View Full Version : How many of us suffer from loneliness - and why? Poll.
Hi everyone.
I experience really bad loneliness, I have felt this way for so long now that I often forget being as lonely as this isn't how everyone feels.
I have very few 'real' relationships in my life i.e. people whom I can talk freely to about my problems. At the moment the only person I can speak to on a deep level is my psychotherapist. Otherwise I have my sister and elderly parents and that is it.
Other contributing factors are that I live alone, I don't work and anxiety and agoraphobia limits my outings a lot.
I do have some internet friends and I value them a lot but mostly for this poll I am talking about 'real' life.
I know depression plays a major role in my own loneliness, and I often wonder how it is possible to stay living when the pain of the depression and loneliness is so bad.
So do others among us have a problem with loneliness and does it affect your life a little or a lot? Also do you know why you feel so lonely?
Thanks all,
Ellen
margaret911
06-10-07, 23:04
I can sit in a room full of people and still feel lonely, I think this is down to my depression.
love Mags
northern_sky
07-10-07, 00:23
Yeah I'm lonely I have my lovely family (parents and siblings) and I am very grateful for that :) but no one else really. :blush: I used to have a lot of net friends but over the years they've faded away.
Hi Ellen, Yes I can identify with everything you have said in your post, its the same situation I find myself in, feel everyone else is so much more involved with family/friends etc.
These are just my personal thoughts.
I think we are naturally social "animals" so we're all in need of anothers company but because anxiety makes us feel insecure we feel the need more to not be left on our own because we need comfort.
However, I think we feel alone even in a crowd because we feel different and perhaps inferior to others because of our anxiety and so perhaps the loneliness is only filled when we're in the company of others who understand us.
For whatever reason, I was born with a general insecurity and so all my life I've hated my own company even though I'm quite capable of cooking and looking after myself, and I enjoy the spells of quiet! I'm the youngest in our family and by the time I was 12 they'd all left home which I feel also affected me.
I've often wondered if I suffer from monophobia (fear of living alone because of loneliness) or whether it's just that all people need the comfort of another because, if it is a phobia, I've no idea how you conquer it when you could never be happy living alone without comfort and affection that only another could provide? I don't honestly know.
I lost my father 2 years ago this month and now I visit my mother regularly. They were married nearly 60 years and loved each other very much. I've seen my mother in tears but I feel so helpless. I've asked her what to do and she says she knows I care but I can't bring him back. I wish I could for both of us because I feel much more alone without him too. Sometimes I hate leaving my mother knowing that I'm leaving her to be on her own and knowing how I'd feel in her position without even having company. It's sad and yet that's life and she copes ok.
I'm sorry for digressing and being depressing but I guess feeling alone is one thing I've not mastered yet and perhaps never will.:weep:
I'm lonely, my family are great (hubby and kids) but apart from them I have no one else, my parents aren't interested in me, nor is my brother and over the years I have lost touch with all my friends too.
Thanks everyone for your votes and posts.
I really empathise a lot with what you say Bill. I do believe being alone for long periods is bad for the mind and the spirit but depression is a cruel disease. Though I know in my head I would feel a little better if I got out of bed and went and visited my sister or parents for a few hours, I feel like I am superglued to that bed. The depression makes me yearn to be alone, even though being so makes me acutely unhappy.
I also worry about my parents' passing as they are nearly eighty, I can't even bear to think about when the time comes.
We all came into this world alone and will leave it alone, even if we are lucky enough to have people who really care for us. Often I wish there was a way that I could allow someone into my mind to share the burden of all the scarey thoughts as we are all alone in our minds.
I was surprised to see that there are people who voted that they feel lonely a lot of the time but that they can deal with it? Could someone who ticked this option share with us how they deal with the loneliness? Thank you.
Ellen
Hello Ellen,
The way I deal with loneliness is by trying to keep my mind occupied with other things. I guess that's probably one reason I post on here because it helps me to try and help others, if you see what I mean, so I don't focus on my own feelings.
If I start thinking too much about the future without my mother, it scares me so I try not to by keeping occupied with nice things!
I don't know any other way. What will be, will be! :shrug:
Ellen, try to resist the urge to stay in bed. None of us are Actually alone even though we feel it because there ARE people who understand how we feel such as those on here. :hugs:
I'm also a person who feels lonely most of the time, even if I'm surrounded by people. I find I want to be on my own and left to my own devices, but I also feel lonely, I can't have it both ways. I have a few friends left, but I'm never bothered about seeing them or talking to them much.
Ellen I am one who ticked the box lonely some time but deal with it.
For years I felt really lonely even though I had people around me. I wanted them then I would push them away if they were in my space - i didnt know what I wanted.
I started to enjoy my own company and am quite content just being on my own at times. I read Louise L Hays book, The Power is Within You and have accepted that healing comes from within and Ive began to spend time on doing things just for me and am now not scared of being alone. I never thought I could ever say I would find inner peace but I have, its taken a long time but it will come if you allow it.
I think its about getting the balance that suits you - at this moment. In time this may change.
Luv Darkangel x:flowers:
I have great parents, a husband and an 11 year old son and i still have a feeling of lonliness about me. I think its because no one really understands th extent of how bad my anxiety is. When i am down or anxious, i am truly alone and that scares me.Josephine.x
Hi, I ticked the box saying that I deal with it - but thinking about it I'm not sure how I do. I go through varying degrees of loneliness, I think it's because I feel I can't share my problems with anyone so then I just feel lonelier. I cope by withdrawing from others even more as crazy as it sounds.:weep:
Hi Ellen,
I do feel lonely sometimes even though i have friends, not a lot now though,as they have ebbed away over the years, but i find when my anxiety steps up or im worried about something i need to surround myself with people, i think its a reassurance thing that nothing bad will happen if other people are there, when it was really bad i even kept my son home from school for a couple of days just for the company, i guess im just being silly ...........xx
No kittykat, of course you're not being silly. Loneliness is a terrible feeling to have to live with.
I can remember when I was a teen being in the car with my father. There was a song playing around that time with the words "oh what a lonely boy". I turned to my father and said "that's me". He asked why but I couldn't really explain it. I've just always felt alone as if I don't belong in this world. It always feels like people don't understand me.
After losing my father it feels my loneliness has intensified because I feel I've lost the only person who really knew me.
I know it sounds silly but at one office I used to work, there were a lot of women who were stressed out with their work so one day I was in a florist and I thought I'd get a bunch of flowers and break it up so they all got a share. One woman said to me I didn't have to do that just to make friends. All I was doing was trying to cheer them up! It seems that being nice raises suspicion thinking there must be an ulterior motive which I find really sad. I think that's why I feel I don't belong.
I know I'm too soft and others have told me I'm "too" nice but I just feel I'm being me.
Anyway, I heard today of an 86 yr old mother who was feeling very anxious and so depressed that she was in tears. It was all because her daughter who lives just down the road from her is always too busy to visit her!!! That's what's wrong with this world. People think of themselves and that's partly why so many people feel lonely. It doesn't cost anything to be nice and to think of others especially those in distress and yet because of the world we live in, it's treated with suspicion, and I can feel it in every post I type.:shrug:
It means so much to be able to share with someone who understands without feeling embarrassed or ashamed but I fear there are too few who do or make time so there are a lot of lonely people in this world. I guess at least on here we Know we're not entirely alone if that's a small comfort. :shrug:
bluebottle
10-10-07, 07:20
Hi Ellen, depression is a problem when your lonely. I get very lonely. I was just thinking this morning how to cope with the awful morning feeling, when you wake up and the depression grips you. Well the only way is to get out of bed. I lay there for about 10 minutes but it makes things worse, so I know if I don't get up I'll feel a lot worse.
Joining a drop-in centre where there are other people who feel the same will help as you can be in an environment where you feel accepted, and also I have to push myself really, really, hardt go to different groups and courses. Its scary as hell sometimes, other times not so scary, but lonliness and depression and anxiety are far scarier. I know you live in a rural area, but if there is anything like I've mentioned then personally I think it would help you feel less lonely. Have you a care plan? Have you spoke to your GP or therapist about your lonliness?
One last thing, telling people when you join these groups, after you feel safer, that your lonely etc.. is good. Keeping our feelings buried doesn't help, and everyone gets lonely to one degree or another.
You can do it Ellen. You can change your life, with support.
Hi Ellen just had to reply to this , everything that you and Bill are saying sounds very familiar, although i usually think no one else feels lonely or feels "glued to the bed" or is terrified of their parents in their 80's dying tis exactly the way i am .
ive had lots of loss and bereavement but know That will be the worse, and i really wish to go before it happens.
just these sorts of thoughts keeps feeding the depression;(
once i used to enjoy being on my own , being independent and spending time on hobbies without the need for even my husband! Now loneliness is terrifying .
All i can say is i try to keep reading interesting books, play adventure games on mobile or on pc, watch something good on TV . Also if a friend asks me out try to say yes, swimming is really relaxing . This website really helps me alot, especially the forums and the chat rooms. Cause u just know there will be someone there usually 24/7 just knowing that helps
I also try to keep in touch with people by text or phone. love Richie XXXX
Hi Richie, I really understand what you are saying. I too frequently think how great it would be if I could exit this world before my parents do as then I wouldn't have to experience the grief and trauma of their deaths. It is a very selfish attitude I know but I believe that being truthful about, and expressing the thoughts in our heads, makes others who have similiar thoughts feel less alone.
Ellen x
Thanks to everyone who has voted and posted.
So far one third of those who have voted have said that their loneliness is so bad they can't cope with it. To be honest I thought this percentage would be much higher. Still it is good that two thirds of you don't feel lonely or feel you can cope with it when you do feel lonely.
I wonder how many of us who can't cope with our loneliness suffer from depression? I know that I do and that I really isolate myself in times of bad depression.
Perhaps those who can't cope with their loneliness might post whether they suffer from depression or not? Only a suggestion.
Thanks again,
Ellen :hugs:
Lilith1980
17-10-07, 14:57
I dont know why I feel lonely. I have a fiance who loves me, he can be busy at work but we are starting to get time together again. I have some great friends up here and my Mum and I keep in touch regularly.
I don't know if its so much lonely, as more a feeling of emptiness and not really knowing who I am, if that makes sense?
I ticked the option " I feel lonely a lot of the time but I deal with it". I didnt want to tick the one that said I cant cope because I guess I "get by" but its hard.
Most of the time it might end in a row with my fiance - that's if he goes out with friends without me which makes me feel isolated even though he doesn't do it very often at all.
Other times I might just cry about it on my own cos I have no idea why I feel that way.
There are times where I dont want to be around people and then me and my fiance get invited out. The last thing I want to do is be around people but I know if he goes out on his own, I will feel worse so I go with him. It does make me feel better as I am around friends and we have a laugh but then I can go back to feeling lonely a few days later.
I think sometimes you have to bite the bullet and just "get out there" because it will help.
I sometimes go a long time without having adult conversation at home. Its ok at work, but I never socialise with people at work and when I do socialise I have to take the 2 little ones with me and find all my friends have baby sitters and can do whatever they want, but I don't want anyone apart from my mum to look after them and she is a pensioner now and can't cope with both of them (they are a handful!!). I think a lot of it is because I am a single parent and am quite jealous of some of my friends who seem to have the perfect life and relationship, whereas I can't even have a bath in peace without one of the kids barging through the door seeking me out. I know its probably my own fault, but at the end of the day there is only me at home to help them and the nights are lonely most of the time.
I think I need a man!!!
Les
There are times when I feel lonely but I think this is a natural feeling which everyone experiences during their lifetime. A child who doesn't get picked to play a game at playtime can feel lonely, parents who lose a child can feel lonely even though they're surrounded by people and love. I don't think there are any hard and fast rules that define loneliness and it depends very much on the circumstances. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a couple of friends who I see often and at other times I'll go for a walk and revel in the solitude of my surroundings.
Take care,
Mike :)
What I believe is this - being alone is great when you choose to be alone; but when being alone isn't a choice, then it is awful.
Ellen x
Yes, I do feel lonely. I do not enjoy social occasions and I'm usually happy with my own company, but sometimes feel the need to be with others. Going to work usually fills my need for company, so I'm happy on my own or with my husband the rest of the time. Like someone else said, I can feel lonely in a crowded room as I find it so difficult to talk to people.
bluebottle
23-12-07, 21:22
I understand Ellen.
Ellen,
I've always felt lonely, but until 3 years ago it was "lonely and bored", not "lonely and depressed". Then social phobia got a grip of me (for the 2nd time in my life) and I found I couldn't enjoy company even when it was an option. Since then loneliness has been a big problem, and I think it's ultimately what led to my nervous breakdown last month.
Why do I feel lonely? I don't know. If I'm honest I just feel as though I think more deeply about things than most people, and when I talk about what I think, people don't understand me.
Also I've been very depressed a lot recently, and when you're in that state it can be hard to enjoy lighthearted conversation and really be interested in other people. It's a vicious circle: why should people be interested in me when I'm not interested in them?
All the same I've been forcing myself to go to things like Buddhist meditation sessions. I've also joined a liberal church. These sorts of things tend to attract people who think deeply and who are more on my wavelength. I can't say I've made any new friends yet, but the people I've met have seemed good eggs.
One effect my isolation has had is to look around at other people with problems and realise how much hidden unhappiness there is in the world, and that paradoxically there is a kind of community of suffering. This realisation has led me to decide to look into options for voluntary work in the new year.
Francis
i know the feeling of lonlyness as i spent christmas on my own
Why were you alone at Christmas my friend?
hiya i have lovely hubby who i luv dearly and 3 lovely kids but i still get incredibly lonely as i dont see my mum dad other family etc much and we are not very close. i find it hard to trust people so getting close to people is difficult, but i try to stay positive for wot i do have xxxx
I feel like nobody understands me. I do things for a reason, i.e. take anti-depressants, probably drink too much, have no energy and want to just be by myself at times. I have 3 gorgeous children, and my eldest is 19, youngest 7, but at 19 it's hard to explain, especially to your child, why you do the things you do. We've never really spoken about anxiety and depression, and I now have a little grandson, and I was so worried that my daughter would get post-natal depression like I did, but she didn't and is coping better than I ever did. I had PND and now suffer from anxiety and depression, everything seems to be going wrong in my life at the moment, but I'm still here and taking each day at a time.
When no-one understands you, life can be a lonely place to be. Thank god for this site!
Les xx
I don't feel lonely. I think this is to do with the fact that I was brought up as a only child, which gave me a very vivid and active imagination which enabled me to entertain myself.
milly jones
17-07-08, 16:14
i feel lonely even when i have ppl around me.
sometimes i feel locked in my own little world.
sometimes i prefer to be by myself that heav to interact with others.
I also enjoy being by myself for a while, and then all of a sudden, I feel down about it. Human nature is hard to understand.
Hi, Ellen.
I feel extremely lonely most of the time, and really don't cope at all well with it. The only time I don't feel it is when I'm really involved in something, but as soon as I surface back into the real world it hits me again.
I think I've been lonely most of my life (I'm 59) ... definitely monophobic ... probably dates back to being in hospital for surgery (cleft palate) in 1950, when parents weren't allowed to stay, followed by the years of isolation when I couldn't speak clearly. I've also been recently diagnosed as having some Asperger characteristics, which could well explain why I find it hard to find common ground with people. Even while I was married, I felt lonely much of the time as my ex didn't really seem to understand where I was coming from.
Now I'm truly on my own - previous generation gone, siblings alienated in childhood, children grown and flown and too far away to visit, husband thrown out and divorced. No friends because ex didn't like me making friends that weren't the wives of his colleagues. And on top of that, the appearance of having had a stroke, with renewed speech difficulties, due to one side of my face being paralysed by a rare tumour (non-fatal, and now hopefully dead).
Yeah. I'm lonely. And yeah, I get anxiety and depression ... this is my 4th episode; the first was when I was 19.
But I *can* get out of bed, despite the urge to stay there and hide from the scary world when the waking panic hits. I have 3 cats. When they're hungry for breakfast, they can be *very* insistant! :D having done that, I take my diazepam and if I'm bad enough, I call the Samaritans while it kicks in ... the ones in my local office all seem to know me now, so speech isn't too much of a problem. Now I've done my 5 days probation here, I'm hoping the chat room can replace the Samaritans as the phone bill's getting crippling! Once I've settled, I tend to be OK anxiety-wise for the rest of the day unless something happens ... then I go into my headless-chicken routine. If I'm lucky, one of my daughters will be able to have an email chat with me from work and sort me out.
What gets me for the rest of the day is just the sheer aloneness of my life, and of course, the depression that brings on. I live in a small village, and it often seems like I'm the last person left on Earth - a truly nightmare scenario for me.
Now I'm rambling I think, so I'll stop. But hey ... you wanted reasons! :)
I never used to feel lonely, although I often had a fairly active social life, and was always comfortable with my own company. It's only since going through the trauma of last year & my breakdown, that I now feel unable to function in a social setting without feeling as if a PA is ready to erupt, and yet feel unbearably lonely at home. Weird, eh?
Thanks everyone for your votes and posts.
I really empathise a lot with what you say Bill. I do believe being alone for long periods is bad for the mind and the spirit but depression is a cruel disease. Though I know in my head I would feel a little better if I got out of bed and went and visited my sister or parents for a few hours, I feel like I am superglued to that bed. The depression makes me yearn to be alone, even though being so makes me acutely unhappy.
I also worry about my parents' passing as they are nearly eighty, I can't even bear to think about when the time comes.
We all came into this world alone and will leave it alone, even if we are lucky enough to have people who really care for us. Often I wish there was a way that I could allow someone into my mind to share the burden of all the scarey thoughts as we are all alone in our minds.
I was surprised to see that there are people who voted that they feel lonely a lot of the time but that they can deal with it? Could someone who ticked this option share with us how they deal with the loneliness? Thank you.
Ellen
Hi Ellen,I am lonely a lot of the time,and i am scared stiff of being on my own.I was always the odd one out in my family,and i was kicked out of the house when i was only 21.I have neaver had a good relationship with my brother or my sister,due to them not understanding my mental health problems.I have not seen my brother for over 25 years.It is the same with my sister who now lives in france.My husband is severely disabled,and often has to go for hospital stays,this terrifies me as i worry about him all the time,and then so scared of being in the house on my own.Ialso have agoraphobia,so i cannot go out and make any friends.There is a day center in the town where i live,but im frightened to go there as im to frightened to leave my home.It seems i cant win.I have had friends,but in the end they drop me as they cannot seem to understand my problems of being on my own.I have my daughter who phones me every day,but she also has agoraphobia like i do.I would just like one true female friend,who would sometimes keep me company,whem my husband is not here.Everyday i pray for just one genuine friend who will accept me just the way i am,faults and all. Take care Ellen.Love Linda xxx xxx
lennons_mammy
21-10-08, 08:50
I feel lonely all the time. I moved towns two years ago so we could be nearer my fiances family and I have not settled at all. I have no family up here and I have not managed to make any friends and I also get the feeling that my fiances family don't like me very much. His mam when we moved up here said she would come down all the time to help with my son and have a cup of tea so I never feel lonely and shes not done it once in two years and we only live a 5 minute walk away from her. I was going to start taking my son to toddler groups to try and meet some new people but now I am housebound :(.
Hi
I feel very lonely as I have OCD and contamination fear along with checking and this limits me to being able to go out and see ppl. I feel I have very little self-confidence at the moment and this makes me want to hide away from the world. It's a horrible feeling.
Rox
Quiet-Lift
11-11-08, 03:24
My depression contributes to my loneliness, along with shyness, certain phobias (agoraphobia and social phobia) and paranoia (some of which is justifiable).
I also have a certain lack of self-esteem and have a tendency to feel guilty and worry over trifling matters.
Perhaps my biggest problem right now is anxiety, which to me can seem like the impenetrable wall I could never hope to scale alone.
It's a wretched state of affairs and sometimes seems overwhelming. I become so self-absorbed and wrapped up in my own troubles, that it seems almost impossible to reach out to anyone else.
I know there are many people out there who confront far worse problems than I on a daily basis and they have my respect and admiration for their courage and perseverance.
Sorry if this upsets or irritates anyone who reads it. I cannot help but be as truthful as I can possibly manage, given the restrictive nature of my circumstances.
cosmic dancer
01-12-08, 01:50
I am so lonely, sometimes I can't handle it..
But it is true, I am physically lonely.. three months ago I moved away from home and have been living in another country without my family, boyfriend and closest friends.. it's been so, so tough.. I break down during random times of the day, I have pins and needles going down my back, I feel like I am losing my mind and my loneliness just heightens these feelings.. I also feel like I might drop dead any moment and nobody would know because I live alone.. I feel insane.
chocoholic
02-12-08, 14:04
absolutely agree with everything said here.
I feel so lonely but dont know why. I have a wonderful family but feel so distant from them now as i all i do is get upset and worry im ill. they are very patient but have run out of words now.
i am really depressed, i tend to go from feeling fairly human to completely upset in 0-60 secs and back again and I am finding it hard to deal with.
its great to have everyone on here though
choco x
i feel lonely more when im down, i think because i havent got lots of close family around me and i rely on my hubby and 1 close friend and even though they brilliant, if i feel low even with 3 kids around i feel very lonely. xx
Diane O'Brien
02-12-08, 17:07
I did'nt really know how 2 answer this. It depends on how I feel if I can cope with my loneliness. Its wierd sometimes in a room full of people I can feel terribly lonely. I,ve always felt different and I can't understand why. When I go through bouts of depression I feel like the loneliest person in the world. I cant reach out to people. I have always wanted a special friend but I haven't got one, sometimes I can cry and cry over my loneliness.
Natural Mystic
02-12-08, 19:13
I sometimes go a long time without having adult conversation at home. Its ok at work, but I never socialise with people at work and when I do socialise I have to take the 2 little ones with me and find all my friends have baby sitters and can do whatever they want, but I don't want anyone apart from my mum to look after them and she is a pensioner now and can't cope with both of them (they are a handful!!). I think a lot of it is because I am a single parent and am quite jealous of some of my friends who seem to have the perfect life and relationship, whereas I can't even have a bath in peace without one of the kids barging through the door seeking me out. I know its probably my own fault, but at the end of the day there is only me at home to help them and the nights are lonely most of the time.
I think I need a man!!!
Les
I could have written that myself
sunshine-lady
23-01-09, 16:36
Hi I feel lonley a lot of the time. I am married, but my hubby works long hours and when he does come home, he has a shower, has something to eat then falls asleep on the sofa. I don't blame him as he works very hard, usually 7 days a week. I am agoraphobic so am stuck in the house alone (with my dogs) most of the time.
Dominic1975
24-01-09, 12:32
I feel lonely because I am single.... I have a house mate and we are normally together for a couple of hours each evening, which is great.... We talk and go over the day, watch tv....
But then I still go to bed alone and wake alone....
I have lots of friends and I see them on a regular basis, but its not the same as feeling apart of a relationship
I feel lonely all the time really. :blush:
I'm pretty shy and don't have many friends. In a way I know I do it to myself. I don't feel like I'm a likable person, I always worry that once someone gets to know me and finds out about my anxieties and worries, they'll think I'm a total freak!
Sometimes I'm perfectly fine about being alone, I don't have to answer to anyone and can just go my own way... but, for a while now I've felt really lonely.
Deepest Blue
25-01-09, 07:59
I think some of you would have read my post about recently breaking up with my gf who was living with me and had been for a while, I hated being alone before then and it was really lovely to finally meet someone who I thought I would settle down with, but yet again it wasn't to be and now it feels so horrible going back to as it was before, I feel lost and really don't know what to do with myself. I do have a few friends but they are of course busy a lot of the time with their own lives, family lives mainly and it's difficult to make new friends when you don't really have an idea how to anymore. I absolutely sincerely hate being alone, I love company, I love having fun, joking around, I miss the banter we had between us, the games we played either board games or digital, the songs we sang together and of course the most important thing of all was the hugs, hugs are what makes it for me over anything, I am a very very huggy person, very affectionate and having nobody to cuddle on the couch along with a nice meal and a great movie is devastating. I always imagined that if there was a Hell, it would be a total seperation from everything, a complete nothingness but you're aware of it, I didn't think i'd have that feel when alive. I don't deserve to be alone, I have far to much to offer.. sorry for the rambling, it's just been over a week :(
I think some of you would have read my post about recently breaking up with my gf who was living with me and had been for a while, I hated being alone before then and it was really lovely to finally meet someone who I thought I would settle down with, but yet again it wasn't to be and now it feels so horrible going back to as it was before, I feel lost and really don't know what to do with myself. I do have a few friends but they are of course busy a lot of the time with their own lives, family lives mainly and it's difficult to make new friends when you don't really have an idea how to anymore. I absolutely sincerely hate being alone, I love company, I love having fun, joking around, I miss the banter we had between us, the games we played either board games or digital, the songs we sang together and of course the most important thing of all was the hugs, hugs are what makes it for me over anything, I am a very very huggy person, very affectionate and having nobody to cuddle on the couch along with a nice meal and a great movie is devastating. I always imagined that if there was a Hell, it would be a total seperation from everything, a complete nothingness but you're aware of it, I didn't think i'd have that feel when alive. I don't deserve to be alone, I have far to much to offer.. sorry for the rambling, it's just been over a week :(
I can really empathise :hugs:
I'd always been a loner and then a couple of years ago I met someone. I never thought I'd meet anyone so it was so surprising. My whole world changed and o[pened up, and I really felt I was finally beating mydemons! I'd never experienced affection and hugs and companionship. But afew months ago I got dumped, and I feel totally bereft :weep:
In a way, I don't blame my ex, I mean, I was falling back into depression/anxiety and I would have hated her to feel obliged to put up with me. But I really miss the being able to chat, the company and the hugs. Just the human contact. :weep:
bluegirl09
25-01-09, 21:47
Hello everyone i live alone and feel very alone a lot of the time when i was depressed the last thing i wanted to do was to see anyone but it was the thing i needed to do sometimes it would get me down a lot the lack of a real loving partner offering that love and support my last relationship was 10 years ago and in between lots of lovers but no-one special to hold me and make me feel worth something its the thing i fear the most loneliness no-one too talk too no-one too eat a meal with and talk rubbish too - im lucky i have good friends and my family but miss a life partner x
I feel lonely most of the time,i have a constant battle within myself to try to be more sociable but in the end i find the safety of being on my own usually wins,the more time goes on the harder it gets to go out.
When i do go out,cos my anxiety is high,more things scare me and so its even harder next time,It seems like a no win situation,and so the loneliness continues.:shrug:
On the up side,i have loads of hobbies that really help to take my mind of things,i couldn't cope without those.:smile:
Hey, well recently, ive fell out with alot of my friends who were a bad crowd and now in with lovley people and now have a job im in and love. I hate the feeling i always get, i feel as if im lonley all the time and that no one likes me but iknow its just asilly feeling im getting because of panic attacks, i cant be anywhere by myself- not even in my own house, its getting so bad. please message me to make me feel better:( thanks ''17 year old whos a bag of nerves''
Deepest Blue
03-02-09, 15:56
Hey, well recently, ive fell out with alot of my friends who were a bad crowd and now in with lovley people and now have a job im in and love. I hate the feeling i always get, i feel as if im lonley all the time and that no one likes me but iknow its just asilly feeling im getting because of panic attacks, i cant be anywhere by myself- not even in my own house, its getting so bad. please message me to make me feel better:( thanks ''17 year old whos a bag of nerves''
Aww, sending you loads of hugs :hugs: I think sometimes the feeling of euphoria can be overwhelming as you say you're in love and hanging out with nice people so sometimes if a lot happens so soon it can overwhelm especially if someone has anxiety as we do. I think you're just feeling a bit frightened right now of such a good thing, but I think take it one step at a time and try to enjoy it. Perhaps confide in your loved one how you're feeling to get some support there too. Good luck and take care :)
charlotte83
06-05-09, 19:21
Sometimes I feel lonely even being surrounded by people, but I don't know if that is because of my anxiety and feeling like people don't really understand. Also although I'm definitely not got social phobia, I sometimes feel a bit awkward socialising and takes me a while to get used to people so I think maybe nobody really notices me much. Once I get used to people I can be quite talkative and like to joke around, but I definitely think my initial nerves have hindered me in the past. Like if your in a one off situation to meet people and don't stand out as anything interesting, then people cant be bothered! I know I'm not boring but my damn anxiety makes me hide away my individuality until I get used to people and trust them, but because I do that then I never get to know people as much. Vicscious circle!
Ellen. Loneliness is an awfull thing to suffer. I can sympathise with you as I suffere this condition as well. I have shut myself off and only feel comfortable when I'm at home. Its wrong to do this but it just happened. I suffer big depression and anxiety. My doctor says this loneliness is a symptom of depression. I am taking treatment and it's made a bit of a difference but I still spend a lot of time at home. You can pm me if you want to talk with somebody that understands. Bless you.
yes i am i am very very lonely, igot no friend becos i am always being used by people ithought friends becos i am too trusting and give all my heart to help, and iam always bullied by people, from young iam very lonely, i find it is so hard to trust people, i don't know how to hyprocrite, or mix around cunningly, i think most of them are very cunning, i dont' use my head i use my heart. so i am very lonely, i got no friends, becos i don't know how to talk well or mix well.
miss_moose
08-05-09, 14:58
I get extremely lonely, i'm lucky now i live with my other half, but he's the only person i see really, sometimes i see my grandma and my brother about once a month for an hour.
My fiance works 9am-5pm moday to friday so in that time i'm alone in the house, i only get out at weekends (if i feel upto it) for an hour to two hours because i'm agoraphobic (but trying to get out for longer) and im extremely social phobic.
I only have 1 friend but she lives quite far away so i usually only see her twice a year.
Rachel_123
09-05-09, 12:56
I'm lonely sometimes but i can deal with it. I find it hard to open up with people, even though i have a few friends who i can talk to. My mother suffers from panic, like me , so i have someone else to confide in but the depression just does it to me - i just feel like , i dont even know how to put it - empty and alone. The fact that i cant even put it into words says something.
Yes, felt it for sometime as my family do not want to talk about any more anxiety with me etc.
Red
Sometimes I feel lonely but not for very long. I love my own company and when people come over to visit, I sit wishing they would go away. I am not unfriendly to them. If anything I act over the top sometimes. I make my excuses to not go when we are invited to other peoples houses. I am sure people see me as being a bit 'strange' and I have had people say this about me before - not in a horrid way but when we have been having a laugh.
My partner works extremely long hours and this can include weekends when he has to go away with his job.
I get bored so easily of other people sometimes, unless they are interesting, but most of the people my partner and I know, seem dull to me. I dont think I am anything special but I guess I I feel like I have nothing in common with the majority of people that I know and they annoy me.They all seem so perfect. I would like to get to know people who have the same kind of issues as myself and then maybe I could relate to them. I have changed since I became unwell. Its like I am a different person.
Bliss to me now, is reading a book by the open fire with my cats (I sound like an old woman and yet I am not) and a couple of years ago I was out all the time, going to bars and clubs and I needed constant excitement going on. I have changed totally.
I would love to live on some remote island by myself never seeing anyone - maybe come back sometimes to do some clothes shopping and go to the hairdressers and buy some make up....oh and I would have to be able to get an internet connection as well!
I have a love/hate type relationship with people. Sometimes I want to be around them but mostly I can't stand being around other people. I feel like an alien sometimes! Do you think this is how people end up turning into hermits???
I sound 'odd' don't I? lol :wacko:
positiveness
20-05-09, 16:50
Hello all,
Well, I am extremely lonely and feel anxious most of the time. I'm 60 and my 19 year old son lives with me until September when he will then go to uni. I was on Efexor x (150) and lots of other medication until I decided in Oct of last year to wean myself off it all. I felt no benefits of the medication, after a really rough time quitting them, I feel less brain dead.
Recently I have forced myself to get out and enroll at the local volunteer centre. I know that it is 'normal' to have friends and really would like some interaction with others. I also joined dating sites and went out twice. However, I feel so very anxious that I don't know what to do. I have helped out on 3 activities so far and come home afterwards feeling exhausted.
I feel as though I just don't 'belong' with other people, the perpetual outsider and as one thoughtless gentleman stated, I am 'afraid to let myself be loved'. I appear extrovert, but is just a peculiar euphoric (almost psychotic!) feeling I get when I am with other people. I always beat myself up about my behaviour when I get back home.
What can be done? I hate being on my own, but just relate to others in a normal fashion.
Recently I have been jolted awake in the early hours of the morning with a horrid pain in my chest and a feeling of extreme anxiety and I have no idea why.
I feel rather like Poppy C with regards to socialising.
Sorry for the rant!
P x:wall:
I totally understand this feeling. I feel like there's no one to talk to either and when I do talk to people my O.C.D either cuts the conversations short or when I next see that person they avoid me which makes me sad or sometimes they laugh among themselves which makes me annoyed. People say I've brought it on myself & I suppose to a point they are right but it's anxiety thats dictating it. Sometimes I feel like a malingerer, a pessimist or a killjoy to my family who waver between pity and frustration and to my few friends who I hardly see. I rarely enjoy myself and yes I feel lonely but you know, I think literally millions of people are lonely. I'll be thinking of you.
rubymolloy
01-07-09, 11:00
Hiya,
I am lonely but can deal with it...
I have two lovely sons yet never see them as I can't/won/t travel due to panic attacks and feeling ill and estranged. If anyone happens to call and see me I can become very overstimulated and babble and be nervous, sweating and so on.
After a visitor has gone I then have to spend hours assimilating whats been said etc...
When I read what I have just put it seems like it is someone else writing it!
I think that I am protecting the visitors to a degree and myself also.
I used to be so afraid of people calling that I would pull down the blinds and silence my phone...
That seems to have improved of late.
I think that we all become afraid of people in general due to being misunderstood or judged.
It's easier to deal with the lonliness than someone saying 'it's all in your mind' or 'stop worrying so much'.
i hope we can all find some relief from our unusual existances with each other on here.
kind regards everyone
ruby:flowers:
Hi I have felt lonely in the past but that was before I suffered with anixety. I enjoy my own company now, but I do have a lovely husband and two great kids, if I lived alone I think that I would feel lonely.
My heart goes out to all the people on this thread who feel lonely, just want to give you all a big hug.
I live alone so sometimes I feel lonely. However I've done it for so long I enjoy my own company in many ways.
Until my recent 'attack' or whatnot, it's never really been much of an issue, but I do think about it a bit now.
Also the job is kind of lonely. I'm a software contractor and that can be a lonely kind of job anyway, but I find the workplace is a bit workaholic and not many people chat. I've been used to working for small friendly family companies where I've always had someone to chat to, but the currently place isn't like that.
I think something has to change really in my life.
bluebottle
07-09-09, 13:54
I'm very lonely, and its because I'm isolated. I'd welcome new friends, and if anyone would like to add me on Facebook here is the link.
http://www.facebook.com/Redfoxcountry?ref=profile#/Redfoxcountry?ref=profile
sarah jayne
07-09-09, 14:31
Hi ellen i ticked that im lonely some of time but can deal with it. I have a lovely husband and wonderful children aged 9 and 3. My husband is the only one who knows that i suffer from depression and anxiety, i havent told anyone else, ive sort of pushed them away so theres only my husband i can talk to. I havent really got any friends left but i keep myself busy with the children.....x
Hi Ellen
I'm just like pgw84. I like to be like that. Hopefully in time I will feel I want to have people around me again other than my parents & my son.
Jackie
bellabessnjet
08-09-09, 10:17
I feel lonely all the time, I've always been the dependable one, call me I'll do it, you can always rely on me, and yet I've never felt so low or alone. I'm sat here crying writing this, I don't have anyone to talk to who understands, unfortunately my son has Aspergers and that got rid of the few friends I did have. I don't know why I can't have a true friend, all my family say I'ma a really nice lovely person, but I suppose they have to, anyone who I let in always hurts me somehow or uses me so I suppose I'll just have to cope with being alone.
JohnLuke300
08-09-09, 11:13
I feel lonely all the time, I've always been the dependable one, call me I'll do it, you can always rely on me, and yet I've never felt so low or alone. I'm sat here crying writing this, I don't have anyone to talk to who understands, unfortunately my son has Aspergers and that got rid of the few friends I did have. I don't know why I can't have a true friend, all my family say I'ma a really nice lovely person, but I suppose they have to, anyone who I let in always hurts me somehow or uses me so I suppose I'll just have to cope with being alone.
I completely understand and sympathize with how you feel. I have social phobia which causes me to withdraw from people and isolate myself. This makes me feel lonely and depressed as I actually like to be social. And people can be insensitive which I think is due to ignorance. You come across as a nice person and I don't get why people react to aspergers in the way they often do (again ignorance I suppose) . I am currently mentoring a 13 year old lad who has aspergers and ADHT. He is a pleasant and intelligent lad (although he can be a little single minded at times :D).
So if you need a sympathetic ear I am always willing to listen.
All the best
and plenty of hugs. :bighug1:
John
Yes,I must agree, that's exactly how I feel
Hi I'm new here........I've added you as a friend on facebook.....Jackie
joshuaainsworth
09-09-09, 14:47
I get lonely a lot, my partners at work 12 hours a day 5 days a week and I haven't been able to find steady work especially after having a bout of pneumonia back at the end of July/beginning of August.
Also most of my friends have gone home for the summer and London can be a very lonely place!
So I'm on my tod most of the time which used to be fine I used to enjoy my own company now because I'm alone I guess I just overthink things to do with my health anxiety.
same as u joshua, i used to be fine on my own but now i just there with nothing to do and over think my health anxiety, sometimes i get to the point of being so convinced i'm gonna die :( then i have to reach for the diazepam :(
Luckily my girlfriend is around most of the time so i feel better :)
charlotte83
08-11-09, 14:07
I get lonely from time to time, especially when it seems everybody else is having so much fun or seems to have literally loads of freinds. I have a few close freinds but not really many aquaintances which I would like as sometimes I am desperate to go out more but just don't seem to know enough people to go anywhere with!
Deepest Blue
08-11-09, 14:10
I really and truly hate being alone and it's certainly a contributer to feeling anx a lot, I wished so much I wasn't lonely. It seems so hard to find a companion when you suffer from anx :(
Something I've been doing more recently is finding forums on the Internet that cover things I'm interested in and looking for any social events being organised. For example, I like mountain biking and photography, and found forums on both where I've been able to go along to informal meet ups with people. Even if there aren't lasting friendships, it's a welcome distraction and keeps me occupied.
I know it can be very tough pushing yourself out the door though, but I've just forced myself to do it.
Next up is skiing. I've done trips with friends for some 9 years, but situations have changed and there's no one to go with. I'm determined to go though even if it's on my own. Crazy maybe, but plenty of people take trips on their own, and maybe meet people when there. Again have to force yourself to do it and look for activities to join in on when there. Anyway, I've done it before, but would be better if I can find people. Again there are forums where people arrange trips.
I clicked; I feel lonely very often and it really gets me down, I can't cope with it.
but its a mix of that and being able to cope with it.
Ive always been a bit of a loner, I struggle to make friends and I only feel comfortable one on one rather than with a group of friends as I struggle to speak up then.
I dont mind my own company but I seriously miss having a friend.
I can honestly say I dont have a single friend, thats sad I feel.
I have a guy who I use to work with, I felt I could call him my friend before, but now (What with my anxiety, agoraphobia, P.A's and emetophobia its been yrs since Ive seen him, he asked me to meet up before but I couldnt face it.. so we've drifted. He texts me every once in a while but I dont feel we've anything in common really, Id feel uncomfortable even talking on the phone now, my shyness and being uncomfortable is through the roof.
If I could have one close friend who understood me and the way things are for me now Id be happy.. thats never going to happen though!
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