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lanerbanana
05-02-20, 19:08
hi everyone,


so my anxiety symptoms have mostly dissipated and im not feeling a constant sense of dread anymore. however a new symptom has popped up (whoopee), i feel like my throat is going to close up all the time, i feel like theres something at the back of my throat. i dont feel it too much in the mornings, it takes a little bit for it to kick in. it's on and off all day. it doesnt impede my talking or swallowing (although i feel like at any point it might) and whenever i open my mouth very wide (like to yawn) i feel the sensation. im trying not to catastrophize it because i dont have any of the risk factors for throat cancer nor do i have all the symptoms, but i just need to talk it out, i guess. for the record, there's also a constant phlegm in my throat as well (possibly from allergies)

i guess im just scared of my throat collapsing or something. im pretty sure this has to be some sort of globus. i need to get it off my chest.

lanerbanana
20-02-20, 21:40
update:

not any worse but not all that better either, i can still breathe and swallow, though it feels like im being strangled sometimes. i think im seeing the doctor again tomorrow, so im sure he'll be helpful

almost got a therapist but had insurance issues, so i can't see her. just my luck, eh? now i have to go look for another therapist, one that's hopefully close.

lanerbanana
22-02-20, 00:54
saw the doc today, he wants to put me on citalopram for my anxiety. im a little nervous about it but im willing to try it

lanerbanana
27-02-20, 06:01
i googled. i shouldn't have, but i googled, and now i think i have vocal cord cancer. great.

the feeling of something in my throat has mostly gone away now, but now im feeling almost a tightness in my neck/throat, like the base of my tongue sometimes swells up and is too big for my throat. i have a lot of mucus back there too. no pain, on occasion there will be a slight pain but it's not often. whenever i talk i feel a tightness. not a hoarseness, i can still speak normally but it feels strange to. im terrified. im really really scared. singing is my life, my passion, and if i were to have my entire voice box removed, i feel as though my life would be completely ruined.

i havent taken the citalopram yet, mostly because of my parents and also the long QT symptoms as well. im terrified. im on a few more antibiotics for my ear which seems to be clearing up more and more. i still get an itching in the inner ear sometimes.

im just scared. i was doing really well with not googling things, but now i've gone and done it. i've unraveled everything and im terrified of having laryngeal cancer. they say that long term exposure to second hand smoke can also cause it as well, as i've no risk factors other than that and being overweight.

please help? i dont want it to seem like im disrespecting anyone or anything, im just scared.

lanerbanana
01-03-20, 07:02
throats been slowly, periodically getting better.
there are times where i feel okay, and then there are times where it's uncomfortable. of course this isn't how cancer works, so i can say that im most likely in the clear.

venting here about my brain and it's tendency to freak me out about the most benign things. i had a small, very short sharp pain on the left side of my chest, where my boob is. didnt last long at all, but my brain is making me think "oh no it's a heart issue, it's a heart issue, we're dying, there's DANGER" of course almost making me go into a complete panic, but luckily stopped myself before things got out of hand. there's no pain right now, the pain was short and (not so) sweet.
it almost feels like my heart is on the very far left side of my chest, so i think, "i thought most heart issue pain was in the center of your chest, why's it feel like my heart is on the left side of my chest? isnt that where the pain's supposed to be?"
just a strange thought.
i feel small little twinges of pain and my brain instantly thinks about the worst possible thing. earlier today my thumb was twitchy and there were motor neuron alarm bells ringing in my brain. i distracted myself, thankfully.

i have a therapist appointment coming up next week on wednesday, which i'm looking forward to a lot. we just decided to go with a reduced payment route. can't keep it up for too long though. it's 100 per hour now.
im grateful that i can finally get some help and start getting back on my feet again, i just hope that this time, it'll be a long term thing and wont fall apart again.

BlueIris
01-03-20, 07:37
How are you holding up now?

AuroraEllaBelle
01-03-20, 08:02
Hi Laner 👋
My first anxiety symptom was the whole throat thing just like you’re experiencing. I know it can seem hard to understand but it is actually just a symptom of anxiety. There’s not actually anything wrong with your throat - it’s just the anxious thoughts making it seem like there is. Hopefully your therapist will help you with this.
Don’t be scared of it, I know it’s hard but try to remember that it’s just a symptom of the anxiety.

lanerbanana
01-03-20, 08:26
hi blue!

i'm holding up a lot better than i was in december. still get twinges of panic now and then, but not in a full blown constant panic anymore. using this thread as a diary of my symptoms and keeping track of how they wax and wane, trying to prove to myself that it IS anxiety, and not a real physical illness.
i hope things have been well with you, i heard about your phone getting stolen, i'm so so sorry :( it's good that you were going to get it replaced anyways, but still, the principle of the thing n all. i hope you can get yourself a nice phone soon, i think you deserve it :)

lanerbanana
01-03-20, 08:32
hi aurora!

thank you for your reassurance, it's much appreciated :D

it's a scary thing isnt it?? one of my biggest hangups with it is the fact that i'm a singer, and i freak whenever ANYTHING is wrong with my throat. music is my biggest passions and my worst fear is something happening to my throat. i got scared stiff at the thought of vocal cord cancer, and the chance of having my larynx taken out, having a electrolarynx and all...the thought petrifies me, and yet i am so young, it's damn near impossible.

i also get chronic neck spasms too so i dont think that's helping with the feeling of something stuck in the throat, and feeling like your throat is being constricted. damned anxiety makes the spasms even WORSE too. so yknow, cool.

sorry to sound so gloomy, i hope you're well and things are good with you, and thank you again for the reassuring words :) it's nice to have others know how you feel.

lanerbanana
02-03-20, 09:38
things have been alright for the most part, other than me constantly checking my neck now.
one side seems to be more rigid than the other, it's been on my mind constantly all day.
"maybe there's something in the ridgid side of my neck that's knocking my windpipe out of place and that's why im feeling the lump"
dumb thoughts like that, which i've been trying to ignore, and NOT google.
i have neck spasms, so that's probably why one side seems more tight/swollen than the other.
trying to rationalize my fears and put them out of my mind.
right now, i am okay. i dont feel anything in my throat.

lanerbanana
03-03-20, 07:45
things are still okay. i seem to feel weird feelings in my throat moreso during the day than at night.
now my brain's acting all weird and im getting hypervigilant about my breathing. that actually started when i went to the doc and they took my blood oxygen levels and the reading said 90%. i freaked a little and asked the doc about it, he said it wasnt ideal but it wasnt any cause for concern, since the normal percentage should be 92%.
now i feel like im constantly out of breath when i talk and sometimes lightheaded. i think that might be because of my neck spasms, though. my brain is now trying to convince me that i have sleep apnea, because of the breathing thing and my brain being weird (i feel like i have trouble constructing sentences and trying to remember certain words more than usual, kinda like a case of brain fog)
bear in mind that i didnt have any of these problems before the doctors visit. anxiety trying to convince me of some kind of danger again, when there is none.
therapist's visit's coming up, so i'm looking forward to that.
my sister's birthday is also on that day, so tomorrow i'll be getting ingredients for a nice little cake im going to make her, while my mom makes some potato soup (her favorite food) for her as well. :)
something nice to look forward to.

lanerbanana
07-03-20, 00:42
thought i'd pop in and give an update:

i saw my therapist! she was really sweet and gave me some tips and tricks for my anxiety.
today i felt an episode coming on, so i did some small exercises in order to burn the adrenaline (one of our tips) and it WORKED! ive been anxiety free for the rest of the day!
it also helps with my health anxiety as well, because if i had actual issues i wouldn't be able to do the little exercises without difficulty. my dad said "that's good thinking!"
i feel normal, more normal than i have in a while

Scass
07-03-20, 08:01
That’s great news! Really pleased for you. What a confidence boost your exercise must have been.