View Full Version : Third time's the charm?..Right?
Hello all, so today after a lengthy trip to a&e driven by horrendous hypochondria I decided that it's finally time to try and bring a stop to the spiralling anxiety that is building within me. By going back onto Citalopram. I have been on it twice, the first time was 20mg for a year or so and the second was between 10 - 20mg for two years. Now a question I have is, do the side effects get easier to deal with each time you go on them? I'm picking up my first box of 10mg tablets tomorrow morning. Also how long roughly until the Citalopram actually starts to build up in your body?
Sparkle1984
05-08-20, 18:53
Hi, I'm actually on my 4th time after another relapse (I'm currently on day 7 so I still have quite a way to go).
Unfortunately, the side effects don't necessarily get easier each time. On my second and especially my third time on citalopram, my side effects were worse. This time around, they don't seem quite so bad, but I'm still getting a lot of heightened anxiety and intrusive thoughts, which I expect at this stage.
Generally I find I feel significantly better after about 3 months. The last time (in 2015), though, it was about 10 months before I felt completely back to my usual self, but I think my anxiety and depression was particularly severe that time. I think I was so disappointed to have had that relapse, as I'd learnt a lot of coping techniques and after the second time I came off the tablets, I felt like I would never get so anxious again. So I felt really disheartened about that relapse. This time around, I feel almost resigned to the thought that I'll probably always be susceptible to anxiety and depression, so this time I may stay on a maintenance dose once I've recovered, instead of coming off citalopram completely.
My first time on citalopram (10mg) was August 2012 to February 2013, and I relapsed just one month after being off them completely. My second time was May 2013 to around August 2014, and I relapsed about 8 months later. My third time was much longer - May 2015 to July 2019, although I cut down the dosage over a long period of 2 and a half years. That time, I also had 1 to 1 private therapy. I relapsed about 4 weeks ago, and now here I am. This time, I plan to try a different therapist once my initial side effects have begun to wear off.
Hi Sparkle, thank you for your reply.
I actually just got finished reading your diary of being on 10mg before. I'm preparing for the side effects but they certainly took me into a bit of a darker place with my health anxiety when I took them before.
I'm hoping things start to improve a little after a week of being on them. I would refer myself to therapy but i'll be moving back to university in london in 6 weeks so probably wouldn't have time to continue it really.
I made the silly mistake about 4/5 months ago of stopping cold turkey without tapering down. At first it was completely fine but i think now further down the line I'm feeling the need to be on them again because otherwise I'm going to spiral.
panic_down_under
06-08-20, 00:02
By going back onto Citalopram. I have been on it twice, the first time was 20mg for a year or so and the second was between 10 - 20mg for two years. Now a question I have is, do the side effects get easier to deal with each time you go on them?
Unfortunately, not. :weep:
I'm picking up my first box of 10mg tablets tomorrow morning. Also how long roughly until the Citalopram actually starts to build up in your body?
Antidepressants don't work directly in the way say aspirin, or benzodiazepines do. They work by stimulating the growth of new brain cells (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC60045/) (neurogenesis) to replace cells killed, or prevented from growing by high brain stress hormone levels. The therapeutic response is produced by these new cells and the stronger interconnections they forge, not the meds directly, and they take about 7 weeks to bud, grow and mature although some improvement may begin earlier. For a more detailed explanations see: Depression and the Birth and Death of Brain Cells (PDF (https://www.americanscientist.org/sites/americanscientist.org/files/20057610584_306.pdf)) and How antidepressant drugs act (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3025168/).
Because of the above, taking only 10mg for extended periods may be problematic as plasma levels may drop below that required to sustain neurogenesis. Constantly interrupting the process can increase the risk of the med pooping-out.
I made the silly mistake about 4/5 months ago of stopping cold turkey without tapering down.
While I don't think this contributed to needing to go back on citalopram, please don't ever do this again. In fact, given this is your first third time back on ADs there is a strong argument for remaining permanently medicated as stop/start cycles gradually lessen the chance of an AD working.
Unfortunately, not. :weep:
Antidepressants don't work directly in the way say aspirin, or benzodiazepines do. They work by stimulating the growth of new brain cells (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC60045/) (neurogenesis) to replace cells killed, or prevented from growing by high brain stress hormone levels. The therapeutic response is produced by these new cells and the stronger interconnections they forge, not the meds directly, and they take about 7 weeks to bud, grow and mature although some improvement may begin earlier. For a more detailed explanations see: Depression and the Birth and Death of Brain Cells (PDF (https://www.americanscientist.org/sites/americanscientist.org/files/20057610584_306.pdf)) and How antidepressant drugs act (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3025168/).
Because of the above, taking only 10mg for extended periods may be problematic as plasma levels may drop below that required to sustain neurogenesis. Constantly interrupting the process can increase the risk of the med pooping-out.
While I don't think this contributed to needing to go back on citalopram, please don't ever do this again. In fact, given this is your first third time back on ADs there is a strong argument for remaining permanently medicated as stop/start cycles gradually lessen the chance of an AD working.
Hi Panic, thank you for your insightful post, I always like being able to see the science behind what's happening and I can now see why things take their time to get better with AD's, given that this seems to be a re-occuring thing i'm probably going to be on them for a hell of a lot longer, that's for sure.
I have a review due in about 3 weeks, so I think i'll discuss going back onto 20mg from there. I'm hoping the 10mg will prepare my body for it a little bit.
I'll use this thread as a diary to keep track of things, it'll also be helpful for me to look back on later on down the line to see how far I have come.
Day 1 - 10mg Citalopram
Last night my anxiety peaked when I found myself in A&E worrying about a heart attack, after an ecg, blood check and chest x-ray I was released from a&e after being told it's almost definitely muscular and anxiety related. Fair enough I thought, maybe I can put it to bed now. I was wrong, my anxiety came back quite heavily later on in the evening to the point where I burst into tears in my parents bedroom from the stress. The aches in my chest continued, although this is also probably anxiety. My mother is also on Citalopram and had 10mg tablets, as i wasn't due to pick mine up until the next day, I took one in hopes of getting the system started. Sure enough the placebo effect of taking them seemed to calm me down abit and I was able to sleep. The anxiety had killed my appetite but i managed some digestive biscuits and a slice of toast, while drinking alot of water.
Day 2 - 10mg Citalopram
Today I'm feeling the intrusive thoughts a bit more, I end up hearing about people my age (29) dying of sudden heart attacks and it really gets into my brain and my mind starts messing with me. My left arm feels a bit numb and tingly today, almost heavy. Given that there's no pain i'm going to put it down to anxiety. I usually take citalopram in the morning but seeing as i took one last night, I might try that for a few days, see if taking it at night helps me get through the side effects more. Will update later on.
My Citalopram got slightly delayed by my recent appendectomy lol!
Going to be taking my first one tonight. I had been on Co-Amoxiclav and Metrodinazole antibiotics just to clear up anything left over from the OP. (It hadnt burst) And wanted to wait until my course of those had stopped before taking any citalopram.
I'll keep this up to date while i can.
Last night I was in a bit of a state worrying about Citalopram, I ended up reading through old posts of mine where I had been hyper focused on my heart and been getting ectopics while on citalopram for the first 5/6 weeks. It made me somewhat terrified to restart them.
This morning however I bit the bullet and took my first 10mg tablet again. I'm going to update tonight to see how my day has gone. I can only pray the third time round nothing bad happens and I only get some mild side effects.
Sparkle1984
17-08-20, 12:54
OK, good luck with it - it would be good to follow each other's progress during these early days.
OK, good luck with it - it would be good to follow each other's progress during these early days.
Yes I agree, I think it'll be a nice comparison.
Day 1 - Although it's not the end of the day my partner will be coming over soon and I want to focus on that, so if anything happens during the night i'll write it in tomorrow.
Now onto the meat of the subject, I took my first tablet this morning with some water as I'm not much of a breakfast person, Mostly because I tend not to feel hungry until 10/11am. Which i guess still counts as breakfast. I still had some reservations about taking the medication which I think contributed to my anxiety today. I started off with incredibly heightened anxiety and alot of intrusive thoughts, they hit me a bit like a truck and I struggled to keep logical throughout the day. I spent my day watching youtube videos and talking with my parents every so often to break up the monotony. It's very hard when the health anxiety lurks in the back of your head telling you about your "Heart problems" which doesn't exist. The rest of the day i had the jitters, I was shaking alot just sitting down and walking around, this lasted until about 1pm which then tapered off and I felt kind of numb to the world which was interesting. I had an appointment with my GP today to check up on my sore throat which was reassuring as she was happy I had begun to take the medication. She told me that they know what to look for with heart defects and due to my previous tests being normal and anxiety being kind of cured before, she's inclined to believe it's just the anxiety again. Which would make sense. I came home and managed to eat some scrambled egg on toast which is a miracle because I have no appetite at all thanks to my surgery. Here's hoping it's all up from here.
panic_down_under
18-08-20, 02:50
I still had some reservations about taking the medication which I think contributed to my anxiety today. I started off with incredibly heightened anxiety and alot of intrusive thoughts, they hit me a bit like a truck
These might not be all down directly to the AD. They could also be driven by the stress of taking the med. Expect to have severe side-effects and the anxious mind is very capable of delivering them.
These might not be all down directly to the AD. They could also be driven by the stress of taking the med. Expect to have severe side-effects and the anxious mind is very capable of delivering them.
Yes I very much agree Panic. Our brain can be our worst enemy sometimes.
Day 2 - Rough night sleeping last night, woke up at 6am and struggled to get back to sleep for a while, anxiety was peaking alot when I woke up too. I had a pleasant evening with my partner watching some documentaries on netflix and discussing my worries. I took my second tablet this morning and immediately got back into bed and fell asleep for an hour or so, woke up to once again a shakey feeling in my body and heightened anxiety (These two correlate alot). Had some bad panics today and ended up breaking down a little infront of my partner due to my worries. Once that was over I felt kind of okay, I had moments of happyness which gives me hope that I can get better again. Tonight I think i'll spend my time tonight talking with my parents before their holiday tomorrow and hoping this sore throat gets better soon.
Sparkle1984
19-08-20, 16:35
I remember during my first 2 days, I also had mild feelings of happiness and hope that things will get better. Hopefully it means the tablets will work eventually once the initial side effects and heightened anxiety have calmed down.
Is your partner supportive with regards to your anxiety?
I remember during my first 2 days, I also had mild feelings of happiness and hope that things will get better. Hopefully it means the tablets will work eventually once the initial side effects and heightened anxiety have calmed down.
Is your partner supportive with regards to your anxiety?
Yes i do hope so! And she is very supportive, I've had Health Anxiety for roughly 6 years off and on, mostly when im on citalopram it goes away so I'm hoping to keep it down this time.
Day 3 - Today definitely felt better than the first day, the shaking has finally gone away and I've shifted from laying in bed after taking the tablet to getting up and doing a 30 minute walk down a country lane near my house, although I seem to be getting some chest ache while doing this I'm going to put it down to being tense from the anxiety and pulling a muscle or something. As I have had recent ECG and blood tests which came out fine. Alongside this my right calf has been feeling particularly tight lately, it did get me worrying about DVT's but my leg seems to be fine right now so It's probably muscular/anxiety related.
The main crux of the problem right now for me is the heightened anxiety in the mornings which i'm sure is the reason I keep waking up at 7am sharp each day. and the intrusive thoughts. Those are the real kicker right now. Trying to logically think about everything going on in my life right now while I have these thoughts popping into my head about various health problems is not helping.
I'm hoping things will calm down soon.
Day 4 - Yesterday started exactly the same as previous days, I woke up at 7:30am sharp and began to feel the panic. My leg is much better today which helps me logically think it was just a muscle ache from the walking or cramp. The intrusive thoughts are still there in the morning hammering away at me. The best coping mechanism I have at the minute is playing a couple of games to take my mind off things. I did my usual 30 minute brisk walk this morning, and on the way back I started getting chest ache once again, this has happened for a few days in a row, I rang up my GP and had a word with him, he's not remotely concerned, especially given my anxiety was focused on my heart before. He told me that someone under 30 (I'm 29) would be extremely unlikely to have Angina or something, and all the tests i've had before would be able to see if anything untoward was happening. I'm to report back to him in a week if it doesn't get any better. Though he deduced it's because I haven't been exercising in months and am now starting so my muscles are trying to adjust to the changes. Which seems far more logical to me than Angina at 29. He knew I was on Citalopram and at such a low dose, very unlikely to cause any issues in the body.
The ache fromy my appendix removal is subsiding alot now which is nice, I don't feel half as bloated as I did and I'm able to drive to the local village shop for supplies which has boosted my confidence a little bit.
It's Day 5 today. Almost a week on citalopram, the side effects haven't been as bad (yet, fingers crossed) aside from the heightened anxiety and the shaking. I sure hope I manage to get to my review without issue and hopefully feeling better. If not, up to 20mg i'll go.
Sparkle1984
21-08-20, 14:32
It's good that you are recovering well from your appendix removal. Whenever I exercise for the first time in several weeks, I get weird aches in my body, but it usually subsides in a day or two. It's very unlikely to be of any cause for concern.
It's good that you are recovering well from your appendix removal. Whenever I exercise for the first time in several weeks, I get weird aches in my body, but it usually subsides in a day or two. It's very unlikely to be of any cause for concern.
Yes I'm of the same mind Sparkle, thank you so much. I'm just going to try and dust off the intrusive thoughts as best as possible. My parents came back from their short holiday today and my first thought was "Will i ever be able to enjoy a holiday without checking local hospitals/medical access etc" It's quite debilitating.
Day 5 was by far worse than the previous days, I spent the entire day panicking about my heart again, despite there being no evidence to suggest it's in any danger whatsoever, but my brain keeps thinking "I need this scan or that scan" and it drove me nuts, I ended up speaking with some friends and trying to take my mind off things.
Day 6 I took my tablet this morning after waking up super early again, the mornings are honestly the worst, I woke up covered in sweat and for the few hours I couldn't move out of bed from panic I was just laying there thinking I'm waiting to die, it was horrible, after I took my tablet at 10am, doing this every day to keep a rhythmn. I did my usual of getting up and going for a walk, I took my dog this time but she's afraid of cars so I couldn't go as far as I normally did, I got the same chest ache across the top of my chest but i'm beginning to think it's just muscular from poor posture and the sheer amount of stress i'm under.
Only a 2 and a half weeks and I move back down to London for my final University year, my doctor is right next door the to the Uni so I will pop in there and have them do my citalopram review I think. They're very nice.
Day 7 - Again with the damn anxiety in the morning, woke up and was instantly feeling run down thinking I was laying there once again waiting for something bad to happen. The physical symptoms are there but mostly in my muscles. I went for a walk around the local woods again and after 20 minutes was getting chest ache which sparked off more intrusive thoughts. I really think it's shoulder tension but my anxiety says otherwise. My appetite is still non-existent but I did manage to eat a sandwhich from Subway today which was nice but did give me some indigestion from eating too quickly I think.
Day 8 - Aside from the absolute mess of a hospital visit I had (see my thread in Health Anxiety) I managed to actually eat, i've been having an ache in my calf again when I walk but when i'm sat down it goes which makes me think muscular again.
Not a big update today because I'm feeling worn out so trying to do some hobbies to take my mind off of things. I really want to go up to 20mg but I need to wait for my review with my GP in a couple of weeks.
Day 9 - Today was the worst day since i started taking the citalopram. I woke up at 3am in an anxiety induced panic. Managed to fall back asleep and woke up yet again at 7am. THis time I got out of bed and got moving around, took my tablet at 9 because i went out with my parents to do some shopping. I was okay on the anxiety front while out and about but my right calf has felt very tight while walking around lately, and since getting a positive d-dimer yesterday (this apparently showed up because im healing from surgery). I've been terrified i have a clot in my leg, it only ever hurts when im walking, not sitting down though. It's odd.
Day 9 - Today was the worst day since i started taking the citalopram. I woke up at 3am in an anxiety induced panic. Managed to fall back asleep and woke up yet again at 7am. THis time I got out of bed and got moving around, took my tablet at 9 because i went out with my parents to do some shopping. I was okay on the anxiety front while out and about but my right calf has felt very tight while walking around lately, and since getting a positive d-dimer yesterday (this apparently showed up because im healing from surgery). I've been terrified i have a clot in my leg, it only ever hurts when im walking, not sitting down though. It's odd.
Citalopram messes with your head at first its horrible it will take a good few weeks to settle down. I started it again 13th june & now i’m going upto 30 mg which i’ve never done before only ever took 20 mg on all my previous start ups, guess i must have really lost it this time on the nerves/ anxiety front. I do feel a bit better but i suppose i’m looking for a miracle which is not going to happen but we’ve got to have hope haven’t we.
panic_down_under
27-08-20, 10:30
I started it again 13th june & now i’m going upto 30 mg which i’ve never done before only ever took 20 mg on all my previous start ups, guess i must have really lost it this time on the nerves/ anxiety front. I do feel a bit better but i suppose i’m looking for a miracle which is not going to happen but we’ve got to have hope haven’t we.
It may require a progressively higher dose each time an AD is restarted to achieve previous levels of control, the side-effects may be more severe and/or different than before and it may take longer for the med to kick-in too. :sad:
I forgot to update this recently but here we go! The main common symptom that's carried on since i started them was the incredible anxiety for the first hours in the morning and waking up at 7 am constantly. Which sucks. Days 10 - 12 have roughly been the same all round. I wake up, panic for a while, then somehow manage to get out of bed and get busy. If you've followed my health anxiety thread, i've seen the GP about various things which seems to all amount to anxiety. Lately i've been feeling some really bad fear of getting old and age dysphoria. I'm 29 but I feel much older compared to my friends, most of which are only a year younger. It's been upsetting, I went with my parents to help their friends move in they're 80 years old, and one has survived a stroke and they're loving life. But, to me I was terrified of getting older. I'm sure once the Citalopram kicks in I'll forget about it like I did before. But for now i'm really hating these intrusive thoughts. My GP has prescribed me 20mg to go up to, he wants me on that for three months and then we'll review. I am going to York for 3 days soon and I'll be moving back to London in about a week and a half, with that in mind I asked If i could stay on 10mg and then take the 20mg when i'm back and settled in London. He said that's fine, Delaying the dosage increase for a short while won't cause problems, he would have seen me at 3 weeks anyway.
Sparkle1984
28-08-20, 21:01
Yeah, Week 2 was very tough for me too, but the good news is that Weeks 3 and 4 should be a bit better. I'm now on Day 29 (or Day 8 of 20mg), and this week has been better than the last, and last week was better than the week before that. The progress appears to be very slow and gradual, but at least it's given me hope that I will be able to recover again, just like I did 5 years ago.
Your thoughts about getting older are very similar to mine. A few weeks ago (this was actually just a few days before my anxiety got really bad), I went for a walk with my parents and eldest sister, and we walked past one of my sister's neighbour's bungalow - they were an elderly couple and the lady chatted to us and said we could look at their fish pond. The lady looked fairly fit and healthy, but the man looked very aged and frail, and he was also in a wheelchair. He was still doing some gardening, though. This triggered some thoughts about getting older, thinking that this must be awful for him and I hope I don't end up like that when I'm older! Of course, there was really no way I could know that the man wasn't still happy with his life. I managed to put it out of my mind reasonably quickly, as this was before my anxiety had got bad again, but even then I could tell I was heading downhill with my anxiety and depression. This memory popped into my head again because I visited my sister a couple of days ago - when we drove past that neighbour's bungalow, I noticed they now had a tall wooden fence instead of a hedge in front of their garden, and you could no longer see the pond - I mentioned this to my sister and she said it's probably because the elderly man doesn't want the trouble of cutting the hedge any more.
Yeah, Week 2 was very tough for me too, but the good news is that Weeks 3 and 4 should be a bit better. I'm now on Day 29 (or Day 8 of 20mg), and this week has been better than the last, and last week was better than the week before that. The progress appears to be very slow and gradual, but at least it's given me hope that I will be able to recover again, just like I did 5 years ago.
Your thoughts about getting older are very similar to mine. A few weeks ago (this was actually just a few days before my anxiety got really bad), I went for a walk with my parents and eldest sister, and we walked past one of my sister's neighbour's bungalow - they were an elderly couple and the lady chatted to us and said we could look at their fish pond. The lady looked fairly fit and healthy, but the man looked very aged and frail, and he was also in a wheelchair. He was still doing some gardening, though. This triggered some thoughts about getting older, thinking that this must be awful for him and I hope I don't end up like that when I'm older! Of course, there was really no way I could know that the man wasn't still happy with his life. I managed to put it out of my mind reasonably quickly, as this was before my anxiety had got bad again, but even then I could tell I was heading downhill with my anxiety and depression. This memory popped into my head again because I visited my sister a couple of days ago - when we drove past that neighbour's bungalow, I noticed they now had a tall wooden fence instead of a hedge in front of their garden, and you could no longer see the pond - I mentioned this to my sister and she said it's probably because the elderly man doesn't want the trouble of cutting the hedge any more.
I'm definitely feeling less panic-attacks since starting so i'm hoping even though it's my third time round I will get better. I'm able to realise even though im not feeling anxious - sub consciously I am.
Yes I think so too, my age dysphoria came on quite heavily recently because of the heightened anxiety I think. It's hard to deal with the intrusive thoughts. I know many older people probably live a much more fulfilling and happier life than me right now but it still terrifies me.
Day 13 was the same as the others.
Day 14 - This was by far the worst day since starting the citalopram. My anxiety went through the roof, I woke up in a panic and couldn't settle down for most of the morning, I ended up having to speak to a doctor about the panic and they did some quick tests again and told me i'm fine, it's just the anxiety. He told me i've had more tests in a month then any average person has in a year. Which kind of made me realize just how bad I had gotten. After a thorough talking to and an explanation of the tests they've done over the month and why my heart isn't in danger, I went home and was absolutely exhausted emotionally and physically, I gained a post-adrenaline headache so took a paracetamol and climbed into bed. Sleep came very quickly.
Day 15 - Today has been much better than yesterday, I still had the thoughts of heart disease while out and about today. I tried to distract myself by going to buy things for university, I picked up some new clothes and kitchen items. It was a busy day because of the bank holiday in town. I had a small mental slip and googled british hear foundation statistics and realized that the story of the 28 year old who got a congenital heart disease which triggered my fear is actually a rare condition that is usually found in babies, but very rarely later on. This served to help calm me down a bit. I've come home now and my parents are having some friends over, I've managed to eat one half of a sandwich and drink some actimel. My appetite is shot once again from yesterday. I've been managing to eat Subway sandwiches because for some reason they tickle my appetite and make me want to eat. However I don't want to eat too many of them in a week. It could be unhealthy haha. The intrusive thoughts of growing old and dying were strong again today, I parked next to an old couple outside Matalan and saw he was sat in his car waiting for his wife hooked up to an oxygen bottle. And all i could think to myself was "I really hope I don't end up like that". Which is rude to him, because he may very well be happy as hell.
There is 10 days until I move into University at which point my dosage will increase to 20mg. Which will make it day 25 of taking 10mg. I really hope the increase solves the morning anxiety and the sleep issues.
Sparkle1984
31-08-20, 16:01
Day 14 was my worst day, too! That is the day when I asked the doctor for a sick note, as I feel like I didn't sleep at all the previous night, and I felt in no fit state to do my work. Up until then, I was hoping I would be able to get away without needing any sick leave. I remember my anxiety was sky high and I also felt very low and hopeless. Thankfully, I haven't had a day as bad as that since then.
Day 14 was my worst day, too! That is the day when I asked the doctor for a sick note, as I feel like I didn't sleep at all the previous night, and I felt in no fit state to do my work. Up until then, I was hoping I would be able to get away without needing any sick leave. I remember my anxiety was sky high and I also felt very low and hopeless. Thankfully, I haven't had a day as bad as that since then.
I hope that's the case for me! It was definitely a horrible experience. I feel like I barely slept on that day too. Thankfully on the end of day 14 I was so exhausted from worry I just zonked straight out on my bed! I'm glad the increase seems to be helping you though Sparkle!
Hi Sparkle/Aleman,
I’m currently upping my Citalopram to 30mg after relapsing on 20mg Which I’ve been on for a few years.
I’m 6 days in at the moment and it’s tough going so far. I understand you are in different circumstances as your restarting but thought I’d send my best wishes and hope all three of us get recovery soon.
Jeb.
Hi Sparkle/Aleman,
I’m currently upping my Citalopram to 30mg after relapsing on 20mg Which I’ve been on for a few years.
I’m 6 days in at the moment and it’s tough going so far. I understand you are in different circumstances as your restarting but thought I’d send my best wishes and hope all three of us get recovery soon.
Jeb.
Thank you Jebdog, it's a tough few weeks starting out, and I wish you the best and speediest recovery aswell.
panic_down_under
31-08-20, 23:41
There is 10 days until I move into University at which point my dosage will increase to 20mg. Which will make it day 25 of taking 10mg. I really hope the increase solves the morning anxiety and the sleep issues.
Why so long at 10mg/day? It probably won't lessen any increase in side-effects from upping the dose and delays kick-in. Plus, do you really want to increase the dose on the day you return to the university?
The rule of thumb on this is upping doses at intervals of less than 5 times the half-life of the med, 8 days for citalopram, may significantly raise the severity of any subsequent side-effects spike, but delaying increases won't significantly reduce it no matter how long the delay.
Hey PDU, hope you're doing well! The reason I'm waiting is because I have a lot of travelling to do to get there and didnt want the side effects if any, while doing the long journey. Due to COVID we get two weeks from when we move in to when lessons start so I was going to use that time to get used to the 20mg.
Hey PDU, hope you're doing well! The reason I'm waiting is because I have a lot of travelling to do to get there and didnt want the side effects if any, while doing the long journey. Due to COVID we get two weeks from when we move in to when lessons start so I was going to use that time to get used to the 20mg.
Good call Aleman, that makes sense. How you doing today, for the first time in ages i’ve woken up feeling calmer not shaking, i think maybe because i’ve decided on a plan of action with a few issues in my life & am determined to not carry on living half a life.
Good call Aleman, that makes sense. How you doing today, for the first time in ages i’ve woken up feeling calmer not shaking, i think maybe because i’ve decided on a plan of action with a few issues in my life & am determined to not carry on living half a life.
Good morning Redsmum! I'm glad to hear you're feeling a bit better today, its such a nice feeling to wake up without being in panic. Im not doing great today, I wake up at 7am still constantly, and when i am awake my first thoughts are my heartbeat feels weak because I can't feel it. But in reality it's probably just because I'm relaxed!
Im beginning to have slightly better mornings each day. But im still a long way off not feeling anxious as soon as I wake up.
Good morning Redsmum! I'm glad to hear you're feeling a bit better today, its such a nice feeling to wake up without being in panic. Im not doing great today, I wake up at 7am still constantly, and when i am awake my first thoughts are my heartbeat feels weak because I can't feel it. But in reality it's probably just because I'm relaxed!
Im beginning to have slightly better mornings each day. But im still a long way off not feeling anxious as soon as I wake up.
Its a long process Aleman, i hate that feeling of the minute your eyes open its all back again, for me i can wake up anytime from 4.30 onwards, i know its madness! Its strange how different we all are, i can honestly say i’ve never given my heart a second thought it never crosses my mind to even consider it, but when it comes to anything to do with the throat well thats a completely different matter sends me into a complete tail spin of panic, shaking constant anxiety. Utter madness but thats the way we’re made. On the BBC website was just reading about George Ezra who for his entire life has suffered from OCD but his is called PURE O where by he has these constant obtrusive thoughts & he can’t shake them of, interesting to read about, just shows it doesn’t matter who you are mental health can affect anyone. Hope you can manage to have a better day Aleman & take care, always here for a chat.
panic_down_under
01-09-20, 11:24
Due to COVID we get two weeks from when we move in to when lessons start so I was going to use that time to get used to the 20mg.
Ah, okay, makes sense.
Not much to report on the tablet front. The past few days have all been the same. My worries are centred around very specific things to do with my health. Mostly worrying about heart disease, also I've been getting tight feeling in my calf again lately which I'm putting down to muscular because its been happening for the past couple of weeks on and off.
In terms of anxiety the mornings feel like they're getting worse, but i calm down before the evenings now so that's progress. I imagine when i switch to 20mg things will get better on that front. My therapist has now put me on the waiting list for CBT so that's good, just gotta wait for now.
Not much to report on the tablet front. The past few days have all been the same. My worries are centred around very specific things to do with my health. Mostly worrying about heart disease, also I've been getting tight feeling in my calf again lately which I'm putting down to muscular because its been happening for the past couple of weeks on and off.
In terms of anxiety the mornings feel like they're getting worse, but i calm down before the evenings now so that's progress. I imagine when i switch to 20mg things will get better on that front. My therapist has now put me on the waiting list for CBT so that's good, just gotta wait for now.
Hi Aleman yes evenings always seem better for me too. I’ve been on 30mg from 20mg since saturday & thankfully have had no side effects, i can honestly say something has shifted in my mindset & i am starting to feel much better, or should i say more better days than bad ones. Really hope things will happen for u soon as well. Wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone, people who say snap out of it have absolutely no idea what we are going through. I’m glad you’re down for CBT I found it really helpful & i do still practice a lot of it still.
Thank you so much for your reply Redsmum, I know from previous experiences that something just clicks while you're on the medication and you start to feel better gradually. Im hoping that kicks in soon. My thoughts are all over the place at the minute. And I agree, its not something you can just kick to the curb over night thags for sure. I hope you have alot of success on 30mg!
Day 20 - For the past few days things have been feeling ever-so-slightly better than when i first started citalopram. I still get the chest ache and the calf ache, both of which I have been assured by multiple doctors is absolutely anxiety. I'm coming up to the end of my third week, most of the time Citalopram hasn't kicked in for me until week 4/5 or at least started to so hopefully things will be similar this time. I'm proud of being able to go on holiday for 3 days to York with my partner recently without needing to attend an A&E centre or GP for reassurance. Saying that, during my trip as you can tell from my HA thread, my calf began playing up after walking for extended periods of time, which would then make me focus on it and make the symptoms worse. And sure enough when I was relaxed on the bed and doing other things, the pain died away. I also had an issue where I spat some blood out when brushing my teeth, this also terrified me, despite the fact it's happened before and my dentist told me to brush better. I went out and bought an electric toothbrush and some corsodyl to just be safe. I think this fear came on because COVID has stopped my usual dentist appointments every 6 months.
Today I went for a walk around a woodland path nearby, it took me 40 minutes, and for 30 of it I was walking at a brisk pace and feeling pretty good, as soon as I was driving home I think i had a mild panic attack, my throat felt like it was closing up and my chest pain is back. Part of me is worried I won't ever recover this time round, I have even more fears of things I hadn't even thought of before. To illustrate my point and both sides of the anxiety, I went to the Yorkshire Air Museum with my partner while we were on holiday, I love World War 2 stuff and she's not overly keen but fancied looking at some planes, while we were there it was lovely weather so we sat outside in the picnic area looking at some of the planes. Next to us was an old couple with their grandson having lunch, my first initial thought was "Oh god, i'm so scared of getting old, what if my body breaks down and I can't do anything about it" which I said to my partner, and she just chuckled at me and told me to look at them again, the old guy had gotten up, was walking around and playing with his grandchild while his wife prepared some more lunch, they looked incredibly happy. This really put things into perspective for me.
Once I got back home at mid-day I felt quite tired, I'm not sure if it's from the walking, the anxiety or both. But I'm hoping things will improve soon.
Sparkle1984
05-09-20, 14:22
This sounds like progress, especially being able to go on holiday. In the first 3 or 4 weeks of taking citalopram, I don't like sleeping away from home - the thought of being anxious on holiday is the worst! I worry that the anxiety will spoil my enjoyment of the holiday, so I'm effectively worried about worrying! Previously, I have been on holiday one or two months after starting citalopram, and even though some of the anxiety has still been there, I still feel like I'm able to get some enjoyment out of the holiday by that point.
Day 20 - For the past few days things have been feeling ever-so-slightly better than when i first started citalopram. I still get the chest ache and the calf ache, both of which I have been assured by multiple doctors is absolutely anxiety. I'm coming up to the end of my third week, most of the time Citalopram hasn't kicked in for me until week 4/5 or at least started to so hopefully things will be similar this time. I'm proud of being able to go on holiday for 3 days to York with my partner recently without needing to attend an A&E centre or GP for reassurance. Saying that, during my trip as you can tell from my HA thread, my calf began playing up after walking for extended periods of time, which would then make me focus on it and make the symptoms worse. And sure enough when I was relaxed on the bed and doing other things, the pain died away. I also had an issue where I spat some blood out when brushing my teeth, this also terrified me, despite the fact it's happened before and my dentist told me to brush better. I went out and bought an electric toothbrush and some corsodyl to just be safe. I think this fear came on because COVID has stopped my usual dentist appointments every 6 months.
Today I went for a walk around a woodland path nearby, it took me 40 minutes, and for 30 of it I was walking at a brisk pace and feeling pretty good, as soon as I was driving home I think i had a mild panic attack, my throat felt like it was closing up and my chest pain is back. Part of me is worried I won't ever recover this time round, I have even more fears of things I hadn't even thought of before. To illustrate my point and both sides of the anxiety, I went to the Yorkshire Air Museum with my partner while we were on holiday, I love World War 2 stuff and she's not overly keen but fancied looking at some planes, while we were there it was lovely weather so we sat outside in the picnic area looking at some of the planes. Next to us was an old couple with their grandson having lunch, my first initial thought was "Oh god, i'm so scared of getting old, what if my body breaks down and I can't do anything about it" which I said to my partner, and she just chuckled at me and told me to look at them again, the old guy had gotten up, was walking around and playing with his grandchild while his wife prepared some more lunch, they looked incredibly happy. This really put things into perspective for me.
Once I got back home at mid-day I felt quite tired, I'm not sure if it's from the walking, the anxiety or both. But I'm hoping things will improve soon.
Hi Aleman, its still early days with the Citalopram, we both know its a marathon not a sprint. You’ve done well to be able to enjoy a break with your partner, even now after 2 1/2 months i still don’t feel like going anywhere much. I can’t tell you the amount of holidays/short breaks i’ve been on where i’ve ruined it for myself worrying & fretting over some symptom or other, think thats why i’d rather stay home. Don’t forget getting old is a privilege denied to many & once your there it won’t seem scary at all. You will get there, just believe you can do it.
The anxiety in the morning is beginning to feel more..controllable lately. Whether it's down to tthe citalopram or just my mind accepting what I cannot change I can't say but it's welcome nonetheless. I'm due to go up to 20mg soon which i'm feeling a bit worried about incase I have to go through a slew of side effects once more. Obviously I won't know until I try, which I still intend to do. The days are ever so gradually starting to feel a bit better.
The only thing that has stuck with me has been the lack of appetite, I still hear my stomach rumbling and I can eat a small meal when I feel the need to, but I don't have any desire for it.
Yesterday took a bit of a swing. Now my appetite is kind of back to the point where i feel hungry almost all the time, even after eating. Lately my intrusive thoughts have been about dying again. I read some posts on here about dealing with death anxiety and although its nice to not feel alone, I just can't shake the fear that I'm going to suddenly die. The only comfort I have is that my parents are fine and live with problems and icr been checked out for various things lately so its doubtful anything will actually happen but it still terrifies me and im not really sure how to shake the fear right now.
panic_down_under
09-09-20, 10:25
The reality of life is that the reaper always wins. You might live to be a 100, or fall under the proverbial bus tomorrow. There's not a lot you can do to change it so you might as well not dwell on it for no amount of worrying will add a nanosecond to your time. Anxiety/stress will likely shorten it.
How do you deal with it? Buggered if I know. But I live mine focussed on the here and now and extracting the maximum enjoyment I can from each and every day. Assume today is your last and live it like it is. Be so busy living that you don't have time to brood about it ending. Sadly, far too many people are so busy dying, just trudging through existence already half-dead, that they never really live. :weep:
"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a ride!"
Hunter S. Thompson
The reality of life is that the reaper always wins. You might live to be a 100, or fall under the proverbial bus tomorrow. There's not a lot you can do to change it so you might as well not dwell on it for no amount of worrying will add a nanosecond to your time. ⁸Anxiety/stress will likely shorten it.
How do you deal with it? Buggered if I know. But I live mine focussed on the here and now and extracting the maximum enjoyment I can from each and every day. Assume today is your last and live it like it is. Be so busy living that you don't have time to brood about it ending. Sadly, far too many people are so busy dying, just trudging through existence already half-dead, that they never really live. :weep:
Goodness thats some brilliant advice PDU, thank you. I know its an irrational state of mind because I could technically die by stepping outside and getting hit by a bolt of divine lightning but it doesn't mean I will. Ite hard to filter out that side of my brain, especially when we are surrounded by stories and media of deaths on a daily basis. I no longer fear getting older, I fear not having the chance to get there. And that is something I'm going to mention to my therapist whenever the appointment comes through. I really appreciate your reply PDU. Thank you.
Sparkle1984
09-09-20, 21:48
I personally have found that when I'm doing something productive, or doing something I enjoy, especially with others, I'm less likely to get the intrusive thoughts about dying. Sometimes I can still feel them in the back of my mind, but if I'm happy and really feel like I'm living in the moment, I'm less likely to dwell on them.
I've found that in the last couple of weeks, my motivation and enjoyment of my hobbies has started to come back, so that's made it quite a bit easier.
It's still early days, but last week my therapist suggested setting aside a daily worry time each day, so if you get a worry during the day, you write it down, refocus on what you were doing at the time, and then go back to the worry when the allotted worry period begins. I wrote about it in more detail in my diary thread. I have found this technique helpful so far, and sometimes when the worry period begins, I find it difficult to fill all the time with worries!
panic_down_under
10-09-20, 09:17
I know its an irrational state of mind because I could technically die by stepping outside and getting hit by a bolt of divine lightning but it doesn't mean I will.
If anyone was due to be zapped from above it would be me, but so far so good, although someone standing only about 500 metres from me was killed by lightning during a sudden freak storm a few years ago. I have wondered whether it was meant for me but the deity missed because of a lack of practice. :noangel: The gods seem not to use lightning bolts much these days. Not like back in the 'good' ol' days when Zeus and Thor chucked them about without a second thought
If anyone was due to be zapped from above it would be me, but so far so good, although someone standing only about 500 metres from me was killed by lightning during a sudden freak storm a few years ago. I have wondered whether it was meant for me but the deity missed because of a lack of practice. :noangel: The gods seem not to use lightning bolts much these days. Not like back in the 'good' ol' days when Zeus and Thor chucked them about without a second thought
This gave me a good laugh! Thanks PDU :yesyes:
Started on 20mg of Citalopram today, haven't felt anything different yet aside from a slight chest tightness, I managed a 50 minute walk/jog today which helped settle them down, hoping things will go well.
This gave me a good laugh! Thanks PDU :yesyes:
Started on 20mg of Citalopram today, haven't felt anything different yet aside from a slight chest tightness, I managed a 50 minute walk/jog today which helped settle them down, hoping things will go well.
Hi Aleman, how are you settling in? 20mg citalopram will eventually up the feel good, its good that you managed to get a walk/jog in.
I'm doing okay thank you Redsmum.
I'm on about day 5 of the 20mg increase and honestly I haven't really felt any side effects since then. The morning anxiety is still there albeit it isn't nearly as bad as it was, no longer do i lay in bed ruminating about whether I'm going to die or not, I just get up and get busy with something and I find that helps. Yesterday I went to the gym for the first time in a year, I ended up doing 60 minutes of intense walking on the treadmill without any pain, aside from being out of shape! Which filled me with positivity that my heart is doing well for itself. My GP ordered a full blood test last week and still waiting on those results just to give me a good health m.o.t really. Overall I think things are improving. The 20mg seems to have really knocked the thoughts into shape, I do still get them while walking around or idling but they feel a little bit more like background noise then anything right now. The only thing that hasn't improved is my appetite, although I say that but I can now eat full meals without feeling sick, I just don't have the desire to eat anything so I try and go for a bit of comfort food now and again, I suspect the appetite loss is down to the medication adjusting and my own anxiety, it'll come back in it's own time I think. I seem to have developed a weird phobia of germs recently, i'm often washing things several times until i'm sure it's clean. That could be down to COVID though.
It's still early days for the increase so I'm not going to worry too much about the physical symptoms.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.