View Full Version : Lump on son's arm?
BrokenGirl
27-01-20, 23:49
I wish I wasn't feeling like this at the moment, but my HA is back again.
About a week ago I posted on here that my bowel movements were a strange colour (darkish red) but it just turned out to be food colouring in a cake!
But his time it's my son, who is 18. I've had HA over my kids before and it truly is horrible. I was talking to him today and he just happened to move his hand up to his face for a minute. Whatever way I looked at his arm (he was wearing a short sleeve t-shirt), I could see what looked like a lump under the skin. It was kind of on the back side of his arm, maybe half way between his wrist and his elbow. And it was about the size of a pea. Instant panic, but I said nothing to him. And it's been going around in my head all day, spiraling.
He fell asleep on a big armchair in front of the fire this evening, and when I went to wake him I very gently rubbed his arm in that area as I was calling him. I couldn't feel anything, but it was a gentle rub.
I'm trying to recognise that these are the exact thought patterns I always had with my HA, I can only see the absolute worst case scenario and I finish up torturing myself with these thoughts.
I'm not sure what to do or how to deal with this. I haven't had bad health worries for months - had a few wobbles and was able to deal with them, talk myself through them.
I know I'm looking for reassurance right now, but does this sound like HA and spiraling thoughts?
It’s amazing how much we worry about our kids. We love them so much!
My husband had a lump under the skin on his arm just like you describe. I don’t remember what it was, But we finally had it removed and it was nothing. He was rather young at the time, probably in his 20s.
I’m sure your son is fine. He is very blessed to have a wonderful mother who cares so much about him.
I've been down this road but the lump was in my son's neck.
It went on for 4 years. Please don't do what I did and stay quiet.
Ask to see his arm, if you find the lump and it's not something obvious like an ingrown hair or a pimple, go get it checked out.
BrokenGirl
28-01-20, 10:28
It’s amazing how much we worry about our kids. We love them so much!
My husband had a lump under the skin on his arm just like you describe. I don’t remember what it was, But we finally had it removed and it was nothing. He was rather young at the time, probably in his 20s.
I’m sure your son is fine. He is very blessed to have a wonderful mother who cares so much about him.
Thank you for your kind words, it means a lot. And I'm glad your husbands lump turned out to be nothing.
Deep down there is something telling me this is also nothing, especially when I rubbed his arm and couldn't feel anything, but the HA has taken over now and I can't stop worrying.
It's so difficult when the HA is for someone else. If it was on me I could have a good feel and poke around, keep an eye on it and know I could go to the doctor if the worry got out of control. But it's not that easy when its someone else.
I just wish I knew what the right thing to do here was....
I just wish I knew what the right thing to do here was....
Did you read my reply to you?
BrokenGirl
28-01-20, 16:34
Did you read my reply to you?
Sorry Nancy - I didn't mean to ignore your reply from earlier. I just didn't get a chance to reply to it before now.
I asked for more advice here because I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing if I said it to him. After all, you can't unsay something if it's been said!!
I hope when you said that yours went on for 4 years, that it wasn't anything bad.
I asked him anyway, just said I thought I saw something on his arm, didn't specifically say it was a lump and tried to keep it all very calm and relaxed. I gave a quick feel and couldn't feel anything, was just about to say everything was fine when I saw it. I could see what looked like a lump under the skin. It was easier to see it if I moved his skin. I just said to him "what's that?" and I pressed on it once or twice. But this is the weird thing. When I pressed it I couldn't feel anything. Perhaps something very flat and soft, but my initial reaction was there's nothing there. My son then felt it and just said something like "don't know" and that was it (it didn't bother him and I doubt he will even think about it again. He doesn't have HA, thankfully). I pressed it one more time after that and could barely feel anything, if anything at all.
Now I don't know what to think. It looks like there's something there but feels like nothing.
Has anyone ever come across anything like this? I'm at a loss with this one. I'm still worried about it but I can't keep asking him if I can feel his arm. What to do...
Does he have his yearly physical coming up ?
It could very well be nothing but like I said I've been down this road and I wish to God I didnt let my own fear and HA stand in the way of pushing my son to go sooner. I had gotten to the point where I avoided seeing him or took my contacts out so I wouldn't keep seeing the lump in his neck. It was 1000% wrong to let my HA interfere with my son's health... and boys are like that.. they won't take it upon themselves to go.
BrokenGirl
28-01-20, 22:16
We don't have yearly physicals here - the health system is in some state here. People generally only go to the doctor when something is wrong.
I'm so so sorry you went through all of that with your son. But you shouldn't blame yourself. HA messes with our minds, stops us from being able to separate thoughts from reality. Sounds like you were in a place where you were trying to recover from HA but unfortunately had something real thrown your way.
How is your son doing now? I hope everything turned out ok for him in the end.
Even though you knew you suffered from HA, did you know on some level that it might be something serious? Maybe not at the time, but looking back on it, did it feel different from other HA episodes?
I've always tried to hide my anxiety from my children, and I think I've done it fairly well. And that advice is all over this forum - not to let your children know how much you're worrying. What do I say to him if I did want to look at it again, without him knowing I have HA?
" He does not hve HA, thankfully" - this is what caught my attention. Namely, I have a 21 year old son who also did not have HA, until he did! And it is all my fault, he learned to react to things like I do. Thank God, he is much more reasonable than me, but, still, I hate myself for infecting him with this stupid horror (HA). So, do not do that, period. If you think it is something serious, then take him immediately to the doctor ( and it is not); if you have doubts that it is your HA speaking, then leave him alone. Do not make my mistake, dear.
Sorry Nancy - I didn't mean to ignore your reply from earlier. I just didn't get a chance to reply to it before now.
I asked for more advice here because I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing if I said it to him. After all, you can't unsay something if it's been said!!
I hope when you said that yours went on for 4 years, that it wasn't anything bad.
I asked him anyway, just said I thought I saw something on his arm, didn't specifically say it was a lump and tried to keep it all very calm and relaxed. I gave a quick feel and couldn't feel anything, was just about to say everything was fine when I saw it. I could see what looked like a lump under the skin. It was easier to see it if I moved his skin. I just said to him "what's that?" and I pressed on it once or twice. But this is the weird thing. When I pressed it I couldn't feel anything. Perhaps something very flat and soft, but my initial reaction was there's nothing there. My son then felt it and just said something like "don't know" and that was it (it didn't bother him and I doubt he will even think about it again. He doesn't have HA, thankfully). I pressed it one more time after that and could barely feel anything, if anything at all.
Now I don't know what to think. It looks like there's something there but feels like nothing.
Has anyone ever come across anything like this? I'm at a loss with this one. I'm still worried about it but I can't keep asking him if I can feel his arm. What to do...
" He does not have HA, thankfully" - this is what caught my attention. Namely, I have a 21 year old son who also did not have HA, until he did! And it is all my fault, he learned to react to things like I do. Thank God, he is much more reasonable than me, but, still, I hate myself for infecting him with this stupid horror (HA). So, do not do that, period. If you think it is something serious, then take him immediately to the doctor ( and it is not); if you have doubts that it is your HA speaking, then leave him alone. Do not make my mistake, dear.
Sorry Nancy - I didn't mean to ignore your reply from earlier. I just didn't get a chance to reply to it before now.
I asked for more advice here because I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing if I said it to him. After all, you can't unsay something if it's been said!!
I hope when you said that yours went on for 4 years, that it wasn't anything bad.
I asked him anyway, just said I thought I saw something on his arm, didn't specifically say it was a lump and tried to keep it all very calm and relaxed. I gave a quick feel and couldn't feel anything, was just about to say everything was fine when I saw it. I could see what looked like a lump under the skin. It was easier to see it if I moved his skin. I just said to him "what's that?" and I pressed on it once or twice. But this is the weird thing. When I pressed it I couldn't feel anything. Perhaps something very flat and soft, but my initial reaction was there's nothing there. My son then felt it and just said something like "don't know" and that was it (it didn't bother him and I doubt he will even think about it again. He doesn't have HA, thankfully). I pressed it one more time after that and could barely feel anything, if anything at all.
Now I don't know what to think. It looks like there's something there but feels like nothing.
Has anyone ever come across anything like this? I'm at a loss with this one. I'm still worried about it but I can't keep asking him if I can feel his arm. What to do...
BrokenGirl
29-01-20, 13:00
Thanks for your response and advise Lana, but now I'm just so confused.
I'm being advised 2 different things here - one saying to take him to the doctor straight away, and the other to leave it alone and say no more about it.
I appreciate the advise Lana and Nancy, but because of my HA I don't know what I should do.
If I leave it am I ignoring something, and if I insist he goes to the doctor am I over reacting, feeding my HA and letting him know how bad my HA can be?
I know from past experiences, I've had many a visit to the doctor when there was no need. I just had to get a doctor's reassurance about whatever symptom I had at the time (and sometimes it wasn't even a symptom).
My head is all over the place now, trying to figure out the best thing to do
In my opinion, if it is not an obvious pimple or bug bite or ingrown hair, get it checked out.
Its persistence is another reason, how long has it been there? If it is not going away, even if it's not getting bigger.. if is not getting smaller, then get it checked out.
Don't let your HA turn into neglect.
SnowyGreen
30-01-20, 05:17
If it is a lump, I would get it checked out too. Just because we have health anxiety, doesn't mean we won't ever get sick. If I listened to "it's nothing, just your anxiety", I wouldn't have found a very early curable cancer. So I always err on the side of caution now.
BrokenGirl
30-01-20, 12:58
I get what you're saying. I know people with HA can also get sick. But I'm scared of showing him that I'm over reacting.
I remember a few years ago I found a very small lump on the back of my hand. Off to the doctor I went anyway, in a complete state of panic. It was a locum doctor there and it wasn't long before he realised I was suffering from HA. He gave one quick glance at my hand and reassured me it was nothing to worry about - can't remember what he said it was. He said my anxiety was the real issue I needed to get sorted, so I could start enjoying my life and stop worrying about every little thing on my body, and he pointed at my hand when he said that. He was really saying that if I didn't have HA, I wouldn't even be there asking him about my hand. He was implying that someone without HA would not have worried about that lump. So I don't know where that line is - when to be concerned about a lump and when to let it go. Any sort of lump is worrying for someone with HA.
If I say this to my husband, he's going to say here we go again. There's nothing wrong with our son. In the past, my husband has had a lump in his neck, his wrist (we knew what that one was) and his leg. I freaked out and he went to the doctor about them, not because he was worried, but to put my mind at rest. And they all turned out to be nothing.
I'm going to the doctor myself tomorrow, so I'm thinking of saying it to her first. I know it will be difficult for her to say much about it when she can't look at it. But when I describe what I felt (or didn't feel) and saw, maybe she'll point me in the right direction. Is this the right next step?
You're asking a forum what to do. You're going to get opinions based on various reasons and personal experiences. Ultimately, nothing said will sway you one way or the other as your dragon will dictate what you end up doing. That said, based on your description and post history, I wouldn't sweat it.
Positive thoughts
BrokenGirl
30-01-20, 14:52
You're asking a forum what to do. You're going to get opinions based on various reasons and personal experiences. Ultimately, nothing said will sway you one way or the other as your dragon will dictate what you end up doing. That said, based on your description and post history, I wouldn't sweat it.
Positive thoughts
I hear what you're saying, and it makes perfect sense if you ask a group of people advice on anything, there's going to be different opinions. That's just life!
Based on your response, do you think I will be feeding the dragon if I mention it to the doctor tomorrow? Because that's a habit I'm so trying to break.
I have made progress - there has been many things over the past 12 months or so that I handled differently to the way I would have before. I was able to recognise the bad thoughts and separate them from reality, and it worked a lot of the time and I was able to carry on as a normal non HA person. And each one of those issues has passed. I can't even remember what most of them were now.
But this one has sucked me in again, and I would love to deal with it rationally
Don't let your HA turn into neglect.
Repeat ^^^^^
BrokenGirl
31-01-20, 01:11
Based on the responses here, I still can't decide what the best thing to do is. Nancy, you have me really worried that if I don't do anything that I could very well regret it. My head is all over the place now with this so I'm going to mention it to the doctor tomorrow when I'm in with her and see what she thinks. But I think I know what her response will be - that she can't say much unless she sees it. How do I try to get my son then to go and see the doctor, without letting him know how worried I am? And what if he refuses to go? I can't force him, he's an adult now. But I guess I'll just have to deal with these issues when they arise. For now, see what she says tomorrow and take it from there
Nancy, you have me really worried that if I don't do anything that I could very well regret it.
I'm not trying to worry you. If this lump is not obviously something benign (pimple, bug bite, ingrown hair)go get it checked out.
It's the responsible adult thing to do.
What if'ing is not getting you anywhere.
There's a list of things it could be that are not harmful but still need medical attention. Lipomas are common on the arms, still, they get big and the bigger it is, the bigger the scar.
BrokenGirl
03-02-20, 02:03
Just wanted to post a quick update on this. I said it to the doctor on Friday when I was in with her. I described it as best I could, and told her I understood it was very difficult for her to say much when she hasn't seen it. But the minute I mentioned that I couldn't feel the lump when I put my finger on it, straight away she said it was most likely a hernia. I didn't even know you could get them in your arm but she said it can be quite common. And they're completely harmless. They can often be brought on by putting strain or pressure on the muscles, and my son has started using a rowing machine these past few weeks, which puts pressure on the arms.
So overall the doctor didn't seem worried about what I described and I'm going to go with that. I'll obviously keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't get sore or bigger, but for now I'm happy to trust what the doctor said.
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