Can't hold a job because of anxiety

[BlueEyesShining]

Hello there!
Honestly, I don't know how to begin this...
I am in my mid 20's, and I have been suffering from anxiety (particularly health anxiety and OCD) throughout my whole life, basically. I am an extreme introvert, too, and I can go for days without going out of my house. I still live with my parents but I have done a lot of freelance work in the last years. Because of my anxiety, I have not been able to hold a job more than a year. I just stopped showing and I was constantly calling in sick.
Sometimes I am afraid that I am just lazy and unworthy. I don't think I could ever work a full time job. I don't want to live that way, it is just too much for me.
Currently I am working part time and even though I like my job and it is well paid, I feel like I may drop out soon. I don't drive and it is far away from home, so I have to use the public transport, here where I live it is getting cold and I am just very very anxious when I have to prepare for work. Some days I feel like just staying and home and doing nothing, and I am constantly having panic attacks before going to work. I am not depressed, I am just afraid. I don't know of what, exactly. The whole process is just too much for me at the moment.
I have a bachelor and a masters degree, currently I am working on my PhD. I really enjoy going to lectures and I feel fine there.
I can say that the only thing that I enjoy is academic work and research, but it is hard to find such a job here nowadays.

Please help. I know I will have to work some day but I just wanted to get this off my chest...

[lebonvin]

Hi Irish

Sounds like yous a bright lady yous got a bright future ahead

Do you got social anxiety to? Study yous do alone so you don't got to interact with other folk

Anxiety is anxiety whatever the cause. HA GAD social etc all the same. So yous need to be doing something to accept anxiety and make it your friend so it don't bother you no more

Is you doing any of these

meditation
yoga
swimming or jogging
CBT therapy
medications

I'd recommend yous do them all but maybe leave meds till last

Good luck

Charlie

[BlueEyesShining]

Hi Irish

Sounds like yous a bright lady yous got a bright future ahead

Do you got social anxiety to? Study yous do alone so you don't got to interact with other folk

Anxiety is anxiety whatever the cause. HA GAD social etc all the same. So yous need to be doing something to accept anxiety and make it your friend so it don't bother you no more

Is you doing any of these

meditation
yoga
swimming or jogging
CBT therapy
medications

I'd recommend yous do them all but maybe leave meds till last

Good luck

Charlie

Hi. So glad that you replied!
(btw I am not Irish, I am from Southern Europe, but whatever. It was just funny to me:D)

The thing is that I don't really fear social situations. The act of going there and having to deal with that responsibility... I also noticed that I get bored pretty easily and I just want to get home faster and "do my own thing" which is writing and research.
That's really the only work that I enjoy at the moment.

I don't know that is going on with me. This happens with every single job that I get. I last a month or a couple of months and I get so bored and anxious before going there and I am just... oh well whatever.. and I stop showing up.

I don't take medications. I have tried yoga and meditation but it didn't really do anything.

[LF87]

I am in the same situation :( so upsetting because I worked so hard for my degree and I just can't fathom the idea of working full time. Well done to you for sticking to your part time work xx

[Midnight-mouse]

I can’t hold a job either. I wish I could. Be proud that you’re managing, it’s tough but to keep fighting is important.

I am starting my own business though and hoping to come off benefits at some point.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[BlueEyesShining]

Thank you for your kind words. But I don't know for how long I will be able to hold even this part time job. I am already pissed off because tomorrow I have to go back and my whole mood is ruined. I just can't deal with it. I was thinking about taking a couple of days off (sick days or something like that) to think about what I am going to do. I need time to focus on my mental health... So maybe I will quit this job, too. I don't know...I want to keep holding on and "being strong" but some days it seems like too much to deal with.

[LF87]

Yeah, totally understandable if you need to take time off, don't force yourself. Could you get a sick note from your doctor? That'll give you a few weeks to maybe to decide what you want to do without worrying about calling in sick each day. I did the same a while back, got a doc note for two weeks and allowed me some breathing space. And by the way, the fact you have a PhD and masters means you are most certainly not lazy, that's so good! I just finished my degree and was debating a masters too. I also feel better in those environments, uni, lectures and doing assignments. We're not lazy, just find the full time idea too much. And hey maybe it is for us? I had a psychologist a few years ago (I was having the same problems then about working full time) and also felt worthless and why is this only me and not my friends. She explained to me it isn't for everyone. It just isn't! She told me her sister was a solicitor, earned a fortune, but found work full time too much for her. She was happier to have less money and work part time than grind herself every day. I don't know what's best either, but you mustn't be too hard on yourself. I am as well though, it's not easy X

[BlueEyesShining]

Yeah, totally understandable if you need to take time off, don't force yourself. Could you get a sick note from your doctor? That'll give you a few weeks to maybe to decide what you want to do without worrying about calling in sick each day. I did the same a while back, got a doc note for two weeks and allowed me some breathing space. And by the way, the fact you have a PhD and masters means you are most certainly not lazy, that's so good! I just finished my degree and was debating a masters too. I also feel better in those environments, uni, lectures and doing assignments. We're not lazy, just find the full time idea too much. And hey maybe it is for us? I had a psychologist a few years ago (I was having the same problems then about working full time) and also felt worthless and why is this only me and not my friends. She explained to me it isn't for everyone. It just isn't! She told me her sister was a solicitor, earned a fortune, but found work full time too much for her. She was happier to have less money and work part time than grind herself every day. I don't know what's best either, but you mustn't be too hard on yourself. I am as well though, it's not easy X

Apart from the anxiety issue, I think that the whole 9 to 5 concept is some kind of a slave mentality! I mean, think about it... You spend 8 hours a day in some office doing (most of the time) some meaningless work, and someone else earns the fortune, not you for sure. Maybe I am wrong, but I don't want to live such a life. I want more freedom. I love the academia and I will try to stay there. I still don't have my PhD but I am working on it at the moment and I can say that keeps me going!
Tomorrow I will go to the uni before work and that made my day already, so I will have more strength tomorrow for sure.
The thing that scares me the most is the commuting and the public transport, my workplace is far away from my home. Sometimes I can take a taxi but not every day
The doc note is a good idea though, I think I will take a couple of days off and think again.
Thank you for your advice. We will find a way out for sure.

[lebonvin]

Hi Missy

ok gotcha. sorry I ain't an expert on flag reading. now I saw the green, that'd be the mint in the Italian ice cream

your English is so good, I hope yous a Brit living there and not Italian coz yous put me to shame

English teacher? it's ok you don't got to say

about yoga and meditation, it does work but you gotta keep at it and it's dead boring and harder than folk realizes

getting bored very easy - could that be ADHD? They got good meds for that.

Anyways seems like yous getting by ok but I would definitely try some kinda sport/exercise

take care

Charlie