Hi, my daughter (16) has been suffering from Panic attacks. I did some research and asked around and the Health shop recommended a Bach remedy (Aspen, I think). She tried it a few times and although she was a bit sceptical, said that the last time she tried it , it worked. I was delighted, thinking that she could carry it around with her to prevent any further attacks.
The last attack she had was on the tube because it was crowded. Today she has gone up to London with her boyfriend, on the tube. I asked her to take the bottle of Aspen with her. 'I don't know where it is' says she. 'Well find it', says I. She replies, 'oh we're late and how would it help anyway?'.
I couldn't help thinking she is ungrateful and selfish. I told her I'm doing my best to help her and it feels like she throws it back in my face. Does she not want to help herself? She is always losing things and her room is a dump. I told her Dad and he said, if she's not taking the attacks seriously, then I'm not either. He says she takes it seriously when it works to her advantage (e.g she has to have a day off school). Now i'm worried she may have an attack and won't have the means to help herself.
We're going on holiday tomorrow morning and I just want everyone to be happy and well :wacko:
sorry for the rant - but I'm so frustrated!
Hi Katie, :hugs:
I can understand your frustrations hun, but please don't be to hard on yourself, you can only do your best with your daughter, try and help where you can and if she does not want help, given her age, you have to respect that.
I know its dame hard for you, you want soooo much for your daughter to feel better and not have these attacks, but us as mothers or we as parents can only help so much.
I hope you don't mind me saying, but I don't think she is throwing anything back in your face, you know what teenages are like, they don't mean to hurt, they just don't think.
I can understand where you are coming from on this, my daughters last pa was mmm, a few years ago, ohhh boy, it started in school and it took her mmm 5 monthes to get back in,(but she did it:yesyes: ) so I have been where you are now, we want soo much to help but do they listen, mmmm NOT ALL THE TIME.
You are a good mother Katie, but what us mothers have to understand, me included, I had to learn that my daughter has a mind of her own, she can make diccission by herself, if the diccisson is a mistake, we have to let them make that mistake so they can learn from them, sometimes this is the only way they can learn.
What I will say is, you have to look at this with a more positive note, (hope you don't mind me saying) the fact that she was not even thinking of taking the remedy with her says alot to me. It says that she is not thinking of panic, it says she feels confident in going, is this not a good thing?
I know you are worried about her, but, just because she has had a pa on a tube before, this, DOES NOT mean she wll have another one there, do you know what I mean? It IS possible for her with the help of her boyfriend to get on the tube and feel fine.
I know you are worried incase she has an attack, my heart goes out to you, I know how you feel, BUT, she does have the means to help herself, she has the most important tool in the panic box and that is her mind, her toughts.
It is dame hard NOT to get frustrated when dealing with a child with panic, anxiety. I dealt with my daughter for a long time. NOT knowing what she had, I called them funny turns at that time (she is doing well now, she is 14) but thinking back when she was very young, I remember a week, ohh boy, one of those school panic,weeks,as I said, used to call them funny turns back then, I got her into school, came home, got on the phon to my sis and said, while crying :weep: "stop the world, I want to get off, I can't do this anymore, :weep: there's something terribly wrong with my daughter and i don't know what it is":weep: at this time in my daughers problems, she was about 5, ( my daugherr first pa was age 3)the specialist, gp's, had come up with nothing, they did not know what she was suffering with, she had, had, test after test, all negaitve in the past, so we went down the road, YET again on trying to find out her problems, more test, brain scan, other test, 1 year later, she was 6, I was told, panic, anxiety.
Katie, what does your hubby mean, she takes them seriously when it works to her advantage? there are always reasons why, panic is there, WHY school, does she have probs in school? I ask this because this is where my daughter pa's started, so trying to help her nip things in the but, eg, problems, if there is any, can help soo much.
BIG HUGS :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: to you hun, remember, you are NOT supper women, you can only do what you can, the rest is up to your daughter.
When kids hit a certain age, they make there own minds up, but for us parents it can be sooo hard, my daughter blip awhile ago, we went to see the child mental health team, it took a while, to see them, (long story) but they where great, but by the time we went as a family my daughter was moving on and going back to school part time, so,, SHE, yes my daughter made the diccisson not to see them again. I treid soooo hard to get her to do a one to one with a therapist, doing mind over mood or CBT, but my daughter said, "oh I don't need that now, I'm going back to school, I'm fine. I had to respect her deccission, but even now, I wish she would have done the one on one, because I think it would have helped her sooo much. Don't get me wrong, she is sooo much better and I'm sooo pround of her, BUT, she still has hiccups with her anxiety from time to time.
Ohh sorry for woffling on LOL just wanted you to know your not alone on how you feel, I feel for you right now :hugs: I know a little of what you are going though, but what I want you to know is, it IS possible to get better, the panic CAN stop for your daughter, with alot of hard work, time and support.
You are giving her all the support you can, so please see this,:hugs: you are a great mother, your loving and caring will help her get through this.
you all have a great hol,:yesyes: :shades: ohh where are you going?
Hugs to you and your daughter :hugs:
LOVE JILLXX
Thanks very much Jill for all those encouraging words. I was hoping for a reply and it was worth waiting for! I take your point that I should be glad she is not afraid to go on the tube and that she has the means to protect herself in her her own head. I understand and take comfort in this. I think, if the truth be known, I suffer from anxiety myself and am a terrible worrier -j always have been. I told her that I think her panic attacks are worrying me more than her and she laughed at that. She was fine going on the tube with her bf today and got there and back with no probs.
We are going on the Eurotunnel to Paris in answer to your question. I am trying not to think about the journey too much in case I get a pa myself! think I may just try to sleep through it. I also seem to panic on rides etc so I'm hoping to avoid those in Eurodisney! xx
Hi Katie :D
Its great to hear your daughter was fine on the tube, thats great news :yesyes:
I can understand you worries but I have yet to find a Mother who does not worry about there child, but a child who can suffer pa's, or high anxiety, it is very hard to put postitve thoughts forward, it takes a hell of alot of hard work to change thought patten and learning not to worry to much, me thinks if you did not worry at all, then thats the time to worry, do you know what I mean? its getting that right balance, now that can be hard.
Ohhh Paris, I've been there and through the tunnel, so as my daughter, we are booking disney for next year :yesyes: we have been to disney paris about 4 times, great place. I can understand your fears about the tunnel, at one point in my journey I had to work dame hard on my thoughts going through the tunnel, don't really like being pend in, but I was fine, went on to have a great hol :shades: :yesyes:
Disney is a fab place, you will all have a great time, Please, please, don't think about Mr P, remember he IS NOT invited. There are plenty of things to do in disney, not that many white knuckle rides anyway. Ohhh say HELLO to Mickey for me, tell him I will see him next year LOL
YOU TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
:hugs:
Hi Katie's Mum,
Must be something in the name, my daughter Kate is 21 and is exactly the same. You work your socks off trying to solve their problems for them and as you say they throw it back in your face. My daughter suffers from depression and the number of times we have had to ring up her doc at Uni to get a repeat prescription is ridiculous, but she says she cant do it!
I have learned to try to stand back and say well you have a choice, you either accept our help or deal with it on your own. At 16 your daughter is old enough to know that she has to make a choice, she accepts your help or doesnt, but the consequences are her responsibility. Its hard when you have run around them for years tearing yourself apart, but as they say, you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink!
I think you need to take care of yourself! xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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