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[luc]

hi all'

My hubby has very little understanding of mental health. He tries to understand me but it lasts for 5 mins - so we can say HE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND!!!!. Has anybody heard that they are going to look back and regret this time and regret time missed being happy with kids. My kids are completely well looked after and nurtured. I think he thinks this will be a way of me 'snapping out of it' if he uses the guilt card - however, it just makes things worse. On the other hand, i think yes, i am going to look back at something and it is going to be his acceptance, understanding, conduct in terms of HA. So we have got a lot to come!!!!!

[Granny Primark]

Hi luc,
Luckily I didnt start with panic attacks til my kids had grown up.
But I do think that making someone feel guilty for their mental illness is just making things worse. Its just adding more stress to an already stressed out person.
We dont choose to be ill.
It isnt something you can put a plaster on then in a few days it will disappear.
Empathy, support, encouragement and praise is the way to go.

Take care
LYNN xx

[Toffeeapple]

Hi Luc,
Remember you are not alone, I have 2 small children and I really have to force myself to look strong and happy for them (not that I'm not happy but when I experience HA I mean).
My hubby always tells me that in a few months time I will look back and think "what on earth was I worrying about that for? What a waste of time" and I have to say it seems to help me a lot. He doesn't really make me feel guilty by saying that I'm wasting time instead of spending quality time with my kids but he does warn me that I might make them be like me, which scares me beyond belief (of course, everything scares me :blush: !).
I remember a few years ago, I was really worried about my eye and I thought I might have something serious, and as I showed it to him he said: "I don't know why you're worrying, you'll have something different next week!." and actually I thought : "yeah, that's true, so surely this can't be that bad."
I do feel like he doesn't understand the extend of the anxiety though, but it helps SO much to have a partner who is really not health conscious, I think it would make me worse if he worried as well.

[The Fool]

im 13 so i find it hard to deal with my panic and my sisters and mum aunty and cousin have all had panic so they understand completley but my dad he just yells at me or ignors me i dont feel like he cares i dont no what to do??

[luc]

thanks all for your replies,

Toffee, it is funny because your hubby sounds just like mine but you look at this with a positive slant which gives me food for thought. He has just read this message and is taking the p##ss singing sisters are doing it for themselves. Well isn't it a good job we are... sorry to all the sensitive men folk out there lol.

[no1worrier]

My husband says if I haven't got anything to worry about then I worry!!! I have to agree with him when he says in the past I've self-diagnosed breast, throat & bowel cancer amongst other things - all turned out to be nothing. However I have had skin cancer which is where my HA stems from. It is difficult to focus on your children when HA is a problem. I have often thought I should be enjoying my children so much more as I love them dearly, but it's easier said than done. I know where you're coming from!

[barnie64]

Hi when I read your post I think this could be me!! Each week it's worrying about something different and when I'm not worrying and feel happy I then think I mustn't feel happy because somebody either me or my kids will have something wrong with them and I will be back to square one. My husband thinks I'm mad. He says my trouble is I haven't got anything big to worry about. I spend my life in fear of me or my kids being ill with something especially cancer , then when a crisis happens I cope with it. My son was taken to A&E last week in an ambulance with a back injury from playing rugby and I dealt with it. Had to have a few glasses of wine that night tho!
I find being out with other people helps take my mind off things. Also try to expect the best and be optomistic about things. I know this is so difficult in the height of anxiety as things always seem 100 times worse.
Anyway good luck. Am glad I have found this site, was beginning to think I was the only one who suffered like this.
Barnie

[countrygirl]

My husband of 27 years has put up with my health anxiety all this time as I have had it since a small child. He says he doesn't understand the panic but he does want to help me but of course we are not easily helped as we don't believe D'rs reassurance let alone your husbands:whistles:

We have a compromise in that instead of me silently worrying myself silly and being distant and tearful and panicky and keep asking him same questions over and over again which drives him mad I now admit what I am worrying about and we talk about it and I try and NOT ask for the same reassurance over and over again.

Example is my ectopics - at one time I wouldn't say a word about how frightened I was but I would be silent and miserable and tearful and eventually after days of this when my husband was at the end of his tether I would get into a right old panic and crying and could not be reassured which would make him angry. Now I say my ectopics are bad and my husband will listen to my heartbeat and tell me whether it is just my normal ectopics or something different. I might ask him 5 times a day on a bad day but he puts up with this as it helps me. Or if I have a symptom I am very worried about for example I am perimenopausal and recently had prolonged and heavy bleeding and I admitted straight away that I was worried i had womb cancer and we worked on a strategy and timetable of what to do and it worked great - had a date at which time i would see GP if things still ongoing and ask to see gyny and take it from there.

Maybe I am very lucky in finding a strategy- its not foolproof I still have my blind panic days:huh: and a husband who is willing to listen and discuss with me but it has taken 25 years of marriage to get to this point. Honesty seems to be the best if your other half can take it.