Help I couldn't make it to my grandmas funeral now my brother had cut me out of the f

[Princessmrsc]

Hi I'm claire I have suffered with anxiety as long as I can remember but it's got bad over the last few years. I am taking sertraline 50mg and it really helps day to day. I can now go shopping and drive round where I live. What i still have is a massive fear of trains, motorways, dual carriageways and anything that travels fast. It starred after i had a panic attack on the motorway a few years ago. I'm feeling like the worst person in the world at the moment. My grandma sadly passed away. She lived two hours from us. I just couldn't go to her funeral. I tried but I couldn't do it. Most of the family do understand about my anxiety but my brother just doesnt. He thinks it's very selfish of me not to go and he cant get his head round the fact I can go round our local town but cant travel 2 hours away. My mums even said she can see where hes coming from and she doesnt always understand anxiety and all I do is the woe be me attitude and it doesnt wash with her. I'm just feeling like the worst person ever and feel like my grandma will hate me for not been there. I've just let everyone down xx

[Kendra]

Hi Claire I'm so sorry to hear about your grandma sending you hugs.
Mine and your anxiety sounds very much the same so you are not alone.
People don't understand unless they have been there. It's hard to put into words sometimes. I'm sure that your grandma would 100% understand why you didn't go and to be honest you will remember her in your own way.
My mams partner died in November and we watched him die of bowl cancer. At the funeral I had to stand at the back on my own near the door incase I panicked. But if I hadn't gone I wouldn't have made myself feel guilty because I would have remembered him in my own way. You are doing really well. It's an minute by minute struggle but you will get there. Big hugs xx

[WiredIncorrectly]

I was in this position when my Dad died, and my stepdad. I managed to attend their funerals with the help of alcohol. But, I didn't attend my uncle's funeral who passed recently. I should have, but I couldn't muster it. I'm not sure if the family thinks anything negative of me because I missed it ... but who cares?

If people can't relate to your situation let them moan all they like. You just focus on your own mental health and making yourself well again.

Your grandma wouldn't hate you at all. The same as my uncle wouldn't hate me. If I died, and nobody attended my funeral, I wouldn't care. I no longer exist to care. The time you spent with her while she was alive is all that matters.