Just another day in health anxiety land

[carriewriting]

My appointment with my GP next week cannot come soon enough. I really need to get on meds.

For the past month my health anxiety has been the worst it's ever been. Every day I find something new that terrifies me. None of the strategies I learned in therapy are working.

I just wrote down all the things I'm worrying about this week and I'm up to 7 cancers, MS and stroke. Seriously!

This morning I read another post about someone having a freckle on their palm. It reminded me that I have one that popped up a year or so ago on my palm near my thumb. I can't remember if I got my skin doctor to check it or not as I didn't realise it was a bad thing, so I've spent the whole day paralysed with fear that it's a melanoma because it doesn't seem like you get a brown spot on your palm for any other reason, especially at my age (49).

Why do I keep Googling when it never brings anything but upset and turmoil? Anyone got any good health anxiety book suggestions?

[Fishmanpa]

Check THIS (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/books) out.

Positive thoughts

[pav1984]

I'm not sure if they are still there but I think one of the stickies have cbt course on there. I also find mindfullness helps me.

I have a freckle/mark on my hand which the doc didnt seem worried about.

MS you would know if you had it.

[pulisa]

You will find a lot of triggering and suggestible threads on this board, carrie and it's easy to get sucked into the content and then it's a slippery slope..

Meds may well help you to be able to use the techniques you have learned in therapy but you do need to put a stop to all the harmful googling and "researching" which is so detrimental to basic management of HA. Those seeds of doubt are like weeds....really resilient and hard to dig up once established. There's always weedkiller in the form of therapy, maybe meds and definitely a good dose of strength and determination from you..but the end product will be worth it!

[Fishmanpa]

You will find a lot of triggering and suggestible threads on this board, carrie and it's easy to get sucked into the content and then it's a slippery slope..

Meds may well help you to be able to use the techniques you have learned in therapy but you do need to put a stop to all the harmful googling and "researching" which is so detrimental to basic management of HA. Those seeds of doubt are like weeds....really resilient and hard to dig up once established. There's always weedkiller in the form of therapy, maybe meds and definitely a good dose of strength and determination from you..but the end product will be worth it!

I like the weed killer analogy. And therapy is like planting grass seed ;)

Positive thoughts

[jojo2316]

I do think meds will help you here Carrie. I am so familiar with your story, and recognise myself in your words. I know my friend Pulisa disagrees with me, but I have always found these boards very helpful. Firstly, I suppose, it helps to know there are others in the same boat.... and “peer support” can be very valuable. But also, and just as importantly, it is useful to see the same “faulty” thought patterns play out again and again in others. It helps you to see your own more clearly, and understanding the psychology behind the disorder helps (unfortunately I cannot say “cures” as a very long time sufferer myself!). Hang in there!

[carriewriting]

Thank you all. I know the "research" has to stop. All the healthy eating, exercise and meditation in the world won't matter if I keep doing it. After 15 years, there's not much I don't know about health anxiety and yet it's worse now than it's ever been. I'm 50 next year. Enough is enough. I've made a commitment to myself to not Google anything health related anymore. It's going to be a hard habit to break, but this thread will remind me where it leads to. I love the support here, but after yesterday I've realised I need to be careful about being triggered by posts with symptoms. Thanks again x

[Panicattacka]

I'm 48, and the way I have finally caged my HA beast is to accept my own mortality and the inevitability that something, someday, will have my number. Whether that's a sudden illness, chronic illness, accident, foul play by some other human, lightening strike, etc. doesn't matter. It is going to happen, and I have to accept that. I know that might shock or trigger some around here, but really, the fear of death is what ULTIMATELY drives all this HA. Own it.

[pulisa]

Thank you all. I know the "research" has to stop. All the healthy eating, exercise and meditation in the world won't matter if I keep doing it. After 15 years, there's not much I don't know about health anxiety and yet it's worse now than it's ever been. I'm 50 next year. Enough is enough. I've made a commitment to myself to not Google anything health related anymore. It's going to be a hard habit to break, but this thread will remind me where it leads to. I love the support here, but after yesterday I've realised I need to be careful about being triggered by posts with symptoms. Thanks again x

I think it's the being triggered by posts with symptoms which is the major drawback of forums such as these particularly when you're fragile and going through an HA spiral. You need to be very careful what you read..as you know.
As Jojo says, it's a question of being able to manage HA and to recognise and understand what drives it on. I also think it's essential to have a GP who will challenge the HA and only refer for tests based on clinical need..no matter how hard this is to accept.

[carriewriting]

Panicattacka, you're so right. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. The fact that now I'm almost 50, it's likely that something is going to happen to me healthwise. It might be big or it might be small and whatever it is, I'll deal with it because what else can I do? I just have to focus on what I can control - eating well, exercising, meditating, getting enough sleep and not Googling!!

[pulisa]

"It" might not happen though..but if it does you will cope because there is no other option. With HA there are a myriad of options as to what may happen..and fear of uncertainty is more destructive than dealing with reality and having a plan.
.
Having a plan can give you some sense of security and control.