Feels Like My Head is Going to Explode

[elwoodlpool]

Hi all,

Im Mark i have posted on here but im new at the moment i feel very close to suicide i have various problems for a living im in a very successful theatre show touring the U.k and various parts of the world i suffer with depression currently on citalopram.

I also have been suffering once again with my hypocondria but the main thing is i am the main income bringer for the household and at the moment we seem to struggle all the time no matter how hard i try i just cant make my wages spread. And that makes me really low i feel sometimes like whats the point i worry about bills, Mum's illness(she has Alzheimers). Its my birthday on Sunday and all i can think is im 29 its been 29 years of mostly shit and why celebrate it could be another 29 years of shit and i really at the moment cant be bothered with anything i have 2 girls twins that are two and my partner has a 6 year old from a previous marriage.

I worry about life after the band as i have no qualifications and the wage i get now i struggle so going to factory work or something like that i would not be able to live. Even things like if my car had a serious mechanical problem i couldnt afford to fix it therefor id be cut off from my mum as i live in Derbyshire and she's in Liverpool.

So i think should i end my life now and get it over with ?
The tablets dont seem to work and ive had a session with a Psycologist
with another one on the 5th of November. Dont know what else to say really as all i can say now is life to me is a pain something i cant be bothered with i get what about your family if yo killed yourself ? But why should i live just to benefit other people when im trully miserable.


mark

[Bunty]

oh Mark,

I've only just found your post.

I can't help you sort out your money problems but you are a spevial person and your girls need you. Please go and see your doctor. Your family would be devastated if something happened to you.

Sending you hugs:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Bx

[*Broken_Mind*]

I cant believe no one replied sooner :(

I hope your ok Mark. Things do get better, i promise you! Like Bunty said, speak to your doctor and they will be able to offer you help and support.

Let us know how your getting on :)

Stacey :hugs:

[Bill]

Hello Mark,

There was a point in my life that I very nearly ended it all and I'm lucky I survived it. I have only my wife and mother to care for but you say you have two 2 yr old daughters to support. I'm sure that they would love to know their father when they are older just as you will enjoy watching them grow. There will be times in their lives that they will need their dad to turn to.:hugs:

I would strongly urge you to see your doctor again and tell them Exactly how you're feeling so that you can get more help than just medication.

I also saw a psychologist who helped me to see my options but to actually sort finances maybe a visit to the Citizens Advice Bureau would help because they could then go through all your finances to see if there are ways to save and cut back on things you don't need to pay out.

Don't give up on life because this is just a phase. Things Will get better in time when you get the right support, as they did for me.

I'm sure your family would be devastated if anything happened to you and I know there are many people on here who would also be upset but your life is not just important to them, you'll find in time life is actually worth living for yourself because one day things will ease and you'll find enjoyment in life, especially when you spend time with your daughters and share in their happiness.:hugs:

[Bunty]

Mark

You may be able to claim some sort of benefit from the government especially if you are looking after someone who is ill. Please go and see the citizens advice bureaux like Bill says. The government was saying the other day that there is a huge amount of money that families are not claiming because they don't realise they can claim it.

Hope you're okay.

Buntyxx:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[michellemumof4]

Hi Mark

Trust me I know how very hard it is right now , Seems to me you have so much to live for and that the only way to go now is FORWARD .... I am sure your mother your kiddies and your partner all appreciate how much you do for them and adore the socks of U .

You need to take a little time out for you though , we have all got money worries comes with this horrible illness i think, I am still paying debts off from last year when I was seriously Ill and its hard work , but its NOT worth taking your own life for ..

I am Now recovered and i reckon if i can beat it so can you !!, and if we can handle anxiety mate a few bloody bills are nothing , there are agencies out there set up to help people like you and I - Use them , the goverment has sent one up that is in the front of all Yellow Pages , its a free service and they will act on your behalf contact all your creditors and discuss stoppin intrest and Making low payments ,,,, its so easy I know many who have done it and its a weight lifted mate i tell ya ....

I assume its Your BIRTHDAY today so HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETIE , and do me a favour take a good look around at your girls and give them a big hug from a very special DADDY ..

Good luck sweetie

Michelle xxxxxx

[joannap]

hi mark

so hope you are feeling much better after reading these posts. it sounds as if you are piling the pressure on yourself and adding a lot of what ifs - what if i cannot get another job i like, what if my car breaks down, what if i cannot afford to pay the bills in the future etc which are all piling on top of you and may NEVER happen.

It sounds as though you are a very creative man - you may find you are offered another similar job when this tour ends - if you got this job then i am sure you will get another you enjoy. please don;t think that ending it all is the answer. feelings and emotions are transitory - you would miss out on so much and your children need their dad.

like others have said on here - there are places to go to for help/advice regarding finances. can you sit down with your partner and tell her how you feel? Draw up some kind of budget? Worries tend to dissipate when we regain a feeling of control.

a visit to your gp is definitely a good idea. sounds like the citalopram is not doing enough for you. sending lots of loving thoughts. jo x

[Bunty]

Hi Mark

Please let us know how you are doing.
Sending you a huge hug

Bx