dancerja77
08-06-20, 12:54
Hi all. 2020 has been the worst year in a while for many of us. With covid-19, I was already feeling depressed and scared, and now with George Floyd, it’s spun me into a cycle that I can’t get out of. I am the type of person who gets in these “cycles” that almost feel like OCD to me, where I dig deep into myself, and even into the people around me, I try to remember every single mistake I’ve made, or they make, and I sit there and get extremely guilty and anxious about it. It happens whenever I’m facing trauma and I have no idea why. It happened to me when I had an abusive boyfriend, I used to write every single thing I did that could be seen as a “relationship sin” and my relationship ended because I couldn’t handle the anxiety. Normal things that wouldn’t bug me are making me feel guilty, I feel the need to confess. Now it’s spiraled into hearing other people make comments that could be seen as insensitive. When normally I could be reasonable and say “i can’t control other people” and let it go. Now I feel the need to tell everyone what they’re saying or doing is not okay, or else I get anxious, I am starting to withdrawal from people because I can’t deal with the responsibility of “checking” and confessing any longer. How do I get out of this? My doctor wants me to try lexapro, but of course I’m scared. I just want to feel happy again. I feel like I’m always waiting for someone to say something that isn’t ”PC” and I feel in my brain I HAVE to say something or I will see myself as a coward and have to confess. I can’t handle it anymore.