Feeling hopeless today

[Windywel]

Hi all I’m feeling really down and negative today. Had a terrible night with insomnia and now thinking that the meds arent doing anything except giving me side effects (8 weeks on 20 mg citalopram)
im better than i was for the first month but i still think im worse than i was before i started it again. Didnt have this insomnia or breathlessness or crying all the time. i had one bad panic episode related to severe pain from my IBS but otherwise was just a bit down and edgy. i said to my husband this morning i should just come off them but he got angry with me. The doc i saw yesterday has anxiety herself and she has been on meds for 18 years. she said i should probably have tried something different this time as i had been on the cit a while. she also said its a lot harder to treat the second time
I tried not taking the lorazepam yesterday to see how id go without it. i actually surprised myself and wasnt too bad- bit edgy and anxious but ok and i just cracked on with the day but it all went to custard at about 8.30 in the evening when i guess i was tired. Back to being anxious and breathless and tears again. So frustrating as i hadnt cried for a few days and id had a better day up to that point. i know part of the problem is that i keep putting these expectations on myself and get really frustrated when i feel like ive failed. Psych is still really keen for me to go increase as he thinks i will need that to get better but im just so scared of getting the side effects back, particularly increased anxiety and the awful burning sensations i used to get.
just feeling pretty hopeless and dark - really sick of all the crying. Will this get better?

[Darksky]

Don't put expectations on yourself. You are not up against anyone else and there is no failure.
I think it's great that you found a doctor that is a long term fellow sufferer. Getting the medical profession to fully understand us is a great help.

ive never taken meds myself so I can't help much with side effects and treatment plans. Have you read any of the cit threads in the medication section. Ian (panic down under) is on there. He is a mine of information on meds. The increased anxiety is always a problems with meds because when people turn to them, they are generally in a state of very high anxiety already.
Sorry, I'm no real help but I hope things start to even out for you soon.

[Carnation]

Hi Windywel,

It's quite common to have this blip two months into taking meds, a few more weeks and I'm certain you will notice a difference. x

[Windywel]

Thanks guys for coming on. It was a better weekend but now feeling hopeless again. I’m just so up and down and tearful. My husband has been amazing but he is getting fed up and was really cross and frustrated this morning which got me really upset. Its going on 3 months now of me being bad and it’s taking its toll on everyone.

[Darksky]

Recovery is up and down, that's the nature of the beast. You're down again now but you had a better weekend, try and focus on that. You will have better days again.
i think Mrs.C is right though, ive read it taking longer than a couple of months. You've done the longest stretch so hang in in there a few more weeks before you give up the cit. Try and get a good nights sleep tonight, lack of sleep is a killer with this condition.

[Windywel]

Thanks wish I could sleep - insomnia has been bad the last 3 weeks

[WiseMonkey]

Thanks wish I could sleep - insomnia has been bad the last 3 weeks

Hi, I had insomnia for 4 months until I got onto the right antidepressant and that was 32 years ago. Back then the most popular type was the tricyclics but they turned out to be the ones that suited me. Later on I tried the newer SSRI's but they agitated my nervous system.

At the time the insomnia started, I had anxiety and depression. It took that long to actually find a medication that suited me and for that med to build up to a level that eased my depression. When that happened I was was able to get some sleep but I had 2 preschoolers so it was difficult. Sleeping is still my weak suit but if I have a bad night or two, I don't worry about it. As you age you don't sleep as much.

[YoullNeverWalkAlone]

Hi Windywel

How are you feeling today, a little better I hope...

Maybe have another word with doc and tell her how your feeling and she what she suggests. I remember years ago I was on Prozac for the second time, first time they worked great, second time they made me feel awful, doc suggested I give it 3 months to settle but it didn’t so he took me off them and tried something else.

I don’t have insomnia as in staying awake all night but I don’t sleep right through, I wake quite a few times and get up early, needless to say I shattered during the day...


love and hugs xx

[Carnation]

The secret to sleep is to not force it Windywel.
If you can't sleep, read, get up for a while or listen to some music or affirmations. x

[YoullNeverWalkAlone]

Yeah your right Carnation the more you fight for it the more agitated you get, then it’s impossible to sleep...like Carnation said try reading or listening to calm music, find something that works for you...xx

[Darksky]

So true...I have bouts of it and staying calm about it is vital. If you get stressed about not sleeping you are creating yet another anxiety to beat yourself up with. Make sure your phone is off and any clocks are not in your vision. Nothing worse than watching the minutes tick by. Try counting from a ridiculously high number backwards....500,000.....every time you make a mistake, which you will, you have to start from the beginning. I have a lot of success with that one. I think you eventually bore yourself to sleep. Or use the time for mediation/mindfulness. The important thing is to stop your mind whirling and stressing.

[Windywel]

Thanks guys for all your tips. I will definitely try those. Didn’t lie awake for hours last night but did wake up several times.
YNWA - are you still on meds? Which one did you end up on after Prozac? I’ve been on the citalopram again a while now. It has helped with anxiety at least with the physical symptoms but not with the negative worrying thoughts or the depression. I’m really scared to change to something else in case it doesn’t work either. The psych wants me to increase my dose first before switching but lots of people say it’s best to stick to the one dose so I don’t know what to do

[YoullNeverWalkAlone]

Hi Windywel

yeah still on my meds, I switched to citralopram but couldn’t get on with them, made everything worse, so I went back to my original ones which is fluanxol, never had any side effects and worked quite quickly, don’t get me wrong they are not a miracle cure, nothing is but they do help...they are not an ssri, don’t think I can tolerate them, so doc recommended these, they are old school not one of the new meds...

hope your feeling better tonight xxx

[Darksky]

How are you sleeping now Windywel?

[Windywel]

Hi Darksky - last 2 nights been a little better - especially last night I’ve upped my meds - just by 5 mgs to take it slowly and also been trying to cut down on the lorazepam so now taking every second day. Seem to be ok tho I def feel less anxious when I have it. Haven’t been in floods of tears since Monday so that’s a good sign! Slowly onwards and upwards I guess! I went in and talked to the chemist and she recommended a couple of things but when I told her I had sons melatonin she said use that! I have been too scared to and still haven’t tried it! She said you need to take it about an hour before bed and then do all the good sleep routine things so no screens, relaxing etc and then it works. She also recommended a natural product made from tart cherries