View Full Version : Worried about melanoma at the moment
I've been worried about melanoma recently, probably because it's been so sunny.
I'm super pale and freckled, but with dark hair and greenish eyes.
I reckon I've had up to 10 bad sunburns, with pain and peeling, in my life. The first one was when I was about 10yo. So obviously that's bad straight away.
These days I still sunbathe. Apparently you're allowed 20 minutes on each side without sunscreen, so that's what I do on sunny days. I never burn when I do that, at least not noticeably, but I do develop a light tan.
I have so many moles. Honestly it's probably about 100. One of them in particular is weird af, pretty big and irregular with some darker bits, but I've had it for ages and the doctor checked it ages ago and said it was just a novus or something. My other moles look regular (that I can see).
Basically, I guess I'm pretty high risk for melanoma, and my past sunburns won't have helped. I don't know if my 20 mins sunbathing these days is a problem too. I read that the average white person has a 2.6% lifetime risk of melanoma, so I wouldn't be surprised if mine was 10% or more.
Not sure what to do now. You can't really get regular full body mole mapping in the UK, but maybe I should pay to do it privately?
Don't go down this path. It will consume you if you allow it to.
Positive thoughts
Don't go down this path. It will consume you if you allow it to.
Positive thoughts
I know it's one a lot of people are worried about. I genuinely think I'm probably at risk though. In a group of 20 people, I'm always the whitest. I have SO MANY moles. I've had the bad sunburns.
I'm not sure what I should be doing to make sure that if I get melanoma it's caught early.
In a group of 20 people, I'm always the whitest.
Just don't start getting the Tweety spray on orange tan Ok? :lac:
Positive thoughts
nomorepanic
09-08-20, 16:43
I would stop the sunbathing to be honest. Do you really need to put yourself at risk and obviously it has worried you so just don't do it.
I would stop the sunbathing to be honest. Do you really need to put yourself at risk and obviously it has worried you so just don't do it.
The thing is my vitamin D is really low normally, and that's bad for fertility. So it's kind of a catch 22. They say 20 mins sunbathing is ok 🤷🏻*♀️ but idk. I think the worst damage has probably already been done.
Also apparently having 100 moles or more makes you 8 times more likely to get it or something.
nomorepanic
09-08-20, 17:13
So take Vitamin D supplements like I do.
I would seriously stop it now before things get worse.
The thing is my vitamin D is really low normally, and that's bad for fertility. So it's kind of a catch 22. They say 20 mins sunbathing is ok 路*♀️ but idk. I think the worst damage has probably already been done.
Also apparently having 100 moles or more makes you 8 times more likely to get it or something.
Please stop "researching"? You know how your HA spirals. You'll have terminal melanoma "definitely" before you know it.
I tried to count, and I counted almost exactly 100 moles. Some are much smaller, but I'm sure they're moles and not freckles. I have THOUSANDS of freckles, and tbh some of them might be moles too, but I didn't count the ones I wasn't sure of.
There's only one properly weird looking mole, the one I mentioned before. I might try to get it removed. The others are smaller than a pencil eraser, though some are still quite big.
Does anybody know WHY people with moles are 'drastically' more likely to get skin cancer? Is it that the moles are a sign that the skin doesn't react very well to sunlight?
So you are going to continue "researching"?
So you are going to continue "researching"?
Apparently so.... :shrug: It would be beneficial to look back at your previous threads as you'll see the same pattern forming. Try to put a stop to it now before it takes over.
Positive thoughts
Seriously, DO NOT FALL DOWN THIS HOLE. I made that mistake worrying about my husband and it took me years to move past it. I honestly think a less tolerant man would've left me.
Stop researching, you're not a damned dermatologist and you can't tell these things.
Telling you this from a place of love because I think we're quite alike in certain respects.
I'm not really researching rn 😬
I just read the risk factors. Risk is drastically increased, apparently, with over 50 normal moles. It's not like the moles turn cancerous, it's more that actually having moles increases the risk. But I don't know why. I want to know WHY.
But I'm not researching.
You don't need to know why. That's your HA trigger. You are researching.
nomorepanic
09-08-20, 20:07
Just stop the sunbathing and that will make a big difference.
You don't need to know all the whys and ins and outs.
WiseMonkey
09-08-20, 23:51
I'm also pale skinned, dark haired, green eyed and very freckly ... (of Celtic origin). Plus I live in New Zealand which has one of the highest UV ratings in the world.
I get a complete body check once a year, from a dermatologist and handle anything that comes up in the interim. I've had a few things removed and none have been melanoma. Being over sixty, I am getting more solar keratosis and squamous cell issues arise. The specialist says my saving grace is that I lived in England until I was seven!
If you're worried, see a private specialist once a year then put your mind at rest. I don't mess around with skin things because as a teenager I was a sun bunny and I know my risk. Take care x
Thanks guys, yes I might look into the costs of a full body scan each year. I think I'll also ask my GP if we can remove the messed up looking mole.
I remember definitely getting some sunburn with peeling on my shoulders when I was about 10. Then, in my teens, I fortunately had a slightly Gothic phase and avoided the sun. Then I started sunbathing in I guess my late teens / early 20s and got a bad sunburn like every year 🤦🏻*♀️ For I guess the last five (?) years I haven't done that, and just this year have started doing the 20 mins on sunny days thing.
I wouldn't feel so bad about it if I just had freckles, not so many moles!
You look super brown, Wise! I wouldn't have guessed you were Celtic like me.
I just did some risk assessments and my risk of developing melanoma in the next five years is 0.57%, which is 'high' but not like mega super bad.
I wish I was better at telling freckles from moles. Some of my moles are very distinct, and some are smaller and more freckle like... but I still believe they are moles because if I look very closely they look kind of different.
Might post photos later.
I know that my risk won't go away no matter what happens, so I just have to find a way of handling the skin cancer anxiety indefinitely. It's not like other types of cancer where I do not have a particular risk. This is a cancer where I really am at risk, due to my skin type and my past behaviours.
Don't post photos, there aren't any dermatologists on here that I'm aware of and you risk triggering others.
WiseMonkey
10-08-20, 08:59
I wouldn't feel so bad about it if I just had freckles, not so many moles!
You look super brown, Wise! I wouldn't have guessed you were Celtic like me.
I have moles and freckles and the brown is the NZ summer! My brother (who's nine years younger than me) had a melanoma about ten years ago and because he has regular skin checks, it was picked up and he is fine. He and I don't have mole maps, just a Dr that looks over our whole body. This is a very thorough way of viewing and these specialists know just what they're looking for. Mole maps are available it just our preference not to have them.
Don't post photos, there aren't any dermatologists on here that I'm aware of and you risk triggering others.
Absolutely.
I sort of feel like you have to be prepared to be triggered if you're gonna use a health anxiety forum tho. Like, I get triggered every time I read anything about pregnant women. Or see them irl, for that matter. But that's life. And I'd still try to help them on their threads, even though it's painful.
Glad your bro is ok, Wise. I'm checking with Nuffield about the mole mapping but I guess it's going to be prohibitively expensive 😬
How do you think posting pictures here would provide concrete help to you?
How do you think posting pictures here would provide concrete help to you?
I guess it wouldn't. But nothing will help really. For some reason I just like to record things idek. Maybe I can take photos of all my own moles and have a sort of album and track them myself instead of the mole mapping service.
I think that's a really good idea.
I can have consultation and full body mole screen for £550 😬
I am considering it.
Maybe just as a one off, and then I can compare my moles to the images (which I get on USB stick) myself going forwards? I definitely wouldn't pay that every year.
He can also remove anything that looks bad, but I imagine that's very expensive so I'd probably just tell my GP if that were the case and ask the NHS to do it.
nomorepanic
10-08-20, 14:59
Seriously??? You are going to pay £550 for this?
It's actually only £300!
I feel that I should do this.
Because then I will have every single mole checked, a visual record of them all, and an expert opinion.
And I can refer back to the photos and get more help if anything changes.
nomorepanic
10-08-20, 16:10
Ok well that is your choice and a total waste of money in my opinion. You could use that money to get help with the REAL problem here which is clearly your HA but I don't think you will see it like that.
Not much more to say then really as you have a plan of action now so can move on from this.
Well, it says it's a good idea for people with certain risk factors - such as pale skin, lots of moles, and a history of sunburn. And that's me.
I did also find out why lots of moles are bad. It shows that your skin cells are over-productive, and that can lead to cancer.
You can also get internal melanomas.
WiseMonkey
10-08-20, 22:44
Just get a complete body mole check without the mole map, then it will be half the price. They keep a record of their findings so you could go back there in a couple of years time.
My complete body check follow-up was only $113 NZ/57 UK and that's from The Skin Institute which is private.
utrocket09
10-08-20, 23:40
Well, it says it's a good idea for people with certain risk factors - such as pale skin, lots of moles, and a history of sunburn. And that's me.
I did also find out why lots of moles are bad. It shows that your skin cells are over-productive, and that can lead to cancer.
You can also get internal melanomas.
This is huge waste of money! My husband has over 100 moles, and has had over 20 removed so far. We live in the US, and have never spent money on mole mapping ever. I would just see about seeing a skin doc or your regular doc. But if you want to waste time and money that is your choice.
Wise, I couldn't find anything cheaper unfortunately :/
utrocket, if he's had so many removed, presumably they were pretty suspicious looking? It's good his regular doctor is able to do this - in the UK unfortunately there's no way my doctor would be able to look at all my moles, and I doubt she'd know which ones were bad either! Sadly, I think I'll have to pay.
Sadly, I see this has taken the same path as previous fears :weep: At least to me, the pattern is obvious and repeating itself. Same pattern, different fear and being taken to the extreme.
What's most sad is that despite what you've gone through previously, there have been times I've seen you on the boards when you've worked on your mental health and your posts are like night and day. I've read your advice to others and its apparent you possess the rationality to help you through this. I'm just saying, based on following your threads, I believe you have it in your power to rationalize this. You really don't have to go down this rabbit hole.
Frankly, its not a bad idea for those that may be in a higher risk group to get a yearly exam with a dermatologist, but its certainly not some urgent situation IMO. Again, IMO, the mapping and such will just feed OCD sweet treats to the dragon and he's just going to keep on finding ways to get that treat.
As before, despite sound advice, you're going to ride the wave until it dissipates on the shore. Or are you?
Positive thoughts
utrocket09
11-08-20, 00:19
Wise, I couldn't find anything cheaper unfortunately :/
utrocket, if he's had so many removed, presumably they were pretty suspicious looking? It's good his regular doctor is able to do this - in the UK unfortunately there's no way my doctor would be able to look at all my moles, and I doubt she'd know which ones were bad either! Sadly, I think I'll have to pay.
His doctor monitors odd looking ones and removes if they look really bad. I just think mole mapping is such a waste of money. My husbands doc just
measures, looks and then moves on. No mole mapping.
Violet Blue
11-08-20, 06:34
Hi Jen
For my tuppence worth, as a fifty year old very fair, freckly and moley lady, I would ignore the advice about staying out of the sun completely. Topping up your vitamin D is vital for a range of serious illnesses, not least covid, apparently. Twenty minutes per day is enough to get your Vit D up but not burn. Even on hot days I will walk around in the sun, keeping to the shade where I can. I never ever sunbathe and am always the total bore who can't sit in the sun when out with friends. Always wear a hat though, when it's very hot, and I stick with SPF50 on my face, pretty much all year round.
I agree with the above - don't do your usual thing of throwing hundreds of pounds into a health thing, just because you can. If you see a suspicious mole, simply go to your GP. They will do you a two week wait to see a dermatologist if they think it's serious. That's what they are there for. By my age (and I've never been a sun worshipper) I have several sun damage marks on my arms and legs which you just grow to accept. I haven't ever had anything worrying, but that doesn't mean I'm complacent.
When you were a child people were more aware of sun safety, so I am sure your mother wouldn't have let you burn. Unfortunately from the 1980s and earlier, kids would be left to burn, and people would use oil to get browner, it was the fashion. Be grateful you've been spared that (which is what I am sure WM is referring to, being unwittingly exposed to very strong and damaging UV rays at a very young age).
Hope this helps. Enjoy your youth and good health.
The thing is Fish, with other people it's really obvious to me when they're being irrational and have nothing to worry about. But with my things, to me, it just seems like I DO have something to worry about?? Idk I just feel like I'm high risk for melanoma, and honestly at least one and probably more of these moles would be classed as atypical even if they aren't cancer. And like with the lymph node thing my doc literally wrote 'lymphoma?' on the referral form. I think they were expecting lymphoma more than they were expecting toxoplasmosis!
I do also get that 'feeling', which I know isn't necessarily real because I've had it before and nothing (too) bad has happened (although sometimes it has happened...), but it just feels so much like it means something in the moment. I think to my detriment I have a very very strong imagination, so that something sometimes might as well for happening for real rather than just in my head. I really don't know how to tell the difference.
I try to rationalise, but if I rationalise this all I can think is that I have a tonne of risk factors and therefore I need to get all my moles checked. I can't really check the ones on my back by myself.
I hate that I'm so scared of being ill still. After some of the big life events I've experienced, I'd hope I'd be more mature. One day I will get ill and die, perhaps with no family around me, and I hate to think I'll be frightened. That's not a great end. I just want to be able to find acceptance in there somewhere.
Violet, you're right, my mum kept me out of the sun as a child fortunately. I definitely had some burns in my teens and 20s though. And I'm sure I have moles now I didn't have then. Some very much on the larger and splotchier side. It's hard for me to check the ones on my back properly, but I know I have a minimum of 20 on my back alone.
utrocket09
11-08-20, 09:05
The thing is Fish, with other people it's really obvious to me when they're being irrational and have nothing to worry about. But with my things, to me, it just seems like I DO have something to worry about?? Idk I just feel like I'm high risk for melanoma, and honestly at least one and probably more of these moles would be classed as atypical even if they aren't cancer. And like with the lymph node thing my doc literally wrote 'lymphoma?' on the referral form. I think they were expecting lymphoma more than they were expecting toxoplasmosis!
I try to rationalise, but if I rationalise this all I can think is that I have a tonne of risk factors and therefore I need to get all my moles checked. I can't really check the ones on my back by myself.
So what? Tons of people are high risk of melanoma and never get it. My husband is high risk and has had numerous atypical moles nonw of which are cancer. In fact he is getting another removed next week. If its a weird mole, just have it checked by a GP or a derm, and it gets removed, end of story.
I think some of the marks on my skin might be lentigines / age spots too. It is so hard to tell the difference between freckles, lentigines and moles sometimes! It really, really bothers me when I can't work something out.
I guess all the raised ones are moles for sure, but some of the flat ones... I just don't know. Some might be moles, some might not.
It's driving me nuts!
It's definitely getting bad because I've started counting the moles on other people that I meet. Love it when they have quite a lot. They probably think I'm super weird, staring at their arms and stuff.
I think to my detriment I have a very very strong imagination
"Worry is the misuse of imagination"
Unknown
Positive thoughts
You are lucky you live in a cold hole living here in Aus we have the highest rate of Melanoma deaths in the god damn world we just lay in the hot blazing sun and burn to a crisp and don’t think of the consequences until years later.
I am one of those idiots that cooked in the sun and have paid for it.:lac:
nomorepanic
11-08-20, 12:39
For my tuppence worth, as a fifty year old very fair, freckly and moley lady, I would ignore the advice about staying out of the sun completely. Topping up your vitamin D is vital for a range of serious illnesses, not least covid, apparently. Twenty minutes per day is enough to get your Vit D up but not burn. Even on hot days I will walk around in the sun, keeping to the shade where I can. I never ever sunbathe and am always the total bore who can't sit in the sun when out with friends. Always wear a hat though, when it's very hot, and I stick with SPF50 on my face, pretty much all year round.
I wasn't talking about avoiding the sun completely. I was specifically talking about sunbathing in the sun - not just walking around etc.
Sorry to hear that, Lola. I know that in Aus the UV index can often be around 14, right?!
When I go in the sun it's normally a UV rating of 6. I've definitely burned with that in the past though. Now, with all these moles, I'm kind of freaking out.
Anyway, I'm going to see the derm on 1st September.
WiseMonkey
11-08-20, 13:11
Good get it checked out and then relax and get on with life :)
Thanks Wise, we'll see what he says 😬
I think I may have atypical mole syndrome? Because I easily have more than 50 moles (more than 100, I'd say) and at least 1 is atypical (I think 3+). No family history of melanoma, which is one good thing. My body doesn't look as bad as the photos I've seen of people with the syndrome - my moles generally seem smaller and lighter and somewhat less abundant - but I think on the internet they always use the most extreme photos.
I'm furious with myself for spending so much time in the sun, and getting the sunburns. I honestly didn't know how great my risk was until recently. I didn't even realise I had more moles than most people.
nomorepanic
11-08-20, 15:32
Stop researching and comparing things online.
Just move on from this now. You will get seen, most likely get the all clear and be fine.
You can't change the past so why dwell on it?
Thanks Wise, we'll see what he says
I think I may have atypical mole syndrome? Because I easily have more than 50 moles (more than 100, I'd say) and at least 1 is atypical (I think 3+). No family history of melanoma, which is one good thing. My body doesn't look as bad as the photos I've seen of people with the syndrome - my moles generally seem smaller and lighter and somewhat less abundant - but I think on the internet they always use the most extreme photos.
I'm furious with myself for spending so much time in the sun, and getting the sunburns. I honestly didn't know how great my risk was until recently. I didn't even realise I had more moles than most people.
The dangers of "research" and HA....
Here is my weirdest looking mole / possible melanoma. It's about 1.5cm long. So as you can see I have some cause for concern.
I've had this mole as long as I can remember. I did go to the doctor about it in 2016, when I didn't really have health anxiety, and he just said it was a large mole basically. I forgot about it after that. I don't believe the overall mole has got bigger since then, but the middle bit might have... and perhaps darker, too.
Even if it is not melanoma yet, this looks like the sort of thing that definitely could turn into cancer.
And obviously just having this sort of thing on my body drastically increases my risk generally. I have so many more moles, some pretty weird looking, but that's the biggest. Most of the others are <6mm, although several are a slightly odd shape with multiple shades of brown... so I guess would be classed as atypical too.
utrocket09
11-08-20, 20:07
5153 Here is my weirdest looking mole / possible melanoma. It's about 1.5cm long. So as you can see I have some cause for concern.
I've had this mole as long as I can remember. I did go to the doctor about it in 2016, when I didn't really have health anxiety, and he just said it was a large mole basically. I forgot about it after that. I don't believe the overall mole has got bigger since then, but the middle bit might have... and perhaps darker, too.
Even if it is not melanoma yet, this looks like the sort of thing that definitely could turn into cancer.
And obviously just having this sort of thing on my body drastically increases my risk generally. I have so many more moles, some pretty weird looking, but that's the biggest. Most of the others are <6mm, although several are a slightly odd shape with multiple shades of brown... so I guess would be classed as atypical too.
Why are you sharing photos? None of us are doctors and there is no way to know if a mole is atypical or not unless it is removed and biopsied.
Why are you sharing photos? None of us are doctors and there is no way to know if a mole is atypical or not unless it is removed and biopsied.
Idk, just so you can see where my concern is coming from I guess.
The mole is definitely atypical. It is a dysplastic nevus. What nobody can know at the moment is whether it's actually cancerous.
Having moles like that, cancerous or not, does greatly increase skin cancer risk, though.
utrocket09
11-08-20, 20:32
Idk, just so you can see where my concern is coming from I guess.
The mole is definitely atypical. It is a dysplastic nevus. What nobody can know at the moment is whether it's actually cancerous.
Having moles like that, cancerous or not, does greatly increase skin cancer risk, though.
Okay and....again, you can have odd looking moles not be atypical or dysplastic. My husband has tons of them that look typical, but once removed are not dysplastic at all. Tons of people are at risk of skin cancer, it doesn't mean anything. Stop looking and measuring and wait till you see a doctor.
I'm really sorry, but I don't think anybody wants to look at your moles.
There is absolutely no way that looking at that photo can help us help you. Plenty of people are covered in moles, myself and my husband included, and I've had to fight really hard to climb out of that rabbit hole.
Ask yourself how you'll cope when you have a child and they get sick, which they do, and then get back to working on your mental health.
nomorepanic
11-08-20, 20:44
Hi,
We have removed a picture or link from your post.
This is because we feel it is inappropriate for No More Panic and does not follow the NMP Picture etiquette guidelines.
Please take a look at the guidelines here...
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=223214
I didn't think the picture breached any of the guidelines?! 😭😭
It's just a mole. I've seen worse photos on here.
I think I'd find it helpful if I were somebody else thinking about melanoma, because once I get the results from the derm the photo can be used as a useful reference.
Blue, yes, if I'm ever fortunate enough to become a mum I definitely don't want to project any anxieties onto my child. I'm not sure yet whether I'll get to be a mum, though.
nomorepanic
11-08-20, 21:04
We asked you not to post pictures - end of discussion.
I didn't think the picture breached any of the guidelines?!
It's just a mole. I've seen worse photos on here.
I think I'd find it helpful if I were somebody else thinking about melanoma, because once I get the results from the derm the photo can be used as a useful reference.
Blue, yes, if I'm ever fortunate enough to become a mum I definitely don't want to project any anxieties onto my child. I'm not sure yet whether I'll get to be a mum, though.
A "useful reference"? I don't think so. Qualified dermatologists analyse moles/lesions for melanoma not posters with HA comparing notes.
Ok, sorry. I honestly didn't know it was against the rules.
Feeling a bit worse today.
I have a mole on one of my retinas, and my optician told me when I was younger that it was ok, just needs monitoring.
I never really thought about it.
Now I know that these can turn into melanoma. Fewer than 1 in 10 people have them, and I'm not sure how frequently they become malignant.
It's actually making me feel sick and faint to think about.
As ever, I'm at higher risk of eye melanoma because I have 'atypical' moles. When I was younger I never wore sunglasses, and I have large pupils because of being short sighted so I'm very sensitive to sun in my eyes.
I didn't start wearing sunglasses til just a few years ago though.
I just feel utterly sick.
nomorepanic
14-08-20, 19:44
Surely this is monitored by the optician though?
Feeling a bit worse today.
I have a mole on one of my retinas, and my optician told me when I was younger that it was ok, just needs monitoring.
I never really thought about it.
Now I know that these can turn into melanoma. Fewer than 1 in 10 people have them, and I'm not sure how frequently they become malignant.
It's actually making me feel sick and faint to think about.
As ever, I'm at higher risk of eye melanoma because I have 'atypical' moles. When I was younger I never wore sunglasses, and I have large pupils because of being short sighted so I'm very sensitive to sun in my eyes.
I didn't start wearing sunglasses til just a few years ago though.
I just feel utterly sick.
Who told you you have "atypical moles" ?
Thanks Wise, we'll see what he says
I think I may have atypical mole syndrome? Because I easily have more than 50 moles (more than 100, I'd say) and at least 1 is atypical (I think 3+). No family history of melanoma, which is one good thing. My body doesn't look as bad as the photos I've seen of people with the syndrome - my moles generally seem smaller and lighter and somewhat less abundant - but I think on the internet they always use the most extreme photos.
I'm furious with myself for spending so much time in the sun, and getting the sunburns. I honestly didn't know how great my risk was until recently. I didn't even realise I had more moles than most people.
So it's your own diagnosis? Why not wait until you see the dermatologist for an accurate diagnosis/assessment?
I'm going to the optician in a couple of weeks to check it.
An atypical mole is just one that is large, or uneven, or two colours I believe. And I have several like that.
Even so...you are not a dermatologist.
utrocket09
14-08-20, 21:26
I'm going to the optician in a couple of weeks to check it.
An atypical mole is just one that is large, or uneven, or two colours I believe. And I have several like that.
Not always...my husband had single colored moles and that times were small and they were atypical/dysplastic.
So please don't explain what they are unless you have been seen by a doc and know what you are talking about.
I think normal looking moles can be dysplastic, but a large/multi-coloured mole can't be NOT dysplastic.
utrocket09
15-08-20, 02:01
I think normal looking moles can be dysplastic, but a large/multi-coloured mole can't be NOT dysplastic.
Wrong again..when my husband had his multi colored moles removed that we were sure where melanoma, they were dysplastic. My husband had had moles the sizes of quarters with 2-3 colors in them, turned out they were moderate dysplastic.
WiseMonkey
15-08-20, 03:51
Wrong again..when my husband had his multi colored moles removed that we were sure where melanoma, they were dysplastic. My husband had had moles the sizes of quarters with 2-3 colors in them, turned out they were moderate dysplastic.
This is true, my brother has had several of these removed and they were dysplastic, not melanoma or skin cancer.
Sorry yes that's what I meant - any multicoloured mole is dysplastic, not necessarily skin cancer. I don't know if I have skin cancer right now, but I do have moles that are dysplastic so my risk of developing melanoma is high.
I'm not sure how many exactly are dysplastic. I have the big weird one on my lower back, I have a multicoloured one on my arm, so that's two at least.
I guess I'm just scared that I have loads and loads of dysplastic ones, more than I thought, and so my risk is super high.
Let the dermatologist make this assessment....But you'll plough on regardless, won't you?
That's just what the definition of a dysplastic mole is tho.
Let the dermatologist make this assessment....But you'll plough on regardless, won't you?
Isn't that obvious? A week in and 4 pages of watching the rabbit hole consume her :weep: Its going to play out like the other fears...
FMP
utrocket09
15-08-20, 13:24
Sorry yes that's what I meant - any multicoloured mole is dysplastic, not necessarily skin cancer. I don't know if I have skin cancer right now, but I do have moles that are dysplastic so my risk of developing melanoma is high.
I'm not sure how many exactly are dysplastic. I have the big weird one on my lower back, I have a multicoloured one on my arm, so that's two at least.
I guess I'm just scared that I have loads and loads of dysplastic ones, more than I thought, and so my risk is super high.
I mean everyone is at risk of skin cancer whether they have dysplastic moles or not. My husband I know has at least 10 or more dysplastic ones. It doesn't impact our life at all. We just make sure he wears sunblock, limits time outdoors and gets checked every 6 months by the dermatologist. In fact, he is having another mole removed next week that believe is dysplastic, but not sure. This will be his 20 something mole removal.
Thanks for everyone's replies so far. I hope your husband's appointment goes well, utrocket.
I've been not too bad the last few days, but now I'm feeling really bad again and can't sleep.
I don't think this is health anxiety, because I actually legitimately think I might be screwed.
I have tried to remember all the sunburns I've ever had. I remember aged about 10, I burned my shoulders a bit and was surprised because I didn't know why they were sore. I'd never been burned before. The skin peeled.
Then age 15 I'm pretty sure I burned on my chest I think, and it was painful for several days.
Then in my late teens and early 20s I burned several times. I think a couple of times I may have had some small water blisters from the burns. I definitely had lots of peeling. Sometimes it was thighs, sometimes stomach, sometimes shoulders, sometimes face.
I think I've burned at least 10 times in all. I really can't be certain of the exact number.
I think of the redheads I know, who are at high risk, but most of them don't have any moles.
It's the sunburn plus all the moles that paints a very bleak picture.
I keep thinking about the mole on my retina.
I don't know what to do. Having all these moles puts me at 7x the risk or something ridiculous. The burning probably quadruples my risk again.
I don't know how often other people burn. I've never seen peeling sunburn on anyone else. They don't have many moles, either.
utrocket09
18-08-20, 02:04
Thanks for everyone's replies so far. I hope your husband's appointment goes well, utrocket.
I've been not too bad the last few days, but now I'm feeling really bad again and can't sleep.
I don't think this is health anxiety, because I actually legitimately think I might be screwed.
I have tried to remember all the sunburns I've ever had. I remember aged about 10, I burned my shoulders a bit and was surprised because I didn't know why they were sore. I'd never been burned before. The skin peeled.
Then age 15 I'm pretty sure I burned on my chest I think, and it was painful for several days.
Then in my late teens and early 20s I burned several times. I think a couple of times I may have had some small water blisters from the burns. I definitely had lots of peeling. Sometimes it was thighs, sometimes stomach, sometimes shoulders, sometimes face.
I think I've burned at least 10 times in all. I really can't be certain of the exact number.
I think of the redheads I know, who are at high risk, but most of them don't have any moles.
It's the sunburn plus all the moles that paints a very bleak picture.
I keep thinking about the mole on my retina.
I don't know what to do. Having all these moles puts me at 7x the risk or something ridiculous. The burning probably quadruples my risk again.
I don't know how often other people burn. I've never seen peeling sunburn on anyone else. They don't have many moles, either.
I am a redhead and burn easy. I have had peeling sunburns and have freckles and moles. I am at high risk of skin cancer, does that high risk run my life...nope. You can't let a what if or a high risk of something ruin your life.
Having some moles is normal, I think it's only when it's 50+ that it gets problematic - but yh I think being red haired does increase your risk. It's good that you're philosophical about it. I am struggling with that.
I think it's because I don't know my exact risk level.
I suspect it could be more likely than not that I get melanoma.
I'm worried I may already have it - I've just never paid any attention to my moles before so I might not notice any changes.
I've tried to have a look at them all over the last few days, and compare them to random old photos of myself, and I haven't really noticed any obvious new moles or changes to existing ones. But as I said I do have some that look weird.
The one on my arm is bothering me... it just looks different from the rest. I have no idea how long it's been two colours for.
You're not a dermatologist though, Jenny..It's just that melanoma has become the new focus for your HA and the morbid fascination in the subject has taken root.
I know that I have definitely become obsessed with it, and that worrying doesn't help... but this really is something I'm high risk for. I'm probably more high risk for this than anything else.
I think the four fears I've had have been pretty legit... well, the first one that set everything off was the general anaesthesia fear during my second miscarriage which wasn't rational but I was pretty badly mentally ill at that point I think. And even now I can't explain the 'premonition' so most of the time I just try not to think about it.
Then I had the infertility / recurrent miscarriage fear, and was diagnosed with those things.
Then I had the lymphoma fear, and my GP literally seemed to think I had lymphoma. So it was a great relief that it "only" ended up being toxoplasmosis (which may have been a contributing factor to my third miscarriage).
Now melanoma, which I will be high risk for and have to monitor as long as I live.
I don't know how I'll be able to monitor the moles on my back properly at home as I'm single. I'll have to get a friend to check them or something.
Or maybe I have already had melanoma for years and it's too late.
I don't know if I should try to have a child again if I am so high risk for this disease. I wouldn't want to orphan my child.
I feel overwhelmed, and I've cancelled all of my walks and social activities. I was going to go on a date this evening but I'm going to cancel.
Please don't..Get away from all this melanoma spiralling and go out. You'll just get ill again if you narrow everything down to melanoma fear and obsession for the next 2 weeks.
This is what I've said, repeatedly, because I've been there and it took me years (about 3) to get out.
It drives me loopy that my advice is being ignored.
Sorry Blue, I don't mean to ignore your advice, but I can't seem able to look at this situation positively atm.
You really need to stop reading, because it takes forever to unremember the scary stuff. Unless you want to get qualified in dermatology, you need to discipline yourself to stay uninformed.
Try to avoid getting any more sunburn, get a check if you need it for your peace of mind and that is the absolute maximum you need to do.
I fall down the Googlehole occasionally for other things now, but the one thing I absolutely know I cannot look at under any circumstances is stuff that relates to melanoma.
I'm definitely going to avoid the sun from now on. Unfortunately I think the damage has been done... but at least I can not add to it.
I feel like research arms me with knowledge and power. If I hadn't researched I wouldn't know how high risk I was, and I'd probably never have been checked and then suddenly have advanced melanoma one day.
It arms you with partial knowledge that you don't have the context to use.
Yes. I guess that is true. I can't work out my actual lifetime probability of melanoma no matter how much I research, and that's kind of what I want to know really, and I don't even know why, I feel like it makes me more in control, but perhaps it makes me feel even worse.
Thank you for commenting. I know melanoma is triggering for you so I hope you don't feel obligated to try to help me or read my threads. As I don't want to make you feel worse.
I was just reading a study where particular questions were asked of melanoma sufferers and it was very accurate at calculating a person's yearly risk of melanoma.
The study isn't user-friendly, but you can find the questions asked and the numerical weight attached to each answer. I do save some points for being female and young with dark hair.
It's hard to work out the rest because I'm not sure if my density of freckles is 'several' or 'a lot'. And I'm not sure how many 'raised' moles I have on both arms. They asked people to run their fingertips over their arms and count the 'raised' moles. None of my moles are super raised, so if I do it quickly none of them really feel raised. If I feel each mole carefully, more than 3 feel raised (bad).
Then obviously I get lots of points loaded on for my sunburns. I've been conservative and said 5-9 sunburns before age 18, but potentially it's more than 9. But I THINK it's less.
I'm meant to be working but this is all I'm doing instead.
I know I should stop and I'm not helping myself but it feels like I can't stop.
Apart from the lymphoma thing, which my GP really did suspect, I've been pretty good since recovering from second miscarriage. Got through third miscarriage very well, and even went to trade show for work the next day and nobody would have known. I moved on from it really quickly, until my nodes went crazy and the whole lymphoma scare happened.
But once I knew that was toxo I got much better. So really in the last two years I've been good, I think, despite some difficult times with IVF and miscarriage and feeling lonely.
But now this seems like a really serious thing, and I'm not imagining it, I'm really high risk. I don't know how to handle it.
Life is fundamentally risky, but if you dwell on the risks too much it also becomes fundamentally un-fun.
Sorry, but I couldn't read the stats you posted because it's not something I can afford to think about. Self-care is important, but at the same time, we all have to die of something, sometime.
I know. I guess I just don't want to die before I've found some fulfillment and happiness - I'd love to have a family of my own like most women my age. Even if I can never have children it would be nice to meet a man, somebody who loves and supports me.
And tbh I'd really rather not die of cancer, although I know so many do.
My uncle had heart failure a few years ago. There happened to be a doctor in the room, and he was revived. He said, though, that he felt perfectly well and then suddenly started to feel very tired. He shut his eyes, to rest them, and that's all he remembers until he woke up in hospital. Kind of like being put under anaesthesia - one moment you're conscious and then without even noticing the transition you're unconscious.
Wouldn't that be a wonderful way to go.
Jenny you're young and it's so sad that you're living in dread of dying before you find fulfillment and happiness. Arming yourself with "knowledge" will not protect you..It will wreck your mental health and expose you to all sorts of needless fears which will have a long lasting effect and seriously affect the quality of your life.
Please don't do this to yourself?
I know, I'm not helping myself.
I always look back to my 20s, when my life was so wonderful. I had so many years of happiness, for which I consider myself lucky. I was in a good relationship with somebody who loved and supported me (although unfortunately I was never really in love with him) and I loved my job, I had a great time, was always doing things, everybody liked me, I assumed in my late 20s I'd start a family and things would just get better and better and better...
And instead everything just fell apart. Not just one thing, everything crumbled, like I'd been struck by lightning or a curse. All at once. I just felt like I lost everything.
Now I'm alone, with known infertility problems, a job I dislike, very little social life, and no real glimmer of light on the horizon.
I can't bear to think that this is just it. That everything before was some sort of dream or fantasy, and this is my life, and this is how it's going to be, and then I'll just die.
Life's a journey, of course there are going to be speedbumps.
If you don't like your job, why not start making plans to hunt for a new one, or to re-train. It's enrolment season at the FE colleges around here, so if you turn up there's bound to be somebody around to help you.
I am, I've been applying for a few things. That's been slightly waylaid right now as I don't feel I'm physically capable of doing an interview with this melanoma thing.
I've thought about doing an OU degree as well, but not sure how I could pay for that without any income... because they're full time courses so I'd have to quit work.
Another reason a husband would be good - I could study while he worked 😁
I think I'll just try to hang in there til my derm appointment on the 1st and see what his prognosis is and take it from there.
There are a lot of evening classes available, too, it's not all flower arranging.
The "melanoma thing" is not fact..It's HA driven.
This all appears to stem from the break up of your relationship and the pain and trauma this caused you. Trauma is a terrible thing which isn't really understood but it can have devastating effects on how you cope with the aftermath.
You're right Blue. I'll look into classes. I was doing well at all this stuff, making changes in my life, before I got into this latest episode.
Pulisa, yes, I think it did all stem from around then. Or a little later... the second miscarriage is what screwed me, for sure. I was ok at first but when all the medical stuff went crazy with it, that's when I went crazy. It wasn't the miscarriage itself, as I was ok with miscarriages 1 and 3 (apart from normal grief). But the second one definitely made my brain go wrong
I was with a different man at that point, who I really did love, and so when that ended that did not help matters.
It all started going wrong when I left my previous ex and got with that one, I suppose. That's when I first got pregnant and everything was downhill from there.
Not his fault, I might add (not all his fault, anyway), just the perfect storm. A culmination of many bad events in one go.
Anyway I haven't recovered from whatever miscarriage no. 2 did to me, although I'm not as bad as I was at the time. But my brain definitely does weird shit now that it never did before.
It might be HA that I'm worried about having melanoma right this second, but it's real that I'm high risk. Even if I don't have melanoma right now, I have to find a way to live with that high risk factor.
I do understand your fear but I think the dermatologist would be the best person to make that assessment.... not stuff you read online which is not related to your particular situation? Who has actually told you that you are high risk?
Well, I think it's pretty widely known that lots of moles increases melanoma risk. It's an even greater risk factor than having red hair. Between 5-10% of white people will have a 'large' number of moles - like me. A very small minority will have an inherited condition where they have huge numbers of moles and are about 12% more at risk of melanoma than the average white person.
Also, I've got into genomics lately (I know I know I know) and I've been analysing my genome. I know everyone will have a few disturbing things come up, so I'm most ignoring those. On the whole, there's nothing in there that's immediately alarming - which is a relief. I specifically checked my genes relating to melanoma and on the whole there was nothing 'extra' aside what I already knew - I'm pale and freckled so more at risk.
However, I did have a strange mutation on the PLA2G6. I had SIX rare mutations on SNPs relating to number of moles. I almost freaked out and thought I was somehow massively unlucky and had all these rare mole-producing mutations, but then I asked about it on a genomics Facebook group which is full of clever doctors and I spoke to this really nice man who explained that SNPs can be tightly linked on a gene so if you have one rare SNP you might also have the other rare linked SNPs. So it's not a risk factor of x^n, just a risk factor of x even though I have all six mutations. I checked the six SNPs and it does appear they are linked. So, I do have a rare-ish mutation (which about 8% of white people have) which means I have more moles. Which I already knew. Hence increased melanoma risk.
But I was actually relieved because I didn't have in effect six rare mutations!
So nothing was really thrown up from my genome that I didn't already know about my risk. There were no random things in there that would increase my risk further than what I already knew based on my skin.
At least, not that I could see.
I checked my mum's genome too and she had very similar genes relating to melanoma as me - except she didn't have the mole-producing SNP. Makes sense, as she has few moles.
So, anyway, I'm pale, I'm freckled, I've been sunburned about ten times, and worst of all I have a lot of moles. So I know I'm high risk.
But at least I'm doing all I can now, by going to see the derm and avoiding the sun.
So..who told you that you were high risk? The internet?
Well, my skin did I guess. I can see that I'm pale and freckled and moley.
And I've always known that lots of moles was a risk factor. I just didn't know why, exactly. And I didn't know all the stats.
utrocket09
18-08-20, 23:22
Well, my skin did I guess. I can see that I'm pale and freckled and moley.
And I've always known that lots of moles was a risk factor. I just didn't know why, exactly. And I didn't know all the stats.
Okay so what if you have a lot of moles? I know someone who had melanoma...not fair skinned, and is a blonde..guess what...has melanoma. Risk factors do not automatically mean you will get a certain disease...
ForestGirl
19-08-20, 03:22
Wow, look at all the replies to this thread. It's so strange to me, that other threads with people pleading for help and having actual serious issues get maybe 1 or 2 if lucky.
Utrocket, no, I know... I know I won't definitely get it, but I am worried about my risk. But I'm just trying to remember that I'm doing all I can buy going to see the derm.
Forest and Red, sorry. I do try to comment on other people's threads as much as possible to help if I can - though sometimes when I'm very anxious myself I feel like I can't help. I had a look to see if you had some active threads I could help with but it looks like you don't have active ones right now. But if there's anything I can help with then I'd like to.
utrocket09
19-08-20, 12:10
Utrocket, no, I know... I know I won't definitely get it, but I am worried about my risk. But I'm just trying to remember that I'm doing all I can buy going to see the derm.
Forest and Red, sorry. I do try to comment on other people's threads as much as possible to help if I can - though sometimes when I'm very anxious myself I feel like I can't help. I had a look to see if you had some active threads I could help with but it looks like you don't have active ones right now. But if there's anything I can help with then I'd like to.
Again...everyone is at risk of melanoma...just wait till you see a derm and quitting finding studies and doing your own "research".
ForestGirl
20-08-20, 06:35
Utrocket, no, I know... I know I won't definitely get it, but I am worried about my risk. But I'm just trying to remember that I'm doing all I can buy going to see the derm.
Forest and Red, sorry. I do try to comment on other people's threads as much as possible to help if I can - though sometimes when I'm very anxious myself I feel like I can't help. I had a look to see if you had some active threads I could help with but it looks like you don't have active ones right now. But if there's anything I can help with then I'd like to.
No need to apologise, I notice you do help a lot of people, I always just notice some threads can have so many pages, where other's don't have any replies at all. I probably shouldn't have said anything, as I don't want to make you feel bad, it isn't your fault x apologies.
WiseMonkey
20-08-20, 08:17
Again...everyone is at risk of melanoma...just wait till you see a derm and quitting finding studies and doing your own "research".
Yep you can have lots of moles all your life, be exposed to sun and never develop melanoma ... this from my dermatologist.
Yep you can have lots of moles all your life, be exposed to sun and never develop melanoma ... this from my dermatologist.
That's really reassuring information so please don't find ways of making yourself the exception to this fact, Jenny?
Thanks guys, yeah, hopefully I'm one of those. I guess I'm just hoping I don't have it right now and that going forwards I can just be careful and monitor my skin closely so that if melanoma did appear it could be removed in its early stages.
I know my genetic risk from my genome - just being white more than doubles my risk compared to say black people, but that's so for all white people. Then I have the relatively rare mole mutation which does automatically increases my risk by about 70% of my baseline. Though I'm not certain what my baseline is - honestly, I don't know if my lifetime risk is less than 10%, 20%, 50%?! And none of this takes sunburn into account of course.
But at least I don't appear to have the REALLY bad mutation, which can increase risk by twelve times! Some people have a 90% chance of getting melanoma in their lifetime, a bit like the really bad BRCA mutation and breast cancer. However, those people will very often have the outwards sign of very many moles, as that's what the bad gene mutation does to your skin.
There's also a red hair gene which increases your risk by three times, but I don't seem to carry that either.
Anyway, less than two weeks to wait now.
Thanks guys, yeah, hopefully I'm one of those. I guess I'm just hoping I don't have it right now and that going forwards I can just be careful and monitor my skin closely so that if melanoma did appear it could be removed in its early stages.
I know my genetic risk from my genome - just being white more than doubles my risk compared to say black people, but that's so for all white people. Then I have the relatively rare mole mutation which does automatically increases my risk by about 70% of my baseline. Though I'm not certain what my baseline is - honestly, I don't know if my lifetime risk is less than 10%, 20%, 50%?! And none of this takes sunburn into account of course.
But at least I don't appear to have the REALLY bad mutation, which can increase risk by twelve times! Some people have a 90% chance of getting melanoma in their lifetime, a bit like the really bad BRCA mutation and breast cancer. However, those people will very often have the outwards sign of very many moles, as that's what the bad gene mutation does to your skin.
There's also a red hair gene which increases your risk by three times, but I don't seem to carry that either.
Anyway, less than two weeks to wait now.
No offence intended just wanted to steer you towards a sense of perspective. Take care
I've just found that I actually DO carry one allele of the red hair gene. This is quite unusual, though obviously not as unusual as carrying both alleles and actually having red hair.
However, this still more than doubles my risk once more.
I also just ran my genome through Nebula Genomics and they gave me some free reports. One of which happened to be melanoma. I'm in the 100th percentile for risk.
nomorepanic
21-08-20, 12:06
Why are you still googling all of this?
Just leave it and see what they say when you go.
I don't really know what to do while I wait for my appointment. I'm worried about my genes, and I'm worried about what the derm will find.
My mum carries the red hair gene too. Makes sense, because one of my aunts was strawberry blonde. Nobody else in the family has moles like me, though. My mum doesn't have that gene.
On Nebula, her melanoma risk score is high too but a bit lower than mine. She has naturally very olive skin, though, which protects her. She's never had a bad sunburn. I don't think she can burn, really, not badly at any rate, because she's so dark.
nomorepanic
21-08-20, 12:38
Why not use the time to treat the HA instead then?
I've just found that I actually DO carry one allele of the red hair gene. This is quite unusual, though obviously not as unusual as carrying both alleles and actually having red hair.
However, this still more than doubles my risk once more.
I also just ran my genome through Nebula Genomics and they gave me some free reports. One of which happened to be melanoma. I'm in the 100th percentile for risk.
Of course you think you are.
Its sad to see you following the same patterns as before :weep: I hope you heed Nic's and others advice and work on the real issue.
Positive thoughts
Working on your HA would be a real project for you, Jenny. Something to really focus on with a view to the future and becoming a mentally healthy mum.
utrocket09
21-08-20, 14:43
I don't really know what to do while I wait for my appointment. I'm worried about my genes, and I'm worried about what the derm will find.
My mum carries the red hair gene too. Makes sense, because one of my aunts was strawberry blonde. Nobody else in the family has moles like me, though. My mum doesn't have that gene.
On Nebula, her melanoma risk score is high too but a bit lower than mine. She has naturally very olive skin, though, which protects her. She's never had a bad sunburn. I don't think she can burn, really, not badly at any rate, because she's so dark.
You can't do anything about your genes. I can't beieve you wasted your time running a genetics thing. I have red hair as does my husband...it means nothing. Seems like you need to stay off the internet, and find something to do.
My husband just had another mole removed this week, waiting on results to see if it is skin cancer. We won't know for 2 weeks, what am I doing while I wait....going about my life.
You need to quit researching and stay offline.
Pulisa yes I really don't my child to pick up on any anxieties, if I manage to have a child. I don't even know why I have anxieties, because neither of my parents did. When I was about 3 my mum had her fifth or sixth miscarriage, which was really bad, even worse than my second, and she nearly died. In fact, the hospital were guilty of medical negligence and they brought their legal people in because they thought she might sue them! She'd never do that though. All I remember of the incident is walking through the hospital doors to visit her one day. But perhaps it affected me. Death was a concern of mine from a very young age, before my friends even understood what it meant I think.
Another concern though is whether I should keep trying to have a baby if I'm likely to get melanoma now or in a few years. I can't bear the thought of something happening to me and my baby being an orphan, being left entirely alone. That's not fair and it would be selfish of me to keep having children if I'm very likely to get cancer. It would be different if there were a second parent, but there isn't.
Utrocket yes it's strange that your husband has abnormalities but you don't. Did he get sunburned when he was younger and you didn't maybe?
I can see that you've already condemned yourself with a sword of Damocles, health-wise. No one will be able to convince you otherwise. Please don't waste your money on private specialists who will diagnose you with benign conditions dressed up with fancy names just to keep you coming back for more because you have funds..and because they know you are highly suggestible to anything medical. I know I'm wasting my time saying this though.
I do hope your appointment on the 1st brings you some closure on the melanoma risk front at least...but I suspect if there is any it will be for a limited period only which is such a shame when you are young and have so many opportunities ahead of you if you could only believe this.
nomorepanic
21-08-20, 16:39
I think I will step away from this as well now as clearly you are not interested in getting any advice on the REAL problem here and will continue to go down the self-destruct path.
So good luck with it. I will leave you to it.:yesyes:
utrocket09
21-08-20, 16:42
Pulisa yes I really don't my child to pick up on any anxieties, if I manage to have a child. I don't even know why I have anxieties, because neither of my parents did. When I was about 3 my mum had her fifth or sixth miscarriage, which was really bad, even worse than my second, and she nearly died. In fact, the hospital were guilty of medical negligence and they brought their legal people in because they thought she might sue them! She'd never do that though. All I remember of the incident is walking through the hospital doors to visit her one day. But perhaps it affected me. Death was a concern of mine from a very young age, before my friends even understood what it meant I think.
Another concern though is whether I should keep trying to have a baby if I'm likely to get melanoma now or in a few years. I can't bear the thought of something happening to me and my baby being an orphan, being left entirely alone. That's not fair and it would be selfish of me to keep having children if I'm very likely to get cancer. It would be different if there were a second parent, but there isn't.
Utrocket yes it's strange that your husband has abnormalities but you don't. Did he get sunburned when he was younger and you didn't maybe?
Uh nope...my husband wore sunscreen all the time and ended up with dysppastic moles. I myself do not wear sunscreen as often as a I should.
You don't know if you will get melanoma or not, just as no one knows if they will get any sort of cancer. Stop researching and find something else to fill your time.
Utrocket, I would guess he might have the 'very moley' gene and you don't. I think there's an awful lot in genetics, though nothing is guaranteed of course.
I hope the results from his latest removal come back clear. Sounds as though he's monitored very closely.
Pulisa, I will also speak with my GP because as you say money may influence private doctors on an unconscious level. Dr Bowling who I'm seeing works at Nuffield Oxford so he should be very good and legit. I don't think he'd give me misinformation just to make me have treatment - I hope not, anyway. Other private doctors I've seen haven't done that. I was told a private laparoscopy wasn't necessary, and I was even told not to worry about IVF for another few years at first - until my test results came back and showed lots of problems.
I spoke to a geneticist, an acquaintance on Facebook.
He said that based on my genome I should see a derm asap and should be monitored regularly. He said it's not that I definitely have or will get melanoma but the combination of rare mutations in my genome make it much more likely than average. This is the advice he gives to women with certain BRCA mutations too.
I feel ok because I already knew this really. And I'm seeing the derm in one week now. I'm also seeing the optician on Friday to check the mole on my retina (this is what scares me most). I have a few on my irises too.
I felt ok today anyway and I went to a barbecue at my godfather's house. I'm also looking to move back to my hometown and I'm looking at houses for sale.
What I am hoping is that I haven't left it too late and that I don't already have melanoma. I've never really looked at most of my moles before so I really wouldn't know if any had changed or new ones had grown. But hopefully it's fine. Then, going forward, I can just monitor closely for any changes and get anything worrying cut out straight away.
My main fear is getting melanoma in an inaccessible place, but I'm trying not to think about it.
utrocket09
23-08-20, 21:37
I spoke to a geneticist, an acquaintance on Facebook.
He said that based on my genome I should see a derm asap and should be monitored regularly. He said it's not that I definitely have or will get melanoma but the combination of rare mutations in my genome make it much more likely than average. This is the advice he gives to women with certain BRCA mutations too.
I feel ok because I already knew this really. And I'm seeing the derm in one week now. I'm also seeing the optician on Friday to check the mole on my retina (this is what scares me most). I have a few on my irises too.
I felt ok today anyway and I went to a barbecue at my godfather's house. I'm also looking to move back to my hometown and I'm looking at houses for sale.
What I am hoping is that I haven't left it too late and that I don't already have melanoma. I've never really looked at most of my moles before so I really wouldn't know if any had changed or new ones had grown. But hopefully it's fine. Then, going forward, I can just monitor closely for any changes and get anything worrying cut out straight away.
My main fear is getting melanoma in an inaccessible place, but I'm trying not to think about it.
So again instead of treating the HA, you are reaching again to an unlikely diagnosis of melanoma and speaking to someone about genetics which most people including yourself don't understand.
So again instead of treating the HA, you are reaching again to an unlikely diagnosis of melanoma and speaking to someone about genetics which most people including yourself don't understand.
Well... As I've been saying, the pattern is familiar. The cameras to photograph internal parts is just being replaced with a Facebook acquaintance. Not quite as extreme.... Yet....
In the end, what's the big deal if you're at higher risk? At least you would have a game plan. In the end, what if they decide to remove a few moles as I've had done countless times, none of which proved to be of any consequence.
You want to talk about high risk? Two heart attacks, triple bypass, stents and Stage IVa Head and Neck Cancer. I'm a freaking walking time bomb for goodness sakes!... and add COVID-19 to the mix and well....
So forgive me if I don't see this quite the same way as you do. If I'm wrong on this, I'll gladly allow you to spank the entire "Told Ya So Gang" :winks:
FMP
glassgirlw
24-08-20, 02:30
This will likely fall on deaf ears, but I’ll chime in anyway.
I think it would extremely beneficial for you to go back and re-read your cervical cancer thread. Like really, really read it, as though you were reading a story about someone else. Then compare the similarities to what you’re posting about here.
sure, you have a genetic mutation or two. Millions of people do. But the parallels I’m seeing between your penchant for researching this melanoma issue, in comparison to the levels of research you did into cervical issues (which turned out to be non-fatal, by the way) are scarily similar. Maybe it will help you to see that the real problem here isn’t the possibility that you may be at a higher risk for melanoma at some point in your lifetime. The real problem is that you allow yourself to fall down rabbit holes that will only exacerbate your HA condition. You think that you’re “preparing” yourself for the worst case scenario by researching, but you’re really not. Because you can’t look at this objectively like a professionally trained medical person can do.
Step away from the research. Do something else, anything else. Find a hobby. Go to your derm appointment and let the professionals handle this and move on with your life - treat the HA.
Thanks guys for your help.
I know you are right and worrying doesn't help anyway.
I don't feel too bad - well, I've certainly felt worse, anyway.
I spoke to my GP and I'm going into the surgery next week for their skin person to take some dermascopy photos which they'll send to the consultant at the hospital. So, I'll see the private derm and also the NHS derm. Attack on both fronts! So I guess there's not much more I can do than that.
My GP said the big one definitely warranted looking at. She said, "hopefully it's nothing but it needs looking at". Not sure what that means.
She asked if it had changed and I said I didn't think so but I'd never really tracked it. I don't THINK it's any bigger than it was say 4 years ago, but I'm not sure about the little 'lump' in the middle. I feel like the central lump may have got darker, or possibly bigger? But I'm honestly not sure.
I'm trying to remember if years ago it might have been totally smooth. Certainly four years ago there was some kind of central, darker 'bump', but before then...?
I'm feeling pretty worried about this particular mole. I keep imagining the doctor looking at it under the dermascope and saying that it looks very suspicious.
I'm not googling, so I don't know about melanoma progression. I don't know if in four years the central lump would have got very obviously bigger and darker if it was bad? Or if it could only recently have gone bad? I know that some melanomas grow slowly so maybe it could have been festering away for years without me really noticing.
So not feeling great about that one atm.
I actually feel too scared to read my cervical cancer thread as it was such a horrible time, and it all ties in with the 'premonition' that I still can't explain, so I just try not to think about it...
I'm feeling a bit sick again thinking about the mole on my retina.
The thing is, last year when I had it checked I was at a new optician so he didn't know whether it had grown or not.
I'm going in on Friday and he'll be able to see if it has grown.
I just feel sick at the moment.
I might ring my old optician tomorrow to find out what size it used to be, then ring my new optician and see what size it was last year.
It could have been growing for two years without me knowing.
At which point it would be too late for eye plaques or proton beam therapy probably.
I feel so ill.
We have all tried to warn you, Jenny but you are hellbent on pursuing your perceived diagnosis. Of course you will be feeling ill..with overpowering anxiety because you are so way out of your depth here but no one can stop you "researching" and scaring yourself witless.
I feel like I have to get ready for the worst, so that I can prepare myself and I won't be too shocked.
I'm worried that if I'm too shocked I might have another premonition.
I feel like if I prepare for bad news then I can work out a plan, think about what questions to ask, and make sure I'm getting the right treatment. Then, if I'm wrong, it'll just be a great relief.
I just don't want to be tricked or caught off my guard.
Better to be caught off guard, I think, than to waste months and years making yourself sick from worry.
I feel like I have to get ready for the worst, so that I can prepare myself and I won't be too shocked.
I'm worried that if I'm too shocked I might have another premonition.
I feel like if I prepare for bad news then I can work out a plan, think about what questions to ask, and make sure I'm getting the right treatment. Then, if I'm wrong, it'll just be a great relief.
I just don't want to be tricked or caught off my guard.
No medical professional is going to trick you though. That's just your brain going into overdrive and trying to protect you from all eventualities by thinking of every possible worst case scenario..just in case you need the information to arm yourself against disease..whatever good that will do?
But it's pointless to try and reason with you now because you have your agenda. Our concern is your mental health and what all this "preparing for the worst" is doing to it because the lengths you are going to in order to attempt to "safeguard" yourself are worrying.
NotDeadYet
25-08-20, 15:28
Then, if I'm wrong, it'll just be a great relief.
This really isn't true. If you're wrong, you will have expended so much time, energy and effort on something that was never real in the first place. You are essentially not living your life because you are planning and preparing for something they may never happen. Isn't the entire reason you want to go to the doctor is so that you can receive an all clear and begin living your life?. Guess what? You're alive right this very second and you're choosing to spend it planning for things that aren't happening right now.
I'm not one for unsolicited advice but you're on a forum so I'm giving it. You really need to work on your anxiety. That is hard work but it will allow you to live. You'll come to learn that planning and preparing for future catastrophes is not living and actually creates a world of issues.
Best Wishes.
Well said, NotDeadYet.
It feels as though the OP is so fixated on various hypotheticals that she's forgetting to live her life and make the best of what she currently has, which is incredibly sad.
Thank you for your words and you're right that sometimes I'm not really living my life because I'm thinking about being ill and dying.
I tried to be sensible the last couple of days and have been a bit better. I went volunteering yesterday.
My eye exam is tomorrow and I'm feeling worse again now though.
I keep trying to recall what the optician said last year.
I wasn't worried about it last year because I didn't understand how eye nevi worked - I didn't even know they were moles! I thought since it hadn't grown yet it never could grow.
I remember saying to the optician that my previous optician said I had an 'eye freckle' that needed monitoring (that's what they call them, misleadingly!)
He said something like, "what, did they mean this thing?" And pointed on the image of my eye.
I don't know what he meant by "this thing".
When I looked at the image I saw a slightly darker patch but I was actually quite happy because it looked small to me. But obviously I don't know what looks ok and what doesn't.
I remember my previous optician saying "oh, it's tiny" and I said to my new optician that they'd said that.
He said something like, "yeah, it's pretty small" but he kind of said it in that way that makes you think that it's not huge or anything but it's not insignificantly small either. Then he said that since he hadn't seen the previous pictures he didn't know whether it had grown but that he could check next time.
Just the way my previous optician described it vs the way my current optician described it makes me think that maybe it had actually grown.
I'll know tomorrow if it is growing.
I'm more anxious about this this mole than any mole on my body.
I'm definitely going to take diazepam tomorrow.
It was all good today at the optician.
She couldn't even find the choroidal nevus! She looked for ages. In the end she concluded that my old optician must have meant the dark 'crescent' around my optic nerve - which is pretty common in very short sighted people like me and apparently isn't a mole and does not represent a melanoma risk.
I'm not going to look it up rn, just in case ��
I am slightly baffled because my old optician definitely called it an eye freckle (which is optician speak for choroidal nevus) and I even have a vague memory of looking at the pictures and seeing the dark spot she meant.
But maybe that was a false memory.
I looked at the pictures today and couldn't see any dark spots. Just the dark crescent around my optic nerve.
I'm wondering whether I used to have a choroidal nevus and it's just regressed?? I know moles can vanish sometimes.
Anyway, I'm happy for now.
Generally my eyes looked healthy too. She said that my retinas didn't even look like a short sighted person's, which is funny because I'm mega short sighted.
No sign of damage from the toxoplasmosis either.
So, a great day! Now just my full body mole check on Tuesday to get through.
One thing I will say - I now go to Specsavers whereas I used to go to a private optician. Do you think maybe Specsavers aren't quite as 'good' as private opticians?
Your eyes are fine, Jenny. Please leave it there but I know you won't..
I think (hope) I can chill about my eyes now. I was really worried about the choroidal nevus, knowing my melanoma risk, but now it seems I don't even HAVE a choroidal nevus... well, that's just great news!
Also, she reckoned my eyes are kind of brown whereas I always thought they were sort of hazel green. Brown is better - more melanin, less eye cancer risk ��
Everything went basically ok today at my mole checks.
I saw the GP in the morning and he looked at some of my weirder moles using a dermascope and took some photos. He said although some were a bit funny looking, they had no suspicious features up close. He told me to come back in one month and he'll see if anything has changed.
He was also surprisingly interested in my genetic research!
Then I went to see the private dermatologist for an expert opinion. He did the mole mapping and so I have some full body photos now. He took some 20x photos of some of the weirder moles and said that they're probably congenital and do not currently show any suspicious features.
He said I had up to 100 moles, which does increase my melanoma risk. He also said I was basically a redhead disguised as a brunette, which also increases my risk. I already knew this though. Oh, and he also said my eyes were green not brown - the optician was wrong.
But on the plus side I'm not in the >100 mole category, which is obviously the highest risk group, and he doesn't even think any of my moles are dysplastic yet.
So, I'm high risk, but not in the absolute highest risk category.
I tried to get him to tell me my lifetime risk of melanoma but he wouldn't. He did say that my lifetime risk of non-melanoma skin cancer is over 50%, but I guess I'll just deal with that when it happens. He said that risk was probably ten times greater than my melanoma risk - so we can infer that my lifetime melanoma risk is under 50% at least.
He told me I need to self check my body against the photos every three months ad infinitum. I'll need to find somebody to do my back (yet another reason I need a husband!). He says it's up to me if I want to have a yearly body scan with him. Given my risk level, it's something I'm considering.
Anyway, I'm happy for now. I'm glad that I do not currently appear to have skin cancer, and that none of my moles even look dysplastic. I will just monitor my body as advised and if and when a melanoma or other skin cancer arises I'll deal with it then.
I feel like I've done everything I can now and that I'm as in control of the situation as I can be.
Thank you everyone for listening and giving advice, even though I probably didn't always follow the advice. I do appreciate it though.
Did HE actually tell you that you were at high risk though?
Yes, he did. Compared to other people, that is - I don't know what my 'absolute' risk is. He told me that the number of moles I have, coupled with my very fair, freckled complexion, and my previous sunburns, put me in the high risk category compared to the average white person. But I already knew this so it's fine - I was mainly worried that I might actually already have melanoma or that I had dysplastic moles that might need removing. So basically I just know that the average white person lifetime risk is 2.6% and mine is higher than that.
And he also said it's not as if I'm one of those people with hundreds of moles who needs aggressive monitoring and frequent mole excisions. He basically told me not to worry and that I need to be alert to changes on my skin, and do my skin checks, but that it shouldn't stop me from going on holiday and enjoying myself as long as I protect myself from the sun.
He did say please never emigrate to Australia, though. Fortunately I don't plan to.
All positive.
How are you feeling in general? Is the panic receding? Are you managing ok day to day etc?
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Thanks Scass, yes, I feel ok. I feel like I've done what I can.
I'm actually quite pleased because I think there was a time when I'd just basically be sitting and waiting to get melanoma or some other skin cancer now - but instead I feel like I can carry on living my life and just do my skin check every three months. If something does appear, I should catch it early enough that it can just be chopped off.
But I'm doing ok at not worrying too much about that right now. I've got my hikes and social events scheduled for the weekend, and my appetite is fine and I'm about to have dinner, and I'm applying for new jobs too.
I definitely feel better than I did during the 'lymphoma' episode. And I feel infinitely better than I did during the miscarriage aftermath. So yes I'm ok for the moment, thanks, and I'm hoping I just stay feeling ok for a while now.
Yes, he did. Compared to other people, that is - I don't know what my 'absolute' risk is. He told me that the number of moles I have, coupled with my very fair, freckled complexion, and my previous sunburns, put me in the high risk category compared to the average white person. But I already knew this so it's fine - I was mainly worried that I might actually already have melanoma or that I had dysplastic moles that might need removing. So basically I just know that the average white person lifetime risk is 2.6% and mine is higher than that.
And he also said it's not as if I'm one of those people with hundreds of moles who needs aggressive monitoring and frequent mole excisions. He basically told me not to worry and that I need to be alert to changes on my skin, and do my skin checks, but that it shouldn't stop me from going on holiday and enjoying myself as long as I protect myself from the sun.
He did say please never emigrate to Australia, though. Fortunately I don't plan to.
So basically...be sensible and use sunscreen appropriately. My daughter is a redhead with fair skin-I wonder what risk category she would be in according to your dermatologist? Everyone should be alert to mole changes and should check their skin within reason...but not obsessively.
I think you should be very satisfied with this thorough assessment, Jenny. It's good news.
Unless your daughter has 50+ moles her risk probably isn't too high - but as you say, either way, we should all be careful in the sun. Lots of moles is the worst risk factor, followed by being a redhead, but unless you're somebody with dysplastic mole syndrome you're not condemned to melanoma.
I wish I'd been more careful in the past in the sun but never mind. I'll be careful going forward and I'll make sure I monitor my skin.
I feel happy that for now at any rate everything is fine.
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