WorriedOlive
22-07-20, 17:08
Hi everyone
Something that’s on my mind a lot recently. I’m 26 y/o and my partner and I are due to get married soon. We want to start a family and I desperately want a baby but I am so so scared of the thought of my health anxiety during pregnancy, and the effects it has on my mental health. I have a horrible thought of what if I’m a terrible mum because of my worries.
I’ve tried medication and CBT, and I have another appointment with my doctor tomorrow to try and think of another course of action. At the moment I jump from worry to worry on a daily basis, spend around 4 hrs a day worth of googling/reading medical journals about symptoms I have which relate to a life threatening illness, and I am obsessed with working out my statistics of having a disease based on cancer research cancer case stats. It’s an obsession which leads me to feel un excited about so much in my life as I feel there is no point if I’m going to die soon anyway. I can’t shake this feeling of doom and I’m scared to look at my body in case I find something.
I am finding it hard to stop weird behaviours, such as I can’t eat anything remotely red, as I’m terrified to see if in the toilet and won’t know if it’s blood or food. I’m ashamed to say when this has happened in the past, I’ve removed red bits from the toilet (disgusting I know!) and kept them in tissue paper for a number of weeks, obsessively checking to see if they are still red and therefore not blood.. the logical part of me knows I have a serious problem as this is far from normal behaviour.
I’m terrified of blood tests and can’t stop googling the outcome for each test type before I’ve even received my results, so I can be mentally prepared and armed with questions for the doctor.
Every morning I wake up with a feeling of dread and spend ages sat on the bathroom floor trying to calm my body down.
All of this leads me back to my worry about having a baby and I just would feel so irresponsible knowing how bad my worries are :( also the thought of pregnancy, all the testing let alone the birth itself makes me so scared. I also feel like I’ll constAntly worry somethings wrong with the baby.
Sorry it’s such a long post - anyone out there who’s been through pregnancy and had a baby when they have terrible HA, any advise would be appreciated.
x
Something that’s on my mind a lot recently. I’m 26 y/o and my partner and I are due to get married soon. We want to start a family and I desperately want a baby but I am so so scared of the thought of my health anxiety during pregnancy, and the effects it has on my mental health. I have a horrible thought of what if I’m a terrible mum because of my worries.
I’ve tried medication and CBT, and I have another appointment with my doctor tomorrow to try and think of another course of action. At the moment I jump from worry to worry on a daily basis, spend around 4 hrs a day worth of googling/reading medical journals about symptoms I have which relate to a life threatening illness, and I am obsessed with working out my statistics of having a disease based on cancer research cancer case stats. It’s an obsession which leads me to feel un excited about so much in my life as I feel there is no point if I’m going to die soon anyway. I can’t shake this feeling of doom and I’m scared to look at my body in case I find something.
I am finding it hard to stop weird behaviours, such as I can’t eat anything remotely red, as I’m terrified to see if in the toilet and won’t know if it’s blood or food. I’m ashamed to say when this has happened in the past, I’ve removed red bits from the toilet (disgusting I know!) and kept them in tissue paper for a number of weeks, obsessively checking to see if they are still red and therefore not blood.. the logical part of me knows I have a serious problem as this is far from normal behaviour.
I’m terrified of blood tests and can’t stop googling the outcome for each test type before I’ve even received my results, so I can be mentally prepared and armed with questions for the doctor.
Every morning I wake up with a feeling of dread and spend ages sat on the bathroom floor trying to calm my body down.
All of this leads me back to my worry about having a baby and I just would feel so irresponsible knowing how bad my worries are :( also the thought of pregnancy, all the testing let alone the birth itself makes me so scared. I also feel like I’ll constAntly worry somethings wrong with the baby.
Sorry it’s such a long post - anyone out there who’s been through pregnancy and had a baby when they have terrible HA, any advise would be appreciated.
x