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CleverLittleViper
13-06-20, 00:24
I realise I'm not the best person to take advice from because I've posted very recently (just today in fact) about one of my many worries, but I've also done quite well over the past six years with controlling my anxiety and I'm not in the place that I was when I had my breakdown in 2014. Far from it.

I'm a classic hypochondriac. I don't use the term lightly, or to be offensive. It is a perfect description of what I am. Contrary to popular belief about hypochondriacs, I don't do it for attention. I don't do it out of some strange desire to make people feel sorry for me or anything like that. It's just something I have been cursed with. The more I've learned about myself and this mental illness the more I've realised how intrinsically linked it is to the desire to have full control. I want to control absolutely everything. Illness is the opposite of control. It represents the one area in life that you really cannot dictate, no matter how much you want to. You can eat well, exercise every day and still be struck down by some catastrophic illness and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

That terrifies me. That thought that my life is not wholly my own. That one day, a life that I thought I had completely planned out could be blown to bits by a piece of bad news. It can be hard to accept that this is the life we all lead. These are the risks. It's always amazed me that there are people who can go about their daily lives and not think of what could potentially go wrong. Not to be constantly scouring their body for the tiniest of signs that something may be amiss. It seems so bizarre to me that there are people who are not hyper-aware of how their body feels and looks, and taking note of every symptom. Then I realised it is me that is not normal. I'm the one with the issue, not them.

I'm the one who looks at every little thing on my body with suspicion, and treats every symptom as a sign of impending doom. That isn't normal. That isn't reasonable or rational. It's based entirely off fear. And it's not fear of illness so much as a fear of loss of control. Loss of ownership over my life. I can't keep living my life this way. I can't keep checking myself for faults. I want to learn how to live this life I'm so desperate to have control of, and I think part of that is accepting the fact that I can't control everything. I can't dictate whether or not I get sick. That's not a choice any of us get.

I just don't want to live a life that is so wrapped up in the what ifs, wasting time wondering about this disease and that disease, diseases that will likely never become my companion, when I could be living my life normally. When I could experience a symptom and not think, "Oh, here it goes, the end is near." Instead, I want to experience a symptom and know, like most people do, that we all get symptoms. Every single day. Most are benign. Most pass and require no explanation or further investigation.

It's not a life when you're constantly standing guard, trying to catch the perceived threat in action and you're paused by it. I've got too much to look forward to. A good job, moving into my first home in a couple of weeks, a holiday next year. I imagine everyone here is in that boat of some sort. Well, I'm abandoning ship.

BlueIris
13-06-20, 05:32
Congratulations! I'm so glad you've realised this! That means you've made the first, hardest step.

It's tough getting HA under control, but it's so very worth it. Go out there and reclaim your life like you deserve!

Pamplemousse
13-06-20, 10:04
A very thoughtful post CLV, and I wish I could do the same; only the other day my sister (she works for the NHS) said to me "don't be so afraid of dying that you forget how to live". I remarked that that sounds like one of those 'inspirational phrases' that you see painted onto some mock piece of driftwood (ugh!) that some people like to decorate their homes with.

However... in my case, I've been of this mindset since I was about ten - and I'm fifty-six this year. It has become such a part of me that I cannot conceive of being any other way; and I also think that it'll be the thing I choose to ignore that will kill me.

Allochka
13-06-20, 10:17
What a great post! I wish you luck with getting it under control.
You are right, it’s amazing to watch people without HA! My husband had kidney cancer 5 years ago (he is fine now). But he is NEVER worried! He forgets about follow ups, is sure he is cured, never worries about any symptoms him, me or our daughter is having.Lucky guy and my voice of reason.
I assure you we can get better. I was doing very well for 2 years, now having a slight setback, but am convinced it will get better again.
And yes, it is about being control freaks. When my HA was at its worst, I’ve decided that if some terrible incurable disease happens to me I’d jump from a high building or smth. This thought gave me comfort, because it was an illusion of getting control back. Like “it would be me who would decide how to end my life, not illness”.... Stupid, I know, but guess other HA control freaks would understand.
Wish you success in overcoming this anxiety!

Sar89
13-06-20, 12:36
What a fantastic and thoughtful post and so well written. You are showing great insight into why you are the way you are and with insight comes recovery. I had this epiphany myself a year or so ago when I realised I control everything in my group of friends and refuse to let them help when it comes to group tasks (such as organising holidays/parties etc) I realised I could be accused of being slightly controlling ! Although in my defence with my friends it’s like the blind leading the blind even with my new found knowledge I still cannot allow them organise anything 😂 I realise I hate drinking because I don’t feel in control of myself totally. That is one of the freaky things of illness we cannot control it just like we cannot control when death comes for us. And for the majority of health anxiety sufferers I think if they really sat back and assessed the hows and whys of their behaviour they would see its fear of this lack of control and fear of the unknown.

Redsmum
14-06-20, 08:46
What a great post! I wish you luck with getting it under control.
You are right, it’s amazing to watch people without HA! My husband had kidney cancer 5 years ago (he is fine now). But he is NEVER worried! He forgets about follow ups, is sure he is cured, never worries about any symptoms him, me or our daughter is having.Lucky guy and my voice of reason.
I assure you we can get better. I was doing very well for 2 years, now having a slight setback, but am convinced it will get better again.
And yes, it is about being control freaks. When my HA was at its worst, I’ve decided that if some terrible incurable disease happens to me I’d jump from a high building or smth. This thought gave me comfort, because it was an illusion of getting control back. Like “it would be me who would decide how to end my life, not illness”.... Stupid, I know, but guess other HA control freaks would understand.
Wish you success in overcoming this anxiety!

Your reply resonates with me Allochka. My health anxiety is back with a vengenance, have been like this of & on practically all my adult life (i’m 61) although thinking back even as a child i was always fearful of any illness, think i must have been born anxious. When my husband had a prostate cancer scare a few years ago i was the one walking round looking scared, not eating, shaking etc, & when it came to bed time i was the one lying awake all night while he was in a deep restful sleep beside me! I so envy him the ability to be able to shut of & compartmentalise problems a trick i have never been able to do. I really thought at 61 i’d have got it altogether by now, but no i’m second day in back on the citalopram, here we go again. Every day i wake up shaking with a sense of dread, most of my fears are centred around my throat of which i am aware of constantly, i can’t imagine what it must be like to just eat & not think about it. Its a horrible miserable way to live a life, in fact at the moment i’m not living just existing & taking things an hour at a time. I’ve beaten this before & i will beat it again, i have to. I just want to be able to sit & watch tv, read or knit without my mind churning over & over like a cement mixer full of worrying thought. Take care & hope we all have a better day.

whispershadow
14-06-20, 09:41
You deserve the best, CLV :hugs:

Allochka
15-06-20, 17:58
Your reply resonates with me Allochka. My health anxiety is back with a vengenance, have been like this of & on practically all my adult life (i’m 61) although thinking back even as a child i was always fearful of any illness, think i must have been born anxious. When my husband had a prostate cancer scare a few years ago i was the one walking round looking scared, not eating, shaking etc, & when it came to bed time i was the one lying awake all night while he was in a deep restful sleep beside me! I so envy him the ability to be able to shut of & compartmentalise problems a trick i have never been able to do. I really thought at 61 i’d have got it altogether by now, but no i’m second day in back on the citalopram, here we go again. Every day i wake up shaking with a sense of dread, most of my fears are centred around my throat of which i am aware of constantly, i can’t imagine what it must be like to just eat & not think about it. Its a horrible miserable way to live a life, in fact at the moment i’m not living just existing & taking things an hour at a time. I’ve beaten this before & i will beat it again, i have to. I just want to be able to sit & watch tv, read or knit without my mind churning over & over like a cement mixer full of worrying thought. Take care & hope we all have a better day.

Hi Rdsmum,
I hope citalopram will help you! I’m back on meds now as well. I haven’t had anxiety all my life. It started 9 years ago after miscarriag, which happened after years of infertility. As therapist explained, it was my sort of defense mechanism. I didn’t want to think about miscarriage, so I concentrated on my health, and HA started. It protected me from miscarriage related depression, but oh my, it is a big price to pay!
What do you say if we try to beat it together? There was a thead years ago, called “getting there slowly”. Several women were supporting each other for 2 years, helpong to get through HA. They all got much better.
There was no reassurance seeking in this thread, just sharing how to cope with anxiety. Let’s try this?
I had 9 years of it, enough indeed!
I am sorry to hear you’ve struggled almost all your life, time to stop it!