View Full Version : What's happening to me
Charlie1108
02-06-20, 13:04
I've posted on other threads for various things going on. According to my Dr I have globus which is anxiety related but it's stopping me from eating much. I just had some toast (first thing of the day) and my lower left side of lip tingled and my tongue and now feels weird and numb. I'm now worried that this combined with the throat issues, painful rib and stomach spasms could mean something neurological. I don't want to Google but I feel it has to be. My lip now feels weird and numb as does the tip of my tongue. I've also been having facial tightness on and off.
For what it's worth, I get this when I'm stressed. I know it's scary but I honestly don't believe it's any sort of a big deal.
Hi
I feel for you because I know what it's like. I've got your same symptoms and 100's of others going on. I also sometimes suspect something neurological BUT the thing is that my symptoms come and go. For example I had very bad trouble swallowing for weeks and then one day for no reason it dissapeared. Now I have other things but no trouble swallowing, really weird. I'm also suspecting hormones (don't know if you're female).
Anyway all I can say is you are not alone and don't Google, it NEVER helps, it ALWAYS makes things worse.
Charlie1108
02-06-20, 13:39
Thank you both. I can't understand how my mind can fly from cancer (completely convinced) to corona, to neurological and then continue in this constant loop. It consumes me from the moment I wake up and it's stealing valuable time away from my children as I'm not as present as I should be. I look at my toddler sometimes and cry as I don't think she'll even remember me as ill be gone and all my 9 year old will have is negative memories. I know only I can change this but I have this constant "what if I'm right this time" thing going on. It doesn't help that I cant even see my GP.I spoke to her this morning and I already want to call her back about this lip/tongue thing. I hate this so much.
Also, yes I am female and definitely have an imbalance going on with my hormones. For the first time in months though, I've just had a normal period. I'm hoping things are starting to settle in that area. I also have low b12 but I've just had my injection (last Friday) and which was 3 weeks overdue so that probably hadn't helped.
What about thinking "what if I'm wrong again"? Why am I doing this to myself when I know I have HA and when I know that calling the GP and seeking endless reassurance from her and on here is pointless and counterproductive?
Why am I giving my HA more attention than my children? Maybe they will be picking up on this?
Good reasons to challenge your HA, feel the symptoms/sensations but carry on regardless..
Charlie1108
02-06-20, 14:00
I do try, but the sensations come back with a vengeance and I can't just move through them as it turns into a panic and consumes me. In particular the throat tightness. I've read countless posts on here where people have reported identical symptoms but I can't shake it. Not even I can connect the lip tingling to it but my mind is trying. I'm having counselling but Im really feeling this is turning into some kind of depression for me. Can anyone recommend any CBT books? I just want to feel better. My GP has ghven me sertraline but I'm nervous about starting as I'm sensitive to meds and my partner works 6 days a week so he wouldn't be here to help if I were to experience side effects.
I also suffer from what I think is magical thinking. So I'm worried that if I ignore my sensations then they will inevitably turn out to have been of real concern. I've mentioned this to my counsellor and we're working on it. Rationally, I know however I react to the symptoms won't change the outcome. But I'm not feeling rational most of the time!
panicstricken
02-06-20, 15:28
Hi I am so sorry to hear you are unwell, for what it's worth I know exactly what it feels like to be stuck in a loop I am currently on a cycle of throat tightening and temperature checking. I have convinced myself its covid multiple times and it drains every part of me. I feel so scared and drained and fed up.
The people on here a fantastic I'm sure there are times when I make them want to scream but they are always here and someone will always respond. I want you to know u are not alone I know what it feels like and understand totally the cycle u talk about xxxxx
I am currently working through a fantastic book called the anxiety workbook a 7 week plan by Arlin Cincic. It is really helping me see the cycle (dont get me wrong I still have a long way to go) but so far the book is really insightful.
I hope you are able to find some peace always here I'f u need a chat xx
Good for you, panicstricken. Am really pleased that you are fighting back xx
Charlie1108
02-06-20, 20:58
I just tried to order the book and it's out of stock on amazon. I can see why it'd be in high demand at the moment! I'm reading the Claire Weekes book as that helped me no end when I used to get ectopic beats etc.
panicstricken
03-06-20, 15:46
Thankyou pulisa I am trying so hard xx thankyou for all your support and all the support from everyone on here xxx I havent heard of that book charlie1108 xx hope the book is back in stock soon it's really good xx fingers crossed it will be there again v soon xx how are you feeling now u doing ok? Xx
Charlie1108
04-06-20, 12:10
It's called self help for your nerves. It's a bit dated but the principles remain the same. I had a very bad day yesterday as I felt very low more that anything. Had a counselling session last night and that was emotional. She feels I'm getting the tight throat and associating it with food as eating is the only thing within my control at the moment. I work myself up so badly before my evening meal. Just feel throughly fed up and still worrying its something sinister, even though the sensations come and go.
How are you doing?
panicstricken
04-06-20, 18:17
Hi charlie 1108 aww I'm so sorry you had a bad day yesterday I'm kinda having one today xxx feeling low and worried about pretty much everything lol. I hate how it can take over but I'm battling hard.
It's good that you have found someone you can talk to about your worries xxx I will have a good look for that book thankyou it sounds like it will help xxx thankyou.
Have u managed to get any peace today xxx managed to eat anything what about soup I know it's hot weather bit it might not make you feel.so uncomfortable xx
Charlie1108
04-06-20, 20:17
Hello. I haven't felt as low today and have managed to eat 3 meals (first time in a long time) but the tight throat and choking persists - in particular after food. After my evening meal, I didn't give it a chance and got the dog's lead and took her for a stroll. I didn't get the sensations once but now I'm home, they're starting to return. I'm trying to take comfort that I didn't get it when occupied which points towards anxiety, but that nagging little voice in my head is trying to tell me something else. How are you feeling now?
Charlie1108
04-06-20, 22:07
I'm struggling again. Now I'm lying down, my throat is constricted again afm it feels weird to touch. There must be an obstruction in my wind pipe or something
panicstricken
05-06-20, 15:33
Hi Charlie 1108 how u feeling today? Xx
Charlie1108
05-06-20, 20:48
Hi, thanks for asking. Not very good today. I keep getting a really bitter taste in my mouth. Its awful and I stupidly googled. I don't think this is something innocent x
panicstricken
05-06-20, 23:12
Awww charlie 1108 I'm so.sorry to here that u are not well xxx I am awful for googling too it's the worst thing because I go from a slight headache to almost certain death in a few clicks. I am sure you are going to be ok have u managed to eat anything today it may be that your stomach is empty and its causing a bit of reflux xxxx I really hope u feel better soon cc here if u need a chat x
Charlie1108
06-06-20, 09:48
Hi. Yes, I had a small evening meal, but had to drink lots of water as everything felt like it was sticking on my throat. I took the dog out straight away again so I'm not sitting and waiting for the throat tightness and took two gaviscon advance. I did have the sensations while trying to get to sleep but my neck muscles are sore either side, so lying on them may be contributing. Have as usual, woken up OK, but can already feel it trying to start.
In other news, after a long chat with a friend who had similar symptoms but more of a lump, I've decided to start the sertraline today. I'm very nervous but I can't continue like this.
How are you doing? Are you feeling better?
Charlie1108
06-06-20, 18:13
Food is definitely struggling to get down. I have to eat with lots of water now. Even mashed potato sticks in my throat. It must be an obstruction but the Dr won't even see me, let alone refer me. I feel so low.
panicstricken
07-06-20, 07:47
Hi Charlie 1108 I'm so glad u managed to eat something that's good even if it's small amounts xxc I'm glad u had a good chat with tour friend too talking helps xxxx I understand you being nervous I can only say do what feels right for u xxxx I'm not doing too good either tbh I'm having palpatations I think flips in my chest or goes really fast I'm also getting sudden bouts of extreme dizziness only for brief moments but it's there. Feeling totally fed up but I'm still.working through my book. I'm determined not to call my drs again as the last time they told me I could show signs of covid despite not going anywhere or no one in my household going anywhere in over 10nweeks at the time. Scared the life out of me I ended up.in bed for nearly 3 weeks with every symptom of anxiety I have ever experienced all at once. It was terrifying. So i am determined to try and be rational this time xxxxxxx hope u feel.better soon always here if u need anything x
Charlie1108
07-06-20, 11:10
This covid thing definitely started mine off and I was in bed for 2 weeks straight. Like you, every symptom of anxiety under the book. Seems I'm left with this. Just hope it goes soon but I need to accept it as anxiety and that's something I really am struggling with as it feels like I cant breath and my throat is swelling all the time. I think it's a similar thing with palpitations. If you look back at my threads, I had them terribly 3 years ago. Once I accepted (after several ecgs, an echo and counselling) that they were benign they went away. I still get the occasional one but they don't bother me. I've even had them mid exercise and shrugged them off. When I first had then I thought every one would kill me. And I had to give birth with them (literally every third beat) while they were at their worst! I really didn't think my heart would cope. I suppose I need to get to that level of acceptance again but struggling when the gp won't even examine me x
Charlie1108
07-06-20, 12:17
Food is definitely sticking to my throat. Even rice crispies. I've stupidly googled and everything is screaming esophageal cancer
panicstricken
07-06-20, 13:40
Oh bless you charlie 1108 xx u really are having a bad run of it xx anxiety I mean xxx honestly I have been fixated on so much lately and felt every single symptom xxxx I have this throat dryness or tightening too ever since I read it was a symptom of the dreaded xxx I'm always here if u need a chat but keep.going u are strong and u can do this
Charlie1108
07-06-20, 17:38
It's the food sticking in my throat that scares me. When I was reading about globus it said that it doesn't cause issues with eating, but now mine does. Does this sound like esophageal cancer?
Does this sound like esophageal cancer?
Nope :lac: Not in the least.
Positive thoughts
Charlie1108
07-06-20, 19:33
I can't see what else it could be. I really don't think it's anxiety this time. Just attempted some food and had to drink so much water to get it down.
I can't see what else it could be. I really don't think it's anxiety this time. Just attempted some food and had to drink so much water to get it down.
Perhaps it would be in your best interest to log off, take a walk or watch a movie, listen to music etc. Sitting here all day (you've been on every time I've logged in today) ruminating and googling is just entrenching you in your spiral.
Positive thoughts
Charlie1108
07-06-20, 20:46
I know. I've been obsessing over the globus section, hoping to read some reassuring stories. I have just come back from a fairly long dog walk but it's on my mind 24/7. This inability to swallow foods has really frightened me
According to my Dr I have globus which is anxiety related
I know. I've been obsessing over the globus section, hoping to read some reassuring stories. I have just come back from a fairly long dog walk but it's on my mind 24/7. This inability to swallow foods has really frightened me
I have actual swallowing issues due to Head and Neck cancer treatment. For me, its 'chew, chew, sip, swallow' and has been since treatment. You don't have a physical reason but you do have a diagnosed mental reason. The sooner you accept that and treat the real issue, the sooner this will wane. And again, being online, googling, scaring yourself witless and seeking reassurance is not helping yourself in the least.
Positive thoughts
Charlie1108
07-06-20, 21:18
I don't know what the real issue is. I'm having counselling and starting sertraline. I do know I've had a tough 12 months - partner of 11 years was having an affair and we separated. Got back together at Xmas and my anxiety has been creeping in ever since. Throw hormones and a global pandemic into the mix, plus being at home with 2 children 7 days a week and I'm a mess. But I can't shake that the feeling that this time I'm right. I haven't even been examined by a doctor. Just told over the phone that I'm anxious. I have real symptoms.
Charlie1108
07-06-20, 23:19
I also keep getting a geographic tongue which I've read is linked to low b12. I onky had a b12 shot last week so clearly my body isn't absorbing it as for the second time in ten days I have a red patch. I'm clearly unwell
Charlie1108
08-06-20, 00:25
I'm too afraid to go to sleep now as the last few days I've had sleep paralysis. I always get it in times of high anxiety but it's still frightening, nonetheless
Charlie1108
08-06-20, 14:43
Just been to the Dr. He's told me it's globus and that my esophagus is much lower down to where I'm having difficulty. Just tried food and it's stuck at the base of my throat again. Dr says anxiety. I think it's going to kill me
Stop telling us how ill you're feeling and start working on how you're going to get better.
Charlie1108
08-06-20, 17:08
I tried and went to the Dr but they refuse to believe there is anything wrong with me. Food getting stuck and such a bitter taste in my mouth. I can't believe they don't think it's physical
If you really believe your doctor is ignoring a genuine physical health concern, you need to either contact your local council and ask them to put you in touch with your local advocacy service, or ask a friend or family member to advocate for you.
Charlie1108
08-06-20, 18:21
That won't work. I've taken valium and it's still the same. I don't know whether to go to a and e or not
Why won't it work? And how will going to A&E help?
Charlie1108
08-06-20, 18:42
Maybe they will xray my throat, take bloods, get me seen. I think I may be one of the first people on here who correctly diagnoses themselves only for the medics to not take seriously.
Charlie1108
09-06-20, 09:38
Had a few hours relief from the strangling by taking some valium last night. Argued with partner and went for a drive at 11pm and sobbed and sobbed. I don't want to be like this anymore. I just want to be normal. When I calmed down and got home, the strangling came back. I'm still too scared to eat.
Woke up with the usual lack of symptoms but already its starting. Also feel like the need to cough. Upset with partner as he's refusing to take any time off to help me at least try to recover. I'm finding it so stressful being in the house all the time and I have a 3 year old who is hard work.
Charlie1108
09-06-20, 11:20
Please can someone help me. I feel so low and I know I'm going to die of this. I know that sounds dramatic but I really think I'm ill
I tried to help you, and you shut me down. All we can do is offer you help in managing your anxiety, but you keep on saying that it isn't the problem.
Charlie1108
09-06-20, 11:36
I'm trying. I've started sertraline (just), I get counselling once a week, I've bought self help books. I don't know what else I can do
Okay (and this is me genuinely trying to help, just so we're clear), what exercises have you learned from the books so far?
You have to accept that recovering from anxiety is a sprint, not a marathon. By telling us that you're going to die, though, you're enforcing that belief within yourself - actually reinforcing the neural pathways. It's distressing for us and it's really not helping you at all, either.
You need to learn to practice acceptance - I know it's a cliche, but it's a cliche because it's true.
Charlie1108
09-06-20, 12:13
Thank you. I realise this must be a frustrating thread to read. I'm reading the Claire Weekes book and am trying to float through and ultimately accept. Last night, after having relief from valium, I told myself it was anxiety and attempted to ignore it and it eventually calmed down enough for me to sleep. I try and tell myself these symptoms wouldn't come and go but when the panic takes hold, I can't control it. I ate a small bowl of cereal this morning and was shaking like a leaf eating it. Im struggling to see how anxiety can cause so many physical manifestations. This all started when I believed I had the virus in March. Since then, it's gone from my stomach and now my esophagus. I hate living this way.
It's astonishing how awful anxiety can make you feel. I've had it all - sickness, shakes, ridiculous temperature fluctuations, breathlessness and so many more different manifestations. I still have times when I lose control and I'm practically incapable of doing anything for myself.
For me, an SSRI was the answer, because it gave me the breathing space I needed to put all the techniques I learned into practice - you're right, it's hard to do anything when the fear has a grip.
You'll get there, though, you just need to keep reminding yourself that it's just the anxiety playing tricks.
You can stop the panic when it starts, but we do understand how rational thoughts just seem to be hard to grasp in those moments.
I have a little panic box. In it I have done Bach’s rescue remedy - spray & pastilles, a soothing aromatherapy roll on, a 4head headache stick, a lip balm... I Genuinely don’t believe these things cure the panic, but the act of applying them, smelling them or setting things up causes a pause and act of mindfulness. It could be as simple as eating a polo (I always used to do this), tasting it, crunching it, sucking it all add to the mindful pause.
You also have to do these things every day and not just when you are in the grips of panic. If you do them regularly then you can call on them when most needed.
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Great suggestions from Scass there - what you want to do is engage senses other than sight or hearing.
My go-to trick is burning incense. If I'm just feeling generally nervy, though, cooking usually brings me right back down to earth because it works on all the senses at once.
Yes cooking is great. I also find washing up really good! I generally put on an audio book or podcast while I’m doing it too. These little pauses help to bring you back to yourself.
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Charlie1108
09-06-20, 15:20
Thank you so much. I will try what you've suggested. I usually enjoy cooking but at the moment, food makes me panic. I've got the white tiger balm and that kind of relaxes me. Currently feeling very nauseous but trying to attribute it to not eating enough and possibly the valium. The anxious little voice is telling me it's the c. I've tried to be sick but all that is coming up is mucus. Feel yuck.
I can imagine tiger balm would be really good.
Do you have any pets at all? They're great for tactile stimuli. Chewing on crystallised ginger (or even a gingernut) can help with the nausea, too.
Charlie1108
09-06-20, 16:19
I have a little dog but she's not a hugger. It's always on her terms. Funnily enough, I've just had 2 ginger nuts and the nausea is better. Then had a panic at the sensations I was literally waiting for!
You'll get there, I promise, and we'll be cheering you on.
panicstricken
09-06-20, 17:29
Sorry charlie1108 I hope u doing ok keep going you can do it xxx I love the ideas from blueiris and scass I will be trying some of those myself xxx I use camomile tea and kalms atm they seem to be working a treat. But I'm still having troubles with anxiety xxx making me feel like I'm going to pass out is the new one and palpatations of course. But I have stopped taking my temperature 🎊🎉🎉 finally. Small steps charlie1108 we will all get there together xxx
I love white tiger balm, I put it all over my mosquito bites - it’s about the only thing that stops the itching!
Also love ginger nuts because they help with the queasy feeling.
When I had gastritis I barely ate for months and lost about 2 stone. Looking back it was quite handy! But when you’re in it, it’s awful. I think that was when I joined this forum actually.
Taking your dog out for walks might be good?
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Sorry charlie1108 I hope u doing ok keep going you can do it xxx I love the ideas from blueiris and scass I will be trying some of those myself xxx I use camomile tea and kalms atm they seem to be working a treat. But I'm still having troubles with anxiety xxx making me feel like I'm going to pass out is the new one and palpatations of course. But I have stopped taking my temperature [emoji323][emoji322][emoji322] finally. Small steps charlie1108 we will all get there together xxx
I lived in chamomile tea when I had gastritis! It’s so great for any distress.
I’m pleased to see you, and to hear that you’re doing better.
The faintness comes from you breathing differently due to anxiety. It’s all the tension in your muscles.
Xx
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panicstricken
09-06-20, 17:42
Hi scass, it's so good to hear from you too xx thankyou for all your support in this forum xxx
Thankyou for your advice about the faint feeling too I have been quite tense muscle wise in my neck and upper back lately xxx it seems to be where all my knots are lol xxx I am loving g chamomile atm it's amazing I did try a tea with lavender in it but that's not so nice lol xxx
Hope you are doing ok scass thankyou for your kind words and encouragement xxxx
Charlie1108
09-06-20, 19:22
Thank you for your replies. I take the dog out every eve as it's my time and a break from the house etc. I agree about the tiger balm, it works well on all bites! I hope I can conquer this, I really do. That voice of anxiety can be so overwhelming at times though!
Thank you for your replies. I take the dog out every eve as it's my time and a break from the house etc. I agree about the tiger balm, it works well on all bites! I hope I can conquer this, I really do. That voice of anxiety can be so overwhelming at times though!
But remember how you feel when you feel strong and how you are trying to break free from the negative thoughts.
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Charlie1108
09-06-20, 20:51
Was feeling so much better and more positive but now I feel sicker than ever so I'm back to fearing the worst. I'm paranoid that everything I've eaten is stuck in my esophagus as when I'm trying to be sick, nothing comes up. Can someone tell me im being ridiculous please
panicstricken
09-06-20, 21:53
Charlie1108 I'm so sorry u worried tonight xx I know it's hard xx but I promise u are ok u will be ok xxx this is your anxiety playing tricks with u xx yr fear of food atm is making you focus on sensations in your throat and around meal times xx
I have it now with my bodily sensations and lightheaded feelings xx I focus on them even though I know I had the same the last few days and have been fine. I know how hard it is xxx I did the same years ago when I was worried about a heart attack the symptoms were awful but I am still here xxxxx
I know it's scary but it will be ok have u tried a nice bath or something to distract uself xx I'm here if u need anything stay strong you can get through this x
Why are you trying to make yourself sick though?
Have you read about globus? It’s the sensation that there’s something stuck in your throat, it’s an anxiety issue for sure.
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Was feeling so much better and more positive but now I feel sicker than ever so I'm back to fearing the worst. I'm paranoid that everything I've eaten is stuck in my esophagus as when I'm trying to be sick, nothing comes up. Can someone tell me im being ridiculous please
You're not being ridiculous, you're suffering from a mental illness. THIS ISN'T YOUR FAULT.
Please stop trying to make yourself sick, though? All you'll do is worsen any residual irritation to your throat and make the sensation more noticeable.
Sending huge hugs your way. :bighug1:
Charlie1108
10-06-20, 12:56
I have so much post nasal stuff and when I stand up or bend over, the pressure is making me whoozy and sick. Whats wrong with me. All dr says is anxiety
Anxiety is a pretty big "all", though, it's a vile disease.
panicstricken
10-06-20, 14:47
It is horrible charlie 1108 xxx I honestly feel for.you. I feel exactly the same about different things xxxxx I am always here if u need anything x it's so hard sometimes but like scass and blueiris have said anxiety is awful its huge I am still learning all the different ways it affects me and it's honestly hard, truly one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal.with. it's not easy xxxxxx I dont know if it will ever go away and I have good and bad days. Bad days are truly awful good are much better xxxx we will get there stay strong xxx
Reflux can cause mucus. Are you taking omeprazole or gaviscon? I find gaviscon very helpful & would recommend.
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Charlie1108
10-06-20, 20:20
I've restarted omeprozole today on drs advixe. I've had an awful day. Spoke to dr twice. Felt better after my counselling and had a long chat on the phone to a friend amd managed to laugh for the first time in ages. I took 2mg valium and had a bowl of soup at the start of the call. Towards the end, i felt really hot and sicky. When i got off the phone i had horrendous diarrhoea. Partner says it's because I've hardly eaten in 5 days and my bowels just reacted but I still feel horrendous now. Again, lots of retching and nothing coming up. Have had multiple episodes of panic today and the squits appeared just as i finally relaxed.
Your body won’t deal well with that amount of anxiety. Tomorrow is a new day, try again.
Eat bland foods like white bread, bananas, rice or pasta. Try and stay away from acidic, spicy or high fat for now.
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Charlie1108
11-06-20, 10:26
I still feel like there's food stuck behind my nose. Like the sting after you've been sick. Is it possible that my food isnt going down and therefore going behind there ? Been having it a couple of days. Also got a tickle in my throat
It's a lot more likely that you're simply hyper-aware of every tiny body sensation.
Charlie1108
11-06-20, 10:40
Yes, I think so too. Im hyper aware of everything, including my breathing. My left eye is a bit funny too so maybe its a bit of a sinus blockage. My anxiety is trying tk connect everything to a blockage in my esophagus. I wish it would just p*** off for a day.
GP said something funny yesterday. That the only thing he could really suggest is a 5 year medical degree so I could understand how the body really works. Made me laugh.
I get you. Hopefully this won't sound too glib, but all these bodily sensations are a sign you're alive. I've got all manner of little niggles right now; theyre a nuisance but I've learned to think nothing of them.
Charlie1108
11-06-20, 11:26
Just had asl shower and felt like i couldn't breath. How am I deteriorating so fast. Only 2 days ago I took the dog out. There's no way i could manage that now.
I promise you, you could and nothing bad would happen. I know it's not that easy, though.
I often find that the steam in a hot shower makes me feel a bit breathless.
Charlie1108
11-06-20, 12:15
I feel panicked about just standing up at the moment. Ive just rung the community mental health team. I was under them before so I was allowed to self refer. She's sending ne ab appointment for an assessment and it's the same nurse so that's hopeful
I'm glad you've been able to get help - you shouldn't have to struggle alone.
Charlie1108
11-06-20, 21:13
Thank you. Hopefully it'll make a difference. Another hard day today
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Charlie1108
11-06-20, 21:15
I don't want to spam and do a new thread , but how do you know what's anxiety and what is not? My dr(s), family, counsellor say it is straight away but what if im the boy who cried wolf?
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I think it's all about managing the "what if" scenario logically and based on professional and ultimately personal reassurance and reasoning.
It's about believing that your HA is wrecking your quality of life and causing you to doubt professional judgement.
It's about having the courage to stop seeking reassurance from people who don't know you and are in no position to give you the answers you want because no response will be enough to satisfy untreated HA.
I hope your CMHRS get back to you quickly and offer you an assessment-it's good that you could self-refer. I think you need some decent face to face therapy which hopefully will be back up and running in the next few weeks.
carriewriting
12-06-20, 11:27
Oh Charlie I relate to this so much. I'm perimenopausal and that's definitely making my anxiety worse. I have 3 health scares at the moment and tests next week that I'm terrified about. The chances of all three things being nothing seems as unlikely as me winning the lotto, and yet I try to remind myself that I've been here before and things have turned out okay. A breakthrough I had in therapy was the realisation that I am not psychic. The scary things I worry about feel so real and inevitable, but that doesn't make them real. I thought about all the times terrible things have happened in my life and realised they all came out of the blue. I never anticipated a single one of them.
I had a really bad spiral this week and lots of people here were so supportive and helpful in bringing me back to the moment. Please keep posting when you're feeling overwhelmed as every little bit of talking helps.
Charlie1108
12-06-20, 17:53
Thank you so much. I've realised the swallowing issue is related to my left side and I've had a good feel right at the back (even further than tonsils), maybe lingual? Anyway, there is a lump there. So it looks like my fears have come true. There's a similat lump on the other side, but smaller. Its rock hard. My gp says its not anything sinister without even seeing it but coupled with the food getting stuck there, i thi k i can assume the worst.
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Charlie1108
12-06-20, 20:15
Does this sound like throat cancer?
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Charlie1108
12-06-20, 21:23
Im in bits. I really think I'm right
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If you really believe this, go to the hospital.
It's probably better to try and talk yourself down though.
Charlie1108
12-06-20, 21:45
I think the lump I can feel is an adenoid. But adults aren't supposed to have them. It aays it indicates something sinister
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Charlie1108
12-06-20, 21:58
It's adenoid cancer. The type of tumour it causes ia hereditary and my cousin had an ACC tumour in her bowel last year. So that's it. That explains my symptoms too.
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Charlie, I say this in the spirit of kindness, but you're sending yourself spiralling.
You need to stop telling yourself you have a terminal condition.
Charlie1108
12-06-20, 22:16
I can't cope. I don't want to leave my kids.
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Your anxiety is going to be harming them.
Try repeating to yourself that you're fine and you can cope. Keep on repeating it and I promise, you'll get there eventually.
Charlie1108
12-06-20, 22:32
I just read ny first post on this thread and it's exactly how adenoid cancer is described. I know im harming my kids with this but im truly terrified.
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While you're not prepared to confront this head-on, there isn't any help I can offer.
I hope your fear passes soon.
Charlie1108
12-06-20, 22:51
I've tried to accept its anxiety but this is all too much of a coincidence
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Charlie1108
13-06-20, 03:21
I can't sleep, I'm so scared. I've even had a valium but nothing. Theres a white streak on the back of my throat too and every time I lie on either side of my neck, I go lightheaded. This is cancer, undoubtedly.
I'm going to be one of the rarerties on this site who self diagnosed. But nobody is willing to help me. Nobody. I can't underwtand how drs can say anxiety without even seeing inside of my mouth.
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People are willing to help you but not by enabling your HA with symptom-talk. Why do you think the doctors are dismissing your fears without even looking inside your mouth?
Charlie1108
13-06-20, 08:31
Because they see its me and assume its anxiety. I know it's not this time
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Because they see its me and assume its anxiety. I know it's not this time
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But that's what you always say...
I can't sleep, I'm so scared. I've even had a valium but nothing. Theres a white streak on the back of my throat too and every time I lie on either side of my neck, I go lightheaded. This is cancer, undoubtedly.
I'm going to be one of the rarerties on this site who self diagnosed. But nobody is willing to help me. Nobody. I can't underwtand how drs can say anxiety without even seeing inside of my mouth.
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How dare you say I've been unwilling to help? What do you think I've been trying to do while I've been bashing my head against a wall with you for days!
It's not good having a "reputation" for HA with your GPs and this could give you a motivation for trying to get a handle on your current spiral which presumably has continued since you were convinced you had Covid?
Wouldn't you rather be taken seriously in future rather than being assessed as an HA patient with a "what is it this time?" approach?
Charlie1108
13-06-20, 08:51
How dare you say I've been unwilling to help? What do you think I've been trying to do while I've been bashing my head against a wall with you for days!I was referring to the gps I've seen. It wasn't directed at anyone here. I appreciate you taking yout time and trying to help me. Sorry, I didn't mean to offend.
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Charlie1108
13-06-20, 08:52
It's not good having a "reputation" for HA with your GPs and this could give you a motivation for trying to get a handle on your current spiral which presumably has continued since you were convinced you had Covid?
Wouldn't you rather be taken seriously in future rather than being assessed as an HA patient with a "what is it this time?" approach?I would but the need for reassurance from them is so strong. I've got the mentality "this time I'm right". Im waiting for a callback from a mental health nurse. I can't take much more.
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You'll get there, I promise. Accepting and acknowledging your own irrationality is the hardest part.
Charlie1108
13-06-20, 09:39
I know. First of all I was convinced i had covid, then stomach cancer, then esophageal and now throat. I don't know why my mind is doing this. I feel like I've lost control. It's never a fleeting thought, I'm always absolutely convinced. My throat is so tight again at the base. I feel so so miserable.
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Charlie1108
14-06-20, 12:33
I went to the drs just over a year ago as there was a nodule on my tonsil (flesh coloured) and it was swollen. Came down with tonsillitis and tonsils returned to normal size. This nodule must have been simething sinister which is causing my problems. The tonsil is of normal size again and went back down after tonsillitis but all the pressure on my throat is left hand side (same as weird tonsil side). This must be the cause if it all. Because tonsil is normal size , the nodule isn't visible so i cant see if its grown, but when i prod the tonsil it feels like something hard is in there! Its spreading and now when i try amd swallow on that side, it feels like it gets stuck (been like that a week). Also keep getting a bitter (not nasty) taste when i prod and randomly on the left side only. Sometimes it feels like something is blocking my airway on that side too. When i eat, that side feels irritated. I don't know what to do.
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What did the mental health nurse say?
Charlie1108
14-06-20, 14:05
They're rushing through my assessment with the mental health team tomorrow. I can't take much more. I feel so alone and so unwell.
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Charlie1108
14-06-20, 22:41
I'm in such a panic. I wasn't even anxious and the tip of my tongue, left cheek and lowet left lip has started tingling. It's clearly something pressing on a nerve. This happened two weeks ago too. I can't calm down
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Sorry to see you in such a bad place :( Hopefully real life help will quell some of your worries.
Positive thoughts
Charlie1108
14-06-20, 23:00
Ive just read about lingual nerve problems cauaing this. It has to be cancer
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Ive just read about lingual nerve problems cauaing this. It has to be cancer
You really need to log off the internet for a while :(
FMP
Charlie1108
16-06-20, 20:57
So today i had a scope thing done from behind my nose. No concerns, just silent reflux. Was so worked up but have spent the last few hours in a state of relief. Then it starts again. For the second time in 3 days I have the tingling face, lips etc. Then I stupidly googled. MS. Which also causes the swallowing issues I've been having. All on the same side.
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Charlie1108
17-06-20, 08:39
It does sound like MS
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How did your appointment with the mental health nurse go?
Charlie1108
17-06-20, 08:47
Don't ask. They were supposed to be doing an urgent referral and I called Monday and Tuesday and now I'm to call back today to see when i can be assessed. I don't have that much confidence in them. Every time i try and speak to my assigned CPN, she's unavailable. I have my regular counselling later so I'm hoping that will help. I've also left a voicemail for a Healer who helped my cousin with alot of serious health issues as well as her mental health. Im now on day 6 of sertraline so hoping that will start to kick in over the next week x
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Well done for carrying on trying, it must be really hard for you right now.
Charlie1108
17-06-20, 10:48
It is, but I'm hoping the sertraline will at least begin to take effect over the next week or so. Im moving up to 50mg tomo. Just wish my mind would switch off from this crap for a bit. Literally questioning everything all the time, but i guess that's the nature of the beast. Definitely going to have a change of diet as before the non eating, I was eating junk etc which probably hasn't helped. The guy I've left a voicemail with does tests for intolerances, which I think will be interesting what with the brain and gut connection
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Charlie1108
17-06-20, 14:38
The tingling is back with a vengeance and is now making my teeth feel numb. Could this be neurological?
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It's much, much more likely to be anxiety running riot.
Charlie1108
17-06-20, 16:54
I really hope so. I thought I'd get reassurance from the camera thing, but clearly not
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HA doesn't let you get reassurance from tests, sadly, that's why some people fall so far down the rabbit hole.
Charlie1108
17-06-20, 17:59
Now I keep getting spasms that are stopping me from breathing
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You're stronger than this is.
Charlie1108
17-06-20, 18:21
It's awful. Literally stops my breathing
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If you try to ignore it, it'll ease up. It's not as big a deal as your anxiety tells you it is.
Charlie1108
17-06-20, 18:46
I think all the food I've eaten today is trapped in my esophagus. So much belching and pressure on my stomach
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You're stressed, so you're getting gassy. Maybe start telling yourself this rather than relying on others to do it for you?
Charlie1108
17-06-20, 19:48
I'm convinced it's esophageal cancer. There's no doubt about it. I ate hours ago and there is still gurgling by my diaphragm and under me left rib. Plus the area is sore. There is no way my GP will send me for any further tests until its too late.
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Is it MS or oesophageal cancer?
Charlie1108
17-06-20, 20:00
Esophageal. I completely fit the bill. Just sitting here now and the sensation is so unnerving
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Stop googling-that's the US spelling of oesophageal
Charlie1108
17-06-20, 20:05
Well, oesophageal cancer. It's definitely what I have
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How log until you definitely have another deadly disease though?
Charlie1108
17-06-20, 20:10
All the symptoms point towards this. Can't swallow food and it's stuck in my oesophagus for hours and hours. Pain beneath my diaphragm. Lump sensation. I think out of all the posts on here, I will be the rare one who is right
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Not this again, Charlie, please?
Charlie1108
17-06-20, 20:16
I just know I'm right. I just know it
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Sorry to hear about your cancer, in that case.
Charlie1108
17-06-20, 20:38
I just feel so sad that nobody is going to treat me until its too late. Not for me, for my family.
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Charlie1108
17-06-20, 21:17
It's getting worse and worse. Just inhaling is causing a discomfort at the base of my throat/top of esophagus. I can't stand this. I've had gaviscon etc and it's made no difference
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Charlie1108
17-06-20, 21:35
I want to go to hospital again. Just had that sensation that I couldn't get air again. This is killing me.
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Than why are you posting on an anxiety forum? :huh:
Positive thoughts
Charlie1108
17-06-20, 22:57
I need someone to talk to. Please? I keep having moments when my throat spasms, I go really hot and my heart races. I've had 2 valium since 6 and it's not touched me.
I've been to a and e 3 times since Saturday. I can't go back
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Sorry for the late reply. You're right, though, you can't keep going to A&E, you're putting yourself at risk of virus exposure and using resources that are needed by people with genuine health emergencies. Unfortunately, you'll also be destroying your own credibility by getting yourself a frequent flyer label.
I've had all the symptoms you describe during bad panic attacks, and they're horrible, you really do think you're dying. Sooner or later, though, you work out you're not, and that's when you need to get on with life.
While you're waiting for your appointment, have a look at some of the self-help resources on the site, and see if you can commit to working on them. It's not easy, but it'll really ease things in the long run - more so than Valium, which you really don't want to rely on. If every day brings a new perceived emergency, then you need to put some time in (preferably while you're not in the middle of a panic attack) working on and practicing a solid coping strategy.
The best and the worst thing about anxiety is that you are in control of your own recovery.
So you had a scope done? What else did they do at the hospital? Did they give you omeprazole?
You could try other things other than gaviscon.
Are you keeping a food diary? What are you eating/drinking?
They diagnosed silent reflux, did you google that to understand the symptoms better?
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Charlie1108
18-06-20, 08:15
I don't think this is anxiety. I genuinely believe it's cancer and I can't get help. I'm taking omeprozole and not eating much at all. It was so awful last night. I won't eat today
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Please believe me when I say you can't trust your own thoughts right now. I've been there, it's awful, but it's also escapable.
We can't help if you refuse to listen to us.
Don't be so dramatic. If you had cancer you would get help but the doctors know you too well.
It would be really helpful if you could speak to your doctor about the SSRI and say how it has made your anxiety unmanageable for you.
Charlie1108
18-06-20, 08:27
I have all the symptoms
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I have all the symptoms
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Of course you do
Charlie1108
18-06-20, 08:36
But I do. And because I ate a little more yesterday, my esophagus was spasming because all the food was stuck there.
This is killing me and the doctors won't help me
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I have all the symptoms
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But you’ve also had lots of tests.
Ring your doctor today, explain how you are feeling. Don’t just tell us, we can’t really help with medical issues.
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You have to understand Charlie.... Many here have had similar symptoms and were diagnosed the same issue and many here can see the seemingly bottomless pit of anxiety you're in. There have been and are hundreds and hundreds of members and pages and pages of threads that have said the same thing you're saying. Take the severe mental state you're in and add to that starting a med and the ramped up anxiety and symptoms it causes and here you are :weep:
Of all 1000's and 1000's the threads and fears I've read through the years, I know of three that actually had a serious medical condition and you know what? They dealt with it and made it through. And... their anxiety took a back seat and has remained there since.
Its painfully apparent you're in a skewed mental place right now where you see the sky being green when in fact its blue, and nothing anyone can say here will change that. Hopefully soon, you'll be able to see blue skies again. In the mean time, perhaps a call to the mental health hotlines or your doctor pertaining to your mental state is in order.
Positive thoughts
Charlie1108
18-06-20, 11:19
I'm trying and trying but I can't accept this is anxiety.
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I'm trying and trying but I can't accept this is anxiety.
Do you realize you just affirmed my reply? I hope you feel better soon.
FMP
Charlie1108
18-06-20, 14:57
I spoke to gp over the phone and she said it's anxiety and refuses to entertain it any further. So in other words, I'm being left to die due to crying wolf too many times
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Stop saying this! Stop saying it to us, and stop saying it to yourself.
All you're doing is reinforcing your own faulty thought patterns.
Maybe try and change your mindset.
What if you’re not dying? What if it’s “just” anxiety? Why not just try and get by? So many people are suffering needlessly and you’re allowing yourself to be one of them.
Come on, you can beat this.
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I spoke to gp over the phone and she said it's anxiety and refuses to entertain it any further. So in other words, I'm being left to die due to crying wolf too many times
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This is real motivation for you to work on your HA and prove to your GP that your crying wolf days are over. It can't be good to be seen as a surgery season ticket holder. I would be mortified. Have a look back over your posting history on here and remember that you have a choice as to what you do next...Be dramatic and "wait to die" or decide to live and manage your HA for the sake of your family.
Charlie1108
19-06-20, 12:47
Day 4 of omeprazole and I still can't swallow food. Even liquids feel funny. How they can say anxiety is beyond me
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You’ve been examined 3 times, what else do you want them to do?
They are following their procedures to diagnose you without having to do invasive tests for no reason.
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Day 4 of omeprazole and I still can't swallow food. Even liquids feel funny. How they can say anxiety is beyond me
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Hi Charlie, i’m also going through this at the moment, i hate it, it just consumes every waking moment but trying so hard to distract myself from it. First had it in 2008, it goes away for sometimes 6 months at a time then it comes back with a vengeance. I did read on an nhs website that omeprazole/lanzoprazole can take weeks to suppress the acid, i’m supposed to be taking lanzoprazole but they make my throat so sore which just panics me even more so just doing gaviscon advance before bed. With meal times i always have a distraction whilst i’m eating, look at i pad/phone/tv, can’t just sit there with plate of food in front of me. I envy people who just sit down and eat with no thought, don’t think that will ever be me. Also drink loads of water it flushes out the acid apparently & does seem to help, also a spoon of honey soothes the throat although haven’t tried that yet. We will get through this, take care.
Charlie1108
19-06-20, 21:02
Well I've had a better day. Saw a Healer who has done loads to me and managed to eat some cauliflower cheese. Now my daughter (3) has a temp and is unwell so. I'm convinced I've brought covid home from the hospital. Hate myself
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Glad you’re feeling better, it means that you’re in a better place to help your daughter. Hope she’s better soon.
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Well I've had a better day. Saw a Healer who has done loads to me and managed to eat some cauliflower cheese. Now my daughter (3) has a temp and is unwell so. I'm convinced I've brought covid home from the hospital. Hate myself
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hi charlie glad you had a better day & hope your daughter is better today
Charlie1108
20-06-20, 16:58
I can't do this anymore. Just been to the hospital again. All they could do was blood tests on my organs which were all fine. He said the camera up my nose would have shown issues with my esophagus at the top. Why can't I accept this.
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You're harming yourself now, and potentially harming others. This has to stop, and you're the only one who can stop it.
Charlie1108
20-06-20, 17:08
When I bend over, I can't breath
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How can any of us help you with that? What good does it do to tell us and yourself how awful you feel?
What messages do you think your kids are taking from your actions?
When I bend over, I can't breath
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I’m telling you now that’s CLASSIC reflux. Please believe me because you’re doing so much damage to yourself by doubting.
Take 2 gaviscon after eating and 2 before bed. Start it today.
Keep up the omeprazole. Drink lots of water.
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When I bend over, I can't breath
You have to understand Charlie.... Many here have had similar symptoms and were diagnosed the same issue and many here can see the seemingly bottomless pit of anxiety you're in. There have been and are hundreds and hundreds of members and pages and pages of threads that have said the same thing you're saying. Take the severe mental state you're in and add to that starting a med and the ramped up anxiety and symptoms it causes and here you are :weep:
Of all 1000's and 1000's the threads and fears I've read through the years, I know of three that actually had a serious medical condition and you know what? They dealt with it and made it through. And... their anxiety took a back seat and has remained there since.
Its painfully apparent you're in a skewed mental place right now where you see the sky being green when in fact its blue, and nothing anyone can say here will change that. Hopefully soon, you'll be able to see blue skies again. In the mean time, perhaps a call to the mental health hotlines or your doctor pertaining to your mental state is in order.
Positive thoughts
When I bend over, I can't breath
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How is your daughter charlie
Charlie1108
21-06-20, 15:41
So I've prodded my tonsil and there a hard, painless lump in front of it (not visible unless you prod) and its pretty big so that would explain the food getting stuck. I'm pretty certain I can say it's something sinister. Don't really know what I can do as gp won't entertain other than anxiety. I may go back to a and e tomorrow and hopefully they'll refer me. Feel pretty down about it and obviously worried it's spread further.
Thank you for asking about my daughter. She has tonsillitis ironically.
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So I've prodded my tonsil and there a hard, painless lump in front of it (not visible unless you prod) and its pretty big so that would explain the food getting stuck. I'm pretty certain I can say it's something sinister. Don't really know what I can do as gp won't entertain other than anxiety. I may go back to a and e tomorrow and hopefully they'll refer me. Feel pretty down about it and obviously worried it's spread further.
Thank you for asking about my daughter. She has tonsillitis ironically.
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charlie is it possible you also could have tonsillitis
Charlie1108
21-06-20, 16:18
No, I have no pain and this lump has been there at least a few weeks. I just stupidly didn't pay attention to it. It's in the fold before my tonsil so wouldn't have been picked up during my scope. Not good.
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So I've prodded my tonsil and there a hard, painless lump in front of it (not visible unless you prod) and its pretty big so that would explain the food getting stuck. I'm pretty certain I can say it's something sinister. Don't really know what I can do as gp won't entertain other than anxiety. I may go back to a and e tomorrow and hopefully they'll refer me. Feel pretty down about it and obviously worried it's spread further.
Thank you for asking about my daughter. She has tonsillitis ironically.
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So this lump is hard but not visible unless you prod..but it's pretty big and in fact big enough for food to get caught in this lesion which is just in front of the tonsil....yet it's not visible unless you prod and it's nowhere near your throat.....???? So you reckon this is what is causing the dysphagia?
Charlie1108
21-06-20, 18:13
Yes, it's tucked behind the flap and is definitely not on the other side. Every time I swallow, things feel trapped on that side.
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So what type of cancer have you decided on today?
Charlie1108
21-06-20, 20:19
Tonsil or oral. It's hard to tell as I don't think it's attached to the tonsil. It's almost like a second, smaller tonsil on top (in the arch). I feel like this has been the root of it all along.
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I've posted on other threads for various things going on. According to my Dr I have globus which is anxiety related but it's stopping me from eating much. I just had some toast (first thing of the day) and my lower left side of lip tingled and my tongue and now feels weird and numb. I'm now worried that this combined with the throat issues, painful rib and stomach spasms could mean something neurological. I don't want to Google but I feel it has to be. My lip now feels weird and numb as does the tip of my tongue. I've also been having facial tightness on and off.
I think you felt this had to be a neurological problem to begin with?
Charlie1108
21-06-20, 20:58
I did amd I can see how it looks, but there is no denying a physical lump on my tonsil.
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So how will your doctor be able to deny this lump?
Charlie1108
21-06-20, 21:10
She won't even see me. So the only option I have is to go back to a and e
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She won't even see me. So the only option I have is to go back to a and e
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When your doctor refuses to see you what does that tell you?
Charlie1108
21-06-20, 21:15
Exactly!!
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panicstricken
21-06-20, 21:32
Exactly!!
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Hi charlie, listen I have been exactly where u are I have convinced myself I am going to die so many times, but I havent. I honestly understand that the fear you feel can be overwhelming and I have experienced this years ago with my heart worries and now again with covid, as people on here will testify, but you have been to see specialists in their field and they have performed tests which they are highly trained in and they have said u are ok.
I honestly understand your panic, I too am going through my own daily battle but I promise someone somewhere would have seen it and diagnosed it if it was something sinister. I'm not a dr and I'm certainly not anxiety free and struggle with it myself especially at the moment, so please dont think I'm putting u down or dismissing you. But honest the drs know what to look for. The people who gave you the scope are trained to do that all day every day they know what to look out for. Xxxx
I am here if u need anything. I hope your little girl feels better soon I remember when my little one had tonsillitis it's very painful. Sending lots of hugs 🥰
Charlie1108
21-06-20, 21:46
This is an actual lump though. And I still can't get food down. I understand I have anxiety, but unfortunately, there is no denying I'm physically unwell alongside.
Thank you for your kind words x
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I understand I have anxiety, but unfortunately, there is no denying I'm physically unwell alongside.
You have to understand Charlie.... Many here have had similar symptoms and were diagnosed the same issue and many here can see the seemingly bottomless pit of anxiety you're in. There have been and are hundreds and hundreds of members and pages and pages of threads that have said the same thing you're saying. Take the severe mental state you're in and add to that starting a med and the ramped up anxiety and symptoms it causes and here you are :weep:
Of all 1000's and 1000's the threads and fears I've read through the years, I know of three that actually had a serious medical condition and you know what? They dealt with it and made it through. And... their anxiety took a back seat and has remained there since.
Its painfully apparent you're in a skewed mental place right now where you see the sky being green when in fact its blue, and nothing anyone can say here will change that. Hopefully soon, you'll be able to see blue skies again. In the mean time, perhaps a call to the mental health hotlines or your doctor pertaining to your mental state is in order.
Positive thoughts
panicstricken
21-06-20, 22:15
There is a lump there but they would be to tell if it was something sinister honestly these drs know what they are talking about xx do u think it could be the same as what your daughter has maybe, or could it be from where you have been poking it maybe it's been agrivated xxxx try to stay positive i known its so hard but you have had so many tests they would definitely have seen anything sinister. Xxxx
Stay strong charlie you will come through the other end xxx
panicstricken
22-06-20, 08:08
Morning Charlie how are you and your daughter today?
Charlie1108
23-06-20, 09:53
I'm done. I can't cope anymore
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Why do you feel like that Charlie?
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panicstricken
23-06-20, 11:04
Why charlie ? Xx
Charlie1108
23-06-20, 11:06
I cant eat. I'm sick of this. Every day, wanting to race off to hospital. I just want to be able to swallow food. I've lost so much weight. My gp won't even see me in person.
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panicstricken
23-06-20, 12:29
Aww charlie dont give up, how are you with drinking? Could you perhaps try a cup.of soup or a smoothie xxx
I cant eat. I'm sick of this. Every day, wanting to race off to hospital. I just want to be able to swallow food. I've lost so much weight. My gp won't even see me in person.
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Charlie are you managing to get much sleep, from experience i know that sleep deprivation makes everything feel so much worse. Have you got any diazepam or lorazepam if so take the prescribed dose for a day you’ll obviously be vastly relaxed just eat what you want when you want give it little thought or importance, the food is sure to go down easily & maybe when you realise this you’ll realise that your brain is tricking you into thinking you can’t do it & the muscles in your throat are tensing up, i really do speak from experience on this & its so damn hard once this gets in your head & i’m far from the finished article myself i need to practice what i preach but i’m getting there. Hope you can find some peace, take care.
Am having this same sensation right now and have for about 2weeks.. a feeling like something sat in back of throat a ball of phlegm I dint no but it’s driving me crazy
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