Best Treatment - Severe Case

[LittleLionMan]

Good morning!

I am looking for some advice really.

I am in a really bad way, severe anxiety, agoraphobia, and recently it's got worse where I am panicking in my own home, constantly. It's symptoms 24/7.

What is the best way to get myself the best help I can?
I am fine financially, but just don't know the best route to go down to get some much needed assistance.

Thanks,

Phil.

[BlueIris]

Okay, the first thing you need to do is talk to your GP. They will be able to signpost you towards the best resources for you, especially if you explain you're willing to go private if necessary.

[LittleLionMan]

Thanks for the reply.

I've just called my doctors, and a GP is calling me back. I have been dealing with this for years, and have been housebound agoraphobic for a few years now, but I honestly didn't know anxiety could get this bad, it's horrific.

[BlueIris]

It's awful the way it can slip out of control without you realising it, isn't it?

I'm here to chat with you in the meantime if it'll help at all, though.

[LittleLionMan]

The doctor has just been on the phone, and has prescribed me Escitalopram? I've never done very well with meds in the past so will be hopefully this will be different. He didn't have any contacts for therapy recommendations though, so I will find that myself.

I do appreciate the support, I just never hear of anyone being this bad with it, so it's difficult to believe it's only anxiety.

[BlueIris]

Anxiety can do awful things to you. The good news, though, is that you've taken the first step.

There's tons of people here to help you, too.

[ankietyjoe]

I just never hear of anyone being this bad with it, so it's difficult to believe it's only anxiety.

I would estimate that at least half the people on this board have been at LEAST that bad, including myself.

Have you ever tried CBT, mindfulness, meditation, acceptance etc? Doctors are always pretty quick to go down the meds route these days, and although some people find it useful it wasn't a road I wanted to go down. If it helps, my anxiety was at least as bad as yours (at one point I was confined to the sofa for nearly 6 months, even changing rooms was too much) and I beat it without meds.

Please don't start thinking that it 'must' be something else or you're the only one that's ever felt this bad. It's simply not true, at all. Things can and will get better.

[Scass]

I’m glad that you got to speak to your GP and that you are reaching out. Two huge steps and you must praise yourself for taking them.

I think mindfulness is excellent. Even if it’s just enough to stop the panic spiral, then you can see it works and start to put more effort in.

Also talking. It’s much less scarier once you’ve shared it.

[LittleLionMan]

I would estimate that at least half the people on this board have been at LEAST that bad, including myself.

Have you ever tried CBT, mindfulness, meditation, acceptance etc? Doctors are always pretty quick to go down the meds route these days, and although some people find it useful it wasn't a road I wanted to go down. If it helps, my anxiety was at least as bad as yours (at one point I was confined to the sofa for nearly 6 months, even changing rooms was too much) and I beat it without meds.

Please don't start thinking that it 'must' be something else or you're the only one that's ever felt this bad. It's simply not true, at all. Things can and will get better.

I would love to do it without meds, but I just can't seem to get anywhere. I honestly think my therapist has confused me. She's got me asking a lot of 'why' questions and looking at my thoughts, and since, I have been stuck in my head ruminating and the thoughts are becoming darker as a consequence.

It's not a case of letting my heart race, or anything like that, it that I'm so confused by my condition now, that I don't know where I stand with it all.

I am totally against medications, but can't get the help in any other way, and am scared of the route I'm heading down, especially as I've always been anxious without the low mood, but now the low mood has come it's worrying me. The symptoms have evolved past anything I knew anxiety could do?

[LittleLionMan]

I’m glad that you got to speak to your GP and that you are reaching out. Two huge steps and you must praise yourself for taking them.

I think mindfulness is excellent. Even if it’s just enough to stop the panic spiral, then you can see it works and start to put more effort in.

Also talking. It’s much less scarier once you’ve shared it.
I started mindfulness at the time of my therapist asking me to evaluate my thoughts, and it seems to of made me worse. Not necessarily the mindfulness itself, but the place I was in when I was doing it. I feel as depressed as anxious now, and depression isn't something I want to mess about with?

[ankietyjoe]

I would love to do it without meds, but I just can't seem to get anywhere. I honestly think my therapist has confused me. She's got me asking a lot of 'why' questions and looking at my thoughts, and since, I have been stuck in my head ruminating and the thoughts are becoming darker as a consequence.

It's not a case of letting my heart race, or anything like that, it that I'm so confused by my condition now, that I don't know where I stand with it all.

I am totally against medications, but can't get the help in any other way, and am scared of the route I'm heading down, especially as I've always been anxious without the low mood, but now the low mood has come it's worrying me. The symptoms have evolved past anything I knew anxiety could do?

There are a couple of things that you might want to consider right now. First of all, anxiety can and will evolve. Just because you didn't experience low mood before, doesn't mean that experiencing it now is meaningful or significant. It's very common for low mood/depression to co-exist alongside anxiety. I have a suspicion that the therapy you are getting is causing you to over analyse the anxiety and mood you're experiencing, and I'm not sure that has any value. Analysis is the antithesis of mindfulness and acceptance. I don't see how you can successfully do both at the same time.

At the start of my journey with anxiety I received a course of CBT (10 sessions) which I found incredibly useful. In some respects CBT is 'ignore it and it'll go away'. But it is also one of the most successful methods of treating anxiety. Perhaps you should look into CBT sessions instead of (what sounds like) analytical therapy? If your therapist is supposed to be doing CBT with you, I suspect she's not the right therapist for you, in my humble opinion. In my experience of CBT, there was very little in the way of 'why'. It's ok to question a reaction, but going too deep can only ever result in confusion I think.

The current global situation is very oppressive, even if you are ok financially. Sitting indoors all day is not how we are designed to live, and in some respects that alone could be a major contributing factor in the way you are feeling. Not getting enough vitamin D (for example) can be more than enough to cause severe mood changes. Anxiety isn't just stimulus/response. It's bigger picture than that. Your experiences over the last 10-15 years are what got you to this place, not the last few hours.

I'm also against medication as a personal choice. I accept that some people benefit greatly from them, it's just not for me. Knowing that you can recover without may give you some light at the end of the tunnel in the short term.

I think the first thing to do is take a view on your therapy, and whether you can make some adjustments for the better. Is she right for you? Would you benefit more from a different kind of therapy? Do you need a short break from therapy? Are you able to commit time and mental energy into learning about mindfulness and meditation?

[LittleLionMan]

There are a couple of things that you might want to consider right now. First of all, anxiety can and will evolve. Just because you didn't experience low mood before, doesn't mean that experiencing it now is meaningful or significant. It's very common for low mood/depression to co-exist alongside anxiety. I have a suspicion that the therapy you are getting is causing you to over analyse the anxiety and mood you're experiencing, and I'm not sure that has any value. Analysis is the antithesis of mindfulness and acceptance. I don't see how you can successfully do both at the same time.

At the start of my journey with anxiety I received a course of CBT (10 sessions) which I found incredibly useful. In some respects CBT is 'ignore it and it'll go away'. But it is also one of the most successful methods of treating anxiety. Perhaps you should look into CBT sessions instead of (what sounds like) analytical therapy? If your therapist is supposed to be doing CBT with you, I suspect she's not the right therapist for you, in my humble opinion. In my experience of CBT, there was very little in the way of 'why'. It's ok to question a reaction, but going too deep can only ever result in confusion I think.

The current global situation is very oppressive, even if you are ok financially. Sitting indoors all day is not how we are designed to live, and in some respects that alone could be a major contributing factor in the way you are feeling. Not getting enough vitamin D (for example) can be more than enough to cause severe mood changes. Anxiety isn't just stimulus/response. It's bigger picture than that. Your experiences over the last 10-15 years are what got you to this place, not the last few hours.

I'm also against medication as a personal choice. I accept that some people benefit greatly from them, it's just not for me. Knowing that you can recover without may give you some light at the end of the tunnel in the short term.

I think the first thing to do is take a view on your therapy, and whether you can make some adjustments for the better. Is she right for you? Would you benefit more from a different kind of therapy? Do you need a short break from therapy? Are you able to commit time and mental energy into learning about mindfulness and meditation?

I totally agree.
I was just dragging up some meaningless event or situation and obsessing about it until I move on to the next meaningless thing, I did that long enough that I learnt to inspect and take everything seriously. I would lose a few quid on the bookies, and not be able to think about anything else for 5 hours, I had a big job to do at work, and became obsessed with getting it wrong, I had been feeling a bit low, and watched a TV programme that made me a bit sad (After Life, brilliant) and when I felt sad my mind went you're depressed - depression means suicide - what if things get that bad? These things then stick with me and repeat over and over until it forces me into a very low place.

I've effectively taught myself to do the opposite of what I wanted, and now can't bloody get out of it, and it's destroying me. Does that make any sense?

[LittleLionMan]

Anxiety can do awful things to you. The good news, though, is that you've taken the first step.

There's tons of people here to help you, too.

Thank you, it's very much appreciated!

[ankietyjoe]

I totally agree.
I was just dragging up some meaningless event or situation and obsessing about it until I move on to the next meaningless thing, I did that long enough that I learnt to inspect and take everything seriously. I would lose a few quid on the bookies, and not be able to think about anything else for 5 hours, I had a big job to do at work, and became obsessed with getting it wrong, I had been feeling a bit low, and watched a TV programme that made me a bit sad (After Life, brilliant) and when I felt sad my mind went you're depressed - depression means suicide - what if things get that bad? These things then stick with me and repeat over and over until it forces me into a very low place.

I've effectively taught myself to do the opposite of what I wanted, and now can't bloody get out of it, and it's destroying me. Does that make any sense?

Makes perfect sense.

Something I learned a long time ago is that the subconscious struggles to tell the difference between reality and imagination. If you constantly ponder negativity, it will become your reality. This isn't airy fairy pop psychology, it's how we work. I've long thought analytical therapy to be a complete waste of time for anxiety, but at the same time I'm not professionally qualified, so any choice must be yours.

At least research the idea that your imagination can become your reality, we are what we think etc.

Back to meditation and mindfulness...this is the opposite of where you are right now, so delve into that too. For me, meditation was the fundamental practice that cured my anxiety. It's hard, it's not what you think, and it takes practice. It's worth it though.

[LittleLionMan]

Makes perfect sense.

Something I learned a long time ago is that the subconscious struggles to tell the difference between reality and imagination. If you constantly ponder negativity, it will become your reality. This isn't airy fairy pop psychology, it's how we work. I've long thought analytical therapy to be a complete waste of time for anxiety, but at the same time I'm not professionally qualified, so any choice must be yours.

At least research the idea that your imagination can become your reality, we are what we think etc.

Back to meditation and mindfulness...this is the opposite of where you are right now, so delve into that too. For me, meditation was the fundamental practice that cured my anxiety. It's hard, it's not what you think, and it takes practice. It's worth it though.

Definitely.

I've just had an episode now, my mind drifted to 'why do you feel like this', and that was it, an hour of my mind deep in thought, making me feel anxious, but not panicking, about absolutely nothing.

That's what anxiety is though isn't it, the sense of a lion chasing you, when the is not lion, so I'm effectively confused trying to find an invisible lion, and get anxious when I can't find one. It's a nightmare.

I will attempt to get back in to mindfulness as a matter of urgency and see if it helps. The idea of sitting quietly listening to this nonsense is terrifying though! If I could end this constant rumination, questioning and intrusive thoughts, that would leave me in a far better place!

Cheers mate.

[ankietyjoe]

I will attempt to get back in to mindfulness as a matter of urgency and see if it helps. The idea of sitting quietly listening to this nonsense is terrifying though! If I could end this constant rumination, questioning and intrusive thoughts, that would leave me in a far better place!



So a slightly more advanced (chronologically speaking) way of looking at this is further down the line you won't be trying to stop the triggers that lead to uncomfortable sensations, you'll learn to accept them. Going back to your lion analogy, yes...anxiety is a fear response, and you have learned to fear the fear, and fear thought. You can't stop thought, and you can't run from it, so what's left? Acceptance.

The weird paradox is that learning to accept the thoughts eventually prevents them happening in the first place, so your learned acceptance is no longer needed.

"This will pass" is the golden mantra for being mindful and just letting things be. When you feel uncomfortable, just tell yourself it will pass, because it always does.


Try and observe that you mentally run from the uncomfortable thoughts, and try and keep hold of the positive ones. In both cases you are creating mental anguish, as you can't really do either. Sh1t will happen, so just go with the flow. You'll feel a lot better in the long run, guaranteed*


*I offer no guarantee

[LittleLionMan]

So a slightly more advanced (chronologically speaking) way of looking at this is further down the line you won't be trying to stop the triggers that lead to uncomfortable sensations, you'll learn to accept them. Going back to your lion analogy, yes...anxiety is a fear response, and you have learned to fear the fear, and fear thought. You can't stop thought, and you can't run from it, so what's left? Acceptance.

The weird paradox is that learning to accept the thoughts eventually prevents them happening in the first place, so your learned acceptance is no longer needed.

"This will pass" is the golden mantra for being mindful and just letting things be. When you feel uncomfortable, just tell yourself it will pass, because it always does.


Try and observe that you mentally run from the uncomfortable thoughts, and try and keep hold of the positive ones. In both cases you are creating mental anguish, as you can't really do either. Sh1t will happen, so just go with the flow. You'll feel a lot better in the long run, guaranteed*


*I offer no guarantee

Haha, I like the small print at the end!

I've just had a Skype appointment with a Psycologist type woman, and have another on Friday, to try and get the help I need, and will be attempting to do the acceptance side of things in the meantime.

I haven't taken the meds yet, as I really don't want to, and I'm hoping these sessions with this doctor will help level me out instead.

It really does seem that the best way to deal with most anxiety symptoms is to accept it and do bigger all! The only problem I have is that I can't find any actual triggers, it's just seemingly random when I start thinking. Very odd.

[ankietyjoe]

Once anxiety becomes ingrained it doesn't really need triggers. Your CNS is so hyper stimulated all the time it almost becomes self sustaining.

Acceptance is not the act of doing bugger all though. You are best off actively practicing mental habits that rewire your brain away from the anxiety reaction. Acceptance simply means not attaching negative emotion to unpleasant sensations. Looking for triggers is perhaps a side effect of your analytical approach to therapy so far, and not a practice I personally find useful. Your anxiety response is autonomous and looking for triggers on a daily basis is a full time job in itself. And then what if you identify a trigger, what then? That usually means avoiding that trigger....so what if your trigger is leaving the house....? This is how anxiety becomes a disorder, the idea that you can beat it or run from it.

Also take a look at timeframes. Whether you use therapy, meds or self help, recovery takes months. There is no solution that will switch this off quickly, so acceptance is your best friend for now.

[LittleLionMan]

Once anxiety becomes ingrained it doesn't really need triggers. Your CNS is so hyper stimulated all the time it almost becomes self sustaining.

Acceptance is not the act of doing bugger all though. You are best off actively practicing mental habits that rewire your brain away from the anxiety reaction. Acceptance simply means not attaching negative emotion to unpleasant sensations. Looking for triggers is perhaps a side effect of your analytical approach to therapy so far, and not a practice I personally find useful. Your anxiety response is autonomous and looking for triggers on a daily basis is a full time job in itself. And then what if you identify a trigger, what then? That usually means avoiding that trigger....so what if your trigger is leaving the house....? This is how anxiety becomes a disorder, the idea that you can beat it or run from it.

Also take a look at timeframes. Whether you use therapy, meds or self help, recovery takes months. There is no solution that will switch this off quickly, so acceptance is your best friend for now.

Oh yeah, I'm not expecting a quick fix to my anxiety issues, although I would like the feeling down to lift. I might focus more on my running to try and lift my mood. Earphones in, and get myself out of my head on the treadmill, and see if it will take some if the feeling on edge all the time away.

What practicing mental habits do you mean then?

Sound like an anxiety novice don't I, considering I've had it for over 10 years! It's just never come in this form before, and that's what's scaring me.

[ankietyjoe]

Oh yeah, I'm not expecting a quick fix to my anxiety issues, although I would like the feeling down to lift. I might focus more on my running to try and lift my mood. Earphones in, and get myself out of my head on the treadmill, and see if it will take some if the feeling on edge all the time away.

What practicing mental habits do you mean then?

Sound like an anxiety novice don't I, considering I've had it for over 10 years! It's just never come in this form before, and that's what's scaring me.

It took me several years to 'get' anxiety tbh. Just because you suffer with it a while, doesn't mean you have the answers.

In terms of practicing mental habits, there are a few things that work wonders over time.

1) Use mantras, construct your own. One of my favourites was 'this will pass', and this is something I still use from time to time now. If you go out for a run, keep telling yourself that you will recover. It sounds ineffectual, but the subconscious can be re-programmed, and self dialogue is one of the most effective ways of doing this. You are what you think, remember?

2) Meditate. I cannot stress just how effective this can be. I would urge you to read up on what meditation actually is. It is NOT a relaxation technique and it is absolutely NOT about emptying your mind.

3) Acceptance. I'm going to pick you up on something, and that's using running to take the edge off. By all means, exercise, but try not to attach an escape emotion to it. If you feel on edge, accept it. If it doesn't bother you, does it matter? This is hard, and takes practice.

I'll just leave this video here too. I found it after I had mostly recovered from anxiety and I think it's one of the best balances of science, explanation and 'it just works' out there. If you are an analytical type, it gives you a reason to believe in it.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAVPDYhW_nw

[LittleLionMan]

It took me several years to 'get' anxiety tbh. Just because you suffer with it a while, doesn't mean you have the answers.

In terms of practicing mental habits, there are a few things that work wonders over time.

1) Use mantras, construct your own. One of my favourites was 'this will pass', and this is something I still use from time to time now. If you go out for a run, keep telling yourself that you will recover. It sounds ineffectual, but the subconscious can be re-programmed, and self dialogue is one of the most effective ways of doing this. You are what you think, remember?

2) Meditate. I cannot stress just how effective this can be. I would urge you to read up on what meditation actually is. It is NOT a relaxation technique and it is absolutely NOT about emptying your mind.

3) Acceptance. I'm going to pick you up on something, and that's using running to take the edge off. By all means, exercise, but try not to attach an escape emotion to it. If you feel on edge, accept it. If it doesn't bother you, does it matter? This is hard, and takes practice.

I'll just leave this video here too. I found it after I had mostly recovered from anxiety and I think it's one of the best balances of science, explanation and 'it just works' out there. If you are an analytical type, it gives you a reason to believe in it.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAVPDYhW_nw

I'm going to find a mindfulness course, and maybe even a Skype mindfulness teacher if any are available. Just worry about doing it when I'm this anxious.

I didn't mean go for a run when I get anxious, I meant get back to my training.

It's this acceptance thing I'm struggling with, I'm feeling awful now, and trying to take that acceptance attitude but it's hard to know how to approach it without my mind pondering what's wrong with me.

You are really good at explaining this stuff man, really appreciate it!

[ankietyjoe]

It's this acceptance thing I'm struggling with, I'm feeling awful now, and trying to take that acceptance attitude but it's hard to know how to approach it without my mind pondering what's wrong with me.



You just keep it simple. Tell yourself you feel like crap because you have anxiety (it can make you feel like utter, utter crap) and that it'll pass. There's nothing to approach, there's no special technique. Anxiety is a part of life and nobody can be anxiety free all the time, it's not possible. The issue for us anxiety sufferers is that it becomes a predominant reaction/emotion. You need to re-learn that anxiety (and every other emotion) is temporary, and that the way you're feeling now will pass. It might be a day or a month, but it will pass eventually. In the meantime draw on your experience that you're in no danger, and that you are going to be ok with the way you feel. Don't try and do anything to evade it or switch it off, just tell yourself you accept it for now.

Going back to meditation. At its core, meditation is the practice of acceptance and non reaction to stimulus. Meditation is about focusing on one thing and then re-directing your concentration back on that one thing when your mind wanders or you experience a sensation that draws your attention away. The goal of meditation isn't to succeed in focusing, it's the practice of re-focusing when you become distracted (and you will become distracted, constantly). It's this practice that re-wires the brain away from unconscious reaction and why it's so powerful at combating anxiety.

[LittleLionMan]

You just keep it simple. Tell yourself you feel like crap because you have anxiety (it can make you feel like utter, utter crap) and that it'll pass. There's nothing to approach, there's no special technique. Anxiety is a part of life and nobody can be anxiety free all the time, it's not possible. The issue for us anxiety sufferers is that it becomes a predominant reaction/emotion. You need to re-learn that anxiety (and every other emotion) is temporary, and that the way you're feeling now will pass. It might be a day or a month, but it will pass eventually. In the meantime draw on your experience that you're in no danger, and that you are going to be ok with the way you feel. Don't try and do anything to evade it or switch it off, just tell yourself you accept it for now.

Going back to meditation. At its core, meditation is the practice of acceptance and non reaction to stimulus. Meditation is about focusing on one thing and then re-directing your concentration back on that one thing when your mind wanders or you experience a sensation that draws your attention away. The goal of meditation isn't to succeed in focusing, it's the practice of re-focusing when you become distracted (and you will become distracted, constantly). It's this practice that re-wires the brain away from unconscious reaction and why it's so powerful at combating anxiety.

Yeah, it makes perfect sense mate, just easier said than done I suppose when it's this bad. I can see the benefit in that though, as it stops your mind chasing thoughts and symptoms, and lets you let them go, to a point.

I do something similar when I watch tele before bed actually, I put something on that I know will engross me, and then when I feel my mind wandering, I bring it back to what I'm watching (then I turn it all off, and my mind goes mental again). Doesn't always work, but it shows how busy my mind is, and sometimes quietens it down.

[ankietyjoe]

Definitely easier said than done, which is why it's important to practice every day. The more you do it, the faster it'll become ingrained.

[LittleLionMan]

Definitely easier said than done, which is why it's important to practice every day. The more you do it, the faster it'll become ingrained.
I had another session with new therapist today, CBT based.
All makes perfect sense until this - tiredness/not with it - feeling comes, and I can't associate any thought/situation with it. It just happens, and then I'm written off until it leaves. Nightmare.

Did some mindfulness last night, going down the Headspace route. Wasn't as scary or difficult as I imagined so going to try and do it every night before I have a shower.

[ankietyjoe]

All makes perfect sense until this - tiredness/not with it - feeling comes, and I can't associate any thought/situation with it.

Why do you need to? Anxiety and/or stress are often completely exhausting both physically and mentally. You don't need to connect the dots.



and then I'm written off until it leaves. Nightmare.



Written off by whom? Are you really being written off? Try and keep on top of overly negative mental presumptions. Nobody has written you off, you're just dealing with it by yourself for a while.




Did some mindfulness last night, going down the Headspace route. Wasn't as scary or difficult as I imagined so going to try and do it every night before I have a shower.

That's great news. You can slip mindfulness into your day at any time. You don't have to sit down in a dark, quiet room to do it. Once you get a little more used to it you could do it during a trip to the supermarket if you chose to. Examine those baked beans in intimate detail, slowly and mindfully :yesyes:

[LittleLionMan]

By written off, I mean too tired and 'out of it' to function.

It's worrying me because it doesn't even come with panic, increased heart rate, or anything, so I'm more confused about what it is, as it doesn't fit with any symptoms of anxiety that I've had in the last 10 years, and it's not presenting in a way that anyone seems to talk about. It's more like I fall down a fatigue/slightly derealised hole, without any warning, and it's scaring me to death, and stays for hours!

I did get to that part in my old mindfulness course and try and carry it on whilst I have a shower and stuff.

[ankietyjoe]

It's more like I fall down a fatigue/slightly derealised hole, without any warning, and it's scaring me to death, and stays for hours!



It's just one of those things that can happen, probably magnified by the current global situation.

I'm currently experiencing nightmares every night about unstoppable forces of nature. Tidal waves, snow storms etc etc. I'm not particularly stressed about Covid right now (no more than I really should be) but my subconscious is still manifesting. I might even wake up with my heart pounding, my body ready to panic...but I just get up and have a pee, drink some water and lay down again. What you are experiencing now is scary, but it's not dangerous. Try to remember to just accept it for what it is right now.

What we are all experiencing right now is significant, whether we acknowledge it consciously or not.

Try and keep on top of your diet, make sure you eat well, make sure you exercise and make sure you get enough sunlight. All of these things add up to good physical and mental health, and remember this takes time.

[LittleLionMan]

It's just one of those things that can happen, probably magnified by the current global situation.

I'm currently experiencing nightmares every night about unstoppable forces of nature. Tidal waves, snow storms etc etc. I'm not particularly stressed about Covid right now (no more than I really should be) but my subconscious is still manifesting. I might even wake up with my heart pounding, my body ready to panic...but I just get up and have a pee, drink some water and lay down again. What you are experiencing now is scary, but it's not dangerous. Try to remember to just accept it for what it is right now.

What we are all experiencing right now is significant, whether we acknowledge it consciously or not.

Try and keep on top of your diet, make sure you eat well, make sure you exercise and make sure you get enough sunlight. All of these things add up to good physical and mental health, and remember this takes time.

I honestly just want to feel 'normal' for an hour so I remember what normal feels like! 😂