True acceptance

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Hi all,

I just wondered if any of you have any tips to help acceptance of the anxiety (and depression) as opposed to putting up with it.

Claire weeks in her amazing book “self help for your nerves,” talks about true acceptance of your feelings will allow you to be free and cure yourself. However, she does stress that you have to truly accept. My approach tends to be to just get on with things despite the horrible feelings but I don’t think this is true acceptance.

If anyone has any tips- that would be great as I want to nail this!! Xxxx

[Darksky]

Ah well, this is the holy grail of recovery. We ' put up with' we don't accept. We may think we are but we can still be putting up with. Going out with gritted teeth just to say you've done it. Ok, trying not to grit your teeth, relaxing shoulders, doing everything you should but you're still putting up with.

I discovered Claire Weekes 40 years back and I still don't 'feel' acceptance. I know what to think, I know what to do...but I don't feel it. My acceptance is that I've accepted I put up with it.

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Yes I guess that is where most of us are. It’s really hard isn’t it? X

[tommy1982]

A good post Mrs Mitchell

I suppose their are certain different levels of acceptance , ignoring anxiety when you wake up and don't want to get out of the bed yet can't stay in it, and choosing to get up and ignore it until your routine of having a coffee or what ever you do eases it.

To getting less moments of epiphany where you feel l cant take this feeling anymore I just cant and break down, then ten minutes later you pull your shit together and realize noting has changed and your ok.

Maybe letting the condition and dealing with its peaks cognitively in a better way to take as much fear out of them as possible are the first step to acceptance.

[ankietyjoe]

Putting up with it IS part of acceptance, and possibly the most important part.

In conjunction with that though is doing your best not to attach negative language to your sensations of anxiety.

For example, there is a difference between getting on with your day whilst internally moaning about how you're feeling and getting on with your day whilst internally saying 'this is cool, I know it will pass'.

You would think that ultimately it doesn't make a difference, but it does. A pretty big difference over time in fact. What happens is that every time you 'whine' about how you're feeling (and this isn't a criticism, we all do it), the next time you experience the same sensation you fall back to that negative reaction. If you mentally 'be cool', the next time it happens you will automatically remember that it's a temporary feeling and will be much easier to get on with stuff.

[Fishmanpa]

Putting up with it IS part of acceptance, and possibly the most important part.

Spot on!

Positive thoughts

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Any tips on putting up/accepting feeling sick every morning :weep:

[Midnight-mouse]

Any tips on putting up/accepting feeling sick every morning :weep:

I just say good morning to it roll my eyes at it and let it ride out, I think acknowledging it directly helps me to not panic. It’s actually just riding on through right now for me but I’m still calm and happy, I know it’s just my body ‘starting up’ if you will. I no longer see it as a big deal.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ankietyjoe]

Any tips on putting up/accepting feeling sick every morning :weep:

Did you read what I wrote?

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I did - sorry Ankiety Joe- what I mean is specific to the sick feeling- should I just say come on body be sick then on something like that? x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Midnight mouse- thank you xxxx

[Carnation]

Hi Mrs M,

Feeling sick and being sick are two different things.
When we are anxious, nervous, on edge, it affects the stomach, but normally settles. It may come and go, yes, it's uncomfortable, but really nothing to worry about. x

Also think ankietyjoe pretty much sums up the acceptance thing. :yesyes:

[Mrsmitchell1984]

He does- he is a fountain of knowledge when it comes to anxiety and gives us hope as he has overcome it x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Actually re-read his post again and it is a huge help. I think when we are in the midst of anxiety we want a magic wand when really it comes down to doing it ourselves. Thank you Ankiety-Joe x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Thank you Tommy - that’s basically what I do- it’s so difficult isn’t it? X

[ankietyjoe]

Actually re-read his post again and it is a huge help. I think when we are in the midst of anxiety we want a magic wand when really it comes down to doing it ourselves. Thank you Ankiety-Joe x

The specific phrase 'it will pass' is how you deal with all the symptoms and sensations you get with anxiety. And you're right, there's no magic wand.

I think something that people tend to try and do is treat each individual symptom, which is fruitless. You end up in a never ending spiral of fear and avoidance.

Stand back and look at anxiety and accept that it can (and probably will) provide you with dozens, if not hundreds of different symptoms.

When you are stressed or anxious your body immediately reacts, and this reaction affects your stomach and central nervous system first. The in turns affects every single process in the body, which is why anxiety can do almost anything to you. There isn't a system in your body that's immune to being affected by anxiety, and that's why it's a good idea to accept each symptom as the same thing.

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Thank you Ankiety Joe- it’s really helpful. I am going to say this too will pass all the time so that no matter what symptom I get. It’ll take time I know that. I think the problem is too- that I have a couple of days of not much planned. So I feel a bit low and that doesn’t help.

thank you always for your wisdom
x

[YoullNeverWalkAlone]

Hi Mrs M....

The way I understand it is, you haven’t much choice but put up with it and all the symptoms thrown at you, but it’s HOW you put up with it that matters, put up with it WILLINGLY , accept it WILLINGLY, not BEGRUDGINGLY, that is not true acceptance, doesn’t matter how many times it comes back or how long it goes on for, just accept WILLINGLY, and let time pass, and practice, practice, practice, each time it does come back, but WILLINGLY....Like Claire Weekes said so easy to say, not so easy to do...but hey ho nothing to loose by trying, seemed to have tried everything else....xxxxx

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Yes exactly - there is a big difference. I think I have one symptom, I overcome it with acceptance and then after a week or so, another one shouts for attention. But like Ankiety Joe says- treat all
different symptoms in the same way.

i mean it’s obvious that these symptoms will not cause me harm and that they have all gone one by one- so why can’t I just see it like that? I don’t understand why I ping back all the time to panicking and negativity.

i feel like my body is screaming at me- trying to tell me
something- and I don’t know what it is saying. But that’s not acceptance either - that is trying to work out what the problem is. Yes I left school with lots of qualifications and wanted to do well in life but my anxiety has meant I haven’t really done well - I don’t like responsibility so I don’t aim high- I need a job where I can be anxious. Yes I am unhappy with my relationship as my husband and I barely talk and live almost separate lives. Yes I get bored playing with my son, and then I get heaped with guilt. I am scared my poor son is going to go down the same route as me. Yes I feel like life is a pointless waste of time right now and that all these symptoms will stop me from enjoying life-but I can’t do much about those things right now.

they key is being calm and still enjoying life despite any symptom that comes my way.
xxxx

[YoullNeverWalkAlone]

Hi Mrs M...

My body is screaming at me too...your heads dizzy, you feel sickly, your jittering, you exhausted,...what if this, what if that.....do something....but what....I just put up with and not willingly, sometimes going to pieces...True acceptance is put up with willingly, till is subsides and if it comes back, accept it again and again but do so with utter acceptance, otherwise you are causing more tension which In turn causes more symptoms or makes them worse.Not mastered it yet but I will keep trying but boy it’s hard to accept all that willingly. Xxx

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Thanks YNWA,

it helps to feel I am not alone and it takes time to get where we want to be (ie our body throwing any feeling our way and we just say welcome and also so what?) xxxx

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I also feel like doing this takes lots of energy - but energy implies fighting it. It should be no energy just surrender shouldn’t it?? X

[Fishmanpa]

I also feel like doing this takes lots of energy - but energy implies fighting it. It should be no energy just surrender shouldn’t it?? X

It really is as AJoe said. I equate it to my physical issues/symptoms. They really suck but it is what it is. There are meds I take, exercises I do, watch my diet etc., but I still have days (like today) where I hurt like a mofo! I take some ibuprofen and push through it. Go to work, do my chores etc. I 100% accept it's just part of my new normal. It sucks sometimes but I have the choice to allow it to hinder me or push through. Anxiety causes mental symptoms from stress levels that often lead to other physical symptoms. The key is working on the root of the issue. It is work to push through sometimes but IMO, its more just having the mindset of "F it, I have things to do and a life to live. The surrendering IS the acceptance. Recognizing the feelings and pushing through, not allowing them to overwhelm you. That's where all the talk about distraction and other techniques comes into play. I'm hurting but I know once I get moving and get caught up in my day and life, I won't hurt nearly as bad as I do right now ;)

Positive thoughts

[YoullNeverWalkAlone]

Oh yes, fighting causes tension, so it makes sense if we fight it it’s only going to make matters worse, so utter utter acceptance is the key, but it’s so hard, and yes we will probably fail several times but pick yourself up and try again.
You are definitely not alone in this Mrs M although sometimes it feels that way, xxxx

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Thank you both, that is really helpful xxxx

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I like the bit where you say “f it ...I have a life to live” fishmanpa and where you say if you fail you just pick yourself up again YNWA xxxx

[YoullNeverWalkAlone]

Oh Mrs M I have been on the floor so many times with it all, but have picked myself up and started all over again, each time you get a little stronger and a little more knowledge, sometimes it seems impossible but we do it, so who’s the stronger YOU or the anxiety....xxx

[Mrsmitchell1984]

It has to be me. I have just been lying here all day as nothing to do-that doesn’t help eh? X

[YoullNeverWalkAlone]

No it’s not you Mrs M, we all get like that, sometimes having too much to do can be as bad as having nothing to do, it’s finding a happy medium. I’m struggling big time today and trying to just accept, but not helping that I’m going for a meal out with family at 2...and yes all the what ifs about the symptoms are creeping in, but just keep saying to myself relax and accept and let time pass... will let you know how I get on....xxx

[ankietyjoe]

The days when I used to be down, that's when I really focussed on meditation. Meditation itself is pretty much the practice of acceptance via the observation. It really helps you teach yourself that you don't have to (over)react to every single sensation you feel.

Doing nothing isn't necessarily a bad thing if you are using that nothing to train your mind. Meditation is hard, but it's absolutely NOT about emptying your mind. It's about observing what you are experiencing and the re-focusing on the object of your meditation.

[Mrsmitchell1984]

YNWA-Please that would be great x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Tell me more ankietyJoe- is it mindfulness with observing the symptom? So really analysing the symptom in a quiet place x

[ankietyjoe]

Tell me more ankietyJoe- is it mindfulness with observing the symptom? So really analysing the symptom in a quiet place x

It is absolutely 100% NOT analysing the symptom.

Meditation is most often the practise of focussing on your breathing. When you do this, you will almost immediately notice hundreds of little thoughts and distractions per minute, or little niggles, pains, itches, twinges, sensations etc. Meditation is about acknowledging those sensations and thoughts and then re-focusing on the breathing again. You'll find yourself doing this constantly, but that's the point. It's not about 'winning' at focusing on your breathing, it's about re-focusing without judging yourself for not being able to do it, and also not judging the sensation or thought. So if you feel a pain, you don't think 'I wish that pain wasn't there', you simply acknowledge 'pain' and then re-focus on breathing. And that's why it's hard. Because it's so simple and because your brain will try and distract you constantly, it's hard.

What you are doing though is re-training your brain to NOT over react to things and also (going back to your OP) deeply learning about acceptance.

Most people think that meditation doesn't work for them because they incorrectly assume that you have to empty your mind for it to work. If your mind was empty, it's probably because you're dead.....so that's not a goal.

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Haha- what a brilliant post.i have had a lot of people explain meditation to me but as if it is out of a textbook- focus on breathing without judging - but no one has actually explained the without judging like you have- in a user friendly way!

i think most of all- I want to say thank you for giving me hope too- as you completely recovered without medication. I know it was not easy for you - but the fact that you did it - means it is possible for all of us. X

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Sorry to ask for you wisdom again but what is the difference between mindfulness and meditation and does it matter which one you do? X

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Also if it is just a tummy bug- would this approach still help. It’s quite painful today x

[ankietyjoe]

Think of mindfulness as the act of actually doing something with the same kind of focus you put on breathing during meditation. So for example if you're doing the washing up, only focus on the washing up. You could focus on the bubbles, the heat, the texture of the thing you are holding etc. It's doing something in a meditative way, whereas meditation is doing nothing in a meditative way. They work hand in hand.

If you have a tummy bug, meditation can be indirectly helpful as over time it helps relax your entire CNS, meaning your body has more resources to focus on repair and recovery. As long as you are in an anxious state, cortisol is being released which means the parasympathetic nervous system (that part of your CNS that allows you to rest, digest and repair) cannot function. That's also why people who are stressed or anxious always tend to have digestive issues, because their digestion is effectively switched off a lot of the time.

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Think of mindfulness as the act of actually doing something with the same kind of focus you put on breathing during meditation. So for example if you're doing the washing up, only focus on the washing up. You could focus on the bubbles, the heat, the texture of the thing you are holding etc. It's doing something in a meditative way, whereas meditation is doing nothing in a meditative way. They work hand in hand.

If you have a tummy bug, meditation can be indirectly helpful as over time it helps relax your entire CNS, meaning your body has more resources to focus on repair and recovery. As long as you are in an anxious state, cortisol is being released which means the parasympathetic nervous system (that part of your CNS that allows you to rest, digest and repair) cannot function. That's also why people who are stressed or anxious always tend to have digestive issues, because their digestion is effectively switched off a lot of the time.

thanks Ankiety Joe that is really helpful. Now to put it into practice x

[ankietyjoe]

Practise is the right word, it's not easy to do but very beneficial. Luckily, it's not complicated, just hard!

I would suggest trying to meditate a couple of times per day, and ten minutes each time in more than enough to start with as it'll feel a lot longer than that when you're doing it!

I would also suggest avoiding meditation apps or guided meditations. They're useful for assisted relaxation, but I personally don't believe they're the best way to practise true meditation as it removes your responsibility to mentally work a little bit.

Mindfulness can be applied to anything you like, as many times of the day you like. It's much easier to slip into your day.

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Practise is the right word, it's not easy to do but very beneficial. Luckily, it's not complicated, just hard!

I would suggest trying to meditate a couple of times per day, and ten minutes each time in more than enough to start with as it'll feel a lot longer than that when you're doing it!

I would also suggest avoiding meditation apps or guided meditations. They're useful for assisted relaxation, but I personally don't believe they're the best way to practise true meditation as it removes your responsibility to mentally work a little bit.

Mindfulness can be applied to anything you like, as many times of the day you like. It's much easier to slip into your day.

sounds like a plan to me- the only query I have is isn’t it running away from
the symptom a bit as you are directing your attention away from it? But I have so much hope as I know you and Blue Iris found meditation really helpful x

[YoullNeverWalkAlone]

Hi Mrs M

How you feeling now...:flowers:

[ankietyjoe]

I think you're looking at this from a skewed perspective. Not focussing on a symptom isn't running away from it, it's just not placing importance on it.

Something that plagues people who suffer with anxiety is elevating every minor thing into something to be feared, so in that respect running away from it isn't a bad thing. The things you are focussing on don't actually need extended attention. It's the extended attention that creates patterns of fear.

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Hi Mrs M

How you feeling now...:flowers:

Not great but better- how about you? X

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I think you're looking at this from a skewed perspective. Not focussing on a symptom isn't running away from it, it's just not placing importance on it.

Something that plagues people who suffer with anxiety is elevating every minor thing into something to be feared, so in that respect running away from it isn't a bad thing. The things you are focussing on don't actually need extended attention. It's the extended attention that creates patterns of fear.

ok well it’s worth a go x

[YoullNeverWalkAlone]

Hi Mrs M..

same as you, not good but a bit calmer than I was, really struggled with the meal, didn’t help that there was a long delay and then it was rubbish when it came, couldn’t wait to come home...anxiety and symptoms where sky high..did try not focusing on it, think I need a lot more practice. Xxx

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Me too! aw I am so sorry your anxiety was sky high - how did it come out in you?

what are your plans for tomorrow? X

[YoullNeverWalkAlone]

Hi Mrs M...

Well firstly the anxiety has been up and down since my accident 3 weeks ago with numerous symptoms, sometimes tolerable sometimes not...yesterday was an Okish day, but right from waking early this morning I knew it was not going to be a good day...went shopping this morning which wasn’t too bad but glad to get out of supermarket, now whether that triggered something I don’t know because after that everything went down hill, so by the time I was going for meal I was shaking like a jelly fish, my legs felt like jelly, my head was spaced out and I felt off balance, my eyes wouldn’t focus and they felt so dry/gritty and tired, I had terrible acid and feeling sickly..also felt like I couldn’t breathe properly..and my throat felt tight. Palpitations...then every so often came the fear factor raging through my body which just went on to exaggerate the other symptoms...I did get through it and nobody even knew I was feeling so bad....when I got home it started coming down, but has now left me me with acid and indigestion, still feel slightly my throat feels tight and breathing not quite as free as it should be, but that could be the acid and indigestion....

Tomorrow I have nothing planned so will just chill and relax if I can.

Have you got anything planned xx

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I’m going to Church in the morning and then in the evening going to Eltham palace which is a place where king Edward Iv lived I think and they cover it with Christmas lights- so hopefully will be a better day.

what accident did you have 3 weeks ago- you poor poor thing xxx

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I’m so pleased you got through it today - well
done you x

[YoullNeverWalkAlone]

Oh that’s sounds nice, I love places like that...it will be a good day...

3 weeks ago I fell and broke my arm at the top and my shoulder, so I think it has shook me up and the anxiety has come back with a vengeance...

Have a super day tomorrow I’m sure you’ll really enjoy it xxx

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Oh that’s sounds nice, I love places like that...it will be a good day...

3 weeks ago I fell and broke my arm at the top and my shoulder, so I think it has shook me up and the anxiety has come back with a vengeance...

Have a super day tomorrow I’m sure you’ll really enjoy it xxx

oh I remember now and no one came to help you. That was horrendous - no wonder you were shaken up.

Have a great day tomorrow. Another day to practise acceptance of the adrenaline sensations x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

So today I woke up feeling ok- but soon the bad feelings came. I didn’t do a very good job of accepting them. I just myself into more of a panic and now I feel like I am going crazy. I really wanted to have a good day today. Thing is this feeling lasts all day - it’s painful and makes me feel like I am going to be sick the whole time. It’s quite debilitating. It may be a sickness bug or morning doom from anxiety - either way it’s horrible and I am doing a very poor job of accepting it x

[ankietyjoe]

Try and remember that acceptance and being mindful means not attaching a negative mental reaction to feeling the way you do. It is what it is, and tomorrow is a new day.

You may even start to feel better later, you never know right?

[Mrsmitchell1984]

So true- I takes a long time- every day is a little bit closer. I got there before and can again x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

http://cbt4panic.org/the-panic-cycle/

I have started this again and find it quite helpful. I wondered if this fits in with what you have kindly been teaching me AnkietyJoe and whether I can apply to generalised panic. I did some meditation this morning too ��

[Mrsmitchell1984]

:yesyes:

[ankietyjoe]

Well done for meditating!

CBT runs along the same lines as meditation, just using different techniques. CBT is simply giving a mental 'so what' to anxiety triggers.

When I had CBT 13 years ago one of my biggest fears was passing out when I was out and about. My therapist said 'ok, so what?'. He asked me to really think about what the worst case scenario of passing out was, and as it turns out it's not really a big deal. This is the catastrophising stage, negated. If it happens, it happens.

Oh, and in nearly 10 years of really bad panic/anxiety, I never passed out once.

CBT is very much a self help technique, not an external 'fix', so it would compliment whatever meditation and mindfulness you are doing perfectly.

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Well done for meditating!

CBT runs along the same lines as meditation, just using different techniques. CBT is simply giving a mental 'so what' to anxiety triggers.

When I had CBT 13 years ago one of my biggest fears was passing out when I was out and about. My therapist said 'ok, so what?'. He asked me to really think about what the worst case scenario of passing out was, and as it turns out it's not really a big deal. This is the catastrophising stage, negated. If it happens, it happens.

Oh, and in nearly 10 years of really bad panic/anxiety, I never passed out once.

CBT is very much a self help technique, not an external 'fix', so it would compliment whatever meditation and mindfulness you are doing perfectly.

Thank you Ankiety-Joe- it’s incredible how incapacitating it is- i’m so
glad you overcame it x

[ankietyjoe]

If I knew then what I know now, it wouldn't have lasted more than a few weeks.

We each have our own journey though, and have to unlearn the pit of bad mental habits we get ourselves into.

Everybody can recover from anxiety, it just takes effort.

[Mrsmitchell1984]

What a great post �� so your effort would include meditation and acceptance? X

[ankietyjoe]

I learned over a very long time that my recovery was dependant on a lot of things. It required me to change improve my diet, get more exercise, meditation, mindfulness, acceptance and the removal of as much stress from my life as possible (that last bit is important).

[Mrsmitchell1984]

So I did meditate - focus on breathing for 10 mins this morning. I felt restless though and couldn’t wait til it was over. It could be as first thing in the morning adrenaline is high. But practise is practise whether it is a good experience or not. It’s training that brain a bit more every day to focus and see thoughts as just thoughts eh? I hope I am going about it in the right way x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I don’t really have any stress and I am in retail so am constantly on my feet and moving about - so I am half way there. But I am curious about the diet. I eat as much non- processed foods as I can and try to eat organic vegetables and organic meat mostly x

[Carnation]

With the meditation Mrs M.....
If you couldn't wait for it to be over, you are either not doing it properly or too anxious to put yourself in that zone.
I found just sitting or walking in the garden watching the birds at work or listening to some music a lot easier to do when meditation is difficult. x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

With the meditation Mrs M.....
If you couldn't wait for it to be over, you are either not doing it properly or too anxious to put yourself in that zone.
I found just sitting or walking in the garden watching the birds at work or listening to some music a lot easier to do when meditation is difficult. x

That’s a nice idea- I will persevere. What a lovely day today to do it x

[YoullNeverWalkAlone]

Hiya Mrs M...:flowers:

That’s what I do too, try and focus on the birds flying about or even people on the street, sometimes I watch planes flying in the sky and try and guess where all the people have been or where they are going...

Did you enjoy your trip out the other day....xxx

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I did enjoy my trip out - the sickness was still there but I carried on- how about you- how have you been? X

[ankietyjoe]

So I did meditate - focus on breathing for 10 mins this morning. I felt restless though and couldn’t wait til it was over. It could be as first thing in the morning adrenaline is high. But practise is practise whether it is a good experience or not. It’s training that brain a bit more every day to focus and see thoughts as just thoughts eh? I hope I am going about it in the right way x

Feeling restless is normal. Wanting it to be over is also normal. The trick with feelings like that is to.....just re-focus on your breath. Don't judge the restlessness by thinking 'why can't I be calm?', don't judge the feeling that you want it to end by thinking 'I can't do this'....just observe the thoughts as what they are (as you have already observed).

It's ok to expect or anticipate those feelings next time too. Just re-focus every time they occur, and whatever else occurs.

You will be exposing yourself to how your entire being really is. It can be quite eye opening for people to really 'feel' what their central nervous system is doing. But by experiencing it and then practising NOT reacting to it, will help calm everything down over time. Just remember that meditation itself isn't a calming technique, that is not the goal. It's ok to think or feel anything during meditation.

Wanting it end is not a negative reaction, it's simply how you are feeling. Nothing more.

[YoullNeverWalkAlone]

Aww so glad you had a good day....
I’m better than what I have been and the sickly feeling seems to have gone, just wish the acid and indigestion would do same...xxx

[Carnation]

If it's acid and digestion, you need to look at your diet.
Look up foods bad for acid on the Internet and cut them out for a few days. x

[Fishmanpa]

If it's acid and digestion, you need to look at your diet.
Look up foods bad for acid on the Internet and cut them out for a few days. x

The FODMAP (https://www.ibsdiets.org/fodmap-diet/fodmap-food-list/) diet can be very helpful for anyone who suffers from stomach/reflux/ibs issues.

Positive thoughts

[Darksky]

I would love to be able to concentrate on my breathing because I can fully see how it works and it has the added advantage of being always on tap, as you take it everywhere.

However, I gave a problem with it I simply can't get over. Once I start concentrating on breathing, I can't stop. Every breath in and out is noted for hours and I start manual breathing. It's an extremely distressing thing, so while I would love to do it because I can see how it works I really don't dare.

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I had this too. Then I realised that concentrating on your breathing is a good thing. Also, I find my brain always does the opposite to what I tell it- so if I try to stop then I will focus. If I try to focus then I stop x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

You’d be great at yoga too x

[Carnation]

You don't have to consciously do the breathing exercises, you get the same affect singing.
Letting out a sigh is just affective and I do that quite a lot.

[ankietyjoe]

Meditation is most often focussed on breathing because you have that to focus on wherever you are. It's portable. You could focus on anything and still be meditating. If breathing bothers you then it could be visual, for example a candle. It could also be aural, some people like to meditate to the sound of a constant drone or the sound of the sea. Whatever it is, it should be constant. If you focus on something that changes a lot you will find it difficult to NOT notice the changes.

I find something like tibetan bowls an easy thing to focus on because of the reasons I mentioned.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRtHBRQpG4A

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Meditation is most often focussed on breathing because you have that to focus on wherever you are. It's portable. You could focus on anything and still be meditating. If breathing bothers you then it could be visual, for example a candle. It could also be aural, some people like to meditate to the sound of a constant drone or the sound of the sea. Whatever it is, it should be constant. If you focus on something that changes a lot you will find it difficult to NOT notice the changes.

I find something like tibetan bowls an easy thing to focus on because of the reasons I mentioned.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRtHBRQpG4A

Brilliant - thank you Ankiety Joe x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

So a very strange morning- feel quite upbeat and not a great deal of anxiety but a feeling of unease in my tummy still.

I work in retail so no time to see the doctors. I emailed them to see if they can diagnose me that way but they just gave me an urgent appointment but I could not go as no one to cover me at work. Now I am a little worried that I have something serious and feeling frustrated that I don’t feel myself. But I am happy to be feeling a bit more upbeat. Just wish the sickness and tummy pain would do one x

[Carnation]

That's a step in the right direction Mrs M :yesyes:
I still think your tummy issues are down to anxiety. x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I know many people on here don’t believe- but I had prayer for healing today - and it’s gone- after a week of constant sickness and latterly pain- it’s gone!

sorry to those that don’t believe again but I said if I feel better I would spread what happened today xxxx

[Carnation]

Oh wonderful Mrs M :yesyes:
We do what we do to get comfort.
If it works, don't knock it. :winks:

[Darksky]

Happy for you Mrs.M
i am a believer and so pleased prayers worked for you.

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Just having a moan today as I am feeling sorry for myself. The stomach stuff seems to have gone but not I have a cold and aches and pains. It just seems like one thing after the other.

Yesterday was Christmas Day and I spent most of the day depressed- I am hoping it is short lived and it’s just because I felt pressure to be happy.

Today I have woken up with mild but irritating pains in my muscles and hot flushes again, with cold symptoms. I am supposed to be meeting my dad’s partner for the first time today and I have a house full of people for my son’s birthday which is today too.

i am starting to wonder if I will ever feel myself again or is this is now? Should I just accept that life will be hard all
the time every day? I think back to the Victorians who lived in squalor with hardly any food and were freezing. They coped and I think maybe I just need to be tough like them x

[pulisa]

Do we sometimes expect too much from life?

I hope your little boy has a good birthday today and that you cope with all you have to do, Sally. Sounds like you have a very busy day but that may help to distract you from your worries? I hope so. You've mentioned about boredom being a trigger so hopefully you will have plenty to take your mind off things today x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Thanks Pulisa - well remembered. I hope so- I will try to just carry on and forget how I am feeling and the negative mind chatter. X

[pulisa]

I hope the day is better than you anticipate..It's always worse first thing just anticipating what the day will bring x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

So true!! Wise words. How are you doing? X

[Carnation]

Hi Mrs M :winks:

I've had a similar Christmas with feeling not right.
I also don't know if I'm coming down with something.
Felt shivery, then hot flushing most of the Christmas and completely lifeless. I've also managed to sprain my wrist and I know that can make you feel off.
I got through Christmas by watching the clock tick by and it didn't help because I didn't feel like doing anything.
I couldn't even get into the tv.i was better as the day went on, but I can definitely relate to the muscle aching and not feeling ok. It's as if all the preparations were for nothing.
I woke this morning feeling a relief that Christmas Day has passed, but we are still in the holiday mode and you have stuff going on Mrs M.
I personally would make a better judgement on yourself after today is over with when we are back into a normal day. Try some of your healing methods this morning to help get you through, I'm sure that will help. x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Awww Carnation - we always seem to be going through very similar things at similar times. Although it makes me feel
less alone- which helps so much- I feel sad you are going through this too. For me, I am
glad Christmas is over and I felt like I was clock watching too! We will have a better one next year- I can’t imagine where we will be next year but hopefully far further on our recovery x

[Carnation]

I'll second that Mrs M. :yesyes:

I'm like you in sense I am less anxious where focused on doing something and better when there are no stressful social events.
Which is why I probably used to be a workaholic. :blush:
It is good to know we are not alone suffering.
As for our cold like symptoms. Sometimes when you get tired or run-down, you can feel the same as when you have a cold or virus.
And Pulisa, you are right, so much of our anxiety is anticipatory.

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I am a workaholic too - it’s escapism for me.

but now am I right in saying you don’t work - so it’s hard to escape from how you feel? X

[Carnation]

That's right Mrs M.
I don't have a job in the normal manner of speaking, but I do stuff which is here and there and in my control. I couldn't do nothing. I have lots of hobbies and past times too. x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Aw that’s good- and I guess it is nice to do in your own time now xxxx

[Darksky]

Christmas is definately anticipatory. The worst day for me is most definately Christmas Eve. Christmas Day is just 'getting through' and today? Well it's over as far as I'm concerned. Tomorrow is a normal day and I've got to get next weeks shopping in. I imagine Sainsbury's will have empty shelves because no deliveries will have come through.

im sure as time ticks on, all our anxiety will come down several notches :hugs:

[Carnation]

Me too Mrs M. Had an unexpected panic attack on Christmas Eve as you already know.
I made sure not to try and overreact but for a short while my eyes were like saucers. Then came the tears. Then I carried on as if nothing happened. Certainly not easy to do.
Like you, I'm treating today as a normal day as much as possible. I need my routine back and chores back in motion. x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

You have hit the nail on the head there Carnation- routine certainly makes me feel safe and Darksky the anxiety should go down for a lot of us after the Christmas period.

i have a house full of people for my son’s birthday today. Thankfully, my husband has done a lot of the cooking - but I feel everyone is enjoying themselves and I am stuck in a miserable parallel universe- it feels like this uneasy feeling will never leave me.

is this my life now- every minute a struggle. Like climbing a mountain every second of the day.

sorry for the miserable message. X

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Feeling better this afternoon-I just have to carry on despite anxiety. I remember a lot of tips about acceptance at the beginning of this thread-thanks for the contributions everyone. I’m going to try mindfulness every day too xxxx

[Carnation]

Just checking to see if you are ok Mrs M? x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Aw thanks Carnation. Just plodding on really.I know what I have to do- I just need to keep going and things will get better with time and acceptance. It’s hard though.

How are you doing? X

[Carnation]

'Plodding' is a good description Mrs M.
I feel we are over the worst for now, I'm feeling a little more, shall I say normal? :blush:

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I hope you are right Mrs C! I am wishing you a good day tomorrow and thank you for helping me xxxx

[Mrsmitchell1984]

So this morning I woke up early - around 5am. I was ok but could not keep still. Felt the urge to keep moving. My body was tired and wanted to rest because it needs to get over the cold and tummy bug (which has mostly gone now) but also I have adrenaline- so it was a battle this morning - trying to sleep yet tossing and turning. I kept telling myself that it is only adrenaline and tried to sleep which I did a bit. Just feel exhausted though and it’s getting me down a bit. But trying to keep positive as I have had this before and it has gone away x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I also want to say thank you to all of you for your advice and encouragement over the holiday period- I would never have survived this without you xxxx

[Carnation]

That will be the adrenalin from yesterday Mrs M.
I've had that.
I always worry about getting enough sleep.
But then I worry about being too hot or too cold and dozens of other things.
You may have gone to bed with your mind too active, that's why I like to do a 5 minute meditation before I go to sleep.
Today is a more normal like day, so that's good for us.
That alone will make you sleep better tonight. x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

That sounds good to me. Yes I fell asleep whilst watching tv and that is not a good idea- it’s better to read a book or meditate like you say. I hope you have a good day today. I’m off to work today but it’ll be a change or scenery and a chance to get out of the house (I suffer anxiety more at home than out of it - like agoraphobia but upside down) ��

[Carnation]

Yes, I've suffered with both sides...
Staying in and going out.
Hope you feel better later Mrs M x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Aww thank you Carnation - I feel so less alone when I speak to you. You make me feel- dare I say it “normal,” because you think and feel the same. The curse of being intelligent, sensitive and caring eh? X

[Carnation]

Lol, I don't know about the intelligence for me, maybe wise :shrug: :Dx

[Mrsmitchell1984]

So I am up and about and I could feel a low level of shakiness as I was walking about. But I said to myself it’s only anxiety and tried to stay in the moment - not thinking to far ahead or getting upset about being anxious this morning. Staying in the moment is good. And now it has gone in record time. I really recommend Cbt4panic and just imagine yourself rising above the sensations x

[Carnation]

Mrs M, you basically have to talk to your head, in a silent way. Sod it, out loud. Who cares what people think. And like you say, it works! The main thing is believing what you say. x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Lol, I don't know about the intelligence for me, maybe wise :shrug: :Dx

yes you are Carnation xxxx

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Mrs M, you basically have to talk to your head, in a silent way. Sod it, out loud. Who cares what people think. And like you say, it works! The main thing is believing what you say. x

brilliant advice- thank you Carnation x

[ankietyjoe]

I am a workaholic too - it’s escapism for me.



This is the stress you say you don't have.


Stress doesn't have to be visible or noticeable to be stress.

[Mrsmitchell1984]

This is the stress you say you don't have.


Stress doesn't have to be visible or noticeable to be stress.

That’s true- but what can I do to distract myself from the anxiety? X

[Fishmanpa]

That’s true- but what can I do to distract myself from the anxiety? X

There is no set answer for that question. Truly, it comes down to what works for you. The very definition of the word "distract" is: to prevent (someone) from giving full attention to something. For some it can be reading or listening to music. For others it can be meditation or mindfulness or any other of the myriad of things that require us to devote our full attention. I've had a sciatica flare up the last couple of weeks. It's very painful and pain causes physical and mental stress. That said, I take OTC remedies and deal with it but I find that when I'm engrossed at work or by something else, I forget about the pain. Its not until I get up or move that I feel it. So distraction does work. Its just a matter of finding the right distraction for you. AND... keep in mind my campfire analogy. You have to apply the distractions and other anxiety reducing techniques regularly and consistently in order to really achieve results and allow those anxiety coals to die down.

Positive thoughts

[Mrsmitchell1984]

There is no set answer for that question. Truly, it comes down to what works for you. The very definition of the word "distract" is: to prevent (someone) from giving full attention to something. For some it can be reading or listening to music. For others it can be meditation or mindfulness or any other of the myriad of things that require us to devote our full attention. I've had a sciatica flare up the last couple of weeks. It's very painful and pain causes physical and mental stress. That said, I take OTC remedies and deal with it but I find that when I'm engrossed at work or by something else, I forget about the pain. Its not until I get up or move that I feel it. So distraction does work. Its just a matter of finding the right distraction for you. AND... keep in mind my campfire analogy. You have to apply the distractions and other anxiety reducing techniques regularly and consistently in order to really achieve results and allow those anxiety coals to die down.

Positive thoughts

Thanks Fishmanpa! That’s good advice.

i was making progress yesterday but today I awoke with pain in my lower abdomen and feeling generally fed up and jittery. This was around 6am. I wanted to go back to sleep as I am getting over my cold but my body would not let me. Any tips for getting back to sleep. I tried to accept the pain but it’s really hard. It’s not even really painful- just a dull ache. Any advice would be most welcome x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Ok so what I did in the end was read the Clare weeks about accepting a churning stomach - even though this is more abdomen pain, and it said about accepting the pain and knowing that it is not harmful just an annoyance which seems to be a good way to go based on the advice you have all given me. I put my hands where it hurts and managed to get a bit more sleep x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I just say good morning to it roll my eyes at it and let it ride out, I think acknowledging it directly helps me to not panic. It’s actually just riding on through right now for me but I’m still calm and happy, I know it’s just my body ‘starting up’ if you will. I no longer see it as a big deal.


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My aim is to be like you! I think with time maybe it’ll get easier to accept. At the moment it feels like someone is squeezing my lower abdomen x

[Midnight-mouse]

My aim is to be like you! I think with time maybe it’ll get easier to accept. At the moment it feels like someone is squeezing my lower abdomen x

Mine feels like that too right now but it’s just one of those things, I actually went back to sleep myself this morning too.
I’ve just been woken with a start though by someone in my house but it’s not worth panicking about. I’m more annoyed to be woken up on one of the rare occasions I sleep in than I am worried about anything.


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[Mrsmitchell1984]

Argh that’s frustrating- will you try to go back down again? X

[Midnight-mouse]

Argh that’s frustrating- will you try to go back down again? X

Not at this time, it’s really quite late for me to be sleeping. I am usually always up at the very latest by 8:30. It was nice while it lasted! Unfortunately it was an annoying ‘tech help’ situation with my mother who also rises early so considered it a normal time to come to Mr Midnight and myself in a flurry asking for help with her phone. I don’t mind helping... when I’m awake!


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[Mrsmitchell1984]

Argh that’s annoying - will you get a chance to sleep in tomorrow x

[Midnight-mouse]

Argh that’s annoying - will you get a chance to sleep in tomorrow x

Technically I have a chance to sleep in every day (no conventional job) but my body usually wakes and I’m very rarely able to go back to sleep, sometimes because even though I don’t care about it I still get an adrenaline surge right away, other times I’m just too awake, even if I’m still tired.

It’s not too bad though, usually being the first awake means I get time to read and relax before my husbands up too.


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[Mrsmitchell1984]

Oh that sounds like me with the adrenaline rush- once you’re up, you’re up. I hope you get another chance soon x

[ankietyjoe]

That’s true- but what can I do to distract myself from the anxiety? X

This thread is about acceptance, not distraction. One of the keys with acceptance is feeling the anxiety and not trying to run.

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Yes quite right - so walking with it and checking in with it the whole time x

[ankietyjoe]

You don't have to check in with it. Go back to the mindful and meditative way of thinking. You can acknowledge it, recognise it and then go back to focussing on something else. Over time this re-trains your brain not to automatically go to the 'flight' response every time you experience a symptom of anxiety as you're telling it that it's not dangerous.

[Carnation]

I think the problem lies with the message from the brain telling us something is wrong in the form of a pain, ache, symptom. We've all been born so that we acknowledge warnings from the brain.
So it's a matter of acknowledging a symptom of anxiety and feeding that in to the brain.
Adrenaline is an easy one, once you know what it is.
But pain is not so easy, as are a few other symptoms.
This is where the problem lies with differentiating anxiety from something else.
It's the 'something else' that keeps us on alert.
Imo, that is why it is so difficult and takes practice and knowledge to become familiar with certain patterns and the reason why suffering with anxiety can go on so long.

[Mrsmitchell1984]

You don't have to check in with it. Go back to the mindful and meditative way of thinking. You can acknowledge it, recognise it and then go back to focussing on something else. Over time this re-trains your brain not to automatically go to the 'flight' response every time you experience a symptom of anxiety as you're telling it that it's not dangerous.

oh I think that is what I meant by distraction - acknowledge it, recognise it and then distract by focusing on something else x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I think the problem lies with the message from the brain telling us something is wrong in the form of a pain, ache, symptom. We've all been born that way to acknowledge warnings from the brain.
So it's a matter of acknowledging a symptom of anxiety and feeding that in for to the brain.
Adrenaline is an easy one, once you know what it is.
But pain is not so easy, as are a few other symptoms.
This is where the problem lies with differentiating anxiety from something else.
It's the something else that keeps us on alert.
Imo, that is why it is so difficult and takes practice and knowledge to become familiar with certain patterns and why suffering with anxiety can go on so long.

yes pain is a new one for me and I think that is why I am struggling with it.the other symptoms such as sweaty palms, shakes etc I can accept but pain- that is hard and I need to re-write my brain pathways - which is why it is taking so long. X

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I’m also worried how long I can go on like this- it’s very dehabilitating at the moment and my husband is doing all the housework and looking after our poor son, whilst I sit and mope x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Which I know is counter productive - but doing anything else seems like an effort. Also I don’t think I can distract from the pain until a doctor can tell me that it is nothing - or benign- if that is even possible x

[Carnation]

Exactly, and I've noticed you questioning a symptom as being something different from anxiety.
So the brain squirms to work out 'is it', 'isn't it'???
There are very few symptoms that doesn't point to anxiety, this is where our gut Instinct comes in and in the process the poor gut gets all the stress and worry.
We can't go running to the doctor every 5 minutes, been there, done that. You end up getting, "what it is now?" from the GP and more tranquillisers.
But in my opinion you have a good idea when it is not anxiety.
For example, I was feeling off over the Christmas and I knew it wasn't just anxiety.
My other half kept telling me it was, probably because I complain so much.
But I've had a throat infection caused by my sinus issues.
Anxiety was ramped up because of it, so you have a mixed bag of stuff going on. Because when you are ill, you start to panic causing anxiety symptoms to appear as well.
And fishmanpa's Sciatica was obviously clearly not anxiety, but it can cause worry with the fact of getting better and not being able to do certain things causing anxiety. And obviously distraction helps to give your brain a rest from all the worrying and obsessing.
The best thing to do is become in tune with our bodies, that's why meditation is so good to do.
True acceptance is accepting anxiety when it is just that and feeding that information to the brain so it can relax about what is actually a false alarm or misinformation.

[Carnation]

Sorry, forgot to say "Good Morning" Mrs M :flowers:

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Oh good morning Mrs C! I forgot to say it too. You are spot on as always and you give me so much support- thank you.

im sorry to hear you are suffering with sinus issues x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Thank you Ankiety Joe too- I’m sure you remember how awful it is when you know all you have to do is accept it- but it’s the hardest yet simplest thing to do.

i have to keep reminding myself that progress will be slow but it’s won’t always be like this x

[Carnation]

The best thing is to get the things checked out or deal with with the stuff you don't think are anxiety related and work on accepting the stuff you know IS anxiety. x

[Carnation]

Anxiety can be a irritating, persistent nuisance, like a fly.
What do we do to flies? We swat them! :winks:

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Anxiety can be a irritating, persistent nuisance, like a fly.
What do we do to flies? We swat them! :winks:
Spot on Carnation - thank you x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

So now that I have gone out the stomach pain which I will now call (fiddlesticks) has gone but I still have a feeling of unease- probably because my body is in shock as how bad the feeling of impending doom was when I woke up this morning.

I know what I need to do- detach myself from it and carry on. Truly feeling it with meditation but keep going after that. Stop shrinking from it?

why is it so hard though :weep:

[Midnight-mouse]

So now that I have gone out the stomach pain which I will now call (fiddlesticks) has gone but I still have a feeling of unease- probably because my body is in shock as how bad the feeling of impending doom was when I woke up this morning.

I know what I need to do- detach myself from it and carry on. Truly feeling it with meditation but keep going after that. Stop shrinking from it?

why is it so hard though :weep:

It’s hard because your brain is programmed to respond in the negative way, for example for me I was having a bad morning with it, feeling like utter poo, that’s because I’ve had a rough couple of days with my phobia happening in the house and it has a knock on effect but now I’m up and drawing (which I absolutely adore) I’m okay because I’m sitting with everything but not allowing fixation or panic - because there’s nothing to panic about. I absolutely did not want to get out of bed today, didn’t feel like I had the energy to do it let alone anything else.

Drawing time is very meditative for me, I’m focused on what I’m doing but still aware, grounded. I still have negative thought, like this morning but it’s about acknowledging them but not getting hung up on them. I’m not allowed to lay down on the sofa for a good few more hours yet, I will be productive and I will enjoy my day. It’s about finding what works for you even if the end goal is the same. I don’t like to meditate in the way that first comes to mind to most but it’s absolutely my biggest tool, being able to access the same state of mind if I’m having an issue any other time too. It’s refocusing the disordered thoughts to where they should be.


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[Mrsmitchell1984]

Great advice - it takes practice doesn’t it. I failed big time today as I let it get to me a ruined my whole day. But tomorrow is another day, another chance to try and make it better rather than worse x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

One day I will be able to detach myself from this stuff x

[Midnight-mouse]

Great advice - it takes practice doesn’t it. I failed big time today as I let it get to me a ruined my whole day. But tomorrow is another day, another chance to try and make it better rather than worse x

You didn’t fail, you got through the day. You just learnt how you would like to do differently in the future. Negative thought patterns only help the conditions, not us.


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[Mrsmitchell1984]

Yes I definitely would like to do things differently and o know what I have to do- but somehow I can’t seem to take my mind off how bad I feel x

[Midnight-mouse]

Yes I definitely would like to do things differently and o know what I have to do- but somehow I can’t seem to take my mind off how bad I feel x

Your mind will keep going back to it until you train it enough to not get fixated, it’s not about not having the thoughts in the first place, it’s about not letting them rule over everything else. Although over time you will realise you have far less of them. It’s like if you tell yourself every moment of the day that you mustn’t think of pink elephants, they will be all you think of! And the mind will keep coming back to it, the idea is instead say ‘that’s a pink elephant, now what was I doing’ and move on.

Also remember the day is not over! A bad day isn’t usually all bad, it’s just we only remember the bad parts. Even if those bad parts are only 10 minutes that’s likely what we take from the day and remember, even if it’s most of the day... find a good thing to remember instead! If you haven’t had one good thing yet there’s still time! It doesn’t have to be anything special, you got out of bed! You even left the house if I read that correctly? I didn’t go out today. Have you eaten anything? If so there’s another good thing, if not, make it a goal! Then you’ve achieved something you set out to do!


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[Mrsmitchell1984]

Wow what a lovely message- thank you Midnight mouse. I will not beat myself up for thinking about how I am feeling. I will acknowledge it before I try to move on. if I can’t move on - then I will in time. It’s patience and practice.

You are right- it’s only a few times I had a wobble but it’s incredible how that is all you can remember.

i ate 3 meals today, went out, got out of bed, put make up on, showered, looked after my son the whole day- lots of achievements really. Thank you.

How has your day been xxxx

[ankietyjoe]

Remember this is a journey from where you are now to where you want to be.

These days we are conditioned and used to receiving instant gratification, and you can't recover from anxiety that way. There is nothing you can do that will make this go away quickly.

The work you are doing now will pay you back in 6 months, so have faith in it.

That's not to say you won't see improvement quickly, but you won't be free of it quickly.

[Midnight-mouse]

Wow what a lovely message- thank you Midnight mouse. I will not beat myself up for thinking about how I am feeling. I will acknowledge it before I try to move on. if I can’t move on - then I will in time. It’s patience and practice.

You are right- it’s only a few times I had a wobble but it’s incredible how that is all you can remember.

i ate 3 meals today, went out, got out of bed, put make up on, showered, looked after my son the whole day- lots of achievements really. Thank you.

How has your day been xxxx

Much better language in this post Mrs M! The more we think negatively the less we see any of the positives! As you’ve listed here, you’ve had many positives today, they are the bits that give us strength, focussing only on the bad - like when you said you had failed and ruined the whole day just negates all the hard work you’ve put in and belittles all you’ve achieved, which you definitely have done today! Well done!
I haven’t done nearly as much as you and still consider it a success, I tried to get some drawing done but wasn’t happy with it so I spent a few hours building a Lego kit I got for Christmas, I did get out of bed and got dressed though, no shower or make up but that’s okay. I’m going to eat today (nice home cooked cheese burger and sweet potato wedges) it’s all little wins.

Refocusing the way we think to be more positive is arguably just as important if not fundamental for acceptance to occur to be honest.


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[Mrsmitchell1984]

Remember this is a journey from where you are now to where you want to be.

These days we are conditioned and used to receiving instant gratification, and you can't recover from anxiety that way. There is nothing you can do that will make this go away quickly.

The work you are doing now will pay you back in 6 months, so have faith in it.

That's not to say you won't see improvement quickly, but you won't be free of it quickly.

Absolutely right Ankiety Joe - I admire you for sticking it out. It will be worth it in the long run as you say. Thank you for keeping me motivated xxxx

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Aw thank you Midnight- mouse. That’s absolutely right - you don’t have to have a shower etc etc - it’s about good enough is good enough. Tomorrow I don’t have to go out at all- so I doubt I’ll even get changed - but let’s see. I will list my achievements at the end of the day.

I will wait for the fire to go out in the next week or so and then let the coals burn out (which will take longer) xxxx

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Thank you again for your support Ankiety Joe, Carnation, Blue Iris (begins the scenes) and Midnight Mouse- I am truly grateful for your help xxxx

[Midnight-mouse]

Aw thank you Midnight- mouse. That’s absolutely right - you don’t have to have a shower etc etc - it’s about good enough is good enough. Tomorrow I don’t have to go out at all- so I doubt I’ll even get changed - but let’s see. I will list my achievements at the end of the day.

I will wait for the fire to go out in the next week or so and then let the coals burn out (which will take longer) xxxx

I look forward to seeing the list of achievements Mrs M! Let’s see what we manage!


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[Mrsmitchell1984]

I look forward to seeing the list of achievements Mrs M! Let’s see what we manage!


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Let’s do it!! Xxxx

[Carnation]

Before I drop off to sleep I go over all the things I achieved in the day in my head, then I do my gratitudes...
Roof over my head, a caring partner, food in the fridge etc..
It helps to aid a better sleep and gets me to sleep quicker. :noangel:

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Great idea! There is an app on my phone for it.

my husband is great too- he sticks around despite all this he has to put up with x

[ankietyjoe]

I would suggest staying away from apps as much as possible. They take some of the responsibility of your own recovery away from you and still keep you reliant on external crutches.

Not all would agree with me, but that's my own take on it.

[Carnation]

I don't use an App for my gratitude or meditation, but I do for my affirmations ankietyjoe for my depression.
Sometimes you need a voice to tell you that you are not worthless.
But I agree with the 'crutch' thing.

[Mrsmitchell1984]

i have a mindfulness app which I have used before- which talks me through the mindfulness exercise - but I get your point with it being more about doing it yourself x

[ankietyjoe]

At the risk of sounding like a complete hypocrite, I have used apps myself. I did find however, that as I got further down my road to recovery that they were pretty one dimensional and prevented me from really understanding what was happening.

So if you are going to use them, I would still suggest mentally identifying them as a temporary crutch rather than a long term solution. I found them most useful for assisted relaxation, which is never a bad thing. It sometimes got me into a calmer place where I could focus more on my own recovery.

[Mrsmitchell1984]

At the risk of sounding like a complete hypocrite, I have used apps myself. I did find however, that as I got further down my road to recovery that they were pretty one dimensional and prevented me from really understanding what was happening.

So if you are going to use them, I would still suggest mentally identifying them as a temporary crutch rather than a long term solution. I found them most useful for assisted relaxation, which is never a bad thing. It sometimes got me into a calmer place where I could focus more on my own recovery.

That’s a good point Ankiety Joe- it’s better to understand the whole basis of something rather than just simply doing it.

[Mrsmitchell1984]

So today started off ok. I woke with my usual morning anxiety. (shaky muscles and twitching muscles- feeling lots of energy in my body- like I needed to run a marathon-
but I also wanted to sleep as I am shattered) But I tried just seeing it as an adrenaline surge I told my body that everything is ok- and there is nothing to worry about. I managed to get a bit more sleep and I kept smiling to try to calm myself down.

now that I am up - I am finding it a bit more challenging as I am playing with my son and I am feeling guilty about not being completely present in the situation- but I am telling myself that will come with time.

my thoughts are that I feel awful with the constant adrenaline pumping around my body and that I will feel uncomfortable forever. But I am telling myself I am only feeling uncomfortable because of fight and flight symptoms and that as I just let them be there my body will gradually calm
down and maybe in a few months time it’ll be completely gone.

but that is progress. I don’t expect a day without constant anxiety but I am trying my hardest to just let it do it’s thing and carry on despite it. Not be too distressed by the symptoms which of course will tell me body there is more danger and so keep the sensations going.

sorry that is a bit of a ramble but hope it makes sense x

[pulisa]

I think your main and overriding fear is that you will be like this "forever"? I noticed on your meds thread that you have resigned yourself to a lifetime on prozac..but this is really not a foregone conclusion and thinking like this will just keep you fixated on your fears and feelings to the detriment of everything else going on in your life.

My advice would be not to "sit around and mope" but to keep busy-not manically so but comfortably busy. It must be very boring just sitting, ruminating on anxiety and watching the minutes pass painfully slowly? Do you go to church on Sundays?

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Aw thanks Pulisa- that is good advice as always. Sitting and moping is definitely not helpful. I usually go to Church but I have a cold so I think ill stay in and try to get over it. But whilst comfortably occupying myself (not manically as you say) at the same time. X

[Mrsmitchell1984]

So achievements so far today would include staying in bed and managing to sleep despite the adrenaline surges, I was able to smile and went some way to accepting the shaky feelings. Practice will make perfect. I got up, made breakfast for myself and for my son, I have played games with my son too. x

[pulisa]

Well done! Why not go out for a short while sometime during the morning-just to break up the time until lunchtime? You could plan and make the lunch for the 3 of you-nothing fancy but at least you would be doing something and not analysing your anxiety and wondering whether you were doing it "right".

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Exactly right - I will do that- thank you Pulisa :hugs:

How are you today? X

[Carnation]

Hi Mrs M,

Reading into your post this morning, I can still here you not accepting your anxiety symptoms.
Let me explain.
It's not just about getting on with stuff and trying to ignore them or hope they go away.
You have to wholeheartedly accept them, even expect them, say to yourself why you have them, then not pay any attend to them, be relaxed when it happens and carry on with what you are doing.
Not be frightened of them and let them ride over you and not be anxious about feeling normal.
It's not easy, but you can do it.
The brain has to know you don't give a damn about them.
And I'm afraid you just keep saying you want them gone.
It doesn't work like that.
Your subconscious will still be in the state of being afraud, being anxious of having them and fully aware consciously that they bother you.
It's a bring it on situation that will help you in the end. x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

It’s true Carnation- thank you for putting my right. It’ll take some time- but I need to ensure I am going down the right road x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

So let’s see if this approach is right. I had really clammy hand this morning and a feeling or almost vibrations of energy all over my body (be careful what you wish for- I used to wish I didn’t feel tired all the time- now I feel anything but tired!) I noticed this and said to myself so what- eat is so bad about these feelings. I imagined myself having these symptoms forever and I realised that the fear of having anxiety forever, is much worse than having anxiety forever. If I had anxiety forever, I would just have this strange feeling of energy buzzing around my body and sweaty hands (the later is embarrassing- but I will just not shake anyone’s hands)- but is that so bad?

once I got through this thought process, I tried hard to concentrate on playing games with my son- but I guess that is where I fail- as I have to keep the anxiety feeling in my mind (so I can feel it and get used to it/my brain knows there is nothing to fear) and then carry on with what I am doing?

Does that sound any better? I’m a bit slow sometimes but I to be fair to myself it is a hard concept to grasp, get right and of course, to do when you are not feeling at your best x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

basically I can still be a good mum but feel the anxiety x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

And the ultimate aim is not to stop the anxiety but reduce my reaction to it x

[Carnation]

Of course you are a good mum Mrs M.
And I think you worry about that too. x

No, that doesn't sound right thinking about your anxiety symptoms all the time.
In fact if you don't mind me saying, I think you pay too much attention to the thinking and dissecting.
You need to swash them aside, a bit like the fly with the swat scenario.
So what if you have a clammy hand. You have two legs, two arms, a healthy body, a job, a home, a family, an intelligent mind and a determination to survive and do well.
So what, if your muscles twitch. You have muscles that take you from A-B every day!

Acknowledge they are there, tell it "so what" and find something to do. I think your day is too absorbed by talking about it too much! Keeping anxiety in your mind 24/7.
I can say these things because I want to help you Mrs M. There's no point in coating words in fairy dust.
Anxiety is tough and you have to get tough with it! x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

That’s what I like about you Mrs C, you tell me as it is. If you sugar coat something - then how does that help?

So acknowledge them, say so what and move on basically x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

So before I was trying to blank them out and ignore them- without accepting them.

Now I am trying to hard to keep them in mind.

The key is to accept them - say to my brain so what- and get on with what I am doing x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

It’s so crucial to get it right - I want to get this spot on. X

[ankietyjoe]

And the ultimate aim is not to stop the anxiety but reduce my reaction to it x

Bingo

Something that people with anxiety forget is that anxiety is a standard human reaction. The key is to stop the anxiety disorder, not the anxiety itself. Stop the disorder, and the intense anxiety sensations will naturally disappear as well.

[Carnation]

If it helps say things like, "false alarm brain, I'm in no danger" or "Hello anxiety, what you doing here, I don't need you at the moment".
And in the meantime find stuff to do. Not particularly as distraction, but because it fills your day and makes it more fulfilled. x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Bingo

Something that people with anxiety forget is that anxiety is a standard human reaction. The key is to stop the anxiety disorder, not the anxiety itself. Stop the disorder, and the intense anxiety sensations will naturally disappear as well.

Thanks Ankiety Joe- this is certainly my aim today (to reduce my reaction (the disorder) not my anxiety) x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

[QUOTE=Carnation;1916586]If it helps say things like, "false alarm brain, I'm in no danger" or "Hello anxiety, what you doing here, I don't need you at the moment".
And in the meantime find stuff to do. Not particularly as distraction, but because it fills your day and makes it more fulfilled. x[/QU

Thanks Mrs C, that does help- hopefully I am getting it right now.

so- feel the anxiety sensations, say so what, accept them as totally normal and not harmful, not a problem at all, and get going with my normal routine x

[LisaS]

I love this thread, so positive and lots of great advice!
You sound like me Mrs M - sooooo much overthinkingggg..... its so endless!! Occupation is key and keeping busy - often hard to do but it is possible.

I struggle too with acceptance although really working on it as I also want to get to a point where anxiety doesn't cause me so much fear.... afterall, it's just a feeling... I've just decided it's a scary one.

We shall get there!!

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I love this thread, so positive and lots of great advice!
You sound like me Mrs M - sooooo much overthinkingggg..... its so endless!! Occupation is key and keeping busy - often hard to do but it is possible.

I struggle too with acceptance although really working on it as I also want to get to a point where anxiety doesn't cause me so much fear.... afterall, it's just a feeling... I've just decided it's a scary one.

We shall get there!!

Thanks LisaS. I always say it’s the curse of the intelligent as if we weren’t great thinkers the sensations would happen and we couldn’t care less. But you are right it is just a feeling. Yes we have to relabel the feeling as a normal, harmless non-scary one. Not easy, but definitely worth doing x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I hope you are having a good day Midnight- mouse x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Hi all, I hope I am doing this right - I did my usual things today (reading, playing with my son, a walk, watched a film). I felt the old negative thoughts go through my mind and I argued with it. Sometimes I would feel bored but then I would say “so what,” boredom won’t kill me. Sometimes I felt sweaty palms and I said “so what,” they are not going to kill me they are just uncomfortable. Usually I would wash my hands and would feel better (sweaty palms makes me feel dirty I don’t know why) but I resisted the urge to wash my hands and calmly kept my sweaty palms. At times I felt too cold, but reminded myself that this was because I am sensitised - and so I said “so what,” being cold won’t hurt me and I won’t feel cold forever - the same with when I felt too hot- I resisted the urge to take clothes off and tested my fear of being too hot. Then I got a bit fed up with a persistent itch that I have had on my foot, I have an itchy head (for no reason) and achy joints- but again I reminded myself this is because I am extra sensitive at the moment and it’s no big deal.

i would say today is a success as although I felt some anxiety and annoyance- I didn’t let the thoughts sway me and I managed to stay calm and internally reassure myself. So I did as much as I can to accept the sensations and kept the second fear really low. (The first fear being the fear that causes the sensations and the second fear is the reaction to the sensations- if you keep the second fear low- your body will stop producing adrenaline- calm and then eventually - it can be months- stop producing the sensations in the first place. Conversely, if you add second fear and become very scared of your sensations - you make the first fear worse and so the sensations get worse).

i hope my understanding and approach is correct x

[ankietyjoe]

You're on the right track. The 'so what' response is very much how CBT works, and is a form of acceptance.

The only thing I would suggest is try not to label a day as a success or not. You're going to have good and bad days, and labelling a day as bad serves no purpose. Each hour is what it is, no more and no less. What you're doing isn't going to pay you back today as much as your brain will react to what you did today a week or a month down the line. Your brain reacts to things by comparing it to past experience, and it will have learned today that sweaty palms (for example) isn't something to worry about as much as it previously thought. The more you do this, the more the reinforcement that things are fine.

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Oh that’s brilliant -thank you so much Ankiety- Joe!x

[pulisa]

If you have the concentration to watch a film then I reckon you're not so badly affected by anxiety as you think which is really positive!

[Midnight-mouse]

I hope you are having a good day Midnight- mouse x

I have! I enjoyed a lazy morning with Mr Midnight and a brilliant roast dinner. I’ve managed to build one of my lego sets and got a bit more of a sketch done, playing around with watercolours for the first time in way too many years! I’m chilling on the sofa this evening reading a good psychological thriller, my most guilty pleasure.

It sounds like you’ve had a good day too! Well done for giving the thoughts a challenge today, that’s a really good start. Like others have already said I think you’ve got a good start of it and you’ll be able to find your way through in time I’m sure!


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[Mrsmitchell1984]

I have! I enjoyed a lazy morning with Mr Midnight and a brilliant roast dinner. I’ve managed to build one of my lego sets and got a bit more of a sketch done, playing around with watercolours for the first time in way too many years! I’m chilling on the sofa this evening reading a good psychological thriller, my most guilty pleasure.

It sounds like you’ve had a good day too! Well done for giving the thoughts a challenge today, that’s a really good start. Like others have already said I think you’ve got a good start of it and you’ll be able to find your way through in time I’m sure!


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Aw you sound like you have had a great day- that is really nice to hear.

aw it’s good to hear that I am on the right track- now it’s just a matter of time and progress to desensitising from the sensations x

[Midnight-mouse]

Aw you sound like you have had a great day- that is really nice to hear.

aw it’s good to hear that I am on the right track- now it’s just a matter of time and progress to desensitising from the sensations x

I have! It’s been a pretty easy one for me after a very tricky week but I’m really glad to be feeling a little better to be honest, still all the normal things but much easier to keep in line today.

Keep challenging the thoughts, keep reinforcing that there’s nothing to actually scary happening.
We will see what tomorrow brings! I’m hoping to get a little drawing for my business done over the next couple of days, instead of just messing around with things for fun but we will have to see!

Is there anything you’re looking forward to at the moment? Doesn’t have to be anything big, could just be that you get to eat something nice or something along those lines.


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[Mrsmitchell1984]

I have! It’s been a pretty easy one for me after a very tricky week but I’m really glad to be feeling a little better to be honest, still all the normal things but much easier to keep in line today.

Keep challenging the thoughts, keep reinforcing that there’s nothing to actually scary happening.
We will see what tomorrow brings! I’m hoping to get a little drawing for my business done over the next couple of days, instead of just messing around with things for fun but we will have to see!

Is there anything you’re looking forward to at the moment? Doesn’t have to be anything big, could just be that you get to eat something nice or something along those lines.


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Erm not really - maybe the summer next year. I feel a bit lost but I think that is just because I am anxious and once it alleviates- then enjoyment will come back and I will make plans. I can’t really think at the moment other than writing stories, making jewellery, sewing(that’s my creative side).

I would love to be able to draw- my parents are both brilliant but the genetics skipped me- what sort of things do you draw? X

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Glad to hear you had a day where things were more in control. Wishing us both many more days to come of that xxxx

[Midnight-mouse]

Erm not really - maybe the summer next year. I feel a bit lost but I think that is just because I am anxious and once it alleviates- then enjoyment will come back and I will make plans. I can’t really think at the moment other than writing stories, making jewellery, sewing(that’s my creative side).

I would love to be able to draw- my parents are both brilliant but the genetics skipped me- what sort of things do you draw? X

I always keep little things I’m looking forward to, even if they are tiny, like every now and again I get fresh apple juice to have in the morning or I have my roast dinner on a Sunday. It helps me look forward to the days and gives me more power because even if it’s a bad day I’ll have something I really enjoy.

I draw portraits for commission and offer prints of some portfolio pieces I’ve done. Drawing is mostly practice to be honest! It’s a great outlet even if the results aren’t perfect it doesn’t matter.

All of those things sound very much like thinking! And you keep your child safe and well, these are not small things and you really should give yourself more credit!


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[Mrsmitchell1984]

I always keep little things I’m looking forward to, even if they are tiny, like every now and again I get fresh apple juice to have in the morning or I have my roast dinner on a Sunday. It helps me look forward to the days and gives me more power because even if it’s a bad day I’ll have something I really enjoy.

I draw portraits for commission and offer prints of some portfolio pieces I’ve done. Drawing is mostly practice to be honest! It’s a great outlet even if the results aren’t perfect it doesn’t matter.

All of those things sound very much like thinking! And you keep your child safe and well, these are not small things and you really should give yourself more credit!


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Yes I don’t give myself enough credit. Sometimes I feel like my son is on the phone too much - but I try to keep it to two hours and per day and only educational games. When I speak to other parents they say that their children are on the phone for much much longer - sometimes the whole day and I remember being plonked in front of the tv most of the day by my mum- so I think you are right. He is definitely safe and well.

Things to look forward to are good though - I look forward to certain tv programmes. I usually look forward to foods but my appetite isn’t great at the moment. I am into history so I like reading and learning about that. I know that when I am not anxious/depressed - I am full of enthusiasm for lots of things. When I think of a holiday away next year- I get more anxious than anything else. But little steps- I will get there.

wishing you a lovely day today x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

So I woke this morning with very little anxiety - I almost wanted it there so I can practice. I just have a bit of lower abdomen, back pain and sweaty palms. I’ll practice with these sensations as they could be anxiety - who knows x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Summary of acceptance on CBT4PANIC:

http://cbt4panic.org/acceptance-behaviour-strategies-summary/

xxx

[pulisa]

I always keep little things I’m looking forward to, even if they are tiny, like every now and again I get fresh apple juice to have in the morning or I have my roast dinner on a Sunday. It helps me look forward to the days and gives me more power because even if it’s a bad day I’ll have something I really enjoy.

I draw portraits for commission and offer prints of some portfolio pieces I’ve done. Drawing is mostly practice to be honest! It’s a great outlet even if the results aren’t perfect it doesn’t matter.

All of those things sound very much like thinking! And you keep your child safe and well, these are not small things and you really should give yourself more credit!


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It's so important to hang on to the comfort you get from the "little things" in life that you enjoy. It doesn't matter what they are-Mouse has a great attitude to keeping mentally well and on top of her issues. Her advice is so helpful and spot on. Don't lose sight of those things which keep your head above the water no matter how insignificant they may seem. To you they are important and that's all that matters x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Exactly -thanks Pulisa x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I was having a good day and then all of the sudden - my stomach started hurting a bit more and I lost my appetite. Mr M let me lie in which was lovely and he has been playing with our son. Now he has made us all breakfast and the smell and thought of it has made me feel sick and now my anxiety has ramped up- will I feel like this forever? Will I never enjoy life again? Will all my hair fall out and I will look gaunt as I will hardly eat anymore. But these are just thoughts - I need to keep going despite them- it can’t be like this forever. X

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I’m full of cold too- which doesn’t help. I have into make sure that these thoughts don’t carry my along into a miserable place. Just let them pass x

[Carnation]

Morning Mrs M :flowers:

I think your approach to yesterday paid off and you are already seeing a shift this morning.
Remember this takes time, but you are understanding the concept and that in itself is recovery. x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I managed to eat two sausages- I think the thought of eating bread and the smell of grease was maybe too much for me. Again I am questioning whether it is anxiety or constipation/Ibs/bowel cancer etc x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

So not a good start but onwards and upwards- I’m going to try harder at letting life
be as it is and not getting caught up in my thoughts and worries x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Morning Mrs M :flowers:

I think your approach to yester paid off and you are already seeing a shift this morning.
Remember this takes time, but you are understanding the concept and that in itself is recovery. x

Thank Carnation- i just need to keep on track- I just got tripped up along the way x

[Carnation]

Nooooo, you are letting health anxiety take over again :(

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I never even knew I had health anxiety :roflmao:but yes thinking about it-I do. I also worry how people will react if I don’t eat much around them (I am at a friend’s for lunch today). But so what if I don’t eat? I’ll just say I’m under the weather.x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Sorry I am writing a lot today - just want to document what is happening so I can keep my thoughts in check- I also
find it lifts a weight from me.

so now that I have eaten a bit- my hunger has returned.
so the pressure and worry about eating has ramped up my anxiety and almost closed my appetite. But if I just eat a bit then I relax and so can eat x

[Carnation]

No, don't say that Mrs M, that's feeding your brain with a negative thought. Better to say you are watching what you eat after all the Christmas festivities or you have a large dinner tonight, don't tempt fate by saying you feel under the weather. :winks:

[Mrsmitchell1984]

ah I see - this is why it is good to document this- you keep me on track x

[Carnation]

The brain and stomach listens to what you say and think and acts accordingly.
I've had to stop in my tracks and reword what I have said for sounding negative.
You'll be surprised how much we do that. x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Yes I felt like yesterday I filtered all my negative thoughts and challenged them- I’ll be doing the same today until it becomes automatic x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Thanks for your support as always Mrs C

[Carnation]

Mrs M, you are doing all the work, I'm just here for the ride :yesyes:

[Midnight-mouse]

I never even knew I had health anxiety :roflmao:but yes thinking about it-I do. I also worry how people will react if I don’t eat much around them (I am at a friend’s for lunch today). But so what if I don’t eat? I’ll just say I’m under the weather.x

Then just don’t eat if you’re not wanting to? There’s no point in forcing it. Challenge that thought: ‘so what if I don’t? Would I care or even think twice if someone visits me and didn’t want food?’ Sometimes taking the pressure off is all that’s needed, and frankly there’s no need to put pressure on this. You don’t need to justify anything, a simple ‘no thanks’ or ‘I’m not hungry, looks/smells brilliant though!’ completely suffice. Or if you fancy it when your there tuck in! In the Long run it just doesn’t matter so why let it build up now?

Acknowledge, challenge, accept/move on.

I have trouble with my eating, I have done for years now but I’m at a point I enjoy what I eat and just have my meals at home when I’m able to, if not I don’t worry about it it’s not going to hurt me. I didn’t eat at my own wedding, I didn’t eat at my best friends wedding either... no one cared at all, Mr midnight just took the best bits from mine - all the more for him! I still enjoy the conversation and company.

Hope you have a lovely time at your friends!


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[Midnight-mouse]

It's so important to hang on to the comfort you get from the "little things" in life that you enjoy. It doesn't matter what they are-Mouse has a great attitude to keeping mentally well and on top of her issues. Her advice is so helpful and spot on. Don't lose sight of those things which keep your head above the water no matter how insignificant they may seem. To you they are important and that's all that matters x

Thank you for this Pulisa! I really try! I do find that being positive, even if you’re only able to put a positive spin on feeling cruddy really helps, those days I just think ‘I get to have a day curled up relaxing nice and warm’ and it really helps me to not wallow or let myself get in deep with it. Of course I still have hang ups, moments each and every day that I have to reassess and some that Mr Midnight helps me with but I’m living a life with the issues and I’m happy, over time I see progress in recovery but that’s okay! These things take time and as long as I’m happy living my life every other bit of recovery is a blessing!


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[Mrsmitchell1984]

Wow thank you everyone. Mrs C- it makes it so much more bearable if you are with me along with ratbag (my anxiety).

Midnight mouse- such a good point. I think you are right - I am over worrying and putting too much pressure on myself. I just need to keep saying so what after every hurdle in a day.

and yes- being more grateful of the positive things is definitely important. I felt bad this morning about not really being able to put down something I look forward to- but that will come in time. If I can’t enjoy anything - I need to focus on achievements and things I am grateful for x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Sometimes I think happiness is a fallacy anyway- created by the media and commerce to make us spend more. We but into this dream that this car would make me happy and this new sofa would make my life complete. It’s rubbish- and if we don’t feel happy we feel inadequate- like we are missing out. Facebook shows us people smiling all
the time, adverts full of people on the greatest holiday of their life, couples- so in love. Disney films end in happily ever after. But life is tough and never without it’s problems x

[Midnight-mouse]

But life is tough and never without it’s problems x

This part is true, life is tough and yes there are problems, but why resign ones self to simply being miserable just because of that. Seems like quite the negative outlook doesn’t it? Remember positivity is one of our strongest tools.

To not pursue happiness just because sometimes we’re sad or in difficult parts of our lives is defeatist.

I have enough going on in my life that if I took that logic I would never be happy again, never a moment. Happiness is something that we control, a mindset that ultimately we choose. External things happening have very little to do with it, now don’t get me wrong when depression is at its highest for me it’s difficult to see but that’s why I have my little things. Getting to read a book, watch tv, be warm on the sofa, safe tucked up in bed, apple juice and pizza (not together though) and yes sometimes my husband, but I try not to let my happiness be a responsibility of someone else. It does make me happy he’s here though.

I’ve never had a car, or a fancy sofa for that matter but if that’s what makes you happy, maybe you’re a person that loves to drive/fascinated by engines, or you love interior design and the pretty sofa fills you with joy! But it’s something that varies for each and every one of us, that’s why I ask what you look forward to, not the big things like holidays, I haven’t taken one in years because I’m happier doing other things. I mean more the things that make you tick as a person, like you’ve mentioned history and learning. But on more of a daily thing, maybe you love the way light breaks through in the morning or quiet of night - anything!

It’s about being more than just self absorbed with our conditions, seeing past them and feeling something other than the negativity. These conditions stole years from me where I didn’t feel these things, it’s easy to let it happen. I won’t be in that place again. Happiness gives us a far wider perspective than our normal view - especially when you have mental illnesses.


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[Mrsmitchell1984]

That’s so true midnight mouse- we choose whether to be happy and I think a lot of things are thrown in front of us telling us that they will make us happy- but they don’t. I think if I bought a new car etc I would’ve disappointed. You are rights it’s more about the little pleasures- I love seeing a blue sky, but I also like seeing the stars at night. I like a big glass of water (sad I know- I should like a big glass of wine!!) and I like making things. I like seeing my son smile- I love seeing his face in fact. I love being cosy and warm on the sofa and also at night cosy in bed reading my book. I love the sound of water in water features and wind chimes blowing in the wind- wow MM you have made me see things I didn’t even think about - thank you xxxx

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I love sitting on the sofa with my cat, sitting next to Mr M (it sounds so funny calling him that as my maiden name began with M- so it’s like he took my name ��) watching a series we both enjoy-
we both like doc Martin and the crown.

the breeze on a hot day, a shower and feeling clean afterwards x

[Midnight-mouse]

Much better! Why not like water? There’s no shame in what makes us happy! I don’t like wine either.

All of these are brilliant, they happen everyday if you take a moment outside of ourselves to see them, that’s what can really make you happy. Make the choice to see it and feel it. It’s far more powerful than you might think.


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[Mrsmitchell1984]

The taste of chocolate, cheese and butter on toast, achieving a target at work - that is what drives me the most x

[Midnight-mouse]

The taste of chocolate, cheese and butter on toast, achieving a target at work - that is what drives me the most x

Look at you! You’re on fire! There’s so much more to life than we first think, especially when we’re wrapped up in everything that goes on inside our heads, so much that’s much more worth thinking about!


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[Mrsmitchell1984]

These are a few of my favourite things - love that film too x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Aw thank you MM- what a lovely person you are :hugs:

[ankietyjoe]

I also like water. I don't drink. I don't miss it.

[Carnation]

Mrs M, somewhere on here I have threads called...
Things that make you feel good...
I'll try and find it for you x

[Carnation]

Just bumped it x

[pulisa]

This part is true, life is tough and yes there are problems, but why resign ones self to simply being miserable just because of that. Seems like quite the negative outlook doesn’t it? Remember positivity is one of our strongest tools.

To not pursue happiness just because sometimes we’re sad or in difficult parts of our lives is defeatist.

I have enough going on in my life that if I took that logic I would never be happy again, never a moment. Happiness is something that we control, a mindset that ultimately we choose. External things happening have very little to do with it, now don’t get me wrong when depression is at its highest for me it’s difficult to see but that’s why I have my little things. Getting to read a book, watch tv, be warm on the sofa, safe tucked up in bed, apple juice and pizza (not together though) and yes sometimes my husband, but I try not to let my happiness be a responsibility of someone else. It does make me happy he’s here though.

I’ve never had a car, or a fancy sofa for that matter but if that’s what makes you happy, maybe you’re a person that loves to drive/fascinated by engines, or you love interior design and the pretty sofa fills you with joy! But it’s something that varies for each and every one of us, that’s why I ask what you look forward to, not the big things like holidays, I haven’t taken one in years because I’m happier doing other things. I mean more the things that make you tick as a person, like you’ve mentioned history and learning. But on more of a daily thing, maybe you love the way light breaks through in the morning or quiet of night - anything!

It’s about being more than just self absorbed with our conditions, seeing past them and feeling something other than the negativity. These conditions stole years from me where I didn’t feel these things, it’s easy to let it happen. I won’t be in that place again. Happiness gives us a far wider perspective than our normal view - especially when you have mental illnesses.


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I really admire your outlook, MM-you are such a refreshing voice on NMP xx

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I really admire your outlook, MM-you are such a refreshing voice on NMP xx

she really is!xxxx

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Just bumped it x

oooh lovely thank you Mrs C :hugs:

[Mrsmitchell1984]

So I went to my friend’s house today with my son. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to eat as she was making lunch for me and also whether I would be able to make conversation as I am in my head too much. But, it was a great afternoon- we had a great chat together and we didn’t stop talking. Also I stuffed my face! I didn’t want to leave and she was so chilled out about the mess our son’s were making and her approach to raising her son is quite laid back too (she has been a foster carer, child minder, and now she is a TA- she is a child expert in my eyes). People often tell me how soft I am because I don’t shout at my son much (as a lawyer I read a lot of social services’ reports about the effects of shouting at kids, or letting them cry things out without comforting them). I realised that I am surrounded with people who are too hard on me- my husband, his mum, my sister in law- are always telling my that I am too soft on my son, I am messy etc- and it makes me realise how this affects my thinking of myself (my confidence). My friend was a breath of fresh air today.

I did have a few negative thoughts- when she told me how she planned a camping trip away and I thought that I would never be able to do that at the moment - but when i am less sensitised - I am a spot on organiser- I’m just not myself and besides - do I need to arrange a camping trip to make life special? Not really. So I challenged the negative thoughts and felt as if they were blocked. Sometimes I would feel a sad feeling and I could trace it back to a thought if I looked backwards- and once I questioned it - then I felt the pain lift. I guess it’s acceptance of the anxiety sensations - but as with negative thoughts- I think you should not accept them and argue back - or just completely detach yourself from the thought and feeling process- so
the bad feelings do not affect you!

wow I have verbal diarrhoea at the moment x

[Carnation]

Mrs M...
You can do anything you want, but you have to WANT to do it.
I moved during a relapse and was highly sensitised as well. I surprised myself and I actually enjoyed it!
Everyone kept telling me it was stressful, but I was focused and excited. :D
I get more stressed shopping or making the dinner, lol.

[Carnation]

Well done with today and pleased you enjoyed yourself Mrs M. x

[Scass]

Sounds like a great day for both of you. X

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Sounds like a great day for both of you. X

Thanks Scass- how are you? X

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Mrs M...
You can do anything you want, but you have to WANT to do it.
I moved during a relapse and was highly sensitised as well. I surprised myself and I actually enjoyed it!
Everyone kept telling me it was stressful, but I was focused and excited. :D
I get more stressed shopping or making the dinner, lol.

Good point Mrs C- it’s only out of our capabilities if we allow our negative thoughts to stop us x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

So I woke this morning feeling anxiety but I managed to react to it really well. I was even smiling and calm. However, the lower abdomen pain was awful and sweatiness. I need to accept these - but my brain keeps telling me that these are more than just anxiety x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

So again I tripped up - but that’s ok as it is hard work accepting pain/uncomfortable. Our natural reaction is to fear pain and discomfort, analyse it and think something is wrong- like there is an alarm going on in the body. I have had these symptoms for well over a week now and have I come to harm?
No.

That said, it hasn’t helped that I haven’t been able to get an appointment at the gp just to get checked over and see that there is nothing wrong- which is most likely the case. If I was really ill- I would have known about it by now.

so I read CLAIRE Weeks book again and she says that you need to truly accept the pain and discomfort. By flinching from it- I am telling my body that there is something wrong and so intensifying it. Every morning I struggle with this, but each day I am sure I am going in the right direction- I just need to gently put myself in the right direction until I do it automatically. The aim is to get to every morning - feel the anxiety and it be no significance to me x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

I like the way Carnation calls her anxiety a name and it makes it more jokey rather than a tragedy. So I will keep calling my lower abdomen pain - fiddlesticks and my embarrassing sweatiness- Fred. X

[Mrsmitchell1984]

The shakey impending doom feeling I will call ratbag- and the depression -
toad
x

[Carnation]

Morning Mrs M :flowers:

What do you think is wrong with you, if it's not anxiety Mrs M?
You do know that sweating and your sweaty palms are a classic of symptom of being nervous? Unless it's the menopause, but I'm presuming you are nowhere near that.
And you've heard of a nervous stomach?
It's your health worries causing you anxiety in my opinion. x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Thanks Carnation- I am close to menopause age - (definitely peri menopause age) but unsure if it is happening or not- I guess this is good practise if it’s not menopause.

I worry about my health a bit, but my main worry is that it’ll be anxiety and that means I could have this feeling every morning for the rest of my life? But then I keep telling myself, if I have it every morning, then I’ll get used to it. It’s only been a few weeks- it takes time to get used to pain I guess. I am actually hoping that it would be a medical condition that could be treated as that would be easier than trying to accept the pain and discomfort x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Morning Carnation - where are my manners? X

[Carnation]

I have no doubts that your anxiety is caused by your health worries. Which tends to be the most common cause of anxiety.
A visit to the GP will be a good idea Mrs M. x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Thanks Carnation- my biggest fear is suffering forever. But if a pain is insignificant then it will not be suffering.

i wish you a lovely day Carnation :hugs:

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Tonight I am going to treat myself to chocolate ice cream- strange for this time of year- but I fancy it. How about everyone else? X

[Carnation]

My treat will be a hot chocolate with whipped cream on top Mrs M :yesyes:

[Mrsmitchell1984]

My treat will be a hot chocolate with whipped cream on top Mrs M :yesyes:

ooh lovely x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

So Fred (sweating) and fiddlesticks (Pain in lower abdomen) are gone but I am still feeling a bit apprehensive. In the present moment I am fine - but the worry about Fred and fiddlesticks every morning plus ratbag (impending doom) is worrying me. I know this is stupid as I’m wasting time enjoying my current moment and I am more likely to keep suffering every morning. Instead I am going to say each time I feel Fred, fiddlesticks, and/or ratbag- it’s time to practice acceptance- the more I feel it - the more I accept it x

i am on the bus to work today and the driver was messing around - he pressed the wrong key and it said “this bus is under attack, please call 999.” I would have been upset but it was in the voice of a chipmunk. Small pleasures x