GAD and relationships

[Golden]

So idk where to post this and it’s partly just to get it out somewhere, but maybe someone can relate or something. So I have pretty constant GAD, plus health anxiety and social anxiousness as well. I’ve never had therapy because I’ve always just ‘existed’ this way. I have pretty bad self esteem issues and always have and in my marriage for years it has caused issues where I constantly think my husband is cheating, will cheat, is hiding any number of things, Thinks other women would be a better wife, more fun, sweeter,etc. It has caused a lot of fights over the years and I recognize that it can be a real issue. I can’t seem to stop the ‘what if’ thoughts and the thoughts that I can’t trust him. I never have. I was like this with a previous boyfriend when I was young so I know that this is a struggle I can’t seem to get hold of.

Problem is we just went thru a really bad patch in our marriage where basically the divorce topic cane up and my husband said he can’t just be constantly accused of things For the rest of his life because it has him at his wits end. We have patched thru this after over a week of hardly speaking - I have some issues I want addressed too but I still can’t stop thinking the worst. Even now, he went to the gym because he has been trying to get his health better and I can’t shake the feeling of not trusting him. I know if I say anything it will just be bad. But idk what to do any more.

Can therapy actually help with this kind of thinking? Or am I doomed to Ruin my marriage because Of deep insecurity. 🤦*♀️ I also don’t want my small children to end up with issues like I have. I’m feeling pretty hopeless- If you got this far, thank you. I am so down right now and with all this marital stress my anxiety has been absolutely thru the roof.

[Fishmanpa]

Can therapy actually help with this kind of thinking?

What happened in my previous marriage was similar in that it was mental illness that eventually caused me to separate and divorce. She suffered from severe depression that manifested itself into hoarding. The result was similar to what your husband is feeling. Tired, frustrated, fed up. I finally convinced her to go to couples therapy and after a few sessions, the therapist saw what was going on and wanted to see us separately. She went a few times and stopped. Not only was she giving up on herself, she was giving up on our marriage and me. I left shortly after that. Had she stuck with it and tried, who knows what would have happened. I continued to go and therapy really helped me deal with the situation.

I also went to therapy and took meds for depression after my physical illnesses (heart attacks and cancer). It absolutely helped me deal with things and move on with my life.

One thing I do know... do nothing and nothing will change. It more than likely will become worse. Have a talk and get real with your husband as you have here about your problems. Ask for help. Get real life professional help for the issues you're dealing with.

Positive thoughts

[AmyWillow]

yes Golden I think therapy will help with this
and not only that but have a look at your social and family life as well
maybe the distraction and refreshment of some socialising
will help to break the hold of this problem

:):hugs::flowers:

[Golden]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. A year and a half ago I had a lymphnode health scare and your feedback helped keep me a bit more positive.

I definitely don’t want to let this go so far that I ruin my marriage! And I’m sorry you had to go thru that with your first wife. I decided to call around today to see who is in my network for insurance- I am unsure if a psychologist or a counselor would be better. This is all new for me. But it feels like a big step to even make the calls and I’m hoping that finally having someone to voice these thoughts to will help me get into a healthier thinking pattern.

It has already affected so many areas of my life. I’m 33 but I can think of so many things that it has kept me from doing, accomplishing, continuing. Etc. Thank you for sharing your experience- it gives me hope that some of these unhealthy thoughts won’t control me forever!