Got a bit of a fright/reality check tonight

[Murphy93]

Hi,

I’m not doing too well at the moment , actually haven’t been for over a year now.

I’m 29 and facing a fear that I have MND and it’s consuming every part of my life .

Been twitching for one a half years now and still can’t seem to shake it off - I would give anything too.

I used to have another account on here back in 2012 regarding a horrendous fear of lymphoma - I looked back at all my posts from that time and was actually horrified at how desperate I was - the thing that scared me most was that I was still posting in 2016 . 4 years that took of my twenties and low and behold I did not have it - needless to say my symptoms have gone.

I swore too myself I would never go back there as I felt almost suicidal and here I am facing something much bigger and terrifying and it looks like I am on track to head in the same direction .

I’m on meds I’m trying I really am but I don’t know how to stop thinking and worrying 24/7 . My body shakes twitches and aches all the time . I’m having panic attacks most evenings and I just generally feel like I have hit rock bottom again .

I see a lot of people saying “ oh I was in that als rabbit hole “ and I just want to know how did you get out of it ?

I’m so sorry if it seems like I post a lot and I do take everyone’s comments on board I just feel like this is the only place where I don’t feel alone .

Today my legs have felt like jelly my thighs my arms my backs twitching and I just feel so weak .

I’m in my 17th month now of constant worry and it’s my 30th birthday next month I honestly wish I could snap out of this .

Thanks to anyone who’s read this and made it this far lol

[BlueIris]

Please don't apologise?

The bad news is that there's no easy way out of this. The good news, though, is that the hard way will work. You have to learn to systematically dismiss every anxious thought that comes into your head, even if you're doing it hundreds of times an hour at first. Think of the thoughts as like cars on a motorway - you want to watch them go past rather than running into traffic to chase them or try and stop them.

Believe me, I know how tough it is, especially when you're in a bad place. I have faith that you can claw your way out again, though.

[Murphy93]

Thank you so much Blue Iris this is really comforting I really hope I get there ! I like the motorway thing I’ll give it a try . Really wish it hadn’t got such a grip of me the way it has x

[BlueIris]

We all slip up occasionally; don't beat yourself up about it.

Better days coming x