The same old stuff or different this time?

[Jules31]

Hello everyone

I've been away for a while and although I haven't been on top form I have been coping.

Gradually though over the last few weeks though I've been slipping and so I'm back here to cry on your shoulders.

Whereas I was able to do most things lately, like go out and get on with work, I've now found that my symptoms are coming on and really making me struggle with stuff each day.

This morning I've been really off balance, with feelings as though I will fall off my chair or as if the walls are moving when they aren't. The floor is also doing that horrible moving senation even when I stand still.

On top I've been having sudden hot flashes and burning in my throat and chest. Not like acid but real sudden intense burning which doesn't rise up from my stomach.

Yesterday my chest just kept filling with trapped air and I felt like I was in a bear hug for most of the day. It would come on in secs and go just as quickly. It got so bad some of the time that I would start to wretch. My tummy has also been suddenly telling me it needs to get rid of it's contents with little warning.

Now I know my wedding is coming up and I did have a huge row with a friend on Monday but I wouldn't have thought any of this was any worse than other stuff I've been dealing with lately. So why do I suddenly feel so bad. For the first time in quite awhile I've started to become constantly frightened that I have something seriously wrong with me or that I can't get through this again. I don't want to go back to the stage where I can't function. I am feeling ill all day everyday, whereas before it would wax and wane and sometimes I would even forget about it for a while.

I'm still hiding the way I feel from people but the thing is I'm still finding it so hard again. Last night as I had a surge of these feelings and just tried to tell myself I was ok and nothing bad was going to happen but it just didn't seem to help at all. In fact for a while I felt worse.

It's odd but a lot of these symptoms I don't remember having before or at least not this bad, but on the other hand I'm sure that I have had them. I know that's mad.

I'm back to waking in the night feeling horrible and being afraid so I just need all your support to get my head back into the right frame of mind and fight this thing again.

How could I feel that I'm being knocked off my feet without any real reason or warning again?

I'm into my third year of this stuff and really thought I was on the road to accepting it and moving on






Jules

[vernon]

hi, Sorry u r going through a bad patch, I know you have heared it all before but this is common on recovery. I think the argument with a friend would set it off even though you think not. I have noticed that if one of the kids upset me or i have an argument I do feel bad the day after. Try writing everything you do down and look back for triggers too, I find this helps. and yes I get different symtoms to each time anxiety returns, Hope you feel better soon, Vernon

[Meg]

Hi Jules,

I think you deserve one helluva pat on the back . You've been doing great by all accounts from where you were a few months ago.

I've heard all those symptoms from you before especially the moving floor and hot flushes ones . Get your journal out and the relaxation Cd.

Emotional upsets like a personal row plus some stress can easily send you off kilter .

Looking forward to seeing you on Sunday if thats still on. Charlie text me whilst I was away to say you were both popping by.



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

[lainey]

Hi Jules

Sorry you're feeling rough, it's probably the stress from the wedding and the row with your friend, which has triggered off a blip, as that's all it is.
I have had the hot flashes and burning too and it's not nice is it. I seem to get different symptoms about once a month but have learned to accept them as anxiety and tend not to panic too much.
Are you relaxing enough and having me time?
How is your diet?
Are you exercising?

Just suggestions, hope you'll feel better soon

When's the wedding?

Take care

Elaine x

[FAN]

sorry to hear your slipping back when you were doing so well but try remember that you have been at this stage before and you came through it so im sure you will again, good luck with the wedding

fan x

[Jules31]

Hi

I'm still having a hard time. Things started to get worse over the weekend which culminated in me having attacks all through the night(sunday) where I was getting stabbing feelings in my head, followed by hot surges through my body and feelings of faintness/unreality. Though I wasn't hot to the touch. Werid stuff has been waking me every night since.

I decided to try and nip things in the bud there and then and so took a couple of days off work but it doesn't seem to have helped much. I ate properly, slept lots and did a bit of exercise but am still feeling so scared. Now I know that things don't get better over night but I'm just feeling so afraid again.

Since 6 am, I've had pains in my chest, which I know is trapped air, when I'm logical but it's making me feel like I can't breathe. So then I go light headed. I've tried everything to move it but nothing is working. Any suggestions, I can't take antacids or anything cos of the meds I'm on.

Lainey, my diet is pretty good, though I lapsed a bit over the weekend with some takeaways and a few drinks. I do need to exercise some more and am making the effort. And the wedding is 16th April.

Meg, yes I'm still planning to come over on Sunday. In fact as Charlie pointed out, I know need to more than anything. She suggested going out for a late lunch, can you think of anywhere nice? And thanks for pointing out that you've heard me moan on about most of this stuff before.

I've now resolved the problem with my friend, in fact we met up on friday and had a nice evening together.

And Vernon, don't you just get sick and tired of all the new symptoms that this can keep throwing at you.

I know I will get through this eventually, it's just a shame that I feel like i have never really been better. I can feel all the old stuff creeping back, like the fear of my feelings, thinking they are something serious and just that feeling of helplessness.

Well better get some work done.




Jules

[Jules31]

Well I'm back again and things seem to be getting worse

I really can't control my symptoms and have started having stuff that I haven't had for nearly two years, and not to this extent.

My heart keeps racing and I get shooting pains in my head.

Right now I was walking across the office and everything went so blurry and my head was swimming, my legs were weak and I just felt like I was going to keel over. My chest is full of trapped air too.

I was much the same at counselling this morning, in fact my counsellor had to get me water. I suddenly felt my chest was all congested and I couldn't breathe as my chest was so tight. I'd been feeling as though I was fading out through all the session. I feel like i haven't been to bed for weeks but I'm either sleeping lots or am waking up all night.

I know you will say all symptoms of anxiety but they aren't the usual ones for me, so that's why I'm getting worried. All rational thought is escaping but I'm trying to fight it. Will have Meg's cds on during the journey home.

I just feel like I've lost control again and can't work out why. I feel like a failure and I guess I'm afraid, cos this is how I was when I had to take time off work before. I just can't do that again. I have no sick leave left and there is so much stuff I want to do.

Guess I need my hand holding and my butt kicking that this is all normal. I'm so disheartened that I'm here again and don't understand why. I have been working so hard at doing all the right stuff that it just feels impossible to fight out of it again.


Jules

[bluebottle]

Hi Jules,

I have had several "slips" where I lost my job or couldn't face going out, had breakdowns etc, over the years and every single time I have got better. It doesn't feel like you will ever recover when your in the grip of fear, but you will, believe me.
What you are experiencing is not unusual, it will not kill you, and it is very treatable. We are all, more or less, in the same boat as you and we know where your coming from, and because we understand we care.

Your not alone, just keep talking.

Regards,

Blue
--
Take little steps

[Meg]

Blip - Blip Jules.

I'll see you Sunday anyway.

Do you want me to pop round tomorrow pm if you're off and struggling home alone ?

Text me if you want to .

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

[clickaway]

Take Care Jules,

I feel one of the worst things about this we all have is the onset of 'new' symptoms, or those that we haven't experienced for ages. It scares the wits out of me.

And when they effect parts of the body that you see as super-vital such as breathing and legs - is it no wonder we get so so scared and go into a complete nosedive.

I find its often useful to talk to somebody who understands what you're going through. The No Panic helpline and that offered by First Steps to Freedom can be wonderful for me, but I try to use them sparingly as in the end we have to do this ourselves.

Its great that you are seeing Meg tomorrow. Keep that prospect of a great comfort both tonight and in the morning.

Ray

[Laurie28]

Hiya Jules,

I am so sorry you are going through a rough time.. But pls remember what Meg says they are blips and you will come through them (I know that probably isn't much comfort at the moment) - you have been through this before and come out fighting and you can do it again.

You seem to be doing everything 'right' plenty sleep etc - hopefully you can work through this and get better quickly

Love
Lucky