Rough Day

[elysemarie123]

I'm having a rough day with my anxiety and I just need to get it all out somewhere. I'm not really looking for reassurance but I just need to type everything out.

- this covid has really put a wrench in my anxiety. I was doing so good with my health anxiety and then all of this happened and I spiraled. You've probably seen that I posted on here (or maybe not because I don't do it often) and was quite positive usually. That was a facade -- i really was struggling in the beginning of this. I wasn't able to sleep well, wasn't able to eat much - lost 10 lbs in 2 weeks. Then, it's like my mind got bored of it. I wasn't as anxious, I didn't check the news, I just felt normal--which I was so appreciative of. The sense of normalcy lasted until Friday. I am working from home and my fiance was playing a video game and got motion sickness and threw up. We have been self isolating for a month now so there really isn't anywhere he could have picked up a virus (and at the time we had no idea what it was -- have since realized it was motion sickness) but I FREAKED out. My safe space was not safe anymore. He was fine in a matter of hours and even ate a huge lunch after the fact, but I couldn't get it out of my mind. It's like I was brought back to step 1 with my anxiety.

The mornings are the worst. I wake up at the crack of dawn and just toss and turn until it's time to get up. I should also mention that I just got my period today which make my anxiety SO MUCH WORSE.

All of this just feels so overwhelming today and I just want to bury my head and wake up tomorrow and try again. The thing is though, I KNOW it is anxiety, I KNOW that there is nothing I can do to prevent getting sick (besides self isolating and washing my hands--which I am doing) but I still spiraled. I also have been working with a therapist who has gotten me to "shoot for neutral" -- if I wake up and have a no news day, that's what I am aiming for.

This is definitely just rambling and I feel better after getting some of this out but I just needed to put it somewhere. Thank you for reading and I hope your day is a no news day <3

[Panicattacka]

I sympathize. The world has felt trapped in a bad disaster movie since January, almost unreal. Part of me keeps hoping I'll wake up one day to find this has all been a bad dream... but in my heart of hearts I know this problem isn't going anywhere soon and we all have to get through it as best we can. Some days I'm more scared of the economic consequences than the actual virus.

I just take each day at a time, concentrate on my work, family and some Netflix escapism, and thank my lucky stars each night I go to bed still feeling relatively healthy.

[tnt808]

I can relate so much to this. Except I was never fine though this covid crap. Infections are my trigger, so a pandemic is daily hell for me. I also have a lot of trouble eating right now. My anxiety doesn't let me. I am trying to just get anything in me right now.
I thought I was the only one who has worse mornings than nights! I have been waking up around 4am after very little sleep..I wake up with my stomach telling me the anxiety is here..which then moves to my chest and so on. Nights are a bit easier as I think I'm so worn out from my anxiety in the day.
I also very much understand your fears with your fiancee and being sick. It's not easy for sufferers right now.
Hey! At least you were able to get to "neutral", right? So that means that you can get back to there. I will be thinking of you and hoping you find moments of peace through this.

[elysemarie123]

Thanks Panic & Tina -- I'm sorry you are both going through this too. It's just so frustrating to have to feel this way all the time. I know we don't "have" to but sometimes it just feels impossible to get through. This morning was rough again and even had a ton of nausea. My appetite was fine yesterday and is just starting to come back now. I feel so much guilt over this -- I can't imagine that my anxiety is fun for my fiance. He's so supportive and wonderful though that I know in my heart he's just trying to help. I stopped doing online therapy about a week ago because I felt great and because it's pretty expensive. I just re-joined today. We WILL get through this -- not only because we are strong but because we have no other choice right? We will keep living.