squiddy
11-02-20, 04:46
I have a lump on the lower left side of my back. It's been there for over ten years now. I had an injury where I fell down the stairs and was very hurt in that area, there was a terrible bruise... which healed, but left a distinct lump which never went away. Most of the time it's fine, but goes through occasional periods of REALLY hurting. I went to get it checked by the doctor, and got an ultrasound. He kept telling me there was nothing there while he was looking, absolutely nothing, but I insisted he kept looking... And then he goes oh yes actually I've just found a collection of cysts. I ask could that have been caused by the fall? He says no it's probably totally unrelated, big coincidence. Just ignore it. He sends me on my way.
He never really filled me with confidence, it felt like he was just in a rush and was very wishy washy, but I did my best to be reassured. Cut to now, ten years later, and the lump's still there. I read the extremely sad news of a person online dying today of Sarcoma Cancer, something I hadn't heard of before... And looked it up of course. It's apparently very rare, but shows few symptoms, other than a lump growing. And now I fear I have it.
I hate how illogical it is to worry about this, but I'm worrying anyway. Ideally I'd want to get it rechecked again, but I know what the answer will be- We already checked it, it's fine. And I know it probably IS fine. But it's such a terrifying thought that it might not be, and I can't shake it. If it's something anyone knows anything about, I'd really appreciate hearing.
I've been trying to be critical, and I'm pretty sure in my heart of hearts I KNOW it's not sarcoma. If it was, it would be a hell of a lot worse than it is after ten years passing, surely. I might not even still be here if it was. I'm largely frustrated at myself. I've been in a really bad state lately, fear and anxiety is gripping me over everything, making me worry about myself, those around me... I'd shaken this intensity of hypochondria off for a while, but here it is again. I also hate that on reading the sad news of someone dying, my anxiety just has to turn it around to make it about myself. Anyway. Thanks for reading.
He never really filled me with confidence, it felt like he was just in a rush and was very wishy washy, but I did my best to be reassured. Cut to now, ten years later, and the lump's still there. I read the extremely sad news of a person online dying today of Sarcoma Cancer, something I hadn't heard of before... And looked it up of course. It's apparently very rare, but shows few symptoms, other than a lump growing. And now I fear I have it.
I hate how illogical it is to worry about this, but I'm worrying anyway. Ideally I'd want to get it rechecked again, but I know what the answer will be- We already checked it, it's fine. And I know it probably IS fine. But it's such a terrifying thought that it might not be, and I can't shake it. If it's something anyone knows anything about, I'd really appreciate hearing.
I've been trying to be critical, and I'm pretty sure in my heart of hearts I KNOW it's not sarcoma. If it was, it would be a hell of a lot worse than it is after ten years passing, surely. I might not even still be here if it was. I'm largely frustrated at myself. I've been in a really bad state lately, fear and anxiety is gripping me over everything, making me worry about myself, those around me... I'd shaken this intensity of hypochondria off for a while, but here it is again. I also hate that on reading the sad news of someone dying, my anxiety just has to turn it around to make it about myself. Anyway. Thanks for reading.