Hi everyone

[Jzmild]

Hi everyone. In real life I don't like to talk a lot about myself, but this is me and I'm sharing what I've experienced so that hopefully someone can relate and feel less 'crazy' and alone in this. I wrote a lot but I edited it to shorten it down:

I have health anxiety which started when I was a child. I was a perfectionist and constantly worried about things like death when I was younger, but health anxiety didn't fully manifest full swing until I learned about HIV at around 10 years and became obsessed with the disease (somehow I had convinced myself that I had it before I even fully understood how it was transmitted).

Since then my fears have ranged from rabies, more HIV, hearing loss, acoustic neuroma, cancer (all kinds).

I guess the point is that I think for me health anxiety has progressed beyond just health anxiety. For me it's about low self esteem. Feeling like I just don't deserve peace or good things to happen to me... I'm not used to something NOT going wrong. And it's about trying to be in control. My brain latching onto one worry to the next because I want to prepare myself for constant disappointment.
On another note, it's nice to meet you all

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya Jzmild and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and
are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and
support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

[Houndie8585]

I can relate to the feeling of constantly wanting to prepare for disappointment or bad news. Like if you let your guard down then it'll get you somehow. Even physical things, like feeling if the body relaxes, it will somehow fall apart and a serious injury will happen. From relaxing. I dunno. But yeah, that part resonated with me, just wanted to say that. I think maybe because the pain of going from feeling happy and calm, to suddenly anxious and worrying, is so intense and agonizing. It's something to avoid, even if that means just being worried all the time. I dunno though, don't want to put words in your mouth, but yeah.