can you help me understand!

[bluesparkle]

hi...
not posted for a while... had loads going on as you know my partner left 2 months ago, and since then my son had to be taken into hospital and a few other things but i have managed without to much panic...
i have kept meaning to post then change my mind thinking its ok i will feel better soon and the thoughts will go away...and i dont really want to bother you all with a situation ive probably brought on myself. i feel stupid and foolish writing this but feel the time has come to ask for a little help as i want to move on.
ok briefly... my ex lives just down the road and i have kept in touch with him and even seen him occasionally, well he has someone else who he is seeing and apparently after talking to him was in touch with her before he left, and i am happy for him now but that is why i am confused with my thoughts.
i suffer from panic/anxiety/ocd and although i can control it now most of the time i feel the need to be in touch with him alot... i text/ring him most days if something happens i want to share it with him, now ive wanted to cut contact for my own sanity but i always let myself down and get in touch as the feelings over ride what i know is right and being in touch gives me a sense of release from the thoughts for a while. his new lady does not even know we speak!
i do not want him back and would not take him back (just anouther confusing thought)
i just want to know how to move on and get better from this... i want to be happy... and not always wondering if he is happy... and ok...
thanks for readin this...
rach

[eeyorelover]

Hi Rach -
Hun moving on takes time. That is just what you have to give yourself!!
Don't beat yourself up over the way you feel about things - it's a waste of energy and all it'll do is bring you down!!
You feel what you feel when you feel it:winks:

But please remember that altho you want him to be happy - you need to take care of YOU first!!! Why not get a few friends together and either go out and have the ex take the son for the nite or have some friends over and have the ex take the son for the nite!!!
HAVE SOME FUN!!!!!!!!

You need to blow off some steam!!!!
xxx
Sandy

[Piglet]

This is the best analogy that I can come up with

'When you two first met it was abit like knitting a jumper, it took time to knit up the jumper, you had happy times as a jumper, then the jumper got some holes so had to be undone, the jumper then took some time to unravel again.

You are unravelling at the moment sausage and soon you will be one ball of wool again ready to be knitted into a new jumper with someone else'

Perhaps I should just get my coat!!!!:blush:

Anyway if want to take your mind off it come and join the rest of us who take our mind off stuff by playing scrabble on Facebook lol!!! :yesyes:

Love Piglet :flowers:

[Believe]

Hi Rach,

Hope that you are feeling better.

I think that relationships are kind of like old shoes or old jeans, once you break them in you don't want new ones. You have been through alot with him so yes it's hard to break the contact.

Maybe you need to find new hobbies, something to take you mind off of him.
Go out with friends, start living again for you. But mostly just be kind to yourself.


Take care
Believe:hugs:

[purplehaze]

Hi
Rach

Yea Its always hard to let go of the past and for a time we are drawn back to what is familier. Your ex has been a big part of your life and even though your no longer together there is still and attachment there. I am sure most people can relate to what you are going through and feeling at this moment.

Its kind of you to think about his happiness but you also need to think about your own happiness.
Maybe this is the time to try new things and make new friends.

keep posting

take care

[clickaway]

Like Nigel, I don't think it's your ex in particular either. Maybe he is a kind of father figure for you, but then I don't know you or your exact situation so I may have that totally wrong!

But this must be an awkward period for you, but you will get a new jumper in time. :)

[Piglet]

...... and just think how many fantastic new jumpers there are out there, woolley, fluffy, stripey, handknitted, machine made, and if you are really lucky there may be one that has buttons!!!! :yesyes:

Yep, got my coat already this time and I'm out the door!! :blush:

Piglet :flowers:

[bluesparkle]

thank you all so much ...
i feel better already :)
i love the wolley jumper theory piglet...
but yes it does all make a little more sense now...
and i also agree that maybe it isnt him in particular ... i do have friends but i find it very difficult to tell people how i feel so i guess thats why i have been drawn to telling him.
well this week end is time to make that break for my own sanity also he is spending most of it with his new lady and i have said i wont get in touch...
i know that once a few days have passed it will get easier but its just those initial few days im not looking forward to. and then when i do start to get stronger its staying that way when he gets in touch or i see him as we live very close.
and yes i want my life to move on... and meet new wooley jumpers lol!
i just want all these thoughts to go away...
thank you all so very much for your replies it has helped to share how i feel
rach

[Piglet]

:hugs: :yesyes:

Piglet :flowers:

[jitterbug]

hey im no expert, but I broke up with my ex 2 months ago yesterday. Its normal to want to be around them and since your ex lives so near...
try to distance yourself from him if possible, you need time to grieve. no one has died but something has... there aparantly 5 stages of a breakup, just like there is with a death Here is a video I found that might explain that better than I can :http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=YJmWXkhVnRw
I certainly have noticed myself feeling some ofthese things illustrated in the video. Give yourself lots of time to get through it *hugs*
take care Hope this helps a little xxx

[bluesparkle]

thank you...
having a bad day today... think im tired which isnt helping.
went to carnival yesterday and he stood just accross the road with his new lady and daughter etc... i did not panic once :) i wasnt happy but it wasnt the end of the world...anyway i just hope i can stay posative and focused this week
rach

[bluesparkle]

ummm not sure where to start... im afraid some more questions...
well ive spoke to my ex and he and his lady are not together...ok not my problem so why do i feel it is, he says he never wants anouther woman and thats what he said when he left that he didnt want anouther woman because i had put him off with my problems etc.in my mind i just want him to be happy... even though he has hurt us so.
i am having problems with my eldest son and my youngest (12) is so unhappy all the time i just feel it is all my fault.
anyway its 2 months since he moved out and i feel worse than i did at the beginning... its started all my problems off again ... my ocd, my anxiety and i am really down just keep crying and not wanting to do anything i hate it and am so scared i do not want this to happen to me again, i thought i would be strong and fight it but i cant.
i know no one has a magic wand but i just want to know that things will be ok...
i am debating going to the doctor although i really dont want to if i can help it. luckily ive now got two weeks off from work.
thank you all so much for your support
rach

[Piglet]

Rach mate someone close to me went through this exact thing only a couple of years ago and she used to ring me daily and for the first 6 months most of those days were one minute strong one minute sobbing.

I have to tell you 8/9 months down the road she met a lovely guy and they have now been together just over a year are planning to get married and have moved 200 miles away with their respective kids and are blissfully happy!!

Those first months she was on the floor so just look what abit of time and perspective and some healing does!!!

How you feel now is not how things will continue to be ok!!!

Piglet :flowers:

[bluesparkle]

thank you piglet...
you always make so much sense...
i somehow want an ending to it if you know what i mean... like a final goodbye or something(now i sound really barmey) but i think that maybe its now time to just leave it and deal with how im feeling... when i worry or care about him i just need to remind myself that he wouldnt do the same in return...god it sounds so easy.
i guess i will just have to deal with the thoughts and hang on to the fact that it will get easier... i think i was just looking for an easy answer.
thank you
rach
x