Anxiety about work

[anne1980]

Hi

This is my first post but I've been reading the forum for the past couple of weeks whilst I've been off sick from work with anxiety and panic. My first panic attack happended a few months ago when driving a client to an appointment whilst at work (I'm a social worker). I then started avoiding driving whenever I could and getting terrible anxiety in other aspects of the job, such as attending meetings. Looking back now i can see it's a build up of several stressful things happening over the past couple of years. This has gradually got worse to the point that i started a new job (same work, different council) and only lasted a week and half before I felt like I'd lost the plot and went to see my doctor in a terrible state, and got signed off. I thought that the change of environment would cure it as I've worked in this team before and really enjoyed it. So now I've convinced myself it's the job that i can't cope with as I have been fine in my home life and all of my panic attacks seem to happen at work. Is it time to look for something else?, I feel like a terrible failure as I've spent the last 4 years working towards getting qualified. I've spoken to my boss today and in all honesty they've been really good and said I can come back and take it slowly. I'm just terrified that going back will tip me back over the edge as I feel a bit better now. I would really appreciate any advice, and sorry for the ramble!

thanks x

[bearcrazy]

(((((((((((((((((((((Anne))))))))))))))))))))))))

Hi Anne,

I have recently had to resign from my job because of long term absences from depression and Anxiety. I was a teacher and found working with the kids great but keeping up with paperwork and planning a nightmare. I also had a few problems at work with colleagues which added to the pressure. My line managers were not as sympahthetic as they should have been. I felt that I was a failure as everyone else seemed to be coping so much better than I was or maybe they were better at hiding it. I know Social Work is as high if not higher on the list of jobs that are plagueed by absence through stress. I am hoping that I can get better now that the pressure is off.
I wonder if you have discussed this with your line manager? In the profession that you are in I would hope that they would be understanding and supportive. All Employers have a duty of care to their employees and part fo that duty of care is making reasonable adjustments to your workload while you are feeling 'unwell'. If I'd known about this earlier I dont thi nk I would be unemployed now!
Hope you can get things sorted out,
TC xxxxxxxxxxxx :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Bill]

I can understand what both of you are saying because the same things happened to me. I too had to take sick leave and attempted to go back but found it was too much. I must admit I didn't enjoy my job so it made it harder to face.

Once we suffer panic, it is there as a constant fear. For instance anne, you say you avoided driving because you remembered your first panic whereas before the panic, it was never a problem.

I think there are a few things to think about. Firstly, do you still enjoy your job and want to keep it? If so, it's worth attempting to go back but don't rush. The other problem is that even you change jobs at the moment, you may find the anxiety comes back because it's now an issue for you.

My suggestion would be to give yourself time. Don't rush back until you feel ready but if you didn't enjoy the job, don't attempt looking for another job just yet because you may also find that too much. However, if you want to keep the job, don't stay away for too long because it'll become harder to go back. A question of timing.

In my case, I resigned from my job after the sick leave I was allowed came to an end. I gave myself time to heal then looked for something I knew I'd enjoy. Job satisfaction is very important especially when you have anxiety. When I went back to a new place of work I coped with no problem.

Don't try pushing yourself until you're ready because it'll only create more stress for you. Give yourself healing time and re-build your confidence first. Good luck.
:flowers:

[anne1980]

Thanks for your replies, I appreciate the advice. It's hard to make sense of what to do for the best when your in the middle of this. I want to give it another go even if it doesn't work out because at leat then I've tried and can move onto something else if it's not right. I've got the rest of the week off so I'll just see how it goes.

[Dying_Swan]

Hi Anne. And Welcome! :)

Oh isn't it hard when it affects your job? I took a year out when I first started having Panic Attacks - I didn't know what it was for 6 months, and then it transformed into Agoraphobia. I did go back and all is well :)

Social work must be very stressful. Do you enjoy it? From reading what you've said, I get the impression that you do. As Bill said, timing is certainly important. It is pointless to go back when you are as anxious as ever and don't feel ready, but you are in a good position in that you have caught it early.

Have you had any advice from your GP? I'd personally recommend CBT very highly, but unfortunately the waiting lists tend to be very long. Have you thought about medication?

I imagine that you have an Occupational Health Service? It might be a good idea to make an appointment to see them. They are very used to dealing with stress-related problems, and might be able to organise you a 'phased return'. That's where you go back slowly and can have reduced hours and/or duties for a planned period of time.

I think the most important thing you can do is to learn not to avoid things. The more you face your fears and stick it out, the more you will realise you will be fine :yesyes:

Keep posting - there are a lot of people here who will have some valuable advice :)

Good luck xxx

[anne1980]

I have seen my GP and am on the waiting list for CBT so fingers crossed that should help. I just feel so confused at the minute because I don't know whether it is the job that isn't right for me or I fear the job because i associate it with anxiety, beacuse the first panic attack happended at work. So now fear of having a panic attack makes me not want to go, so then it becomes a viscious cycle as I'm sure alot of us know! I've been really upfront with my boss and told her I'm concerned of going back in case it tips me over the edge, she's said she won't put me under pressure and that it will probably get worse the longer I leave it. So I'm thinking I should give it a go otherwise I'll never know.

This isn't my first brush with anxiety and panic the first time was about 12 years ago (with a few lapses since then including a severe bout of health anxiety), so I'm well versed and have read everything I can get my hands on, it just all seems to go out the window when your in the thick of it.

I really appreciate your advice, it helps to know that other people have been in similar situations,

thanks xx

[lizzie29]

Anne

I just logged onto the site to write about a problem I'm currently having, which is very similar to yours! Having read your story, I feel a bit relieved - it's good to know others go through similar things and we seem to be experiencing similar thoughts.

I'm currently in the middle of a PGCE (teacher training course). I started last September and all was going well, then decided to postpone after I started suffering panic attacks. I started again only a week ago, but the panic is starting to come back. In some ways I want to keep going and finish the course, but I'm also (like you) wondering if I actually want to. However, I feel that if I wasn't suffering from anxiety and panic, would I be enjoying the course more and wanting to finish it - when I started a year ago, I certainly loved it, but could this have changed despite the anxiety?

I feel like I'm in a bit of a quandry regarding what to do, and everyone around me keeps telling me that I can do it, and I'll make a brilliant teacher. I appreciate them and their support, but also think do I want to spend every day struggling to get through the day, waking up at night worrying, not being able to eat properly?

I realise this may not help you a great deal as I don't really have any advice, but I hope knowing that other people are in similar situations helps.

Lizzie

[anne1980]

Hi Lizzie

I think it's hard to make sense of what the real problem is when your feeling so stressed out, I had a few days at the beginning of this when I felt that the world was over and couldn't stop crying. All my friends and family were saying the same thing, that i'm really good at my job and I thought you liked it etc. Just be kind to yourself and give yourself the time to work out what you want, that's what I'm trying to do although it's easier said than done when your in the grip of panic. Is it anything specific that bothers you about it or just a general feeling? For me I just wonder if I need something thats less stressful but trying to work out what just sends me off on one again!

There's lots of good advice on here, I was reading for ages before I posted, hope it's of some help.

Michelle

[Insomniac]

Hi Anne.

You post really touched my heart, because I had a tough time last year. I am a teaching assistant - so nowhere near as much pressure as a teacher, but I was off work for the summer when I was suffering badly. It was very hard to go back to work in September.

I talked to the teacher I work with, and then to my head teacher who luckily is very understanding. My husband said when I got back from work that first day, he wasn't sure I was going to make it when he looked at me because he could see how bad I felt. But I did it. I kept going back and it got easier and easier.

The bit that helped me was being at my worst beginning August and having several weeks to gradually build up to going back.

As you said yourself, the stress has built up over the past couple of years. Recovery will be likely to take more than a week! This doesnt mean it will take years by any means or that you will suffer so badly. But understanding your symptoms does help, and I have certainly found this site a Godsend. I don't know where I would be now without these lovely people!! :yesyes:

Try to hang in there. Travelling was my worst part, didnt matter how far. But I have gradually increased my ability, and went to Wales for a few days this summer without any trouble.

If you have loved your work before, and I know I feel the value of mine, then take your time to get better. Keep in touch with your doctor. I did start on medication after the panic got really bad, but since that have had counselling and now feel I can cope and want to come off the meds.

"Invisible" illness is hard for us sometimes, and for others. If you had a rash, broken leg, diabetes or something people can see and understand. But take time with your decision and be nice to yourself. Recognise your achievements and even write them down to start, and appreciate it when you overcome challenges. Maybe you could talk to your boss/line manager about progress and going back part time?

I know this is a long post, but I feel I have travelled along the road a bit and hope this advice helps.
:hugs:

[Bill]

When I became really ill at work, I was in a constant anxious state and very depressed because of it. I couldn't concentrate in meetings, I'd look out the window just wanting to escape and be free. The panic would consume me and I started to get suicidal thoughts because I just couldn't see a way out.

One Saturday I got up to do the washing up, looked in the bowl and all I could see was a black hole open up before me and I was falling down it. It scared me so I just went upstairs and laid on the bed. I just didn't have any idea what was going on or why I was feeling like I was.

I saw the doctor who put me on diazepam but he didn't warn me it was addictive so I became hooked. However, I was also referred to a psychologist and he helped to open my eyes as to what was happening and he showed me options. He basically told me I had too much to cope with and the only way I could get better would be to offload some of the pressures.

It maybe that the job is just too stressful or the workload is too much but my psychologist helped me find a way through the trees when I could see none.