gretta2007
23-10-07, 18:53
hi, i am 23 years old and have the panic disorder. it's hard to make it through the day sometimes, without just wanting to flip out and check myself into a hospital. i remember the first real panic attack i had was when i was 12 years old. i was hysterical and my mom drove to the hospital because i told her that i was going to die any second and we had to get there very soon so that i would live. my mother new exactly what was wrong with me because she suffers too. so do my brother and sister. when i think back, i can remember having these panicky feelings when i was as young as 4 years old. everyday i live in a constant fear with a pain in my chest and it's so hard to swallow. it feels like someone is choking me and i try to tell myself that it will pass, that it's all in my head. i'm only 23, i'm too young to have this happening to me and i've suffered long enough (almost 12 years).
After suffering for about 8 years, i went about 2 years without having any real problems and then it all came back at full speed about 2 weeks ago. i have almost been in a constant panic attack for 2 weeks now. the worst i've ever had. and that's why i am here. i want some consoling. i worry that i'll die. i worry that i'll lose control of my thoughts and my breathing and i am ashamed that i have this. i am embarrassed because when i try to tell friends or strangers, they don't understand. i'm afraid they'll think that i'm crazy and i know that i'm not. what makes me different is that i refuse to take medication for this. it is a constant struggle, but i rely on my deep breathing, st. johns wort, chamomile tea, burning sage to keep the negative thoughts away, and boiling fresh lavender in water for the aroma. i will try anything natural, but i grew up with a mother who has severe panic disorder, depression, and agoraphobia. she relies on her mental medications and wont get out of bed. she constantly plays the victim and feels sorry for herself and doeson't want to help herself and i don't want to be that way. i want to live and be happy and panic free. sometimes i can go weeks with no panic, just some depression, and then it will hit me and the panic will last for days on end. it's wearing my body out. i constanly feel tired and sore like i've been running for years. i always said that i would never have this disorder because of what i saw my mother go through. i knew that i was strong enough, but it happened anyway and all i can do is wake up every new day and hope that's the day that it goes away for good.
After suffering for about 8 years, i went about 2 years without having any real problems and then it all came back at full speed about 2 weeks ago. i have almost been in a constant panic attack for 2 weeks now. the worst i've ever had. and that's why i am here. i want some consoling. i worry that i'll die. i worry that i'll lose control of my thoughts and my breathing and i am ashamed that i have this. i am embarrassed because when i try to tell friends or strangers, they don't understand. i'm afraid they'll think that i'm crazy and i know that i'm not. what makes me different is that i refuse to take medication for this. it is a constant struggle, but i rely on my deep breathing, st. johns wort, chamomile tea, burning sage to keep the negative thoughts away, and boiling fresh lavender in water for the aroma. i will try anything natural, but i grew up with a mother who has severe panic disorder, depression, and agoraphobia. she relies on her mental medications and wont get out of bed. she constantly plays the victim and feels sorry for herself and doeson't want to help herself and i don't want to be that way. i want to live and be happy and panic free. sometimes i can go weeks with no panic, just some depression, and then it will hit me and the panic will last for days on end. it's wearing my body out. i constanly feel tired and sore like i've been running for years. i always said that i would never have this disorder because of what i saw my mother go through. i knew that i was strong enough, but it happened anyway and all i can do is wake up every new day and hope that's the day that it goes away for good.