facing your fears?

[dannyjh]

Hi my name is Danny and I suffer from a type of social phobia.
I struggle to talk infront of people and I find it very difficult being
the centre of attention.
Whenever I feel like I'm going to be in a situation that I feel Is
going to cause me panic I will avoid that at all costs.
I really do want to be able to have the confidence to face my fears
but the more I think about speaking I In public the more worried i feel.
If I feel like this just thinking about It I dread to think what I'd be like If
I do face my fear!
Has anyone got any tips or advice on facing your fears?

Thanks Danny xxxxxxx

[Believe]

Hi Danny,

Have you checked out the self help section on main forum. I know that there are lots of topics there. I hope that you are getting some good advice.


Take Care
Believe

I Believe That In Time We all We Get Better.

[bluebottle]

Face them, and see if it was as bad as you imagined. Easy to say, not so easy to do, but what's the worst that could happen?

[groovygranny]

Hi there danny,

I'm with bluebottle on this one.

I can only comment from my own experiences.

Social anx is one anx (among a few!) that used to control me absolutely at one time. Now, it just lurks around in the background and gives me a poke in the ribs now and again.

I find the approach that brings the best reward is 'bite the bullet and do it no matter what'. The nmp abbreviation for this is 'JFDI' ! I don't wish to make this sound easy because that is very far from the truth.

Every time I bite the bllet I'm terrified I'm going to crack my teeth. But, in my case, it's the trying that brings the reward - not just the succeeding. Many times I have fallen flat on my face when I've garbled my words or been overcome with a wave of hot, nauseating panic.

But, the difference now is this - I don't care! I feel victorious whether I succeed in speaking in front of people be it a group or an individual, or whether I stumble over my words with my flushed red neck and upper chest flashing like a belisha beacon!

My middle daughter got married recently, and as 'mother of the bride' that brought with it a certain amount of attention....I bit the bullet most of the time (I even went up to a table of complete strangers and introduced myself :ohmy:! And had to challenge catering staff over something - I hated that.) then lurked around in the background when I wanted to turn the spotlight off. It worked and I had a lovely time.

To me it's the trying that's important - because that means I am challenging my fear. But, even if I don't try sometimes, I don't believe I've failed or should beat myself up over it....because guaranteed there will always be a next time for opportunity!

I have had tremendous support from the good people here, and that has been invaluable to me.

Don't know if this has been of any help - just wanted to encourage you really..

..if anybody knew me years ago they'd never believe it was the same person.

big hugs

:hugs::hugs:

[nomorepanic]

JFDI - exactly

I went to the No Panic conference in June and they asked me with 45 minutes notice to stand up and do a presentation on NMP and what we can offer.

I really really didn't want to do it as I was so scared and anxious! But I did - I got up there and did a 15 minute presentation in front of all those people.

How? Well I decided that I had no choice and didn't want to let people down and the only way to deal with the fear is to face it so I did.

Yes I was nervous and shaking but I still did it and people said they enjoyed my talk

So my advice is just do it - you never know it could be the making of you!

[erialc]

yep best advice is face your fears.

I hate public speaking or speaking in front of people I don't know (like on training courses) but I find if I volunteer to go first, I feel much better with myself.

Whats the worst that can happen?

xxxx Claire xxxxxx

[Bill]

I used to be extremely shy. When I first started work I wouldn't even talk to people unless spoken to.

I gained confidence through knowledge. I reached a stage where I was asked to train others and hold meetings about what I knew. I knew my subject inside out so I knew I wouldn't go wrong.

I've never held a presentation like Nicola in front of a huge audience face to face but I have been interviewed on national radio for 45 mins.
Of course I was anxious about how many people were listening and what if I made a blunder!!! So I used 2 techniques - 1) to revise everything I was going to talk about so I knew the answers to any question I could be asked and 2) to use "tunnel vision" meaning I concentrated on the interviewer rather than thinking how many were listening. Both methods helped to control my nerves.

It's really a question of building up confidence by taking small steps from talking in front of 2 or 3 people to a much bigger audience but it is possible in time. :winks: