Skin lymphoma

[Lady123]

Please help I’m so stressed out, have managed to convince myself I have skin lymphoma. I’ve had these circular round brown patches on my hand for 2 weeks. At first I thought bruises but they don’t Blanche with pressure, they could be burns but why didn’t I feel it.

I made the error of googling and skin lymphoma has come up. I’m at my wits end, so stressed and scared. I’ve been stuck in this dark bubble all day and don’t know what to do

[O_O]

That sounds like it could be so many things, nearly all of them benign. Some sort of cancer would probably be the least likely thing. And I've been reading a LOT about lymphoma lately and I know that skin lymphoma is very uncommon.

Are they perfect circles? What's their texture like?

[WiseMonkey]

Please help I’m so stressed out, have managed to convince myself I have skin lymphoma. I’ve had these circular round brown patches on my hand for 2 weeks. At first I thought bruises but they don’t Blanche with pressure, they could be burns but why didn’t I feel it.

I made the error of googling and skin lymphoma has come up. I’m at my wits end, so stressed and scared. I’ve been stuck in this dark bubble all day and don’t know what to do

Even if it was skin lymphoma, it often goes away by itself and is usually benign.

[Lady123]

On one hand they are circular on the other not so much. I’ve read that it can get bad. It is uncommon, about 6 in a million chance. But I don’t know what else it could be. They are not itchy quite smooth, don’t look like exzema. Look like burn scars only I don’t remember getting burnt there

[NotDeadYet]

But I don’t know what else it could be.

Lady123,

Challenge this thought. It's incredibly unhelpful to your HA and absolutely false. It could be a million things, 999,999 of which you may not be aware of. Take this thought and challenge it by saying, "it could be so many things. I'm not a doctor so how would I know what it may or may not be." Additionally, as you were doing your Googling, you probably saw a bunch of different things it could be but your brain latched on to the scariest. If your truly concerned, make an appointment and talk to an expert who is aware of the 999,999 other things it could be.

Best Wishes.

[Lady123]

You’re right and I need to use some common sense. I did have an online consult, the derm said it looks like post inflammatory hyperpigmentation. She said the chance for skin lymphoma to be present like this would be extremely low. She said to give it a good few months and if it’s doesn’t fade to get in touch.

How the hell did I get here, honestly I’m so angry at myself for these thoughts I jus don’t know how to stop them. I know her reassurance won’t last too long so I will try ask myself what else could it be.

[NotDeadYet]

Lady123

Getting the "all clear" from your doctor is the first step to recovery. Trust that it is an "all clear". Your brain is going to want to latch onto the "give it a good few months and if it doesn't fade to get in touch." Don't allow it. You are in complete control of your thoughts. This is going to be a perfect opportunity to really practice CBT and mindfulness. Are you currently or have you worked with a counselor in the past?

Best Wishes

[Lady123]

Never worked with a counsellor the waiting lists are always too long. Don’t suppose you can reccomend any books. I know I need help. I’ve had a mammogram, a transvaginal ultrasound, a colonoscopy, a smear, an ecg and now a derm consult all In space of just over a year.

I’m tired.

[NotDeadYet]

Yeah, it's high time to start taking control of your HA.

I have suffered from HA myself my entire life. It reached its crescendo almost 3 years ago when I latched onto lymph node anxiety. It destroyed my life so I fully understand your mindset and where you are coming from. I finally got myself into therapy and have been working on my thought processes. I still struggle and will my entire life because that's just how anxiety works. My therapy has been about developing a different relationship with anxiety rather than getting rid of it. I will never get rid of it so I might as well become friendly with it.

There have been a few behaviors that have been critical to my progress:
1) Understanding my thought patterns. Understanding that thoughts are just thoughts has been critical. A book I recommend is "The Happiness Trap" by Russ Harris. This book was life changing for me. It teaches how our thinking is faulty and how we need to "diffuse" from our thoughts. It then provides real world strategies that you can practice, while reading the book, to help create a different relationship with your thoughts and begin living according to your core values.
2) Practice! Practice! Practice! Overcoming HA is not going happen once, twice, or even three times. It doesn't happen with several therapy sessions and then you're better. It requires daily practice. This is hard but so worth it.
3) Loving yourself. Because overcoming HA requires practice, you have to develop a loving relationship with yourself because you will, without a doubt, mess up and spiral again. Messing up is OK. Messing up and not trying to get better is not OK. For me, when I find giving too much meaning to my thoughts and falling back into my old patters, I recognize the behavior, stop the behavior, and make plans to get up and practice again.

Please remember that there is hope! You can fight, struggle and claw your way out of this (which is exactly how it feels). It isn't easy. You will mess up. But if you keep trying and practicing, I promise you will get your life back.

Feel free to PM me anytime along your journey.

Best Wishes

[Lady123]

Thank you so much. Honestly it means so much to me. Yesterday was probably one of the worst days of my life, the low I hit was something else. It’s a lonely place. No one really gets it I don’t talk to my friends about it.

I’m really glad to hear the strategies have helped you. I’m determined to get better, I have to I have a 3 year old who sees me as a role model.

I will order the book you mentioned and if you don’t mind will probably me messaging you. Thank you. Always wished I had some like you as a neighbour!! There are so many people on forums suffering but I’m yet to meet one in real life. Saying that everyone that knows me wouldn’t know I’m spending hours on end on google and analysing every little speck on me!

[pulisa]

That's a wonderful post from NotDeadYet...

The very best of luck to you, Lady123...You are receptive and open to a way forward and that is such a positive thing when it comes to stubborn and resilient HA issues.

For the sake of your little one you have the motivation and drive to make a much better and calmer life for yourself. Please let us know how you are doing?

[BrokenGirl]

That's a wonderful post from NotDeadYet...



I second that Pulisa - that was a very inspiring post from NotDeadYet.
I think a lot of people on here would be able to relate to it - I'm after reading it a few times already this evening :)

And good luck to you Lady123. I hope you can get rid of this HA beast and live the life that you deserve, for your own sake and your childs!!

[Lady123]

Thank you both for your encouragement and words of support. I wish you both the best too, it’s awful how this beast can have you in its grip so tight!! It’s so reassuring to read posts like the one from notdeadyet and see that there can be a light at the end of all this.

[NotDeadYet]

Saying that everyone that knows me wouldn’t know I’m spending hours on end on google and analysing every little speck on me!

You are most welcome.

This quote is so incredibly true for myself and many others suffering with any form of anxiety or mental health issue. We keep it hidden. We keep it secret because it makes us look weak or not perfect. My girlfriend at the time of my anxiety crescendo had no idea how badly I was suffering, even scolding me once in front of my friends by saying, "you don't have anxiety, you just get anxious." She had no clue because I wasn't sharing it with her. Being vulnerable and sharing our stories and truths with other helps us heal. Most often our family and friends can't empathize because they don't experience this level of anxiety. We get vulnerable with them and sometimes they shut us down because they don't understand. That's the great thing about this forum. We understand one another and we're here to help.

Keep me posted and reach out when you're struggling. I'm not a professional so of course I can't ever give you professional advice but I am always willing to share what's worked for me.

Best Wishes