julia241977
18-02-20, 04:05
A youtuber I like recently made one of those coming-out videos saying she was a lesbian despite previously thinking she was attracted to men. And for some reason it's just sent me into an anxiety spiral that I could be in the same situation without even realizing it.
Like, I'm positive I like men. All of my romantic/sexual crushes have been on men, and I've only dated men. While I recognize that some women are very attractive, and though I've had platonic "girl crushes," picturing myself having a romantic/sexual relationship with another woman just... doesn't feel right/natural. The times I've tried to "test" and see if I could be attracted to women, I usually pick a random woman and try to force myself to be attracted to her. And it doesn't work. It doesn't feel like "me." But I can't shake this feeling that somehow, beneath all this, is some deep, repressed attraction to women that I've been denying/hiding from myself. I distort every thought/experience I have to build a case for why that must be true, even though I really don't think I like women.
This feels like a silly thing to worry about, but it's happened to other women, hasn't it? I've known people who thought they were straight and realized that they very much weren't. So needless to say, this is all very stressful. I know deep down what the truth is, but I can't stop checking/reassuring myself that this is all just anxious self-doubt. And I'm so distracted by all of this that I've been neglecting the actual things that I need to do. And there's this guy that I want to go on a date with, and I want to pursue that without worrying that I'm faking it or pretending to be interested or forcing myself to be attracted to him.
So anyway, if you've experienced something like this, how do you cope?
Like, I'm positive I like men. All of my romantic/sexual crushes have been on men, and I've only dated men. While I recognize that some women are very attractive, and though I've had platonic "girl crushes," picturing myself having a romantic/sexual relationship with another woman just... doesn't feel right/natural. The times I've tried to "test" and see if I could be attracted to women, I usually pick a random woman and try to force myself to be attracted to her. And it doesn't work. It doesn't feel like "me." But I can't shake this feeling that somehow, beneath all this, is some deep, repressed attraction to women that I've been denying/hiding from myself. I distort every thought/experience I have to build a case for why that must be true, even though I really don't think I like women.
This feels like a silly thing to worry about, but it's happened to other women, hasn't it? I've known people who thought they were straight and realized that they very much weren't. So needless to say, this is all very stressful. I know deep down what the truth is, but I can't stop checking/reassuring myself that this is all just anxious self-doubt. And I'm so distracted by all of this that I've been neglecting the actual things that I need to do. And there's this guy that I want to go on a date with, and I want to pursue that without worrying that I'm faking it or pretending to be interested or forcing myself to be attracted to him.
So anyway, if you've experienced something like this, how do you cope?