I really need help.

[Scaredbear]

I’m here because I really need help. I used to suffer quite severe health anxiety related to myself, and I still have some quirks of it, such as an unhealthy obsession with my heart rate and a fear of DVT when my leg hurts 🙄 but generally I have somehow learnt to manage this.

I am currently facing an unhealthy level of anxiety around my husband’s health. It’s been going on for about a year but has recently gotten worse. I have been panicking constantly inside about something happening to him. I have developed an awful habit of asking him if I can feel his pulse to check that his heart isn’t beating too fast. It’s happening daily and it drives him mad and makes him anxious. He suffers with general anxiety himself and is partial to a panic attack, so my anxiety certainly doesn’t help him.

Currently he is unwell with what we presume is some sort of virus or flu-like thing. He doesn’t have a cough, cold, sore throat or anything but is extremely fatigued, with all over body aches (including a feeling of tightness in his calf which I am worrying is DVT even though I know it probably isn’t), headache etc etc. He’s been unwell for about 5 days now. Anyway, I’m worried there is something seriously wrong with him. And it has sent my anxiety through the roof.

He doesn’t have any health conditions except for fibromyalgia which he was diagnosed with a couple of years ago. I think he is abit in denial about this diagnosis. He works full time, as do I, but he doesn’t seem able to handle it as he gets ill frequently, same things as now, exhausted, lethargic, body aches etc.

I’m 30, he’s 32 and we both smoke. We also don’t eat as healthy as we should. I worry that he will die young (or me).

I’m basically seeking some reassurance that I’m not completely insane and others worry about this too.

Please help :(

[BlueIris]

You're not insane, I promise. This is one of the driving themes of my anxiety. I've learned to let go a little, but I still worry myself physically sick every time my husband visits the doctor.

[tommy1982]

health anxiety is a vicious cycle, always searching for certainty, either get really good with cbt , or get a med to help, if the med is not helping its not working.

its a horrible curse of a condition that can take over your life, i think almost everyone who has anxiety gets it, it can get extreme , as the anxiety can mimic any condition,

[Scaredbear]

Thank you both.
It really is the most awful, all consuming, and draining thing.
I’m sick of worrying about everything and everyone, I just want to feel normal :(

[ankietyjoe]

You're not insane, but as Tommy said it's a vicious cycle of negative behaviour.

The first step is to intercept your obsessive need to check. Next time you want to check his pulse, distract yourself and go and do something else. You have to undo mental habits, and this takes a long time, and requires much effort on your part.

It really wouldn't hurt to stop smoking and sort your diet out too. Not at the same time though, that would be too hard. I would say that quitting smoking would be a massive boost to both your mental and physical health. Don't switch to vaping either, just quit.

[Scaredbear]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I know the smoking doesn’t help as it makes me more paranoid about our health. We have a plan to give up on new year. We both quit for a couple of months before but with a vape, but after all the stuff in the news about vapes, I’m not keen on that this time!
I don’t know where this fear of death has come from. I know everyone fears it to some extent (well a lot of people), but I feel that it is so extreme now that it’s affecting every day life.
Thanks again for your advice x

[Dasani95]

I’m sorry you’re going through this, I’ve dealt with health anxiety and still do.

Seeing a therapist can help. I’ve also found a ton of good advice and people on this forum, so you’re at the right place.

[yorkshirepudding]

but is extremely fatigued, with all over body aches

fibromyalgia which he was diagnosed with a couple of years ago.

I have copied these two sentences. Read them together and you know what the reason is for how he feels.

It is understandable to be concerned buy you will be fuelling his anxiety which will make his fibro worse which will then make you worry more?

I suffer with HA big time and i listen to nobody so I know what you go through but please try :)

[Scaredbear]

Thanks everybody for comments. I’m trying really hard. He currently has calf pain in one leg which I have convinced myself is DVT :( this has to stop.
I have booked an appointment to see my gp on Friday to discuss getting help for my anxiety.