advice re daughters forgetfulness/memory please dyspraxia or something??????

[happyone]

i know this seems a strange thread for general anx, but it is a prob that is cusing me and my daughter some anx.
My daughter is 9. She is incredibly forgetful, but it is more than that, she jusyt doesn't understand some things.
Ever since she has been at school, she has been the same. She comes home without her homework, her jacket, her jumper, her lunchbag etc etc.
I have tried giving her a row. I have tried rewarding her for remembering. I have tried memory reward charts. I have tried telling her she will not get to play at the park we pass on the way home if she forgets. I have tried telling her she will get to play if she remembers.
I have tried memory songs, I have tried making light of it. I have checked her bag every day she leaves school, I have tried making it completely her responsibility.
Now she is in p5 and it is getting to be more of a problem.
This is a typical day/week.
EVERY monday she gets spelling homework and she has done since p2. She comes home without it and she says 'we didn't get any' and I believe her until......we get a note to say there is homework EVERY monday. So, I look for her homework jotter and it is not there. She says she doesn't know where it is.
Tuesday she has reading homework, but she doesn't bring the reading book home. Weds, maths but no jotter.

Last week, her teacher made a point of asking her every single day what she had and she answered it BUT she still didn't bring it home!

I really do not think she is being defiant, or naughty. Last night she cried her eyes out as she realised she had forgotten to bring her homework jotter home on Friday to do the work in she had forgotten last week! She was really sobbing and my heart went out to her. Now, she is not worried by a telling off, she is pretty hardy that way. But she lay there saying 'I just can't remember.....I try but I can't'

It is not just homework. I can say to her 'go and brush your hair and clean your teeth' and she will go away and put her shoes on. It is like she really doesn't understand, truelly. It is not just boring things either. I could say to her 'go to the freezer and get yourself an ice cream' she will walk half way there and come back and say 'what did you want?'
I might have put this down to a child being what a child is like but I have a 4 yr old and it has made it so apparent the things my eldest cant do. Things like tell the time. My 4 yr old is almost there, but my 9 yr old has very little concept of time. Follow instructions, my 4 yr old could follow no problem, my 9 yr old can barely follow 1.
I don't genereally compare but I am beginning to think there is something not quite as it should be with my eldest. She is bright, very much so, but some things she just does not grasp.

Any ideas please as I am so so worked up.

I have written to ask for a meeting with the teacher.

happyone
xxx

[Coni]

Hi Haappyone,

sorry your having a tough time of it....i think ameeting with the school is a good place to start. They will have a clear picture of how things are during the school week and whether they feel there may be a problem with understanding, memory etc. That said I would have thought they would have drawn your attention to a potential problem by now....

Also you could try speaking to your GP or school nurse and voicing your concerns.

Having said all that all kids are different and while my eldest is very meticulous and organised, my middle child is a bit like your daughter and hes almost 14.

Go with your instinct and voice your concerns but please try not to worry too much until you have more information...easy for me to say I know.

Take care

luv Coni XX

[happyone]

thanks,
got a meeting with her school on weds and they are going to discuss whether there might be areas that need observation.
Hubby is with me. He thinks there might be something too, which is a real turn up for the books as he disagreed with me before.
Thanks coni and for those who sent pm's.
Happyone
xxxxx

[honeybee3939]

Hi Happy

Glad you have a appointment at the school, i know myself what a worry children can be, hope things improve for your daughter soon.:hugs:

Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx

[SAMKIRMAN]

hi
i have pm you but my lad is identical to your daughter so understand totally it is very frustrating you need to speak to school see what they think always here if you need advice

[woofytalk]

Hi happyone,

It's great that you're taking the time to meet with her teacher. In all honesty, she sounds like every other kid i know :D

I hope things go smoothly with this situation. I'm sure you have quite a bit of patience and plenty of love to help her through this situation.

Best of luck,
Rachel

[Quirky]

Hi Happyone mate :hugs:

Sorry have no experience of kids so can't help answer that but I am thinking of you and hope you get some answers soon :hugs: . Meeting with the school sounds a good plan, let us know how it goes.

Lisa x

[Piglet]

I'm much the same as Coni in that all kids are different, I have 3 and they are all very different, my eldest was similiar to yours actually as she was growing up and I just used to get so exasperated and then seriously wonder if she did have a problem.

Sometimes it was like she could only half process the infomation I gave her eg: Don't touch that door I've just painted it - 2 seconds later what does she do!! Oh golly there were so many of these things happen on daily basis as to be ridiculous and this really went on until her teenage years but now she's out of the teens it doesn't seem to be anywhere near as apparent.

I think she will always have a tendency to be abit fluffy (can't think where she gets it from) but I sometimes wonder if children do have so much other stuff in their little heads that not all of them can keep up with it so well.

I think you do right to voice your concerns, just so a little extra help etc can be given if it's needed here and there at school. It's always best to have a good liason between teachers and parents cos I think the kids do benefit.

Love Piglet :flowers:

[nic77]

i have sent you a pm i hope it helps

[bottleblond]

Hi Happyone!

My friends daughter is the same age and she is the exact same and always has been. Always forgetting to bring her homeowrk home, her jumper, pencil case, school bag etc etc etc!

she also tried the same tactics you used but nothing worked, so in the end she had a meeting with her daughters class teacher and told her of the situation.

Now the teacher has a check list in the class that Kyra must complete at the end of each school day, she must make sure she has all her things in her school bag and checks them off her list one by one, her check list is very pretty and has fairies on it (she likes those) so she now looks forward to having her check list to complete every day.

Things still ain't perfect but they are a good 80% better!

Best of luck with it hun

Love Lisa
xxxx:yesyes:

[happyone]

I was supposed to have meeting yesterday but it was cancelled by them but it is tomorrow at 8.30am in stead.
Happyone
xxx

[Quirky]

Hope the meeting goes well mate :hugs:

Lisa x

[happyone]

I had the meeting and it did go well.

The teachers (head, assistant head and teacher) all feel there is something amiss with her organisational skills. We spoke at length the difficulties I have had with her at home and the probs they have there, echoing each other basically.
They are going to have an occupational health assessment done, a dyslexia one (did you know that not all dyslexic children have difficulty reading? i didn't) and a hearing test. They were very nice and very co operative. I feel very positive about the whole thing.
The only thing that made me feel bad though is that I have given her such a hard time over the past couple of years and it may well be that she just can't help it.

Happyone
xxx

[Piglet]

I'm so pleased the meeting went well hun - whatever the outcome don't give yourself a hard time, you recognized a problem and have sought to gain a positive outcome that is good parenting that is!!!

Piglet :flowers:

[happyone]

thanks for that hun:hugs:

happyone
xxx

[Coni]

Hi Happyone, glad the meeting went well, at least now both you and the school will be working together and the assessment hopefully will identify the things which need to be put in place to best support your daughter.

And please dont give yourself a hard time, you picked up on the problem and had the courage to voice your concerns.

luv Coni XX

[Quirky]

I agree with Piglet mate :hugs: Glad it went well and they were helpful.

Lisa x

[Southern_Belle]

Glad the meeting went well. My sister had dyslexia, she could read but hated it. Do not beat yourself up, we do better when we know better and I imagine you were not as hard on her as you think.

Love,

Laura