View Full Version : Please Help!! Freaking out again!!
always scared
06-01-20, 19:34
So got the worse news today and I'm having a hard time functioning. If you guys have been following me lately you know I'm not in a good place. I need help to think clearly now. So my husband has been having a lot of back pain and started peeing blood last week. We thought it was jus kidney stones. It's not. They found a tumor on his kidney this morning. I was going through my own hell and terrified I had cancer. Now I'm can't even think straight. I need to be strong for him now and I'm freaking out. How am I going to do this? All my symptoms back ache symptoms have returned. What if I get sick too. I CAN'T DO THIS !!!!!! IM SO SCARED FOR MY HUSBAND. I can't get sick too. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP
I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position. In your place, I'd be terrified too.
I know it's tough, but you have to do your best to focus on your other half for now; it's okay to fall apart, but not while he's around. Can you see your doctor about getting (extra) help for your anxiety?
always scared
06-01-20, 20:31
I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position. In your place, I'd be terrified too.
I know it's tough, but you have to do your best to focus on your other half for now; it's okay to fall apart, but not while he's around. Can you see your doctor about getting (extra) help for your anxiety?
The er doctor was concerned for when they gave us the news. She took my blood pressure and it was so high. She gave me Ativan and started me on celexa. I've been so stressed that I had cancer with all my pain and symptoms. What will happen to our kids if we are both sick
always scared
06-01-20, 20:47
I'm sorry I'm not thinking straight right. Please forgive me . It's just am so confused. I was so convinced it was me with something really wrong . My husband is never sick and this came out no where
I can't believe this is happening.
No need to apologize, it's perfectly understandable. Feel free to PM me any time you need, okay?
Obviously different meds work differently for different people, but celexa has been a wonder drug for me.
always scared
06-01-20, 21:55
My mid left sided back pain is back. It's been hurting on and off since May. WHAT IF I ALSO HAVE KIDNEY CANCER . I've had it this since May and I thought it was PC but now I'm think it might have been my kidney all along. Now i'm scared every time I need to pee.
This is the reason why I never go to the ER or have test done. THEY ALWAYS COME BACK AWFUL!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING TO MY HUSBAND. He's had back pain all his adult life so I was he supposed to know that this was kidney cancer??? If he didn't start having blood in his urine he wouldn't have know anything was wrong. I M SO SCARED FOR THE FUTURE. THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING !!!! WHY IS MY BACK PAIN BACK AND RIGHT WHERE MY KIDNEY IS!!!!!????? THIS IS SO MESSED UP
always scared
06-01-20, 22:12
SOMEONE PLEASE TALK TO ME. I need some reassurance to get me thinking straight so i can be strong for my husband and kids. right now i'm just crying that we're both dying Please help me
PanickyGuy
06-01-20, 22:21
Is there a 24-hour crisis hotline in your area? You really sound emotionally distressed right now and I would advise you to call them ASAP.
nomorepanic
06-01-20, 22:31
Sorry to hear this news but it doesn't mean you have cancer as well. You are just panicking and getting upset which is understandable. Maybe you shoud get checked out though for your own peace of mind.
always scared
06-01-20, 22:36
Sorry to hear this news but it doesn't mean you have cancer as well. You are just panicking and getting upset which is understandable. Maybe you shoud get checked out though for your own peace of mind.
You know from my past posts that I can't do that. Just todays tests proved deadly for my husband. Tests NEVER come back good for our family
nomorepanic
06-01-20, 22:38
Ok well then you will never know and could be getting treatment that would prolong your life. That is your choice though. Never say never
always scared
06-01-20, 22:54
Ok well then you will never know and could be getting treatment that would prolong your life. That is your choice though. Never say never
:weep:
nomorepanic
06-01-20, 23:05
I assume your husband will be getting cancer treatment? You would want him to wouldn't you so he can get better?
always scared
06-01-20, 23:10
I assume your husband will be getting cancer treatment? You would want him to wouldn't you so he can get better?
yes of course. he's a stronger and better person than me
nomorepanic
06-01-20, 23:16
That doesn't make him stronger and better but he would want the best for you too. Does he know how bad your fears are?
My heart goes out to you. I know cancer is terrifying news being a breast cancer survivor myself and it’s often harder on the caretaker than the actual patient. Your case is quiet different being you have health anxiety yourself. Remember that you’ve got to take care of yourself in order to take care of your husband. Your back pain is highly, highly unlikely to be what you’re fearing. If it comes and goes it’s most likely NOT cancer. Take one day at a time. I have a cousin who had kidney cancer and all they had to do was remove her kidney. She needed no further treatment and had been cancer free for like 15 years. Once the doctors have a plan in place it will get easier. Trust me! Hang in there and try to relax! The meds you got should help with the anxiety. Deep breaths!
always scared
06-01-20, 23:58
My heart goes out to you. I know cancer is terrifying news being a breast cancer survivor myself and it’s often harder on the caretaker than the actual patient. Your case is quiet different being you have health anxiety yourself. Remember that you’ve got to take care of yourself in order to take care of your husband. Your back pain is highly, highly unlikely to be what you’re fearing. If it comes and goes it’s most likely NOT cancer. Take one day at a time. I have a cousin who had kidney cancer and all they had to do was remove her kidney. She needed no further treatment and had been cancer free for like 15 years. Once the doctors have a plan in place it will get easier. Trust me! Hang in there and try to relax! The meds you got should help with the anxiety. Deep breaths!
Thank you Steph
Thank you Steph
You’re welcome. Feel free to PM me also. Just remember that stress and worry won’t help your husband’s issue and it can make you sick because it lowers the immune system. You both will get through this. Try to not think the worst. I know it’s hard to be positive right now, but it’s actually better than the alternative. I truly know how hard it is but thinking the worst doesn’t do anybody a bit of good. You will have bad days and that’s ok, but like I said one day at a time. This too shall pass! (((((HUGS)))))
I want to second StephA's story - I have a coworker who had this 10 years ago, and she has been fine, with just surgery. Please stop, take a few breaths, and try to take this one step at a time. See your GP so you can get your back issue managed and talk long term anxiety management.
The odds of both of you having cancer at your age is vanishingly small. Are there any counseling options available where you are? You may find it helpful to have someone to talk to who is not family right now, someone who isn't going through their own emotions about the situation and can focus on helping you.
always scared
07-01-20, 15:06
We are so scared. We're going to see the doctor tomorrow. This is so scary. He's in no pain and no blood in the urine yesterday or today. It's so weird how it can just come and go like that. I always thought that if it was very bad the the pain would not go away and it would be intense.
I'm trying real hard to be supportive . How do I do it with all my fears. I was in such a state with my own fears and pain before this happened. I'm an horrible person. I can't shut off my own fears. Just hearing about all the symptoms is just feeding my own fears because I've had all of the same symptoms before and some still now. How do i do this. It was so different when my son got diagnosed. Why do I even exist when I can't control the demons in my head at a time like this.
You're not a horrible person, you're a scared person. Please don't blame yourself for this.
Maybe consider calling a mental health crisis line?
always scared
07-01-20, 21:58
I first started getting mid back pain mostly on my left side like 8 months ago. I thought It was for sure PC . The pain came and went since May of last year but never really got worse. So fast forward to 2 days ago. My husband got diagnosed with Kidney cancer. So my mind is racing with fear that this has been Kidney cancer all along. His pain comes and goes too. I am now scared to go pee and when I do I'm checking the colour. The pain is now back full force. It's on my left side where my bra strap ends and it refers around my side to the front under my ribs. I also get the odd pain lower down my back where my kidney or maybe my left kidney is higher up by my mid back area . My pain is more dull but noticeable and it comes and goes and sometimes I feel it more when i move. As where my husbands was very bad. Now my husband has had back pain for years so we don't know when the cancer started. But the real bad pain started last week and so much blood in his urine His back pain seemed more in his lower back around his hip.
I'm still in shock. My mind does not know how to deal with this yet. But I know I'm really losing this battle real quick and having some really scary thoughts. If our children where grown and were settled in life I might not be so effed up. Our youngest is 10, 15, 21 and our oldest is 29 and pregnant.
I know writing this post that no one can really help with my fears. I just feel like I need to talk to anyone because I can't talk to my husband and children. I need to appear that I am doing ok.
Thanks for listening . If anyone out there has had any experience with this kinda back pain that I am having and it was nothing serious PLEASE TALK TO ME
What kills me is that last week I was freaking out about Throat cancer and here i am not really feeling my throat pain that much anymore BUT all my back pain is back and worse.
always scared
07-01-20, 22:50
I just googled kidney issues. I am now certain I too have a kidney problem or cancer too I ticked all the boxes. WHy oh Why did I think these symptoms were PC at first. I was so wrong
I just peed and no blood yet. I guess that's a good sign. Even though my husbands comes and goes
First of all, I am so sorry to hear about your husbands diagnosis. However, a good friend of my parents was diagnosed with kidney cancer about 10 years ago, and he's doing very well indeed. You wouldn't know by looking at him that he had anything wrong with him (although, he continues to smoke VERY heavily! Which is very frustrating because smoking is a major risk factor!) The treatment of kidney cancer has gone through quite an 'exciting' period in recent years with new drugs etc.
To try and reassure you, kidney cancer isn't exactly a common cancer: so the probability that you'd both be diagnosed with this condition, more or less simultaneously, is EXTREMELY unlikely. It would be case report 'rareness'.
Pancreatic cancer, on the other hand, is a very nasty disease indeed. By the time it causes symptoms, it's usually (very) advanced. You report this pain for 8 months - a lot of people diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, even when they undergo optimal surgery and chemo, die within six months. So really your symptoms are not consistent at all with PC.
Have you had an X Ray of your back done? When we moved house in 2010, my mum somehow damaged a disc in her spine. The result has unfortunately been chronic back pain (although it still does come and go). Really I think you can take your worries away from cancer and see about getting a spinal X ray to see if you have a slipped/damaged disc.
good luck
As a warrior and survivor, my deepest sympathies to your husband and you. You say they found a tumor but was it officially diagnosed as cancer? I'm assuming it was?
The advice about getting real life support is vital, especially in light of your anxiety. There are also forums that offer information and support for warriors and their caregivers. The advice and support both myself and my wife received was wonderful. Also, most hospitals have support systems for families and patients. The best thing you can do to support your husband is be there for him and that means take care of yourself.
Positive thoughts
always scared
08-01-20, 00:35
As a warrior and survivor, my deepest sympathies to your husband and you. You say they found a tumor but was it officially diagnosed as cancer? I'm assuming it was?
The advice about getting real life support is vital, especially in light of your anxiety. There are also forums that offer information and support for warriors and their caregivers. The advice and support both myself and my wife received was wonderful. Also, most hospitals have support systems for families and patients. The best thing you can do to support your husband is be there for him and that means take care of yourself.
Positive thoughts
Yes he was diagnosed yesterday . They will do a biopsy after surgery when they remove the tumour. Right now it looks contained but more testing is needed. I can't believe Im writing this. I took some ativan and it's helping a little but I'm one step closer to the edge of no return . I can't believe this is happening to us again. First Christopher now my husband and I am so sure I'm next. We have a family curse I think
Hi
I'm so sorry to hear about your husbands diagnosis. How is he bearing up?
I really feel for you and your fears, as I am going through exactly the same at the moment. I have had the symptoms you describe above for the last 3 weeks, except mine is worse at night, and activity seems to ease it. I've also had loss of appetite. My biggest fear is PC, I'm convinced I have it.
Anyway, can you go to your GP and explain how you are feeling? Hopefully, he or she will be able to arrange a scan to put your mind at rest. If not, there are some places in the UK where you can pay for a scan?
Sending you positive vibes
Inanna x
Hi
This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.
Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.
It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.
Elen
CleverLittleViper
08-01-20, 20:23
I am so sorry to learn of your husband's diagnosis. How is he holding up with it?
My mam was diagnosed with Leukaemia in 2018. Luckily, she's doing well now and is in remission. I'm mentioning it because I remember what it was like in the initial stages after the diagnosis. It was awful and it didn't feel real. It felt like it was happening to someone else. I remember it getting more bearable once her treatment plan got underway. Once you have a treatment plan in place, and an idea of what to expect, it will become more manageable.
There's no right or wrong way to deal with this. I cried until I was sick. As you already have health anxiety, your anxiety will be through the roof. This is normal and to be expected. You do need to speak to a professional about this, though and a doctor about that bad back. Not because it's anything sinister, but so that you can stop worrying about it and are free to take care of your husband during this time.
There are so many treatments they have now, and when they've done more investigations, you'll know a bit more and they can start a treatment plan for your husband. That was the thing that kept me going. Knowing they had a plan in place, putting faith in the process and trust in the doctors, and just being as present as I could be. Don't forget to take time for yourself during this time.
But your husband is going to need you to be strong for him because I can imagine how scary this all is right now. I know my mam kept a lot of her fears hidden, and tried to play it off. That's why you need to get help for your anxiety ASAP so that you can be "present" with him and not spiralling with your anxiety. It will benefit all of you to get that help. I hope that didn't come across harsh, because I really don't mean it to, and I wish you, your husband and your family all the best during this time.
Just todays tests proved deadly for my husband.
No - tests aren't deadly, NOT having tests is deadly. The threat is from not finding a tumour until its too late is/was the risk here.
It sounds like your husband might be having his operation in the near future, and then they will biopsy the tumour and there will be an appropriate treatment plan in place. I wish you all the best in coming to terms with the diagnosis (I am also a cancer survivor) and I know you have every reason to be hopeful of effective and successful treatment of kidney cancer....the 'cure' rates are high and there is a great deal of understanding about this very common cancer and how to deal with it. It is even better that they are saying it appears contained that is great news. I think it might be worth you knowing also that there is a lot of support out there for you, if you choose to use it. Most of the main cancer charities are able to offer telephone support, but there is a specific kidney cancer site which I will link to below. It might help you to process some of your awful feelings of fear at this very difficult time. This period just after diagnosis will be the worst part of the journey, I assure you of that, and it will feel more possible and in control as the days tick by. :o
https://www.kcuk.org.uk/
always scared
13-01-20, 15:06
I need some reassuring words to calm me down.
What are your symptoms of acid reflux ??
Burning is not a big one for me so I'm worried all my other symptoms are not acid reflux . Where do you get pain???
Haven't had it for a while, but I get really crushing, heavy pain beneath my breastbone. On one occasion it went up into my jaw, too, and I was slightly worried it was something else. These days it mostly causes sore throats and the occasional cough.
Hello,
I’m sorry I haven’t seen your message before, I do not frequent this board nowadays, since I’m doing better wit HA.
I just want to say - do not panic! Kidney cancer is NOT a death sentence! My husband had it 5 years ago, and is fine now, just annual check-ups.
Kidney cancer is unique because it doesn’t usually metastasize until its really big (and if some really unfortunate thing like growing into some veins happens, but its a really rare thing). Typical treatment even for Stage 3 kidney cancer is rather simple surgery.
Prognosis for kidney cancer is pretty good nowadays. I also know lots of people from discussion boards who are Stage 4, and live with it full lives for many years, managing it like chronic disease.
?do you know how big the tumor is?
Anyways your husband will have excellent chances, kidney cancer is a “good” one to have.
Wish you luck in surgery and feel free to write me any time. It’s gonna be OK!
Hugs,
Alla
PanickyGuy
13-01-20, 20:24
I've had GERD for about nine years related to a hiatal hernia. Occasional I get pain underneath the breastbone, in my upper back, all over my ribs or just one side or another, and in one shoulder or another, and in my entire esophagus. Burning sensations, dull pain sensations, sharp pain sensations, pressure from bloating, all enough times to make me think I was either having a heart attack, gallbladder or pancreas problems, lung problems, you name it. Not to mention nausea, trouble swallowing, breathing issues, but yeah that too.
That's the thing with GERD as well as a hiatal hernia, they can mimic other health issues and drive your GAD/panic disorder right up there. And they can cause GAD and panic disorder. And sometimes with some people (like me) the medication we take for GERD (like PPI's and antacids) will mildly screw with the function of your whole digestive system. Antacids are the worse though IMO, I've used those for too long a period and have gotten constant constipation, while other people have told me those things have caused diarrhea in their case. Of course that is what happens when they are used for too long a time.
always scared
13-01-20, 22:36
Hello,
I’m sorry I haven’t seen your message before, I do not frequent this board nowadays, since I’m doing better wit HA.
I just want to say - do not panic! Kidney cancer is NOT a death sentence! My husband had it 5 years ago, and is fine now, just annual check-ups.
Kidney cancer is unique because it doesn’t usually metastasize until its really big (and if some really unfortunate thing like growing into some veins happens, but its a really rare thing). Typical treatment even for Stage 3 kidney cancer is rather simple surgery.
Prognosis for kidney cancer is pretty good nowadays. I also know lots of people from discussion boards who are Stage 4, and live with it full lives for many years, managing it like chronic disease.
?do you know how big the tumor is?
Anyways your husband will have excellent chances, kidney cancer is a “good” one to have.
Wish you luck in surgery and feel free to write me any time. It’s gonna be OK!
Hugs,
Alla
Thank you Alla for your comforting words
always scared
14-01-20, 01:36
And just like that my fears of one cancer changes to a completely different one in just a matter of hours. I have finally lost my shit :wacko::scared15::weep: But both have very convincing symptoms that are hard to ignore
I hate my life
I posted this on your other thread:
So, I'm really sorry for all of your losses. There is nothing worse than the loss of a child.
I asked you those questions though to try to give you some perspective. I'm going to share some of my story with you, and I hope that it helps. In November of 2014, I lost my best friend to a freak accident. I discovered his body. I could barely function afterwards, my anxiety was so bad. The panic attacks were so severe I thought I was having heart attacks; some days I couldn't leave the house. I felt guilty that I had missed his last call. That if I had gotten that call, maybe I could've gotten him medical attention before he died or maybe I could've prevented the accident in the first place. I blamed myself for what happened. It got to the point where I was so afraid of losing those around me I would practically stalk my family, making them check in with me 24/7.
But at some point, I realized that my buddy would have wanted me to live. Even if he did blame me for his death, he wouldn't have stayed mad at me. We'd been through lots of things together, and even though we fought sometimes, we always forgave each other. I owed it to him to live. I owed it to him to live my life, as he had been denied the opportunity to live his.
So I went to grief counseling; individual and specifically a grief group for people with traumatic loss. I urge you to do the same. I know there are lots of groups out there for parents who've lost a child. There are also groups for people dealing with loss due to cancer. I firmly believe that grief counseling and medication saved my life. I also made lifestyle changes such as eating better, daily exercise, and journaling.
I was diagnosed with complex PTSD. I had a rough childhood and went through stuff that I thought I had dealt with, but really hadn't. The loss of my buddy threw me over the edge, and everything that I hadn't dealt with for years came to the forefront.
It's good that I helped myself when I did...because life doesn't stop throwing things at you when you're down. Since the death of my buddy, I have lost five students (suicide, shooting, accident, cancer x2) and I've gotten divorced. It hasn't been easy, but the medication, lifestyle changes, and coping mechanisms plus the support of my friends and family have gotten me through it.
So that's why I tell this to you. Are you going to just try to make it until you get diagnosed with something? Or do you want to try living life again? Because you can live life again. It won't be easy, but we are all much stronger than we think we are. But the the change has to start with you.
always scared
14-01-20, 03:17
I posted this on your other thread:
So, I'm really sorry for all of your losses. There is nothing worse than the loss of a child.
I asked you those questions though to try to give you some perspective. I'm going to share some of my story with you, and I hope that it helps. In November of 2014, I lost my best friend to a freak accident. I discovered his body. I could barely function afterwards, my anxiety was so bad. The panic attacks were so severe I thought I was having heart attacks; some days I couldn't leave the house. I felt guilty that I had missed his last call. That if I had gotten that call, maybe I could've gotten him medical attention before he died or maybe I could've prevented the accident in the first place. I blamed myself for what happened. It got to the point where I was so afraid of losing those around me I would practically stalk my family, making them check in with me 24/7.
But at some point, I realized that my buddy would have wanted me to live. Even if he did blame me for his death, he wouldn't have stayed mad at me. We'd been through lots of things together, and even though we fought sometimes, we always forgave each other. I owed it to him to live. I owed it to him to live my life, as he had been denied the opportunity to live his.
So I went to grief counseling; individual and specifically a grief group for people with traumatic loss. I urge you to do the same. I know there are lots of groups out there for parents who've lost a child. There are also groups for people dealing with loss due to cancer. I firmly believe that grief counseling and medication saved my life. I also made lifestyle changes such as eating better, daily exercise, and journaling.
I was diagnosed with complex PTSD. I had a rough childhood and went through stuff that I thought I had dealt with, but really hadn't. The loss of my buddy threw me over the edge, and everything that I hadn't dealt with for years came to the forefront.
It's good that I helped myself when I did...because life doesn't stop throwing things at you when you're down. Since the death of my buddy, I have lost five students (suicide, shooting, accident, cancer x2) and I've gotten divorced. It hasn't been easy, but the medication, lifestyle changes, and coping mechanisms plus the support of my friends and family have gotten me through it.
So that's why I tell this to you. Are you going to just try to make it until you get diagnosed with something? Or do you want to try living life again? Because you can live life again. It won't be easy, but we are all much stronger than we think we are. But the the change has to start with you.
Spoke with my family doctor over the phone today. She's going to start me on a new antidepressant tomorrow and would like to see me in 2 weeks and start up some therapy BUT NO TESTS! Not ready for that yet. Lets hope I can get over my fear and go to see her in 2 weeks. It's been a very long time since I stepped foot into a doctors office for myself :scared15:
Baby steps :unsure:
Wish me luck
Just remember that the doc is the beginning of the rest of your life. Have a friend go with you
Good luck from somebody who once managed to go 12 years (and one broken elbow) without seeking medical help!
You're doing the right thing.
Geezus, how did you manage to do that, Iris?
Tripped up at the start of a long journey home from vacation and didn't want to miss my train. Didn't actually realise it was broken until it spat out a bone chip when the scabbing came off.
Hi,
This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.
Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.
It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.
Pip
always scared
16-01-20, 03:19
I am such a mess :scared15: I started taking Escitalopram 3 days ago and the side effects are so crazy. Im having the worst panic attacks ever. Everything is setting me off. My acid reflux and back/side pain is so bad which is making everything worse. I don't know if stomach issues are part of the side effects but they sure did get worse after starting it. Every time I feel anything painful it sets me off. I almost died with the worse panic attack I've ever had when I saw blood in the toilet earlier tonight until i realized my period decided to make a surprise early appearance 7 days early which in return set me off on another panic attack. These episodes of pure panic and fear are so intense . I have never been this scared before in my life. When they come on it feels like Im on fire. I get so hot and I start shaking and my arms feel weak and I feel like i'm going to pass out. It's so horrible. I had no idea that this medication can make me feel so sick. How long does it last?!?!
How is your husband? Is there any news about his treatment?
always scared
16-01-20, 14:58
How is your husband? Is there any news about his treatment?
Surgery on February 20th and no news yet on his latest scans. Waiting is killing us
Hi
I'm feel so sad when I read your thread, you are really going through it at the moment.
I hope the meds kick in soon, and the sheer panic ( I recognise all of those feelings), start to become more manageable at the very least ..
Yes, the waiting is like torture, and you wonder how you will get through it. How is your husband coping.
I know you have read my thread, and my symptoms ae very similar to yours. My abdo CT scan came back clear. So while I don't know what's causing my problem , it doesn't seem to be kidneys or pancreas. I hope that gives you a little reassurance that it's not necessarily one of this things ( I'm just like you though, and until I get a diagnosis, my mind will continue to whisper bad things to me)
Hope you're doing okay this evening,
Inanna
I’m very sorry to hear what you’re going through, truly.
My sister had a tumour on her left kidney in 2010. The surgeons removed it, and she’s been fine ever since. Try not to assume a “deadly” outcome--many have beat cancer!
With silent reflux you cough, especially laying down. With regular reflux you can get a feeling of indigestion or burning, depends. I get all three. :)
always scared
22-01-20, 15:21
*Update*
All my husbands scans came back ok . So surgery is his only treatment for now. Good news
That's fantastic, congratulations!
Fabulous! So pleased to read this
Great news!
Positive thoughts
always scared
23-01-20, 16:17
I'm not doing well. I'm so scared with what is happening to me. Since my husbands diagnosis I've been pretty messed up. I've been lying around in bed for a few weeks now. I started a new med which feels like it's made everything worse. I am now convinced I have ovarian cancer or uterine cancer . I just had the worst period from hell. My lower back, hip and pelvic area mostly on my right side is constantly hurting even though I just finished my period.
I'm in bed crying most of the days. I think my family is starting to get worried. I'm having a very hard time hiding it from them. I use to be good at it. I'm trying to be rational but I can't I've had these pains before. They come and go. That last flare up was in the summer. So I'm worried that if I've been having these pains for a few years now that it's now very serious because I never got them checked out and it now has spread else where. I do know I had fibroids 10 years ago and I'm going through perimenopause right now.
I'm always scared. I hate myself so much. If I didn't have children I know I wouldn't be here anymore. I've made such a mess of my life and I hate it. I just want to give up
I'm really sorry. Is there some sort of crisis line you can talk to?
Hi
I could have written most of what you are saying (apart from the husband diagnosis bit)
Less than two weeks ago I rang the Samaritans. It did help a little bit, in that moment.
I am constantly in a state of panic. One fear is replaced by another. Pancreatic cancer replaced by lung, then stomach cancer. I've just started bleeding (post menopausaly), so now fearing uterine cancer.
Perimenopause and menopause causes terrible anxiety, and you are also dealing with your husbands diagnosis too ( and your son's illness).
Could you ring the Samaritans? Just deal with an hour at a time...
Feel free to pm me if you want to, or keep talking on here
Take care
Inanna x
Here’s the thing, so scared: what if you DID have cancer? You don’t, but laying in bed worrying about it wouldn’t change that. If you had cancer, you’d get your butt to a doctor, get on chemo or radiation, and deal with it. I’ve got bipolar disorder and I’ve had cancer twice. My sister is presently being treated for ovarian cancer.
Believe me when I tell you that IF it came true (and it won’t), but if--you’d deal with it.
always scared
24-01-20, 02:28
Here’s the thing, so scared: what if you DID have cancer? You don’t, but laying in bed worrying about it wouldn’t change that. If you had cancer, you’d get your butt to a doctor, get on chemo or radiation, and deal with it. I’ve got bipolar disorder and I’ve had cancer twice. My sister is presently being treated for ovarian cancer.
Believe me when I tell you that IF it came true (and it won’t), but if--you’d deal with it.
I do know that I would have to just deal with. You have no choice. I was there when my son was diagnosed with a brain tumour. I was there for it all of it and we had no choice. I watched in horror what it did to my baby boy. So forgive me if I'm just a little terrified of having cancer. I've watched in horror what cancer did to my family members.
So yay I'm very terrified of going to the doctors and getting a diagnosis . If I wasn't scared and was thinking rationally I wouldn't be on a HA forum :sad:
I wish I could come through the screen and give you a hug, always scared.
I too wish I could come through the screen and hug you. So Many of us have been where you are. We Understand. My husband died of non-smoker lung cancer 14 months ago.
I had super hard periods with pain for a decade before I finally got a hysterectomy. I didn’t have endometriosis, but I still had lots of scar tissue that was causing my problems. If I remember what it was called I’ll let you know.
I’m sending prayers your way. You are strong! You’ve been through a lot and survived. You’ll make it through this too.
Give yourself as much self care as you can. :bighug1:
always scared
24-01-20, 11:33
Maybe it's not fibroid pain i'm feeling and it's colon :scared15: It's now right in the middle of my lower back near my butt and it's effecting my bowl movements. My head is spinning with worry again
Everything will be okay. I know it's hard to believe, but it will.
Maybe it's not fibroid pain i'm feeling and it's colon :scared15: It's now right in the middle of my lower back near my butt and it's effecting my bowl movements. My head is spinning with worry again
Always scared - I just realized you mentioned fibroids and perimenopause. It's almost definitely the fibroids!! I have SO many fibroids. I'm 36 and mine just started growing quickly after many years of staying the same. I get HORRIBLE pain from mine - especially right after my period just like you. Mine press on my colon and rectum and give me terrible pressure and pain, make it hard to have a bowel movement, give me bad gas pains and bloating because they press all over my abdomen. I get pelvic pain that spreads across my whole pelvic area and it tender to the touch for like 2 weeks out of every cycle. The pain from fibroids can be TERRIBLE. Mine also give me back pain and sciatica pain because they press back on those nerves and my spine.
I had an MRI and then a follow up ultrasound a few months ago and there's no sign it's anything except those goddamn fibroids. They are a curse. Many women find that they have grown by this stage in life either because they've just been growing over time or because the hormonal imbalance of perimenopause sparks quicker growth.
Many doctors will tell you that fibroids can't cause this kind of pain but THEY CAN!! Please feel free to PM me any time about fibroid issues. They're my thing.
I was suggesting you consider a strategy for dealing with your anxiety, other than just letting the fear control you. Your defensiveness seems to indicate that you’re not ready to do that.
Many of us have had “horror stories” with cancer and other illnesses and we’ve managed to deal with our anxiety. I think it might benefit you to at least consider what we have to say instead of getting angry.
Good luck.
Beachlady, your advice is excellent and I'm sure that others will have read what you have to say and will benefit. Not everyone is receptive to taking positive action against HA.
All that you are having classic symptoms of perimenopause, I posted a thing about the 35 symptoms of peri and it really messes up your body everything from backaches to bad periods, to no periods to tingling in hands a feet, to joint pains, also lookup mysecondspring.org, I think that is the end part, just google mysecondspring, it's great info for women going through peri.
always scared
28-01-20, 16:00
Please help me!!
I've been having a lot of stomach issues for a few weeks now. But right now what is scaring me the most is Lower Back pain with diarrhea/loose stool. Its been going on for a few weeks now. At first I thought it was from my period but that came and went.
I was on antibiotics the first week of January
Then I started taking a new antidepressant a week later. I know that these can give you diarrhea but I've never had lower back pain with diarrhea before or at least I don't think I have.
It is now the end of January and this is still going on and I"m terrified it's colon cancer .
I'm fine when I'm sleeping but the minute I wake up my stomach starts up again. I'm so scared once more. When will this ever end?
Cancer doesn't mysteriously vanish while you're asleep; you're probably good.
ankietyjoe
28-01-20, 16:17
Antibiotics destroy all your gut bacteria, good and bad. Stomach issues are common afterwards.
Take a couple of months worth of good quality probiotics and eat plenty of veg every day (that's what good bacteria feed from).
The risk of antibiotic-related diarrhea lasts for 3+ months after completing the antibiotic. Also, as I said on another of your posts, there is a very, very good chance many of your symptoms are fibroid-related. My first stop would be to the gyn to have an ultrasound and see if they've grown. I have had every symptom you've mentioned as a result of mine, including back pain. It's still not ideal, of course, but you can feel relieved that it's nothing more sinister and rationally plan how you want to handle the situation.
always scared
28-01-20, 16:28
[QUOTE=ankietyjoe;1923097]Antibiotics destroy all your gut bacteria, good and bad. Stomach issues are common afterwards.
Take a couple of months worth of good quality probiotics and eat plenty of veg every day (that's what good bacteria feed from).[/QUOT
Yes but why am I having lower back pain with it ??? If it was just stomach issues I wouldn't be so worried. The back pains comes on with the diarrhea
always scared
28-01-20, 16:40
I no longer think it's my fibroids. It's definitely colon related :scared15:
ankietyjoe
28-01-20, 16:51
[QUOTE=ankietyjoe;1923097]Antibiotics destroy all your gut bacteria, good and bad. Stomach issues are common afterwards.
Take a couple of months worth of good quality probiotics and eat plenty of veg every day (that's what good bacteria feed from).[/QUOT
Yes but why am I having lower back pain with it ??? If it was just stomach issues I wouldn't be so worried. The back pains comes on with the diarrhea
Because your lower back is right next to the part of you that was carpet bombed with antibiotics.
Stop catastrophising.
I no longer think it's my fibroids. It's definitely colon related :scared15:
Just because you don't think it's fibroid related doesn't mean it's not! The bulk of my fibroid symptoms are bowel related. I get horrific gas, bloating, pelvic pain, back pain, constipation, diarrhea, rectal pressure, etc... all from the fibroids.
always scared
02-02-20, 12:22
I'm trying real hard not to freak out here but I'm really scared.
I am having a lot of stomach issues still and am totally terrified it's colon cancer.
Time line of medication I've been on.
January 6, I started Clindamycin for a toothache and I was under extreme stress with family issues
January 16 I started 10 mg of Lexapro
It is now February 2nd and I'm still having horrible stomach problems. Lots of gas with pains on both sides and flank pain and lower back pain. Very noisy stomach. Stools are all over the place but mostly loose and thin and small. Also my acid reflux is bad again. I've never had these kinds of pains before and they're really scaring me.
How's your husband doing?
Positive thoughts
always scared
02-02-20, 14:07
How's your husband doing?
Positive thoughts
He's doing good
He's doing good
Tell me more.... Surgery still scheduled for the 20th? What is the prognosis? Have the doctors set out a game plan in the mean time? .....
Positive thoughts
How is he coping with his diagnosis and the prospect of surgery? I'm sure he'll appreciate you looking after him post-surgery.
Sounds exactly like post-med and anxiety IBS.
Glad your husband is doing well! Have you tried any probiotics like I mentioned before when you were worried about the Clindamycin? I told you how harsh it was. I would highly suggest you get some probiotics in pill form if you haven’t.
always scared
02-02-20, 16:53
Glad your husband is doing well! Have you tried any probiotics like I mentioned before when you were worried about the Clindamycin? I told you how harsh it was. I would highly suggest you get some probiotics in pill form if you haven’t.
I did try some probiotics Bio-K and Align probiotics
Tell me more.... Surgery still scheduled for the 20th? What is the prognosis? Have the doctors set out a game plan in the mean time? .....
Positive thoughts
Prognosis is good. He's only having surgery to remove his kidney and follow up appointments after that.
Sounds exactly like post-med and anxiety IBS.
I was really hoping that's all it was BUT it's not going away!! It's been more than 3 weeks now :scared15:
I did try some probiotics Bio-K and Align probiotics
Prognosis is good. He's only having surgery to remove his kidney and follow up appointments after that.
I was really hoping that's all it was BUT it's not going away!! It's been more than 3 weeks now :scared15:
"Only having surgery" is still a big deal and he will need some looking after post-surgery. Does this give you motivation to put your HA worries on hold and concentrate on his needs?
It's been more than 3 weeks now
That isn't that long. I still stand by what I said.
"Only having surgery" is still a big deal
That was my thought as well. That's major surgery and you kind of downplayed it and launched right back into your symptoms and imaginary illnesses again :(
Positive thoughts
Your HA is your body’s reaction to your stress and trauma of losing loved ones and facing the difficulties of taking care of a spouse undergoing major surgery. If you want to get better, it’s time to seek some grief and trauma counseling.
always scared
03-02-20, 00:29
"Only having surgery" is still a big deal and he will need some looking after post-surgery. Does this give you motivation to put your HA worries on hold and concentrate on his needs?
That was my thought as well. That's major surgery and you kind of downplayed it and launched right back into your symptoms and imaginary illnesses again :(
Positive thoughts
When I said he was only having surgery I meant that in a good way as he had a good prognoses and he didn't need chemo and radiation
You guys can be so harsh sometimes :sad:
It's because you're obsessing over your own (understandable, benign) symptoms while your other half has major stuff going on.
It’s much easier for her to worry about dying and her than it is to deal with her loss of her family. HA and other anxieties after the traumatic loss of a loved one are very, very common. I know, I’ve been through it. She needs to realize it. And she’s had the worst loss of all—a child.
That makes a lot of sense, Vee. Always Scared, I'm sorry for my insensitivity.
When I said he was only having surgery I meant that in a good way as he had a good prognoses and he didn't need chemo and radiation
You guys can be so harsh sometimes :sad:
Not harsh at all. Your husband needs you to help him recover mentally and physically. When you're wrapped up in your own HA you're not able to support him.
I know you want people to comment on your own symptoms though but I don't feel that's particularly helpful due to your long history of HA.
It’s much easier for her to worry about dying and her than it is to deal with her loss of her family. HA and other anxieties after the traumatic loss of a loved one are very, very common. I know, I’ve been through it. She needs to realize it. And she’s had the worst loss of all—a child.
Of course she has..and I'm sure she will realise that her HA needs to be treated because it can't be a long term way of coping with bereavement.
always scared
07-02-20, 16:10
The statistics on colon cancer says about 95,520 will be diagnosed with colon cancer in the United States. 11 percent of those cases will be people under the age of 50. So that’s around 10,507 people. Then it says around 72 percent of that 10,507 are people in there 40s. So that 7,565 people, so that leaves around 3200 people that will be diagnosed under the age of 40. But their are probably a lot more than 95,520 in the United States that actually have the disease.. So the figures could be much higher. Statistically it would be kinda rare for me to have it then wouldn’t it?
Reading this and I wish I didn't :scared15: I am now 100% sure I have colon cancer. Its going on to 4 weeks now of all this left sided back/flank pain and loose stool with lower back pain too. I no longer think it is the lexapro doing this. All my other side effects are all gone.
....but are you aware that in this thread you have swung from Kidney faliure, kidney cancer, ovarian and uterine cancer and now bowel/colon cancer, and prior to that you say you thought you have throat cancer. (before this thread) Can you see always scared that your fear is causing you to search constantly for symptoms over your body and attributing them to cancer ? I still maintain that post-antibiotic IBS and huge amounts of anxiety can cause the bowel and stomach problems you are experiencing.
Incidentally, I would advise not listening to Hypo's posts about cancer, he has a long history of belief he has cancer in all his body parts, and is currently in his second 'bout ' of bowel cancer.
utrocket09
07-02-20, 16:31
Reading this and I wish I didn't :scared15: I am now 100% sure I have colon cancer. Its going on to 4 weeks now of all this left sided back/flank pain and loose stool with lower back pain too. I no longer think it is the lexapro doing this. All my other side effects are all gone.
Please do not listen to anything that Hypo posts. Your husband needs you now more than anything.
Reading this and I wish I didn't :scared15: I am now 100% sure I have colon cancer. Its going on to 4 weeks now of all this left sided back/flank pain and loose stool with lower back pain too. I no longer think it is the lexapro doing this. All my other side effects are all gone.
Why would the stats Hypo posted convince you?? The total number posted is .02% of the population... that's two one hundredths of 1%. But if you look at the number of people under 40... it's 0.00096% of the population... I mean, that might as well be zero for statistical purposes.
always scared
13-02-20, 15:18
So my doctor is putting me up to 20mg of Lexapro I've been on 10mg for 30 days now. I so scared to take it today. I don't want to get anymore side effects. She also wants me to start taking clonazepam starting today as well.
I'm still getting a lot of GI issues and muscle pains mostly in my back. I'm still scared it's not from the medication and its something else.
She also mentioned I should go get a ECG. This kinda put me in a panic. Why do I need one???
Did you ask your doctor why you need one?
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