Golden
02-12-19, 03:33
I sometimes worry that a specific thing in life may not be happening because Something else really bad is coming.
For example. We have been trying to conceive a 3rd child for almost a year. It’s taking a long time. I start to worry that God isn’t giving me a child because maybe I’m going to get (or already have) a terrible disease instead.
Another example- we have had some financial hardship in the past. My husband works very hard and we are trying to rebuild our credit to buy a home and stop renting. But I sometimes think it hasn’t happened or won’t happen because something terrible will happen first. Or I think I’ll die before we ever do. And then I have a hard time focusing on working for our goal because I feel like it’s not going to ever happen anyway.
I also self-sabotaged in this way in college and it kept me from completing my degree. I would get anxious (I didn’t know what it was at the time) start thinking I was going to die young anyway so what was the point of school and then would not be able to focus or work on my goals. Would end up dropping the class because I had gotten behind, etc.
I don’t tell my husband my fears. He doesn’t have anxiety and wouldn’t understand. Writing it out makes it sound irrational but when I’m fearing those things they seem totally plausible. I just want to know if this is part of GAD or if these are OCD thoughts? And if anyone else worries in such a way. Thanks for listening if you got this far. I’ve never really put it out there before.
For example. We have been trying to conceive a 3rd child for almost a year. It’s taking a long time. I start to worry that God isn’t giving me a child because maybe I’m going to get (or already have) a terrible disease instead.
Another example- we have had some financial hardship in the past. My husband works very hard and we are trying to rebuild our credit to buy a home and stop renting. But I sometimes think it hasn’t happened or won’t happen because something terrible will happen first. Or I think I’ll die before we ever do. And then I have a hard time focusing on working for our goal because I feel like it’s not going to ever happen anyway.
I also self-sabotaged in this way in college and it kept me from completing my degree. I would get anxious (I didn’t know what it was at the time) start thinking I was going to die young anyway so what was the point of school and then would not be able to focus or work on my goals. Would end up dropping the class because I had gotten behind, etc.
I don’t tell my husband my fears. He doesn’t have anxiety and wouldn’t understand. Writing it out makes it sound irrational but when I’m fearing those things they seem totally plausible. I just want to know if this is part of GAD or if these are OCD thoughts? And if anyone else worries in such a way. Thanks for listening if you got this far. I’ve never really put it out there before.