whome
17-04-20, 13:43
Hello everybody. I hope everyone is well.
I normally come on here with health anxiety concerns but I am wondering if the other things I am also going through may give me a clue as to what causes my health anxiety.
Over the past few years I have had an unwarranted fear of going to jail or prison (strange, I know). Recently it has been more intense than normal. I can even be watching tv and see someone in a jail cell or in handcuffs...even being put into the back of a police car and I feel like I want to start to panic. I am a productive citizen who was married to a law enforcement officer for over 15 years. I was hand picked and contacted by a sheriff who knows me to work as his jail nurse (I didn’t even apply for the job). I did this for a few years. My point is, I do not dabble in shady behavior. I try to walk pretty straight and narrow as far as the law and this is well known.
So why am I being irrational and silly? I am so scared of accidentally doing something or of being wrongfully accused. I have even started worrying about my children in the same way. My son is going to school for business and finance. I have recently started encouraging him to go into the auditing side of the career so that he doesn’t accidentally and unwittingly commit a crime that could go to prison for.
Within the past month, (wow I just had an overwhelming wave of anxiety just starting to type this) a facility that I worked at for years...an ex CEO is being investigated for fraud. A few years prior to that CEO coming in, I had a compliance job to make sure everyone was doing what they are supposed to within the boundaries. I left that responsibility atleast 2 years prior to this CEO. My anxiety about getting into trouble has been so high that when I saw the news that this investigation is taking place, my heart started beating fast and my legs got weak. My anxiety got the best of me and I actually contacted other people who worked with me at the time that CEO was there and asked them to sign a statement stating that I wasn’t in a compliance position at that time. Everyone was very willing and didn’t ask questions but I’m sure they are wondering why I am so wound up about it when I obviously had nothing to do with it. I have lost sleep over it going over every angle and coming up with all these scenarios of how I could be wrongfully accused of knowing something about it.
Another thing I have noticed that has worsened in the most recent years is a mixture of claustrophobia and being held down. Like restrained. Being trapped...by anything. If there’s a movie on and a person is tied up or there’s something that is keeping them from moving freely...it makes me feel mildly like I’m smothering. I climbed into the back seat of a small car not long ago and it had high front seats that I couldn’t see out over very well and a small back seat. I didn’t even get my door closed before I started to feel panicked and jumped out. I said I’m sorry I’ll have to stay here. We took another vehicle instead. I rode in the front seat where I could see out and felt fine. I can also ride in the back seat of our 4 door truck. It’s big and I can see out from the back seat thru the front. If I am in a vehicle and don’t have a door to open from the backseat, however, I can’t ride in the back. I feel trapped.
Does anyone have any idea what is going on with me and do these things tie into my health anxiety that I get on occasion?
Just a note, I used to get aggravated with my mom for these same types of things when I was young. Bc I didn’t have these symptoms and I didn’t understand. So when we tried to go to caves or caverns on vacation etc and she would get panicked and have to leave, It seemed silly to me. So it does run in my family thru my mom.
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I normally come on here with health anxiety concerns but I am wondering if the other things I am also going through may give me a clue as to what causes my health anxiety.
Over the past few years I have had an unwarranted fear of going to jail or prison (strange, I know). Recently it has been more intense than normal. I can even be watching tv and see someone in a jail cell or in handcuffs...even being put into the back of a police car and I feel like I want to start to panic. I am a productive citizen who was married to a law enforcement officer for over 15 years. I was hand picked and contacted by a sheriff who knows me to work as his jail nurse (I didn’t even apply for the job). I did this for a few years. My point is, I do not dabble in shady behavior. I try to walk pretty straight and narrow as far as the law and this is well known.
So why am I being irrational and silly? I am so scared of accidentally doing something or of being wrongfully accused. I have even started worrying about my children in the same way. My son is going to school for business and finance. I have recently started encouraging him to go into the auditing side of the career so that he doesn’t accidentally and unwittingly commit a crime that could go to prison for.
Within the past month, (wow I just had an overwhelming wave of anxiety just starting to type this) a facility that I worked at for years...an ex CEO is being investigated for fraud. A few years prior to that CEO coming in, I had a compliance job to make sure everyone was doing what they are supposed to within the boundaries. I left that responsibility atleast 2 years prior to this CEO. My anxiety about getting into trouble has been so high that when I saw the news that this investigation is taking place, my heart started beating fast and my legs got weak. My anxiety got the best of me and I actually contacted other people who worked with me at the time that CEO was there and asked them to sign a statement stating that I wasn’t in a compliance position at that time. Everyone was very willing and didn’t ask questions but I’m sure they are wondering why I am so wound up about it when I obviously had nothing to do with it. I have lost sleep over it going over every angle and coming up with all these scenarios of how I could be wrongfully accused of knowing something about it.
Another thing I have noticed that has worsened in the most recent years is a mixture of claustrophobia and being held down. Like restrained. Being trapped...by anything. If there’s a movie on and a person is tied up or there’s something that is keeping them from moving freely...it makes me feel mildly like I’m smothering. I climbed into the back seat of a small car not long ago and it had high front seats that I couldn’t see out over very well and a small back seat. I didn’t even get my door closed before I started to feel panicked and jumped out. I said I’m sorry I’ll have to stay here. We took another vehicle instead. I rode in the front seat where I could see out and felt fine. I can also ride in the back seat of our 4 door truck. It’s big and I can see out from the back seat thru the front. If I am in a vehicle and don’t have a door to open from the backseat, however, I can’t ride in the back. I feel trapped.
Does anyone have any idea what is going on with me and do these things tie into my health anxiety that I get on occasion?
Just a note, I used to get aggravated with my mom for these same types of things when I was young. Bc I didn’t have these symptoms and I didn’t understand. So when we tried to go to caves or caverns on vacation etc and she would get panicked and have to leave, It seemed silly to me. So it does run in my family thru my mom.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk