BrokenGirl
18-04-20, 11:27
My anxiety is starting to get a lot worse lately. I don't think it's because of covid, because for some strange reason I haven't worried about it, I've always been able to keep a very level and sensible head about it. But everything else is a sign that there's something serious wrong. I lost my job a few weeks ago and since then I can feel myself slipping down the HA road again. Work was definitely a major distraction from my thoughts. I had the job for 2 years and my ha improved so much then. But since losing my job I feel like I'm losing control of my thoughts again. And it is scaring me.
I've been concerned the last week or two about bowel movements. When I went this morning, I wouldn't say I had to strain a lot, but maybe a little more than usual, that's all. But when I wiped I thought I felt a lump or something through the tissue. Checked a good few times after that and I couldn't feel anything. I feel a small bit sore down there now as well. I did suffer from piles years ago, but they haven't bothered me in quite some time now. I think I remember reading ages ago that piles never actually go away. They always stay there but may not bother you. Is this true? If it is I'm wondering if it could have just been a pile this morning. Of course anal cancer is screaming in my head now. I don't have any bleeding or anything. I don't know what the symptoms of anal cancer are, and thankfully I don't Google anymore. I've been able to kick that habit.
Would it be more obvious if this was anal cancer?
I can't believe I'm back to worrying about something new all the time. I thought I was over it but I guess my work was just like a blanket over it for a while. And I didn't realise it until I lost my job.
I've been concerned the last week or two about bowel movements. When I went this morning, I wouldn't say I had to strain a lot, but maybe a little more than usual, that's all. But when I wiped I thought I felt a lump or something through the tissue. Checked a good few times after that and I couldn't feel anything. I feel a small bit sore down there now as well. I did suffer from piles years ago, but they haven't bothered me in quite some time now. I think I remember reading ages ago that piles never actually go away. They always stay there but may not bother you. Is this true? If it is I'm wondering if it could have just been a pile this morning. Of course anal cancer is screaming in my head now. I don't have any bleeding or anything. I don't know what the symptoms of anal cancer are, and thankfully I don't Google anymore. I've been able to kick that habit.
Would it be more obvious if this was anal cancer?
I can't believe I'm back to worrying about something new all the time. I thought I was over it but I guess my work was just like a blanket over it for a while. And I didn't realise it until I lost my job.