View Full Version : Bear Lives Matter ;)
I just thought given the seriousness of our forum, that you all might like to have a laugh. It's never a dull moment in SoCal. Today we watched a bear run from the police through the town of Sylmar (which is at the bottom of our local mountains) before they were able to put him out with a tranq dart.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVugvdsbOsM
We have - more than once - had a bull running loose around Baltimore. :roflmao:
I can't find the video of the one that ran down near my apartment when I was out for a walk with my baby. But, this one is great, too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYtd7Z60ncw
OMG, that's classic, Erin! LOL
I live a mile from The Shenandoah National Park. There are bears, bobcats, fox, deer etc. all over the place here. I've seen many in my hiking and camping adventures and drives to my shows. I've been an entertainer in the park for the last ten years and in my show, I play a song by Lyle Lovett called Bears (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_T4SaNuxZO8). I start off by asking the audience if they did any hiking. Most raise their hands. Then I ask if they saw any bear. Some of them always have.... I tell this story to introduce the song.
I was camping at Matthews Arm at mile marker 22. It was during the week and the campground was pretty much empty. Just me and a few others. I got up in the morning and went on a hike. If you can picture this.... I'm going up a hill and it was pretty rocky so I was watching my footing as I climbed. At the top of the hill were two large boulders on either side of the trail. I got to the top and looked up and there in front of me, about where you're sitting (I point to someone around 15 feet away from the stage), was a 350 pound black bear! We're talking tree trunk legs and a chest barely a foot from the ground! He was a BIG boy! I looked at him, he looked at me, our eyes met and we shared expletives!
My first thought was 'Ohhh crap! and thought I would get over by one of the boulders and put it between myself and the bear. So I took a slow small step toward the boulder and he nonchalantly took a step toward me on the trail! I thought 'No bear! You're not supposed to do that!' So I slowly started moving closer to the boulder and the bear just nonchalantly started walking toward me on the trail!
I'm thinking 'NO BEAR! You're not supposed to do that!' Now.... what you're 'supposed' to do if you encounter a bear is to put your arms up and shout/scream to scare him off. I know this, but under the circumstances the best I could muster was a sheepish 'Shoo Bear!'
I kid you not... He stopped, dropped his head and it was as if I could hear him thinking 'Dude! That was pitiful! You just told me to Shoo?' He turned and walked off into the woods, no doubt to tell his bear friends all about the stupid human that told him to 'Shoo!' So if you see a bear, keep your distance and remember my story...
I then introduce the song and play....
Positive thoughts
LOL FMP. Great story. I do hope you realize that the rest of us on here are going to go see you perform now, right? ;)
LOL FMP. Great story. I do hope you realize that the rest of us on here are going to go see you perform now, right? ;)
It would be cool to meet some NMPers at a show in the Shenandoah. As of now, no performances due to COVID but hopefully soon. I haven't played a gig since January :( Maybe I can put together a Facebook live deal sometime. I had posted some links to videos on Wired's thread but he deleted it so...... :shrug:
Positive thoughts
That would be cool! You might have been upstaging James' Beastie Boys' routine LOL
Now do you perform as Mr. Clean, Bigfoot or Daniel Boone? Wait, did Daniel Boone go through Shenandoah? I know he went through the Cumberland Gap...
LOL FMP. Great story. I do hope you realize that the rest of us on here are going to go see you perform now, right? ;)
Ha, I love Shenandoah! I just said recently that we should do a day trip just to drive through because it's been so long. Last time I was there I was childless and spent the weekend drinking wine and eating cheese on the porch at the Mimslyn Inn in Loray.
It would be cool to meet some NMPers at a show in the Shenandoah. As of now, no performances due to COVID but hopefully soon. I haven't played a gig since January :( Maybe I can put together a Facebook live deal sometime. I had posted some links to videos on Wired's thread but he deleted it so...... :shrug:
Positive thoughts
I wondered what happened to the link for the videos went,Is that the link with you and the woman with that lovely voice singing?Years ago on here we started up NMP band I played the washboard :D
Speaking of animals running wild I was at a place called Clermont and there was 2 Emus fighting in the street shame I didn’t have my phone handy as it was quite funny also watched at Cape Palmerston 2 Kangaroos having a punch up lol.
MyNameIsTerry
23-06-20, 05:46
Aw, the poor guy escapes the wilderness heading to Hollywood for his big break and they just dart him and send him back. https://yoursmiles.org/msmile/animal/m0266.gif
I reckon they should do that for anyone breaking quarantine:yesyes:
I know! Poor guy just had some cabin fever. He looked so fluffy, too.
Thanks for sharing the link, Vee! Maybe our BoJo should look into Bovine behaviour and consider darting for quarantine breakers as Terry says!Would it have deterred Dominic Cummings though or is he too thick skinned?!:D
New reality show, maybe P? "Running from the Po Po" Episode 1: Bear vs. Cummings; Episode 2: Mountain Lion vs. BOJO
MyNameIsTerry
23-06-20, 21:46
Thanks for sharing the link, Vee! Maybe our BoJo should look into Bovine behaviour and consider darting for quarantine breakers as Terry says!Would it have deterred Dominic Cummings though or is he too thick skinned?!:D
I suspect our BoJo is well aquantied with some things bovine :whistles:
Bovine is cattle. Caniform is bear, I believe. Ovine is sheep? Are there bears in the UK?
My son had a good size black bear in his yard the other night.
Of all animals to be attacked by a bear would be the worst. You can't go anywhere, water, tree, run...they can do it all. And they come across as these big lumbering oafs. They are lightening fast and as stealthy as can be.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kg5WC_FKrf0
Check out mama bear defending her cub. Amazing!
Yup. Lots of fierce mamas out there!
MyNameIsTerry
24-06-20, 05:51
No bears in the UK. We don't need them, we've got seagulls! :ohmy:
LOL “mine! mine!”
well, your cattle kill people, And according to you all, several of your brethren screw sheep...so no bears is probably a good thing. Lol
MyNameIsTerry
24-06-20, 06:07
We do get big cat sightings though. The police have turned up to find a big cuddly toy on more than one occassion :biggrin:
Someone would have to be pretty desperate to sneak up on a bear for a quickie :roflmao: I suppose it can get pretty lonely out in the remote countryside :whistles: I once knew a guy who was so drunk he tried to have sex with his front door :ohmy:
When I went to the UK, I had never heard so many sheep-screwing jokes...especially in pubs and especially in welsh vs British jokes. I wondered what started that obsession!
You knew a guy, huh? ;)
Hey Johnny where's your dad?
He's out in the barn screwing the sheep.
What?!
I said he's out in the barn screwing sheep.
Doesn't that bother you?
Naaaaa.
Oy vey, N. LOL The only thing I have to follow up with that is a worse joke that cannot be seen on here.
whispershadow
24-06-20, 19:08
We do get big cat sightings though. The police have turned up to find a big cuddly toy on more than one occassion :biggrin:
Someone would have to be pretty desperate to sneak up on a bear for a quickie :roflmao: I suppose it can get pretty lonely out in the remote countryside :whistles: I once knew a guy who was so drunk he tried to have sex with his front door :ohmy:
How in the hell ............... we maybe better not go there :roflmao:
No back door jokes please
Give me another drink!
No way Bob you've had too much I'm shutting you off.
What do you mean! I'm not drunk!
You can't even see right now Bob.
Yes I can. For instance I can see that one eyed cat walking into the bar.
now I know you're drunk. That cat has two eyes and it's walking out.
I opened a new bar room. I put a sign on the front of the place it said liquor in the front poker in the rear. Full house every night!
Sorry Pulisa... That was pretty mild though. ;-)
LOL Have you seen the Simpsons episode where Bart goes to Duff Gardens and tries the beer goggles?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7lTnG-ZrLY
Haha. That's just about right.
I like when Homer said to Marge the boy's not going to be 10 forever Marge.
He's been 10 for 30 years!
LOL yes! I love it when they have the "Behind the Laughter" special, and Lisa files a lawsuit because "they gave her hormones to make her look eight forever".
Hey I'd take some of those!
No kidding! To be young again, with what we know now!
I was just talking to my neighbor he's a cop here in town. He told me just to let you know there's been a sighting of a couple of black bears in the area lately. I figured they were around but I've never seen one. I hope I do.
Nice. They say that wildlife is making a big resurgence since so many people are staying home due to Covid.
That makes sense I think. They're as stealthy as can be so they're probably living amongst us and we don't even know it.
My local raccoons let me know it. They leave me presents.
MyNameIsTerry
27-06-20, 22:01
I was just talking to my neighbor he's a cop here in town. He told me just to let you know there's been a sighting of a couple of black bears in the area lately. I figured they were around but I've never seen one. I hope I do.
Were they waving placards? :biggrin:
MyNameIsTerry
27-06-20, 22:03
Nice. They say that wildlife is making a big resurgence since so many people are staying home due to Covid.
We had a herd on deer snoozing on a green on a housing estate near London. We have deer at a park near me and they never get close to people so for them to be seen outside houses just shows how quiet it must have been. I think it's great.
We're just waiting on Nessie to put in an appearance :yesyes:
Were they waving placards? :biggrin:
Yes!
BBLM!
My local raccoons let me know it. They leave me presents.
And they wear masks. 😷
They do! One left me a half-eaten tangerine the other day. I think it was a peace-offering. They don't like the new fence I've put up to keep them out.
MyNameIsTerry
28-06-20, 04:29
Yes!
BBLM!
Big Breasted Ladies Matter? https://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/sex/t1523.gif
That's one group that always gets attention. That's one march where the police will be needed to hold back onlookers :roflmao:
Big Breasted Ladies Matter? https://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/sex/t1523.gif
That's one group that always gets attention. That's one march where the police will be needed to hold back onlookers :roflmao:
True enough! But aren't you talking about DDLM?!😆
If you go out in the woods today YFRN:scared15:
But I want to find out if a bear actually does shit in the woods! 😆
...of course... now that I think about it...if I go out there I may actually wind up being the bear poop...hmm this calls for a little re-think...🤔
Awww...N, they don't want to eat you, they just want a hug ;)
You're trying to get me killed aren't you.
MyNameIsTerry
29-06-20, 04:35
You're trying to get me killed aren't you.
Who says they are just hungry? :winks:
https://thumbs.worthpoint.com/zoom/images2/360/1213/06/loose-joblot-bad-taste-bears-funny_360_9f4c1475883c74b69c5079e9b44cb5b5.jpg
Well it happened...yesterday mid afternoon. As I was on my deck leaning over cleaning out the old hibachi I suddenly got a very eerie feeling like someone was watching me. I slowly turned my head and sure enough the steely gaze of the giant beast was upon me. I stood arrow straight as our eyes locked and slowly descended down the deck stairs to the backyard. She was big tall black and hairy. We started to circle one another each to our right. Like Holmes and Moriarty sizing one another up before the battle. The circle grew smaller as we moved. Eventually coming nose-to-nose in the middle of the arena. I could feel her hot breath and noted that she hadn't brushed her teeth in sometime...she probably thought the same of me. Where she bested me in height, weight, strength, speed, agility and cunning I had her in writing skills so it was a fairly evenly matched tilt. She weighed in at a massive 450 lbs (that's 32 stone to you Brits) and I at a svelte 185 (13 stone). I opened with a quick sharp uppercut to her lower jaw snapping her head back sharply. She reciprocated with a swipe of a huge right clawed paw which would have decapitated me had I not possessed the reflexes of a python. I countered with a right hook to the left side of her head staggering her briefly. She threw a karate kick to my groin narrowly missing left but nearly dislocating my hip! I showed no emotion but was in agony. I gave a headbutt to her snout. Back and forth it went...and so we danced for the next 5 hours...a dance of death. A dance we had both dreaded and at the same time desired. And somewhere in the vicious melee I thought I heard a familiar voice say be careful dear I'm going shopping...but I can't be sure. The bout was no longer a contest of strength but a match of wills. Then it happened...she made a rare misstep and I took advantage. I threw a Granby Cradle and had her on the ground in an instant my forehead pressed firmly against her temple...and I squeezed...no mercy. But my strength was waning. Who would give out first?! Then suddenly without warning an aroma. The beautiful smell of burgers on the barbie quaffed through our violent theater from a nearby yard. I slowly released my death grip as I felt my worthy opponent relax. We both sat upright in the dirt and dust. We looked at one another and smiled then nodded. And off we strode into the sunset hand in paw towards that beguiling odor.
The End
Well it happened...yesterday mid afternoon. As I was on my deck leaning over cleaning out the old hibachi I suddenly got a very eerie feeling like someone was watching me. I slowly turned my head and sure enough the steely gaze of the giant beast was upon me. I stood arrow straight as our eyes locked and slowly descended down the deck stairs to the backyard. She was big tall black and hairy. We started to circle one another each to our right. Like Holmes and Moriarty sizing one another up before the battle. The circle grew smaller as we moved. Eventually coming nose-to-nose in the middle of the arena. I could feel her hot breath and noted that she hadn't brushed her teeth in sometime...she probably thought the same of me. Where she bested me in height, weight, strength, speed, agility and cunning I had her in writing skills so it was a fairly evenly matched tilt. She weighed in at a massive 450 lbs (that's 32 stone to you Brits) and I at a svelte 185 (13 stone). I opened with a quick sharp under cut to her lower jaw snapping her head back sharply. She reciprocated with a swipe of a huge right clawed paw which would have decapitated me had I not possessed the reflexes of a python. I countered with a right hook to the left side of her head staggering her briefly. She threw a karate kick to my groin missing left but nearly dislocating my hip! I showed no emotion but was in agony. I gave a headbutt to her snout. Back and forth it went...and so we danced for the next 5 hours...a dance of death. A dance we had both dreaded and at the same time desired. And somewhere in the vicious melee I thought I heard a familiar voice say be careful dear I'm going shopping...but I can't be sure. The bout was no longer a contest of strength but a match of wills. Then it happened...she made a rare misstep and I took advantage. I threw a Granby Cradle and had her on the ground in an instant my forehead pressed firmly against her temple...and I squeezed...no mercy. But my strength was waning. Who would give out first?! Then suddenly without warning an aroma. The beautiful smell of burgers on the barbie quaffed through our violent theater from a nearby yard. I slowly released my death grip as I felt my worthy opponent relax. We both sat upright in the dirt and dust. We looked at one another and smiled then nodded. And off we strode into the sunset hand in paw towards that beguiling odor.
The End
....then you woke up with beads of sweat on your brow and proceeded to the bathroom to brush your teeth :roflmao:
True story I swear mon capitaine!
You're talents are wasted on here, N!!:D I hope you have clawed your way back to reality now but stay vigilant!
True story I swear mon capitaine!
Bring on the polygraph contraption..
No really Pulisa! Her name's Molly and she's originally from upstate NY. She's sinced moved though. We're getting together on the upper East side Saturday morning for coffee.😁
Hope you're not a flat white afterwards...
Hope you're not a flat white afterwards...
LOL!! I've not heard that one before! I'll be using it though! 😂😂😂
I'm sure they will be seen as racist soon..Give it time!
Well it happened...yesterday mid afternoon. As I was on my deck leaning over cleaning out the old hibachi I suddenly got a very eerie feeling like someone was watching me. I slowly turned my head and sure enough the steely gaze of the giant beast was upon me. I stood arrow straight as our eyes locked and slowly descended down the deck stairs to the backyard. She was big tall black and hairy. We started to circle one another each to our right. Like Holmes and Moriarty sizing one another up before the battle. The circle grew smaller as we moved. Eventually coming nose-to-nose in the middle of the arena. I could feel her hot breath and noted that she hadn't brushed her teeth in sometime...she probably thought the same of me. Where she bested me in height, weight, strength, speed, agility and cunning I had her in writing skills so it was a fairly evenly matched tilt. She weighed in at a massive 450 lbs (that's 32 stone to you Brits) and I at a svelte 185 (13 stone). I opened with a quick sharp uppercut to her lower jaw snapping her head back sharply. She reciprocated with a swipe of a huge right clawed paw which would have decapitated me had I not possessed the reflexes of a python. I countered with a right hook to the left side of her head staggering her briefly. She threw a karate kick to my groin narrowly missing left but nearly dislocating my hip! I showed no emotion but was in agony. I gave a headbutt to her snout. Back and forth it went...and so we danced for the next 5 hours...a dance of death. A dance we had both dreaded and at the same time desired. And somewhere in the vicious melee I thought I heard a familiar voice say be careful dear I'm going shopping...but I can't be sure. The bout was no longer a contest of strength but a match of wills. Then it happened...she made a rare misstep and I took advantage. I threw a Granby Cradle and had her on the ground in an instant my forehead pressed firmly against her temple...and I squeezed...no mercy. But my strength was waning. Who would give out first?! Then suddenly without warning an aroma. The beautiful smell of burgers on the barbie quaffed through our violent theater from a nearby yard. I slowly released my death grip as I felt my worthy opponent relax. We both sat upright in the dirt and dust. We looked at one another and smiled then nodded. And off we strode into the sunset hand in paw towards that beguiling odor.
The End
Gee, doesn't anyone like a good bear vs man fight story anymore? What's the world coming to?🐻🧒
LOL Bear Lives Matter. We were rooting for the bear ;).
MyNameIsTerry
30-06-20, 21:54
I just wonder what happened to Mrs N during a dream like that?!!! :biggrin:
Either he wasn't thrashing about or she was on the night shift because the story didn't and with an elbow or knee sharply inserted somewhere :winks:
Dream?! Do you doubt my veracity sir?
I keep reading this thread title as Beer lives matter. They do.
I keep reading this thread title as Beer lives matter. They do.
Perfect!😂😂😂🍺
I keep reading this thread title as Beer lives matter. They do.
Ale second that!
Even though I barley know you I will too!
MyNameIsTerry
03-07-20, 04:52
I keep reading this thread title as Beer lives matter. They do.
Protesters vary some being Stout, others Mild, Short or Bitter. But is it just one big Wine?
It is understood President Trump is sympathetic in offering them his Slippery Nipple and a Slow Comfortable Screw followed by Sex On The Beach ending with a Screaming Orgasm. :ohmy::blush:
Terry, I'm going to have nightmares. Several of those words should never been in the same sentence :emot-puke:
MyNameIsTerry
03-07-20, 05:30
Sorry, Vee, my first sentence was a bit uncalled for :whistles:
If you start fantasizing about Trump, I’m going to call you Noivous Jr. :p
MyNameIsTerry
03-07-20, 05:57
:roflmao: I still think N has those about Hillary :winks:
Protesters vary some being Stout, others Mild, Short or Bitter. But is it just one big Wine?
It is understood President Trump is sympathetic in offering them his Slippery Nipple and a Slow Comfortable Screw followed by Sex On The Beach ending with a Screaming Orgasm. :ohmy::blush:
Mmm...sign me up! I think we should change the Harvey Wall Banger to the Donald Wall Banger don't you?🥃
Not Killery though...I can't get passed the man pants.🤮
:roflmao: I still think N has those about Hillary :winks:
OMG, Terry, you're right! Look, he want to get in her "man pants" ;)
OMG, Terry, you're right! Look, he want to get in her "man pants" ;)
Figuratively! Figuratively!
Plus they're way too big for me.
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