Existential Crisis, death, (trigger warning)

[Lunaa]

I have no idea where to post this, I need help, some form of help, I'm losing it. I read into eternal oblivion, how when we die our consciousness ceases to exist.
We end up nothing, we remember nothing, we are nothing. The thought of that is driving me mad, granted I'm 19 years old and have a long way to go.
I don't want my loved ones to just cease to exist, I know anything I tell myself is just me trying to have closure in the thought of death.
The world is infinite, our energy gets converted after we die and is the only thing that remains of us, life is meaningless.
Every breath I take is closer to death, I sleep 20 years of my life away, I'll work the other quarter away.
Only to return to the state I was in before I was born, I don't want that, I want to remember my loved ones when I pass. I want to be with them.
I want to hold them. This anxiety has been going on for two days and I just keep crying, I'm not eating right at all. Life is too much of a mystery,
what if there really is no afterlife? What if this is just a one way ticket into nothingness? Everytime I seek any form of closure, everyone just says "don't fear nothing because you won't feel or remember it" but.. I want to feel things, I want to remember. I want to spend eternity with my loved ones. I can't take this. :( I'm sorry if I posted this in the wrong section but I need help, I don't know where to turn, the anxiety is destroying me knowing that once the invetieable comes, the most logical outcome is that nothing will exist for me. I'll be gone forever, and everyone I love is gonna be gone forever. I really don't mean to offend any religious people, my mind is spiraling right now, I don't know whats real and whats not and I'm asking questions that have no answers.

Please help me.

[phil06]

Yes I can sympathise with this. I agree sleep to me is a pain we maybe do spend 20 years of our life sleeping. Same with work we waste it away working. However often when I am off work I get bored. I use to try and limit my sleep to a few hours and stay up late to maximise my day but since I was on meds I fall asleep early now. And yes having no existence isn’t a pleasant thought either. The only solution is to not think of these particular thoughts.

[Lunaa]

Sleep is indeed a pain, I know a lot of people enjoy it, but I'm of the minority who would much rather be up as much as they can. I just couldn't believe we spent so much of our lives doing it. I've been trying not to think about it, but my mind keeps coming back to it. Its always the "what ifs..", not the "well its GOING to happen.." after all, no existence is just a theory. and in theory nonexistance is also impossible. I really need to stop pondering these questions like you said. I wish I knew how to just force them out of my head in a healthy way.

[eventide]

I just wanted to recommend a wonderful book called Dying To Be Me by Anita Moorjani. It is healing on so many levels, and will certainly bring comfort to your existential fears x

[rcs]

When you get older and had a few life changing events and some close calls you seem to make peace with your reality and do not fear the end as much as you do when younger.
I think at 19 reality has hit you hard and so has anxiety ( only assuming) and you start thinking about mortality and the meaning Of existence ,it can be paradoxical and leave you exhausted because you can’t find answers in any form only dead ends. Thinking too much about this can be a form of OCD/intrusive thoughts.
I think if you are patient things will eventually make sense but that is easier said than done.
Rcs..........🤚

[singing_rabbit]

Here is a thought that helped me: if the Universe could make you once why couldn't it make you again?

Eternity makes anything possible, really. We're just as incapable of understanding the deeper mysteries of the world as an ant would be incapable of understanding nuclear physics.

It's just not in our nature. It doesn't mean nuclear physics is not there... but the ant will never know.

Who knows what is really out there?

[Jabberwoxx]

I had this fear too. I was upset that I would never see my loved ones again, it would all come to nothing etc.

I even didn't like the idea of reincarnation because I wanted to come back as ME, not someone else.

Once my anxiety and depression diminished overall, I noticed this became less of an issue. I also think that once you are dead, you wouldn't be worrying/feeling sad about it - it's only an issue when you're currently alive.

Maybe you could look into reading about Near Death Experiences - some people's stories are lovely.

Apparently this can be a common thought/fear when people are in their twenties or even thirties. People are in some sort of transition and start 'questioning' things more.

No-one knows what really happens when we die. It seems more logical that eternal oblivion is the correct answer, but the one good thing about that is that it's peaceful, no pain, no worry, no stress, no hurt. And you would honestly know nothing about it.

Plus there are mysteries such as ghosts - they are purely anecdotal, but they have never been properly 'disproved', have they?

Edit: I've heard from several people about how they can see their loved ones when they have passed away. I know of two people who said they saw them in a crowd clear as day. These people are definitely not the kind of people to lie about that sort of thing, and are the most rational people ever. My mum has also had several unexplained 'ghostly' experiences. So who knows - it might not be the end :)