Inanna
16-04-20, 13:37
hi all
Like so many others, this current crisis has dialled up my health anxiety to unbearable levels. I'm starting to have really disturbing thoughts, that trying to stay alive is too hard, and I want to give up and give in.
I'm working from home, and the only time I am at risj from Covid19 is my weekly shop. Well, I say that, I have my daughter living with me, and she still has to go to work three days a week, in a small office (she works in the criminal justice system).
I also have my nephew living with me (from 2 weeks ago), as he found himself homeless. If I am honest, I did not want to take him in, but I could not leave him walking the streets. He is 24, but I still have to nag him to wash his hands etc. He goes out for a walk every day (which is fine), but I'm not sure if he is visiting shops, meeting up with friends. The whole thing is a strain for us all (nephew included). It is driving me insane.. he hasn't washed any of his clothes since he has been here, even though I have offered him the use of my washing machine many times. He keeps leaving lights on, doesn't follow the house rules at all. Its difficult to address these issues, as I suspect he is depressed.
I'm also worried that I have some other health condition, and I wont be able to get treatment. Its spiralling again. My bowel motions have been really soft and loose for weeks, and my guts feel a little unsettled most of the time. I woke up yesterday and the room was spinning and I felt nauseous (vertigo), I could not log on to work. I also had to let daughter get bus, and there were 10 people on it :-(.
I keep trying to tell myself that its anxiety.. I'm worried about cancer as always. However, in the last 12 months Ive had so many tests, can things change that quickly? Ive had
Colonoscopy (12 months ago)
ECG and echo (4 months ago)
Ultra sound on womb, ovaries, baldder (3 months ago)
CT scan covering kidney, liver, pancreas, lower pelvic structures ( 3months ago), spleen, base of lungs etc
Gastroscopy (2 months ago)
Loads of blood tests (3 months ago)
Cervical screening (HPV test only) (2/3 months ago)
All came back negative
But my mental health keeps telling me there is something not right... with the symptoms I've had recently.
I am exhausting myself with all of the wiping down and cleaning, as well as working full time. I take shopping for my mum too.
My other daughter is in a high risk job (but not living in my town), so I am really worried about her too
Sorry this is a bit of a brain dump, I really need some coping mechanisms, and I needed to get this down.
Like so many others, this current crisis has dialled up my health anxiety to unbearable levels. I'm starting to have really disturbing thoughts, that trying to stay alive is too hard, and I want to give up and give in.
I'm working from home, and the only time I am at risj from Covid19 is my weekly shop. Well, I say that, I have my daughter living with me, and she still has to go to work three days a week, in a small office (she works in the criminal justice system).
I also have my nephew living with me (from 2 weeks ago), as he found himself homeless. If I am honest, I did not want to take him in, but I could not leave him walking the streets. He is 24, but I still have to nag him to wash his hands etc. He goes out for a walk every day (which is fine), but I'm not sure if he is visiting shops, meeting up with friends. The whole thing is a strain for us all (nephew included). It is driving me insane.. he hasn't washed any of his clothes since he has been here, even though I have offered him the use of my washing machine many times. He keeps leaving lights on, doesn't follow the house rules at all. Its difficult to address these issues, as I suspect he is depressed.
I'm also worried that I have some other health condition, and I wont be able to get treatment. Its spiralling again. My bowel motions have been really soft and loose for weeks, and my guts feel a little unsettled most of the time. I woke up yesterday and the room was spinning and I felt nauseous (vertigo), I could not log on to work. I also had to let daughter get bus, and there were 10 people on it :-(.
I keep trying to tell myself that its anxiety.. I'm worried about cancer as always. However, in the last 12 months Ive had so many tests, can things change that quickly? Ive had
Colonoscopy (12 months ago)
ECG and echo (4 months ago)
Ultra sound on womb, ovaries, baldder (3 months ago)
CT scan covering kidney, liver, pancreas, lower pelvic structures ( 3months ago), spleen, base of lungs etc
Gastroscopy (2 months ago)
Loads of blood tests (3 months ago)
Cervical screening (HPV test only) (2/3 months ago)
All came back negative
But my mental health keeps telling me there is something not right... with the symptoms I've had recently.
I am exhausting myself with all of the wiping down and cleaning, as well as working full time. I take shopping for my mum too.
My other daughter is in a high risk job (but not living in my town), so I am really worried about her too
Sorry this is a bit of a brain dump, I really need some coping mechanisms, and I needed to get this down.