked at the computer screen it had written on it "suffers panic attacks and depression". So as soon as they saw this they tried to match the symptoms with that.

I notice the message has gone now so perhaps they realise that I am not that bad anymore so they can start to look seriously at any issues I get now.

It is hard but if you find a sympathetic doctor (like I have now), he should sit down and go through some of these symptoms with you and explain why you get them. It would be so much better than just saying "oh it is panic".

I think if we know why and they can explain why then we can accept it more.

Hope you feel better soon.

xx

Nicola

[sadie]

Thanks Jules and Nicola,

I have forgot just how helpful this forum can be... just to get things off your chest and to share with others that know your not losing your marbles!!!

Jules - I hope your feeling a lot better these days and that your headaches have gotten a lot better. If you ever need to chat you can always email me too..

Nicola - I have just lost all faith in GP's at the moment as I feel that they have just pigeon holed me into the 'anxiety' group that constantly needs reassurance. Any help that I have got over these last 4 years had never once been from my GP but from this site, in particular MEG and alternative health therapies.

Thanks again everyone.... its much appreciated.[8D]

Take care



sadie

[nomorepanic]

Sadie

This forum allows a lot of input to our lifes and symptoms and it really helps.

Meg is so lovely - all the emails and calls I have done to her outside this forum; the times she has helped me; I am sure you know that.

I hope you start to feel better soon and we always here for u - you know that.

Nicola

[tt]

Hi Sadie,
I am going through the exact same. I have recently had ex-rays on my sinus and neck and I constantly suffer from neck pain and jaw pain and when it strikes i instantly panic. I always feel dizzy or to say. Sometimes my head feels like i am a glass of moving water and it takes a few minutes to stop rocking. If I have gas pains - like I do the last few days, i wake up and my heart starts racing. But we worry so much about it that any pains is what we perceive to be the heart. I would stop worrying about it but I have the well what if it is this time. I have to be on guard - then the big question is afraid of not making it to the hospital on time. I know that these are not rasional thoughts and if we can just learn to deal with pains that everyone does experience day to day then all would be well. Hopefully we can help each other out.