cancer shock;((

[andy2020]

hi guys,

not posted for a while but needed to get this off my chest as i live alone;-((

i have a friend lady she is 58 the most genuine honest person you could meet i have known her for around 4 years but i never told her about my anxiety/agarophobia and she says to me when are you gonna come visit me (she only lives like less than 1 mile away) i would lie or make excuses why i couldnt go to see her or say i would go and didnt,
well i say her in the local shop where she works and she told me that she had to go to hospital for a biopsy and tests when i called her tonight she told me she had cancer of the liver and bowels,
she is so positive and it dosent seem to be bothering her atall she is such a positvive person anyway but she genuinly dosent seem that bothered by it all??
can you really be that positive about somethin she talks about only been off work while she is having kemo but the prognosis isnt that good the doctors couldnt give any details of how long she has,

ny point is ii guess if someone can be that positive about cancer what am i doing worrying about such a small thing like i have>???makes me feel ashamed knowoing she is dieing and i cannot get myself out of this sellfish condition anxiety/agarophobia

i did tell her tonight my secret illness and said we would support each other,so now i hvae a goal to get out and go to her house to see her,

needed to talk sorry i went on,

thanks
andy

[AngieJ]

Hi Andy
So sorry to hear about your friend, she sounds like a wonderful person and very brave!
My husband was diagnosed with Bowel cancer last year and had a large part of his bowel removed. Although the surgeon was confident that he had removed the whole tumor he was concerned that it had spread slightly into one of his lymph nodes so recommended that my husband had 6 months of Chemo. He is now in remission and getting on with life although the threat is always there that the cancer may return.
He too is such a positive person and what he has been through in the last 12 months (he had a mild stroke too, 3 months before we found out about the cancer) seems to make my illness seem so trivial in comparison. He sees it differently though and says that I shouldn't feel ashamed about how I feel. He knows how much of a battle it was for me to visit him when he was in hospital, but I did it every day for 2 weeks. I even manage to go out to the pub or a meal occasionaly with him now even if it means having to sit there and brave out the palpataions and stuff because I know how lucky I am to have him here and I want to give him something back for all the love, help and consideration that he gives me.
As brave as your friend may seem though, she's going to need you now. Even if you can't manage to get to her house for a visit just a quick phone call every couple of days to see how she's doing will go a long way.
I hope you achieve your goal too Andy, sometimes doing something for someone else can help. Maybe now that your friend knows about your illness you could meet her from work and go to her house together, or maybe just walk a little way at a time towards her house familiarise yourself with the route until you feel ready to manage it all the way. When I had to go to visit my husband in hospital I used to get my phone out on the bus and call someone so that I was distracted throughout the whole journey, maybe this could be an option for you.
He'll be going back into hospital soon to have his stoma reversed, I'm not looking forward to it, I haven't been to town on my own since February but wild horses and even the evil agoraphobia won't stop me getting there to visit him (as long as I can get someone to pick me up and take me home, doing the trip both ways alone is pushing it a bit far lol)
Best of luck to both of you
Angie